Ed C.
08-25-2007, 01:20 PM
Step 1. “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.” “Alcoholics Anonymous” fourth edition “How It Works” pg. 59
Let me tell you about powerlessness! The mind can play some mighty mean tricks on some people. It certainly did for me. What happened is I listened to certain criticisms when I was young and started to believe they were true.
Of course I was told I was able to become anyone or anything I wanted to be while growing up, but **** it, it took a certain amount of work to achieve the goals that needed to be set to become successful at whatever I wanted. So when I went to achieve these goals I found failure and criticism from those people who were close to me.
Now don't get me wrong! I was able to achieve some lofty goals as a youngster, and I was encouraged to compete to become the best at whatever I was doing. I just never found myself to be really the best at anything. There was always someone who was bigger, stronger, smarter, and the list can go on forever if I wanted, but you get the idea.
The problem happened when I found drugs and alcohol. When I thought myself a failure at something, I now had an excuse to blame my failures on. When these things became an addiction, then it just was easier and softer to get blasted and not set any goals. It was very hard to fail at something if I didn't try it.
Oh let's not get the wrong impression about this now. I did set daily goals on how and when I was going to get drunk and high. I was very good at finding ways to achieve those goals too! I became manipulative in trying to gather the things that would make my daily goals a success. There was nothing that was spared. Money, time, people, or anything else was going to stand in front of the goals of doing what made me feel so good!
Sounds a little bit screwed up? Doesn't it? I was setting goals on achieving something that made no sense. I was not getting anywhere in life other than my health and wealth were at jeopardy on a daily basis. This became so routine that it became a very bad habit. The habit became so strong that when it came time to stop all of this non-sense I just couldn't. Believe me I tried, but it just didn't happen on my own! So I became powerless over my situation!
This went on for years after the recognition of a problem. I finally had to get my head out of my ass and realize that I couldn't do it on my own. I had to have help. I had to start doing something I wasn't used to doing. That was listening to other people and my conscience.
Other people started telling me that the help I needed wasn't going to come from a humanly source. It was going to have to come in the form of a spiritual experience. This is where the power existed that would catapult me to the place I needed to be to overcome the bad habits I had created.
The only training I ever had in my life pertaining to spirituality had to do with God and religion. Being I had no place in my heart for religion, I had to face God on my own. I looked for Him and found Him in my conscience. People think I'm crazy when I say that I have actual conversations with God through my conscience, but it was by listening very closely to the voice from with-in that gave me the power to start listening to common sense. It actually gave me a certain amount of common sense.
That was the power I needed to overcome the powerlessness I had when it came to alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes. It also gave me the power to make a lot better choices when it came to my life. I went from being wreck of a human being to a very successful one. Don't get me wrong! I'm not rich! Being successful doesn't mean that any way. Being successful is being able to set obtainable goals and successfully achieving them. With Love and respect, Ed C.
Let me tell you about powerlessness! The mind can play some mighty mean tricks on some people. It certainly did for me. What happened is I listened to certain criticisms when I was young and started to believe they were true.
Of course I was told I was able to become anyone or anything I wanted to be while growing up, but **** it, it took a certain amount of work to achieve the goals that needed to be set to become successful at whatever I wanted. So when I went to achieve these goals I found failure and criticism from those people who were close to me.
Now don't get me wrong! I was able to achieve some lofty goals as a youngster, and I was encouraged to compete to become the best at whatever I was doing. I just never found myself to be really the best at anything. There was always someone who was bigger, stronger, smarter, and the list can go on forever if I wanted, but you get the idea.
The problem happened when I found drugs and alcohol. When I thought myself a failure at something, I now had an excuse to blame my failures on. When these things became an addiction, then it just was easier and softer to get blasted and not set any goals. It was very hard to fail at something if I didn't try it.
Oh let's not get the wrong impression about this now. I did set daily goals on how and when I was going to get drunk and high. I was very good at finding ways to achieve those goals too! I became manipulative in trying to gather the things that would make my daily goals a success. There was nothing that was spared. Money, time, people, or anything else was going to stand in front of the goals of doing what made me feel so good!
Sounds a little bit screwed up? Doesn't it? I was setting goals on achieving something that made no sense. I was not getting anywhere in life other than my health and wealth were at jeopardy on a daily basis. This became so routine that it became a very bad habit. The habit became so strong that when it came time to stop all of this non-sense I just couldn't. Believe me I tried, but it just didn't happen on my own! So I became powerless over my situation!
This went on for years after the recognition of a problem. I finally had to get my head out of my ass and realize that I couldn't do it on my own. I had to have help. I had to start doing something I wasn't used to doing. That was listening to other people and my conscience.
Other people started telling me that the help I needed wasn't going to come from a humanly source. It was going to have to come in the form of a spiritual experience. This is where the power existed that would catapult me to the place I needed to be to overcome the bad habits I had created.
The only training I ever had in my life pertaining to spirituality had to do with God and religion. Being I had no place in my heart for religion, I had to face God on my own. I looked for Him and found Him in my conscience. People think I'm crazy when I say that I have actual conversations with God through my conscience, but it was by listening very closely to the voice from with-in that gave me the power to start listening to common sense. It actually gave me a certain amount of common sense.
That was the power I needed to overcome the powerlessness I had when it came to alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes. It also gave me the power to make a lot better choices when it came to my life. I went from being wreck of a human being to a very successful one. Don't get me wrong! I'm not rich! Being successful doesn't mean that any way. Being successful is being able to set obtainable goals and successfully achieving them. With Love and respect, Ed C.