Weekly Meeting 9/16-9/22

[Bruce T.]

Subject: "Sponsorship - A Two Way Street."

-Bruce T.

[Doraine]

The last woman I sponsered didn't want to go to as many meetings as I suggested. She chose to socialize over the weekend rather than go to meetings. She called me one night scared that she would drink again. I went with her to a meeting the following day. I haven't heard from her since then. I have no idea what happened to her.

[Bruce T.]

I guess I should contribute my two cents' worth to the thread I started.

Anyone who reads my journal already knows that my local AA group has no sonsorship at all, and I addressed this topic at our meeting last Thurday night, not as a matter for discussion, but as a matter of consideration.

I've been leaning on Dad as my sponsor. He found himself, at the age of 55 or 56, moving his "cocktail hour" up earlier and earlier, so he quit drinking on his own and got rid of all his booze (Mr. Economic, he bought scotch whiskey by the case). He, because of me, is very active in Al-anon. He has been a good sponsor, but I need a REAL alcoholic as a sponsor.

And I feel a great desire to take on a sponsee. There will be groundrules: All I have to offer is my experience, strength and hope. If what I have to say cannot be backed up in the Big Book or 12&12, I'd best not share it. I'm not your banker. I'm not your doctor. I'm not your psychiatrist or marriage counselor. I'm not your priest or pastor. I dont't qualify. I'm just an old drunk who by the grace of God and the program of AA have found a way out, based on the daily maintenence of my spiritual condition.

I love working with others. Even if they do not get sober, it helps me to keep my focus. So many people have worked so patiently with me, many of whom have gone on to "That Great Meeting in the Sky".

I owe them. I owe this program. But it's not an onorous debt - it's gratitude.

Shalom & agape,

Bruce "By all rights I should be dead" T.

[eve3]

i guess my sponcee listens 2 me as i listen 2 her.... not that she pays attention.... ive recently taken on a new sponcee who seems intusiastic about step work and different mtgs, she is in a program where i learned how 2 stay clean a day at a time i didnt graduate but im still clean...2 day,im not a councler either i only have my own e s and hope and a message of 30 yrs of drinking and drurgging and some time 2 go with that 2 show the program works when u work it.... i cant recite anything from the bb or na book i read peices and chapters but thats it.... i cant carry any 1 in my pocket sometimes i wish i could specially the young 1s 2 day who have no idea what a bottom is.... i tell her 2 call me and check in when possible as phome time is limited...and we are hooking up wed 2 meet 4 coffe and a mtg take the train...ive no transportation she knows...ive learned from experience some use sponcers as a name only....and others for what they can get...all ive got is lots of experience.....thanks cousin b eve

[mellotripp]

I like my latest sponsor, who uses the NA workbook, and tells me to take my time and do it right. Around here I never took my sponsor so seriously till one of them told me I did not need a sponsor as much as I needed a dumping ground.

[fibiray]

Well I too will have my two cents worth on the subject of sponsorship. There are pros and cons of sponsorship. I have first hand witnessed people from the floor of a meeting say "my sponsor told me to leave the relationship," ""my sponsor told me to get a job", "My sponsor told me to this or told me that," and I often think to myself that somewhere the concept of sponsorship has been misconstrewed. There was an old slogan around the rooms of meetings that said live and let live, or commonly known as minding your own business, and the term sponsorship seems to have dismissed this concept.Sponsorship is not about dictating to another on how to live their lives, it is about supporting someone in recovery and helping them to develop spiritually. While the relationship is an intimate one, at no point should the sponsor being giving advice on personal matters, for they are not professional counsellors. After all we are the last people to do so and who have ultimately failed so dismally in our own lives that we ended up at the door of AA ourselves. Myself I have never formally had a sponsor but I have had people I can go to at any given time if needed and they are a select few. It must be remembered that not everyone in aa is well so trust is a critical issue for me. On the other hand I have sponsored only a few and none of those relationships were I guess all that successful because when I turned the focus back to them because they were blaming their parents or whatever, they were not prepared to look at their own behaviour. At no time did I ever advise anyone about their relationships as I am not a counsellor.
Unfortunately I have seen advice be given so freely with dire results. One man when he started in the fellowship was told by his sponsor to leave his wife. So he did. Years down the track and even though he didn't drink he regretted ending his marriage. To my knowledge he no longer attends meeting and I can certainly understand why. On the other hand sponsorship has it's benefits too and life long friendships have been developed. Thats my two cents worth anyway and thanks for letting me share.

fi
xxx

[snugsnug]

I firmly believe that sponsorship is the "heartbeat" of Narcotics Anonymous and all of the clichés', such as "if you are sponsoring yourself you are sponsoring a fool" and the list goes on. I have had a sponsor continuous since about thirty days clean. I also believe that sponsorship is a two way street. I have had three sponsors and two of them told me point blank that at times I was sponsoring them.
Now having said that I am without a sponsor right now, about ten days, I was fired by my last sponsor. He sent me an email and just made a bunch of assumptions, so I took that as being fired. Any way I have stepped up my meeting attendance and phone calling to help keep me safe, I know I need to get another one.

[Bruce T.]

Well I too will have my two cents worth on the subject of sponsorship. There are pros and cons of sponsorship. I have first hand witnessed people from the floor of a meeting say "my sponsor told me to leave the relationship," ""my sponsor told me to get a job", "My sponsor told me to this or told me that," and I often think to myself that somewhere the concept of sponsorship has been misconstrewed. There was an old slogan around the rooms of meetings that said live and let live, or commonly known as minding your own business, and the term sponsorship seems to have dismissed this concept.Sponsorship is not about dictating to another on how to live their lives, it is about supporting someone in recovery and helping them to develop spiritually. While the relationship is an intimate one, at no point should the sponsor being giving advice on personal matters, for they are not professional counsellors. After all we are the last people to do so and who have ultimately failed so dismally in our own lives that we ended up at the door of AA ourselves. Myself I have never formally had a sponsor but I have had people I can go to at any given time if needed and they are a select few. It must be remembered that not everyone in aa is well so trust is a critical issue for me. On the other hand I have sponsored only a few and none of those relationships were I guess all that successful because when I turned the focus back to them because they were blaming their parents or whatever, they were not prepared to look at their own behaviour. At no time did I ever advise anyone about their relationships as I am not a counsellor.
Unfortunately I have seen advice be given so freely with dire results. One man when he started in the fellowship was told by his sponsor to leave his wife. So he did. Years down the track and even though he didn't drink he regretted ending his marriage. To my knowledge he no longer attends meeting and I can certainly understand why. On the other hand sponsorship has it's benefits too and life long friendships have been developed. Thats my two cents worth anyway and thanks for letting me share.

fi
xxx

I'm with ya. Go back and re-read my "ground rules" for sponsorship. Your post supports my position completely. It's good to know that there are like-minded people out there. It gives me a shot of confidence.

But then again, being like-minded with me may be a scary thought to some:lol:.

Yours in recovery,

-b

[dalin]

Awesome posts from all of you!
I do work on the sponsorship section here at the board,and I have been slacking in my
posts lately.
I agreed to work as a sponsor for anyone needing a sponsor on another sight.
They gave me one guy who once had alot of clean time but relapsed.
I can relate.I have been around recovery since the 80s.
My first meetings were forced A.A. meetings in the eighties.
At those meetings I found another na member.
I do have 13 years clean.
I have an N.A. sponsor that has been clean since 74,who has an N.A. sponsor.
I was toaght how to work the steps and traditions by an awesome N.A. sponsorthat died when I was on my 11th step and tradition.
I have another sponsor now that I have had since he died in 99.
Sponsorship is an awesome tool.
I sponsor eight guys face to face.
They all sponsor guys.
Alot os the tools I use are in the sponsorship section of this sight.
I just pray to be used as a spiritual tool.
God is God.I sponsor a couple folks with diferant religeons,a hindu,a couple buddists.
I give folks to find what works for them.
The program is awesome.

[craig]

Craig,alcoholic/addict. I have had a sponsor for 17 of 19 and 2/3 years sobriety. There was a 32 month interval of time about a decade ago that I was sponsorless ,rudderless, and too prideful to seek another man. I was heading toward a risky situation. Sobriety loses it's priority. The acronym s.l.i.p. is not a garment under a women's dress. My sponsor,who's last drink was April 11,1961 is the second best entity in my personal recovery toolbox. Of course, my relationship with my higher power and then later with God is the number one jewel that I utilize. God waited a seemingly long time for me in man's clock for me to help other men. Currently I work with three guys taking them through the steps. I was a step slacker; as I had a fear for fourteen years to do and unload the 4th and 5th steps. I did not think God would forgive me for the dastardly deeds I pulled when I was "out there". Of course I was wrong! After completion,God presented me with sponsees. I am only there as a vessel. God is the architect and blesses results. brother trudging the road of happy destiny, Craig

[free2bunme]

I have to remember to keep my expectations lower with sponsors. I tend to get disappointed by mine a lot. I have been reminded that my sponsor is just another alcoholic, with character defects too.

[WendyB]

Sponsorship for me is very important. My sponsor has helped me through so much. Sometimes I just need advice, because I am twisted about the answers I come up with. My sponsor also helps me to go through the steps of AA. She is also a big fan of coda, so she has helped me tremendously with my relationship issues. She does not tell me what to do. IMO that is not a sponsors job.

I had 18 months sober before this round, and in that particular home group sponsorship is very strict. My sponsor then gave me directions to follow, and if I did not follow them I was in trouble. And IMO that kind of sponsorship works for some people, but it did not for this girl. They sponsor with "tuff love" and I grew up with that. So I began to get very resentful. The number one reason why us alcoholics drink. So I did just that. But I do not blame anyone but myself.

This time in I found a kind loving sponsor, that would tell me the truth and work with me in a loving way. Because I never had love, so I guess I needed that. And I have never been happier in my life. Even bad days are better than I could have ever imagined.

I sponsor one women, who is actively seeking the program, another only comes around once a week, but I am here for her whenever she decides this is what she wants. I have no expectations at all. I sponsor lovingly, exactly like my sponsor sponsors me.
Great topic:29:

[eve3]

hey brucie look what i found in e mail this am thought id share hope that is ok and not off bounds......
September 23, 2007
Sponsors
An AA sponsor is not a professional caseworker or counselor of any sort.
A sponsor is not someone to borrow money from,
nor get clothes, jobs, or food from.
A sponsor is not a medical expert, nor qualified to give religious,
legal, domestic, or psychiatric advice, although a good sponsor
is usually willing to discuss such matters confidentially,
and often can suggest where the appropriate professional assistance
can be obtained.
A sponsor is simply a sober alcoholic who can help solve only one problem:
how to stay sober.
c. 1998 AAWS, Living Sober, p. 27
With permission, Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.



Thought to Ponder . . .
Don't look for a sponsor, listen for one.



AA-related 'Alconym' . . .
S P O N S O R =
Sober, Practical, Optimistic, Noble, Spiritual, Open-minded, Respectful. </B>
Thanks to all of you for sharing so generously of your experience, strength and hope in carrying the AA message

[Bruce T.]

Time for a new topic. Who's up next?

-b

[admin]

Clean42day is and she will be posting her topic some time today.

I have also asked for volunteers again here http://www.cyberrecovery.net/forums/showthread.php?t=11253 . :D