:21:I need experience,strength and hope

[janbear]

:21: My fathers cancer they think is spreading, no hope for him.:cry: :cry: He needs a miracle. I know God is there for me. I need you guys too. Do you have any experience, strength, and hope to share with me?

[peajaye]

Jan, I don't have any experience with cancer, but my dad was on hospice the last year and a half of his life. They called us home to say good bye to him over and over, but each time, he would rally back and regain his strength. He was permanently brain damaged in a car accident 17 years before he died. The Dr said he would never walk or talk again, but he did both. They don't always know the whole story. I am praying for you, your mom and dad.

[bry]

Best thing you can do is take care of yourself so you can be there for him. I didn't do that for my dad and the guilt is still with me.
Praying for you:195:
Bry

[ErikaD981]

I don't have much experience with that but from what I've heard from others, just pray. God is with you. Pray for strength and acceptance. You and your family are in my prayers.

[admin]

((((Jan)))), We will have to continue to pray and put this in God's hands and continue to take life one day at a time - sometimes we may have to break that down into minutes and seconds. One of the things that helped me through the ordeal with my father in law recently was talking with others about it. You don't have to go through this alone, as you know God is with you and so are all of us here. I am only a phone call away. I am here for you 24/7 - call me, girl. :42:

Bry also made a good point - take care of yourself so you can be there for your dad and mom. While your dad is in the hospital, he has others watching over him. You make sure you take care of you. Regardless, life still has to go on.

I love you and am here for you. :42:

Love,
Tammy

[janbear]

Thank you guys. I appreciate you all.

[Prescott]

Hi Janbear, Hospice was my saving grace they we're there for Barbara and little did I know for me also. After working and training with Hospice for over a year I also learned of there way of letting go with "LOVE" Forgiveness for your father and yourself. In Barbara final moments I was able to tell her (she was in a coma so I have no way of knowing if she heard me) I loved her and it was alright to go "Suffer no more" It wasn't but a few minutes before she stopped breathing and there was a smile on her face. She passed in peace and with the knowing she was loved. It all happen so fast from the time I took her to the ER she went form being able to talk to a coma state in minutes so we never had a chance to say goodbye while she was awake so those moments at home alone we're so meaningful for me and hopefully for her. Letting go with love and forgiveness was as much for me as it was for her. Like Tammy said life goes on and we have to live with how we act and the #1 thing I learned form Hospice is "LOVE" With Love JOHN

[janbear]

Thank you, John, i was remembering some of your experience with Barb yesterday with hospice and i knew you trained with them as part of your own healing process. My mother doesnt feel it is time for hospice though his predicted life span makes me feel its time. I know there is always some chance he will live longer than expected from what others have shared, and my experience with my father-in-law. I talked with one friend this morning whose experience was the opposite. So i know it could go any direction. One of my dearest friends told me this morning to take things a day at a time. I have been having to break it down in shorter increments of time like suggested.

[Prescott]

Hi Janbear, It's never too early for Hospice. There care and support they offer
is a "GOD'S SEND" I realize to some people they feel like their giving up on their loved ones but it is just the oppisite. They recieve the best of care. At home care and support Nursing, doctor visits and housekeeping help. I send you my love and support what ever you decide. Love John

[Misselle]

I will be praying for you, Jan. How awful.

My mother is a breast cancer survivor, but we were very lucky in that it did not spread. So, while I can't claim to know exactly how you are feeling, I can imagine how painful this news must be for you. Please try to take care of yourself.

[cassie]

Jan
Your faith in God will provide the strength you need for the coming days. You are open, honest and willing in all the ways of the fellowship and those qualities will be a source of comfort for you and your family. I can only imagine how tough this is for you. I love you and hubby dearly and am here for you anytime you need me.
cassie

[soberaddy]

((((Jan)))) God loves your father very much and he knows you do too. He will do anything to help you with your pain and you can ask Him to do that absolutely anytime. Hang in there sweetheart and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers always.

Love you;

Anne :42: :195: :195: :42:

[Doraine]

Jan
Keep doing what you're doing and keep a positive attitude of acceptance for your father's sake. We all only have one day at a time.:42: I know how stressful this is for you. You have my support.

[clean42day]

JanBear even though I knew my mother was dying over a period of years. it did not lesson the blow when it happened. no matter how much we prepare for it we are never really prepared. I feel my mother taught me some lessons surrounding death along the way. She had chronic asthma, emphasyma, and bronchaitis. She basically suffocated slowly over a period of years... she was officially DOA at the hospital three times and they resuscitated her. The third time she came back swinging at the attending physician. she was angry.....she said "it is God's will to take me and not your choice to keep bringing me back to a horrible physical existance that just prolongs my suffering" her exact words were "how dare you"!

She was right.....it was "us" who did not want to let her go. it was a form of self will to keep praying for miracles. She was ready and willing to follow God's will for her life and she understood and accepted death as a natural part of that process. it was our family who could not accept it.

She made the decision to sign a living will that allowed her the choice to not be revived if the even't were to occur again. My father (the doctor) talked with her at length about how It would happen and what her body, brain and organs would do. she also understood that due to a lack of oxygen, she would slip into a coma, and it could take 2 minutes or maybe a year for her primal brain to shut down and let go, there was no way of knowing. The days after she signed this living will, she began to celebrate her life, she reminised, and reflected on all the livinng she had done, we got to share that with her, and celebrate with her. She would talk of old times, good times, and lessons learned along the way, collectivly reviewing her life with her was an honor and a gift. Our sharing her acceptance was a way to honor her and her life, and her choices along the way.

it is a natural selfishness and fear of loss that wants us to hold on to those we love. But it is also in the letting go, and placeing them in God's hands and his will for them, that we honor them and love them the most.
The most powerful prayer is: God's will be done. What ever that may be.

I loved my mother dearly....and letting go into acceptance was the most loving thing I could do to honor her and to assist her process into peace.

I know these words may be hard for you to hear, but death can be the miracle of God at work too. and the greatest miracle is the one we cannot witness with them when they reach the other side. We must trust in God and his infinite wisdom when he decides to take them home. Death teaches us to believe and trust in what we cannot see.

Please know that no matter what happens, you will not be left alone, you will have family to share the grief, us to support and love you through it,and as always a loving god to hold you in the palm of his hand too.

light and love and prayers for you

Gail


:42: :195:

[clean42day]

I am sorry I forgot to add.....that she did have a severe asthma attack and my father took her to her own bed, she laid down, lost consciousness, did slip into a coma with him holding her hand, she breathed shallowly for hours in a coma while my father whispered to her and loved her, held her, never lettin go of her hand and said all the things he needed to say, and stayed with her the whole time. 8 hours later she passed away in the peace of her own home in the comfort of her own bed. This is what she wanted. to go out with the love and peace of God the same way she came into the world.

:cry: I only wish I could have been there to do the same.


you have that chance Janbear, don't waste the honoring and celebrating you still have time to do with him.

[zoomie]

I remember when they wanted to do more test on my mom to see if the cancer spread to her brain. I asked them if there really was any point at all being that she was so riddled with the cancer any way and they said no point at all. So I did't take my mom to the test,but celibrated her life as best I could. When she could not go for walks any more, I planted flowers so she could see them. I knew she would not be around for the 4th of july,so I decorated for summer and we went out and bought summer clothes. i knew she'd never wear them,but she just loved shopping and "she wanted hope". I say give what ever it is they want with in reason and budget. The greatest gift I gave my mom was speding 6 weeks taking care of her and talking to her or just letting her talk. Ask your dad what her wants each day. Perhaps it will be nothing,or any small thing. LOL, I did't like hospic only because I did't want to talk of death,but about my mom living. My mom was not ready to die and was scard to death and would freak out. Each person is differnt. I wanted some nurse to take care of my mom, instead I took care of her. if you can get a nurse to take care of the messy stuff. It was not pleasent and put me into shock. Hospic had a check list on what to exspect,my mom hid it from me and so I had no idea about some things like the bleeding under the skin weeping from the legs from water retention. I felt the more I knew,the more I could do. Anyway, death is not all beautiful when the spirit leaves the body,but you can make beautiful memories while they are alive as I said before. Huggys Jan, I just thoguht too you would like to know more about the bad side of death as well to prepair yourself.

