advice needed

[rockergirl]

I'm struggling with a fellow N A sister.I have been around the rooms for many years and I'm watching a friend emotionally come apart she does not take any suggestions from me or her sponsor.She is disruptive during meetings and makes the newcomer very uncomfortable.She says as a N A sister we must tolerate her behavior.I try to be supportive but I can't support this behavior unsure what to do.I pray for her and give it to god.I have NOT lost my temper I practice my spiritual principals but is getting difficult.Can't attend different meetings I live in a rural area.

[dalin]

I would do alot of praying,so you are in a good spiritual space to help.
I often pray that these folks can teach me about me.
Hang in there.

[rockergirl]

Thank you I do a lot of praying it is so hard to try and help somebody who won't help themselves.

[rockergirl]

thank you

[admin]

I have found when I have been in this situation that I have had to let go and let God. As sunshine said you can't help someone who can't or wont' help themselves but we can pray for them. :42:

[clean42day]

Yeah praying for her and turning her over to god is the personal solution. but and this is important - to ask a whole meeting to do that and cater to her disruptive beahvior at the same time is NOT healthy for the group.

That is a bit like an alcoholic who cries "if you loved me you would let me drink and make an a$$ of myself"!

She is disruptive during meetings and makes the newcomer very uncomfortable. She says as a N A sister we must tolerate her behavior.

That is B.S. = her not listening to her sponsor or not taking suggestions in her own personal life is one thing - disrupting the meeting in the name of unconditonal love - that is entirely something else and it is called manipulation.


Sounds like a lack of boundaries and a lack of common respect to me and her saying that you should just put up with it out of love - also sounds like manipulation to me - she is probably opting for negative attention instead of no attention at all.

I would call her out of hiding when she does it in a meeting....and say it right out loud at the point that she disrupts the meeting. "When you disrupt the meeting, there are 38 (or whatever #)people here trying to hear a message of hope to save thier lives and protecting and respecting thier recovery is just as important as honoring yours - so I would suggest you give the same respect to others that you expect to get from them.

and Yeah I would do it right out loud in front of everyone. and yes she will prolly get all butt hurt and play victim - don't buy into it or pay that behavior off either. if she wants to act like a child then talk to her like one - saying nothing and being silent is like agreeing to condone the behavior. not only is she prolly making people uncomfortable, she is also prolly setting a bad example for the newcomer too. What about all the other newcomers who ALSO WANT TO RECOVER or get the idea that her behavior is appropriate at the meeting level? do you all dance around a pink elephant in the living room - or do you call it out and call it what it is? Hey I have seen a whole meeting fall like dominoes over this kind of crap......a group is only as well as it's sickest member, and silence does not role-model healthy behaivor - boundaries do.

sorry this is just my opinion.......secretaries at our meetings don't put up with that kind of crap - either people are there to hear a message and respect the meeting by ensureing that other people "CAN" hear the message- or they are asked to step outside, or leave. But hey this is California and people here have had to be literally "removed" from our meetings for inappropriate behavior.

this is only my personal opinion......but I had a hard nosed sponsor and she believed that if you "baby them" you "bury them". Sometimes if you ignore it - it will go away - sometimes it doesn't - and that is where boundaries need to be set, as well as role-modeled by the group.

light and love

Gail

[CD BUCKBERRY]

:195:Pray,Pray,Both of you get down on your knees and Pray to the Higher Power and ask him for the help you need.:195: