CyberRecovery Page 6

Hubby and i joined the church this past sunday morning. We both felt it was where the Lord wanted us to be. We are grateful to find a church home again. :1:

Life Without Love Is Lifeless



"Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."1

Dr. Alfred Adler, international psychiatrist, based the following conclusions on a careful analysis of thousands of patients: "The most important task imposed by religion has always been, 'Love your neighbor….' It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow man who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring."

As I have said a number of times, it may not be the most desirable for many of us, but we can live healthily as a single or without romantic love in our life. But we cannot live healthily without loving relationships—or at the very least, without one loving relationship.

I would agree with Dr. Adler in that, more often than not, it is a lack of love that drives people into self-destructive behaviors such as: looking for love in all the wrong places and getting deeply hurt and disappointed; acting out sexually as a false substitute for love; and turning to drugs and alcohol as a means to anesthetize or deaden the pain of emptiness caused by a lack of love.

So, if we are lacking in love or feel that we need more healthy love in our life, where do we find it? Easy question; tough answer.

First, it begins by admitting to ourselves and to at least one trusted friend exactly how empty and lacking in love we feel.

Second, remember that we get damaged in damaging relationships and are healed in healing relationships. This means we need to be in relationship with at least one loving, accepting, non-judgmental, trusted person (a capable counselor if necessary) with whom we can be totally open and honest and, step by step, open up and reveal our true self—warts and all. It's only as we reveal who we truly are that we can be loved and accepted for whom we are, and not for what we have ever done or have failed to do. And as we are loved and accepted in this way, little by little we learn to love and accept ourselves.

This, of course, takes courageous work and time. However as we learn to love and accept ourselves, we are not only freed to change, but also in a position where we are attracted to loving people and they to us. Remember, we can only be loved to the degree that we are known—and we can only love and accept others to the degree that we ourselves have been loved and accepted.

Third, and most important, realize that we not only need the love of others, but most important of all, we need to know and experience God's love, forgiveness, and his divine acceptance. As we open up to him and confess our true self to him—sins, warts and all—and ask for his forgiveness, he forgives us totally. And, of course, we need to learn how to forgive ourselves. Then we are freed to experience God's love in the depths of our inner being. And joyously we will discover, as we grow in love towards others, our love for God will also grow and be enriched. As God's Word says, "If we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us"

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to find a loving friend with whom I can feel totally safe to open up and share my true self—sins, warts and all—and give me the courage to so do. Help me, too, to grow in love towards others so that your love is made complete in me. And then, help me to give the same love to others as they and you have given to me. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name. Amen"

1. 1 John 4:11-12 (NIV)


actsweb

my name is lane and I'm co-dependent...

today has been a horrible day so far, the pain and hurt and profound loss that i am feeling are eating away at me and I am finding it very difficult to keep my heart and head in Step 1. All I can feel is the loss of a great love and the sad loneliness of a desperation that I have not felt in years.
I am trying to focus on myself and be thankful for all that i have around me that is good but right now it seems like nothing is working, all I feel is despair.
I have tried to reach a couple recovery friends from my CoDA group but people are not available. I have fallen off my co-dependency wagon and I have communicated with the person that I love, the person I am not able to have a relationship with right now, the person that I want more than anything to be with and to love in a whole and healthy way and it has left me feeling so desperate and so alone.
I set a boundary last week after a retreat, a boundary that I thought would be hard but positive and it has been the painful thing I have ever been through. I wonder if I had the strength to commit to this boundary in the first place, in the light of all the other things that I have been dealing with--inner-child issues, self-love/-acceptance issues and generally comprehensive co-dependency issues, and on top of it all I don't have her.
We had an emotional relationship with occasional physical connections and right now, I would give anything to have that back, but I drew the line and I'm hoping that the healing starts sometime soon...
one day at a time right?
thanks for listening,

~*~A.A. Thoughts For The Day~*~
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(\ ~~ /)
( \ (AA)/ )
(_ /AA\ _)
/AA\
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Growth
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"It seems to me that the primary object
of any human being is to grow, as God intended,
that being the nature of all growing things.
Our search must be for what reality we can find,
which includes the best definition and feeling
of love that we can acquire.
If the capability of loving is in the human being,
then it must surely be in his Creator.
Theology helps me in that many of its concepts
cause me to believe that I live in a rational universe
under a loving God,
and that my own irrationality can be chipped away,
little by little.
This is, I suppose, the process of growth
for which we are intended."
Bill W., Letter, 1958
c. 1967AAWS, As Bill Sees It, p. 295
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Thought to Consider . . .



All you have to do to change your life is change your mind.


*~*~*AACRONYMS*~*~*
C H A N G E = Choosing Honesty Allows New Growth Every day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wrzQyXBinI

Learning

Today, I do not accept other people's truth as my truth. Even if what they believe seems better or more obvious, I need to give myself credit for feeling and seeing what I feel and see. Learning is meaningful to me as it relates to or is understood within the workings of my own mind. Without something in me making it relevant, learning is very disconnected. I am the learner behind the information; I am the seer behind the seen. I learn by direct experience.

I learn to trust the perceptions that I gain from my own observation of life.
- Tian Dayton PhD

OK 12 step treatment for alcohol and drug addictions. I would like to hear what peoples opinions are on this, from people with personal experience with it, possibly being themselves, a family member,or a friend, to people with no experience with it, maybe just from what you might have heard. Do you feel that it is a positive treatment for people struggling with addiction, does it work, could it possibly be harmfully, are there better ways for a person to overcome an addiction, in what ways do you feel a person should try to overcome an addiction. Do you feel addiction is a disease like the 12 treatment industry suggest? I would like to hear intelligent opinion from people whatever your stance might be on this issue. What I don't want to hear is stupid things like "rehab is for quitters" or other such nonsense. I have my own opinions on this that I will hold back on until I get some feedback from other people so as to not persuade or discourage anyone's opinions

Hi, I'm Laura, and I'm an ACOA. Nice to meet you. Anyone who's been through anything similar and wants to talk, feel free to drop me a message.

Thanks!

hi there, not sure if first name are allowed here, but my name is lane and I am a Co-Dependent.
My life had become very unmanageable as I was defining my entire socio-emotional existence based on what others might think and how they might view me. I have lost loves, friends and a whole phuk of a lot of time living with my head in someone else's clouds.
I have been in CoDA for a few-ish years now with some long lapses in attendance and step-work but I have a wonderful group here in Victoria and just attended my first retreat and am at it with a vengeance.
It is time to start living the life that was meant for me, the life that was denied me by my scared little inner-child and my unconsciously programmed patterns. my F-o-Origin was somewhat loving but very disconnected and totally un-nurturing, this caused my to seek approval in the doing and being of things that may or may not have been what I wanted to do and be.

Thank you for being here on this forum, I am looking forward to expressing myself in my journey of recovery and look forward to the insights that I can gain here, in this cyber-sharing community.

thanks for listening.

According to Zen Buddhism, awareness of one's self dawns gradually, step by step - very much in the way our spiritual awakening happens as we work the 12 Steps.

A Zen master of the 12th century, Kakuan, drew 10 pictures of ox-herding to represent this progression toward enlightenment. The bull in the story symbolizes the dynamic principles of life and truth.

I am presenting it here along with my personal commentary as to the purport of each sequence, in 10 following posts.

~*~A.A. Thoughts For The Day~*~
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/AA\
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Authority

"Many people wonder how AA can function
under such a seeming anarchy.
Other societies have to have law and force and sanction
and punishment, administered by authorized people.
Happily for us,
we found we need no human authority whatever.
We have two authorities which are far more effective.
One is benign, the other malign.
There is God, our Father, who very simply says,
'I am waiting for you to do my will.'
The other authority is named John Barleycorn,
and he says, 'You had better do God's will or I will kill you.'
And sometimes he does kill.
So, when all the chips are down,
we conform to God's will or perish.
At this level, the death sentence hangs over the AA member,
his group, and AA as a whole."
Bill W., St. Louis, July 1955
c. 1957AAWS, Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, p. 105
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Thought to Consider . . .

Faith is the substance of things hoped for,
and the evidence of things not seen.

*~*~*AACRONYMS*~*~*
F I T = Faith, Intuition, Trust.

And the Lord said to Moses, Make a fiery serpent [of bronze] and set it on a pole; and everyone who is bitten, when he looks at it, shall live.
— Numbers 21:8

In Numbers 21, we see that when the Israelites were out in the wilderness, they were dying in large numbers because of a plague of snakes that had come upon them as a result of their sin. Moses went and fell down before God and worshiped Him. He turned his attention immediately to God, not to himself or anyone else, to solve the problem.

I have discovered that throughout the Bible when people had a problem, they worshiped. At least the ones who were victorious did. They didn't worry—they worshiped. I would ask you today: Do you worry or worship? Moses sought God about how to handle the snakes. He didn't make his own plan and ask God to bless it; he didn't try to reason out an answer, nor did he worry—he worshiped. His action brought a response from God.

We know that the pole with the bronze serpent on it represented the cross and Jesus taking our sin upon Himself on it. The message is still the same today: "Look and live." Look at Jesus, at what He has done, not at yourself and what you have done or can do.

The answer to your problem, whatever it may be, is not worry, but worship. Begin to worship God because He is good, and His goodness will be released in your life.


Joyce Meyer

Watch Yourselves

Watch yourselves lest your hearts be weighed down with dissipation and drunkenness and cares of this life, and that day come upon you suddenly like a trap. (Luke 21:34)



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When my heart is consumed with anything without looking to and trusting Christ our good shepherd, I become weighed down. Like all of us, it effects my spiritual vision and I stumble into the dark, away from the peace of God that guards my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.

Whether we pull the shades or get out of bed doesn't matter. The sun will rise. And the day of the Lord is coming. But he does care whether we pull the covers over our spiritual eyes. That day will come upon you- whether we go to be with him, or we remain until he comes to take us, you and I will see that day. It is coming. (Luk 21:35) Let's pray.

Lord Jesus, you are our hope. Thank you for the gift of repentance, that each one of us can turn to you and trust your mercy and lovingkindness. Help us look to you when trouble hides your light from our mind.

Your steadfast love never ends, and you are faithful to finish the work you have begun in us. We look to you with thanksgiving and remember the light of your steadfast love. Amen.

Today's very great and precious promise

And now, little children, abide in him, so that when he appears we may have confidence and not shrink from him in shame at his coming. (1John 2:28)

We have God's Word on it.




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Good News

[Recently I received an inquiry from a person named Paul asking if any of the early A.A. writings mention Jesus. And they most certainly do; the letter here may answer the question specifically for others]

Dear Paul: Thank you very much for writing. Yours is an important question, and it will probably surprise you to know that there were many many references to Jesus. So many, in fact, that I will only list some categories and then suggest you use the google materials on my site to move further. For example: (1) In his own biography, Bill Wilson spoke of the Great Physician—a metaphor used for Jesus Christ and often expressed by Dr. Silkworth. (2) Anne Smith mentioned Christ in her journal. (3) Rev. Sam Shoemaker—who was called a cofounder of A.A. by Bill—started writing about Jesus Christ in his very first book—Realizing Religion, and continued to do so throughout his long career. (4) Shoemaker pointed out that Calvary Mission—where Bill made his decision for Christ—was the place where Jesus Christ changes lives. (5) Bill marched in a processional from Calvary Church to Madison Square to witness—the group carried the sign, “Jesus Christ changes lives.” (6) Endless Oxford Group writings were read by early AAs and frequently mentioned Jesus Christ. (6) Dr. Bob mentioned many times that early AAs considered the Book of James, the Sermon on the Mount, and 1 Corinthians 13 were “absolutely essential to the early program;” and, of course, it was Jesus that delivered the sermon (see Matthews 5, 6, 7). In the Third edition of the Big Book is the account of where a man asked what was responsible for the miracles; and Bill pointed to a picture of Jesus at Gethsemane, saying, “There is is.’ (7) On page 191 of the Big Book, both Bill Wilson and Bill Dotson said that the Lord had cured them. (8) Early AAs called the Akron group a Christian fellowship. (8) All AAs were required to profess belief in God and accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour. (8) The Four Absolutes that were so popular in Akron and Cleveland clearly came from Robert E. Speer’s book “The Principles of Jesus.” (9) Early AAs studied all kinds of books about Jesus Christ—those of Toyohiko Kagawa, E. Stanley Jones, Oswald Chambers, Nora Smith Holm, Harry Emerson Fosdick, Norman Vincent Peale, Glenn Clark, Donald Carruthers, and even Emmet Fox—who was not a Christian though many thought he was. (10) The Cleveland Central Bulletin was filled with quotations from the Bible and carried the Four Absolutes on its masthead. (10) Clarence Snyder frequently quoted the Bible and mentioned Jesus. (11) Dr. Bob commissioned the four AA of Akron pamphlets, and you can find many references there.



You can find excellent and thoroughly documented materials in such of my titles as Good Morning: Quiet Time, Meditation, and Early A.A.;; The Good Book and The Big Book: A.A.’s Roots in the Bible; New Light on Alcoholism: God, Sam Shoemaker, and A.A.; The Akron Genesis of Alcoholics Anonymous; Dr. Bob and His Library; Anne Smith’s Journal 1933-1939; The Conversion of Bill W.; Real Twelve Step Fellowship History; The James Club and the Original A.A. Program’s Absolute Essentials.



If this is your area of interest, and I certainly hope it is, I’d suggest you obtain one or more of my titles mentioned above. They will supply you with accurate and full details. Please keep in touch. Also, please favor me with your name, mail address, phone, and a few details about yourself.



God Bless, Dick B.

:idea:

When I drink, the world looks so much more vividly beautiful. I remember good times... my childhood before my brothers depression and suicidal threats... of pictures I have seen, of paintings, of the world I saw as a 5 yr old. I can actually see a very happy future as a successful dentist with a couple of children. When I drink the world looks bright. Everything looks perfect and I'm so happy to be alive. Then... I keep drinking and on maybe #5 or 6 or sometimes even on #4, everything starts getting darker and more depressing and hopeless... especially when the alcohol is wearing off this gets bad.

So activity takes my mind off of my obsessive nature. I can volunteer for a physical job and not think about anything but that activity for HOURS! When activity stops, the thoughts return. Same when I run 5 miles or so. I don't think of anything else for that time. It's great but I have to stop. I get tired and when I stop, the thoughts again return.

Is there a way to get a natural high? One that comes close to matching that of the the beginning of a drinking session before the saddness sets in?

Hello. My husband who is an alcoholic and is now attending AA meetings is doing his best to quit the drinking...but now he is substituting the drinking for pain meds who he gets from random people I have never met. I have been dealing with this for awhile now and have reached my breaking point! He has tried going to an out patient program but got right back into his bad circle of friends. I really have no idea how much he takes...He goes to work everyday and says it makes the day go smoother. I'm just not o.k. with it! We have a 10 month old baby and I do not want him around it! Any advice???:44:

I'm a newcomer to n/a and this site.I'm looking for new sober friends to co-spond with and clean fun activites.Not really sure how this site works?I just got a sponser and she wants me to get started on the steps.So I looked up 12 step guide lines and was directed to this site ,she wants me to write about chapter 1 and step 1,and I really don't know how or where to begin.Any help or advice????

Hi all
Six weeks sober tomorrow. I am so proud.
I finally made it to a meeting. it was an id meeting and it freaked me out a bit.
I have no doubt that I am an alcoholic, I am full stop. Thank God I managed to stop before I did any real harm to my wonderful life, I think that may be my problem, feeling like I fit in. The meeting was full of people that had such hard lives, I heard every story that could possible be told in that hour and a half. I did not judge them, the fact that they even got out of bed after the stuff that happened to them made me think they were amazing strong individuals. I had tears streaming down my face in empathy. Truly they were all amazing but when I told my story I felt a bit lame. I got up and said "Hi my name is Bell and I am an alcoholic - i have been drinking too much for years, blah blah" - I talked about my depression and the way I used alcohol to pep me up a bit. Everyone was looking at me and I couldn't help thinking they were waiting for the rest of the story.
It's enough for me - and I drank more than say Tom or even Zoomie - so what were your experiences in AA.
To top it all of the chairman said at the end of the meeting - and he was looking straight at me when he said it - "be careful who you choose as a sponsor there are a lot of people here with trust issues - and people that abused trust and really let me down" I think it was a warning directly to me - and I just really don't want to be dealing with inter politics - If I can't have absolute honest support - i will do it here with you guys and forget about meetings.
I don't want to give up just yet - i will go a few more times and I will try a few other meetings - but I am feeling a bit confused about my experience and if you have any thoughts or clarity for me - i would really appreciate it.
Thanks All
Honey Barbxxxxxxxxxx

~*~A.A. Thoughts For The Day~*~
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(\ ~~ /)
( \ (AA)/ )
(_ /AA\ _)
/AA\
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Possibility

"As soon as we admitted the possible existence
of a Creative Intelligence,
A Spirit of the Universe underlying the totality of things,
we began to be possessed of a new sense
of power and direction,
provided we took other simple steps.
We found that God does not make too hard terms
for those who seek Him.
To us, the Realm of the Spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive,
never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek.
It is open, we believe, to all men."
c. 1976AAWS, Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 46
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Thought to Consider . . .

Take a walk with God. He will meet you at the Steps.
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*~*~*AACRONYMS*~*~*
F A I T H = Fantastic Adventures In Trusting Him.

6 Cups of Dry Milk
3/4 Cup of Cocoa
2 Cups of Sugar

Blend it all together and you have Cocoa mix for awhile. I love it in the winter months. I usually double it because i love it so much :11: