How great I art!

[Chaz]

Oh man.... I was at a meeting tonight that started so awesome... then the last speaker.... some self-consumed bozo.... used the podium as his personal little grand-stand to blather on about himself and his lifestyle disguising it all as "sharing". He just had to make sure we all knew he travels all over the freakin' world and got recruited to another city and makes lots of money.

I suppose it is an opportunity for me to exercise tolerance and find alternatives to my own selfish resentments. I felt like walking out which is something I have never done. He kept on saying... "Just one more thing then I will sit down".... then he went on and on again and again and again. I swear he spoke for 15 minutes in a 1 Hour meeting that they specifically ask to keep it to 5 minutes. It would have been ok if he shared some experience, strength and hope... that is easy to listen to. But it was all thinlly veiled bragging.

Has anyone else been at a meeting where someone sharing appears to be simply attention-seeking? Again, I suppose it is a challenge to us to exercise some aspects of recovery and growth.... rather than be selfish and just look at how it is affecting us in the short term.

Maybe he really got through to someone else? Maybe I had to hear what self-agrandizing sounds like so I can prevent it myself. Maybe God knows more than I do. Nahh!... I am an alcoholic... I know everything!

Ok.... so I am venting my frustration mixed with an effort to be honest and healthy. Do you know what I mean about these kinds of experiences?

Ciao.

Chaz

[Chaz]

Hey.... Maybe he needs Reverend Chaz to cast the demon of selfishness out of him....

Come out!

[peajaye]

Sure, I think you hit the nail on the head ... practice tolerance. I have to admit, there are those individuals that when they open their mouth, it is my cue to get up and go to the rest room, if I smoked, maybe go out for a smoke. If I'm not comfortable, I can change my scenery.

[Peanut]

blather on about himself
See how we want to be or how we don't want to be:44:or:tongue:

I suppose it is an opportunity for me to exercise tolerance and find alternatives to my own selfish resentments.EXACTLY:5:

Has anyone else been at a meeting where someone sharing appears to be simply attention-seeking? We are not alone in this journey:17:

Thanks Chaz, and by the way did the spirit leave. Maybe we just need to pray for him. Maybe he forgot that we were supposed to make ourselves of maximum service to God and others. There must have been a few steps he forgot along the way, but God has a way of revealing those things.

"LIVE AND LET LIVE"

[Chaz]

Ya Peanut.... I figured the answers were simple. They usually are more so than my alcoholic wants to make them. Surrender is such a big thing. Surrendering resentments is huge.

Thanks.

[Chaz]

It is now over a week since the incident I mentioned above. Funny... in the past, the event would be fresh in my mind. Now, since I have practiced new thinking patterns, I forgot about the incident of the self-serving AA speaker until I tripped accross my own thread.

In fact, I opened it to see what I wrote! I had forgotten what it was even about. This, I believe, is not forgetfulness.... it is better prioritization of my limited number of thoughts and attention span.

To a much greater degree, I have stopped renting space to my resentments and wrongdoings. Even little things like someone's behaviour that pisses me off would malinger for days.

Whats up with that? I am so glad to be so much free-er of those thoughts. Free to do more productive things with my time, energy, and efforts.

Chaz

[docwill]

Amazin', ain't it? This recovery stuff actually works!

[Chaz]

Well Doc... yes, for me it is amazing. My initial reaction to the program was, ya, ya, whatever... I really did not have any perspective on the depth of how well it works.

The saying, "It works if you work it", is so amazingly true to me now.... it is not just an empty saying that I once felt it was.

Thanks.

Chaz

[clean42day]

I was always taught that if someone "rubs" me the wrong way - that I need to look inside myself and find that part of me that "needs" to judge them wrong/right -good/bad and see where my own discrepencies are.

often times what I find is the contrast between what I hear and what they are actually saying is glaring. How can I judge someones intention by only thier words? I am not them, nor do I live inside thier mind/body or have thier same experiences. I am judging them from the outside looking in acording to what I define as humble. Maybe thier intention was to use thier accomplishments to encourage others that they can do it too, but what I hear is self-agrandizing.

Here is a little example quote by marianne williamson:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually who are you not to be? You are a child of God."

and another example: (pay close attention to the last line)

One of the best films of the year, Unbreakable compels us to consider the mystery of our own goodness. At one point Elijah says, "The saddest thing is not to know your place in the world." Yes, and even more sad is to ignore that which is powerful, exceptional, giving, and loving inside of us. Sometimes, as in this gripping drama with its surprise ending, there is someone out there who helps us see how special we truly are. Within each of us this unique and glorious self awaits awakening. And remember, a great spiritual teacher, Jesus, said to those on the path of discipleship, "greater works than I do, you will do."

was Jesus bragging or encouraging?

by taking a different perspective and placing a different judgemental spin on this mans share at the meeting it takes on a whole new context doesn't it?

so many times I judge people by thier intentions or by who I "think" they are and how they act ......when I can only really guess at what thier intentions are, and I certainly cannot know who they are unless I walk a mile in thier shoes, lest of all a lifetime in thier shoes.

So many times I too feel like I am bragging in my sharing - but if you came from the low bottom of homelessness that I did - you would also understand that keeping a roof over my head is "HUGE" for me. Keeping a GPA in college is "HUGE" for me, and being transformed by the recovery process is HUGE for me....and I never forget to make sure that I "tell" everyone that GOD made it all possible. But If I never became willing to use Gods power in my life - I too would still be playing small - so others would accept me and not judge me pompos and full of myself.

Here is a little excerpt by Iyanla Vanzant and the power of judgement:

I open my heart and mind to be aware…I cannot sit in judgment of anyone else!

You may be looking at some people, observing their actions, trying hard to understand their motives without a clue about why they do what they do. From where you sit, it may seem that certain people should know better, they should be better and they know they should be doing better. The truth is that every time you should someone you make a judgment. This means the wrong you attribute to them actually belongs to you.
When you make a judgment you make a decision that the way things are is not the way things need to be. Your judgment reflects your belief in right and wrong based on what you may or may not know. Your judgment reveals your attitude of superiority that says you have the right to determine what must be done, how it must be done, and who must do it. Your judgment shows that you resist accepting things the way they are. A judgment is a means of control . It is an attempt to get people to do what you need and want them to do in order to feel better about yourself. A judgment is a sign of fear. It is the foundation of discontent. Most important of all, judgment is the way you set yourself up to be judged by others.
People are who they are and do what they do whether or not you like it or agree with them. We each have different lessons to learn. We each take a different path to our lessons. There are times when someone’s path will cross your path and cause you to stumble or fall. That does not make them wrong. That does not make you right. The only thing that a judgment does is distract you from what it is (in you) that you must do for yourself.
Until today, you may have decided that you knew what others should be doing and how they should be doing it. Just for today, suspend all judgments. Learn to see things and people as they are. Find a way to be okay with yourself and others.

TODAY I AM DEVOTED TO LIVING WITHOUT JUDGMENTS! I AM DEVOTED TO LETTING THINGS BE!

Until Today - Iyanla Vanzant

There was a time when I too was a selfish little newcomer and the whole meeting was about me. That is where I was at - at that time. I didn't come into this program knowing how to even find the answers, work the steps, let alone live them into an example of how to carry a message of experience, strength and hope - I had to learn those things at my own pace in Gods time - not anyone elses.

But another thing I have learned is that - to not minimize my accomplishments in this program - I use them as an example that no matter how far down the scale someone has gone - God and this program can not only save lives - it can restore lives from being a nobody into being somebody who can make a difference - and I am a living example of that truth. When I see people bragging - I say - good for them and also say silently" one day maybe they will also talk about who empowers them. Just because they haven't learned to attribute that power to "spirit" in a humble way doesn't mean they won't have the chance to learn to - it just means they haven't yet.

Maybe the way this man who shared measures "recovery is possible" is by outward financial success and by becoming "somebody" that others want to fly around the coutnry? Hey I bet that for him - that is "something" to brag about. I say "let his little light shine" until it grows and becomes something spiritually blinding.:D

we are all ALWAYS a work in progress :15:

light and love

Gail

[Chaz]

Well Clean42day... thanks for the thorough reply... it is very compelling.

A few thoughts...

On taking other viewpoints of what others might be saying or trying to say, rather than our initial reaction... I certainly agree. I am well aware that I am biased and listen through my own filters. Many of these filters I am probably not even aware of. So ya, agreed, taking a different vantage point to question what other possibilities might be sounds completely wise.

The scripture you quoted... good point. I suppose if one were to put a different emphasis on what Jesus said in that quote, he may come accross as self-agrandizing as well. However, most of us, particularly those who believe Jesus was a positive, humble figure, would automatically self-filter his statement and hear it as humble. We may pre-recognize on a deep level that this is the son of God talking (or at the very least a man of utmost character) so ya, he can say stuff like that in humility. The guy at the meeting I describe does not enjoy those sorts of benefits of the doubt (positive filters) and is more apt to draw judgement, or at the very least, intolerance, for his statements and the way they were packaged.

The quote by marianne williamson.... lost me a bit on that one. Honestly, I tend to tune-out when I hear what sounds like deep assessments (it is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us) in broad phylosophical contexts.... I am left wondering how it could possibly have any specific application to any individual who each of us in ourselves is so incredibly complex.... how can pin-pointed statements be reliable. No biggy... I just have a hard time connecting on this one.

I guess all I can say is what I heard from the guy was tough to listen to at the time. Here it is from the hip... he was short, bald, and seemingly un-dynamic... it felt like he was capitalizing on his Andy Worhol 15-minutes of fame (attention) and was in love with the sound of his own voice. I emphasize that this is what it sounded like at that time. I could be completely wrong and in the context of our dialogue, I at the very least owe him the benefit of the doubt. I suppose I originally posted out of frustration.

Furthermore... upon what feels like a momentary enlightenment as I type... perhaps I projected on him an incredibly negative experience with anohter similar individual from years ago. He was of similar physical description and boasted incessantly in the most preposterously self-serving disclosures and frankly, what seemed like gross embelishments. In addition, this individual proved himself to be completely un-confidential and disregarded the anonymity statement many times in order to use information as self-serving power. Details another time.... but suffice it to say, maybe I am projecting this other experience onto this more recent incident.


So thanks for the feedback. It was thought provoking.

Ciao.

Chaz