Ed C.
09-01-2007, 06:29 AM
“The Rocky Road”
We have traveled a rocky road, there is no mistake about that. We have had long rendezvous with hurt pride, frustration, self-pity, misunderstanding and fear. These are not pleasant companions. We have been driven to maudlin sympathy, to bitter resentment. Some of us veered from extreme to extreme, ever hoping that one day our loved ones would be themselves once more. “Alcoholics Anonymous” “To Wives (and husbands too)” page 104 &105.
If any of you have read my “stuff”, you know that I pick out certain quotes from the Big Book and write commentary on them. I have frustrated some of the best by taking a small bit of a sentence and expanding my thoughts about a certain thing in that sentence. Some have accused me of not sticking to the Big Book or the values of Alcoholics Anonymous sometimes when I write these things. I say so what!?!?
But this subject here I will stick right to subject on . See as a result of my alcoholism I have caused many people who have been close to me to travel down a very rocky road. It has literally taken years for some of them to see that I indeed have come around to being “myself” once more. But who blames them? Well it’s like this, we do.
There are very few times in my life that I can remember not thinking that I was right about everything I did. I was very stubborn in the fact that if I wanted something I would do about anything to get it. If it didn’t happen right away I would pout, stomp my feet, throw a temper tantrum, and sometimes get so mean that I caused great fear in those who had to put up with my behavior.
As a part of all this juvenile behavior I also used extreme prejudice in making most of the moves I made in doing about anything. This caused a lot of misunderstanding and sometimes there wasn’t any misunderstanding at all. What I was causing though was a lot of confusion. Confusion that caused much harm to those people who cared for me and believed in me. Even when I made the decision to become sober, I knew no different way to act, and proclaimed that I had to do what I was doing for myself.
The rocky road we put these poor people on was built on our selfishness and self-centeredness. Putting self in front of others. Only caring for #1 and not giving a **** what our actions were doing to the other people who had to put up with us.
So all of a sudden we make the decision to stop drinking. Wow! We have made a move that finally made sense. So in using our same old way of thinking we expect those around us to understand what we are doing now. We expect all though we have started to see things get better for us right away, that everything is going to get better for those who we dragged down the road to hell. Well it doesn’t! That's why this little ditty of a sentence made it’s way into the Big Book. Just to help those who have had the crap beat out of them with our alcoholism maybe understand a little bit about what’s going on.
They’ve seen it all from the violent temper tantrums, to the sniveling pity parties that we’ve thrown just because things weren’t going our way. They have bent over backwards just in knowing that somewhere deep inside their loved one was someone that they once recognized and hoped that one day that loving and caring person would return.
Problem being is there is that misconception. That we alcoholics and drug addicts will return to some type of recognizable version of the way we used to be. I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t work that way. We too have dragged ourselves down a long and bumpy road. That path will never lead back to where we once were. The only way we are going to be able to make things better is by smoothing out the road for everyone.
Yes we have to work on ourselves to make this thing work, we also have to remember that we are doing this not only for ourselves, but for those who have had to put up with all of our BS throughout our drinking careers. They cannot be left out of the equation.
So how do we do this? Do we set out to make apologies for what we have put these poor people through? Well chances are they won’t even hear it from you? They have heard you say you’re sorry more times than they can count. The steps say we must make amends, it doesn’t say we have to make apologies. To make amends we have to make things better. That is what making amends means!
We can’t just sit there and say we are going to make things better, we have to actually get to work and do something about it. Just like any road work, we have to get out there and smooth out the road. If we want that road to never get rocky again we have to build a better road. You can’t build a better road using the same old material. The new material we use is provided by a God of our understanding. This road is going to be built on the basis of show, not tell.
We have traveled a rocky road, there is no mistake about that. We have had long rendezvous with hurt pride, frustration, self-pity, misunderstanding and fear. These are not pleasant companions. We have been driven to maudlin sympathy, to bitter resentment. Some of us veered from extreme to extreme, ever hoping that one day our loved ones would be themselves once more. “Alcoholics Anonymous” “To Wives (and husbands too)” page 104 &105.
If any of you have read my “stuff”, you know that I pick out certain quotes from the Big Book and write commentary on them. I have frustrated some of the best by taking a small bit of a sentence and expanding my thoughts about a certain thing in that sentence. Some have accused me of not sticking to the Big Book or the values of Alcoholics Anonymous sometimes when I write these things. I say so what!?!?
But this subject here I will stick right to subject on . See as a result of my alcoholism I have caused many people who have been close to me to travel down a very rocky road. It has literally taken years for some of them to see that I indeed have come around to being “myself” once more. But who blames them? Well it’s like this, we do.
There are very few times in my life that I can remember not thinking that I was right about everything I did. I was very stubborn in the fact that if I wanted something I would do about anything to get it. If it didn’t happen right away I would pout, stomp my feet, throw a temper tantrum, and sometimes get so mean that I caused great fear in those who had to put up with my behavior.
As a part of all this juvenile behavior I also used extreme prejudice in making most of the moves I made in doing about anything. This caused a lot of misunderstanding and sometimes there wasn’t any misunderstanding at all. What I was causing though was a lot of confusion. Confusion that caused much harm to those people who cared for me and believed in me. Even when I made the decision to become sober, I knew no different way to act, and proclaimed that I had to do what I was doing for myself.
The rocky road we put these poor people on was built on our selfishness and self-centeredness. Putting self in front of others. Only caring for #1 and not giving a **** what our actions were doing to the other people who had to put up with us.
So all of a sudden we make the decision to stop drinking. Wow! We have made a move that finally made sense. So in using our same old way of thinking we expect those around us to understand what we are doing now. We expect all though we have started to see things get better for us right away, that everything is going to get better for those who we dragged down the road to hell. Well it doesn’t! That's why this little ditty of a sentence made it’s way into the Big Book. Just to help those who have had the crap beat out of them with our alcoholism maybe understand a little bit about what’s going on.
They’ve seen it all from the violent temper tantrums, to the sniveling pity parties that we’ve thrown just because things weren’t going our way. They have bent over backwards just in knowing that somewhere deep inside their loved one was someone that they once recognized and hoped that one day that loving and caring person would return.
Problem being is there is that misconception. That we alcoholics and drug addicts will return to some type of recognizable version of the way we used to be. I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t work that way. We too have dragged ourselves down a long and bumpy road. That path will never lead back to where we once were. The only way we are going to be able to make things better is by smoothing out the road for everyone.
Yes we have to work on ourselves to make this thing work, we also have to remember that we are doing this not only for ourselves, but for those who have had to put up with all of our BS throughout our drinking careers. They cannot be left out of the equation.
So how do we do this? Do we set out to make apologies for what we have put these poor people through? Well chances are they won’t even hear it from you? They have heard you say you’re sorry more times than they can count. The steps say we must make amends, it doesn’t say we have to make apologies. To make amends we have to make things better. That is what making amends means!
We can’t just sit there and say we are going to make things better, we have to actually get to work and do something about it. Just like any road work, we have to get out there and smooth out the road. If we want that road to never get rocky again we have to build a better road. You can’t build a better road using the same old material. The new material we use is provided by a God of our understanding. This road is going to be built on the basis of show, not tell.