[janbear]

Thank you guys for sharing so much with me. I really needed it. It seems the new memories i have been creating all involve feeding him at this point. We do watch tv together and talk more when he is awake and makes sense. He doesnt always make sense when he talks. Last night when we left the hospital he seemed very lucid and said goodbye to hubby and i being able to call us by name, that was good for him.

[Prescott]

Hi Janbear, Just want you to know that my heart goes out to you and your husband. Love and respect...John

[flickchic]

(((((((((((Jan))))))))), my Nana, dad's mum passed away with cancer over 19 years ago. I love my Nan and miss her still, she was like a mum to me, I spent a lot of time with her when I was young. I have so many good memories of her, certain food smells often trigger me awake with much fondness of heart for her. She had breast cancer and had a masectomy, then was free of the disease for 11 years. When it came again it really took over quite fast. My first born was 10months old when she passed away, Katherine, was also the first born grandchild and everyone said she "hung in" just to see her born and spend time with her. I have a photo of Katherine in my Nan's arms when she was 3 weeks old next to the computer. I used to take Katherine and visit my Nan in hospital as often as I could, she spent a lot of time on a morphine drip and watching someone of such strength and greatness become so frail was very very hard for me. My Nan did it hard in her late teenage and early marriage years, She too spent most of her years in the outback as a sheep station owner's wife.

I just want to share that I understand how hard and painful it is to watch someone we love being attacked by cancer, I felt so cheated when my Nan passed away and I went into denial for many years. It was only about 5 years ago that I finally went through the grief process for her, when i began to work on my inner child.

Anyway my Nan is with me daily, sometimes so close I can feel her soft skin, her fine soft hair and smell her clean soap scent. So even though she is no longer with me in the physical sense I know she's always watching over me and mine and my children know her to a degree because of what I've shared with them of the way she was and the things she did for me as I was growing up.
Having God in your life through Jesus Christ in a concious relationship must be such a blessing for you at this time in your life Jan, I wish I had that when I was watching my Nan suffer, except for my 10 month old daughter I always spent time with my Nan alone at the hospital and never expressed how it felt for me, it was a lonely journey.

Keep Jesus close to your heart Jan, for He will give you strength, courage and the love to help you with this journey with your father, and yes continue to make good memories to keep forever in your heart. God Bless.

You are all in my prayers Jan with much love:195:

[clean42day]

((((Jan))))) I wanted to thank you and everyone else for this whole thread. evidently the things I said to you about my mom were things I needed to say to someone and it triggered some more unresolved grief. I had a good cry and talked with her......and that is a good thing. it has been 17 years since she died. if it had not been for what you are going through I would have never known that my words of support for you, would open up a door that I needed to walk through again....thank you for the opportunity to do some more healing. :42: my moms last wish was that she could die in peace knowing that I was out of my addiction and off that ****************, and that I was going to be ok.......I could not give her that gift. as someone else said here she tried to hang on as long as she could to see that miracle happen in my life. sadly it was her death that jumpstarted the process. I got into my first rehab 3 days after the funeral. I know that she can see me now and I share all I can with her, but I still have guilt surrounding the issue. you are so blessed that you get to do that with your father. I love you for that.

Thank you!

light and love

Gail

:161:

[janbear]

:42: Gail:42: