dalin
09-20-2007, 06:15 PM
NA helped this Israeli addict rediscover his love of life. He had always felt like an outsider before he got clean. Now he has a home group and understands fellowshipping to be a spiritual principle.
In Israel, we sing at meetings. If it's your turn to get a keytag, we sing a song that has become an NA anthem in Israel. It's a song about a simple guy who doesn't want much. And this guy has made a mistake here and there, but he can see the future and it looks good as long as we all stick together. We sing at every meeting. We go to the European conventions and everyone knows that the Israelis are the noisiest fellowship. We never stop singing.
We also have a "count up" at every meeting. We start by asking if there's anyone attending the meeting for the first time- then it goes to two weeks, then to one month, then up to three months and then six months... it can go on and on for up to twenty years. We hug you if you have two days clean or two years clean.
We recruit newcomers to do small group tasks. A group may have twelve officers: One newcomer makes the coffee, one brings the cups, the other opens the room, and the other closes it. In my first three months I was the keyholder. I didn't actually open the meeting, but I held the key until the trusted servant who opened the meeting came.
This was so important to me because it showed that I belonged. From my early childhood, I had felt like an outsider. In elementary school I was never invited to parties and had no friends. I became a real troublemaker. If I couldn't get love at least I could get attention. At home I felt as if I was standing in my parents way. My parents were busy with their careers and did the best they could. I grew up with caregivers who took care of me during the day, and I joined my parents when they returned home from work.
In high school I became a DJ and played music in the school yard. But that attention wasn't enough. I still wasn't content and after a year of high school, I dropped out. I spent all my free time at the beach using. I was fifteen years old. I had two years until mandatory military service. My parents gave up hope, and I spent more time on the street then at home.
On my first day in the army I found what I was looking for, drug partners. I had thought military service would moderate my drug use, but it turned out I used more and different drugs. It didn't take long to realize I wanted out of the military. I went to an army shrink and told him I was ahving nightmares. I was so high, I only could mumble, and I was sent to a psychiatric hospital for observation. It was an open hospital, so I received no medications. I was there during the day, and in the afternoons I left to hang out with my friends to go get high. Two months later they discharged me. I was free.
I took the first flight to Amsterdam. A friend picked me up from the airport, and on the way to his house, he offered me heroin. I told him, I don't do heroin, I only do cocaine. Ironically, a year later, heroin was my favorite drug. I was homeless, had no job, no food, but as soon as I put my hands on money, I spent it all on drugs. At night I went to the marketplace and took leftover food from the garbage. I slept in empty apartments with no heat or water, but I was sure I was on top of the world. Six months later I was back in Tel Aviv selling drugs. I thought I was an important man. I justified my actions by telling myself that I needed to sell drugs to keep my habit. In recovery, I realized that one of the reasons I sold drugs was to keep people around me.
Eventually, I was beaten, lonely, and alienated. I felt like a failure, and worst of all, I wasn't ready to stop using. One day a using friend suggested we go to an NA meeting. He told me that NA was a group of addicts who meet together and help each other. At that time there were only seven meetings a week in Israel and they were all in Tel Aviv. The only reason I went to that NA mkeeting with myfriend was because I knew we were going to go out afterwards and buy more drugs. There were forty or fifty people at the meeting, some of whom I knew. This was the first time in my life I saw junkies who had stopped using. I didn't believe that this was possible. I went to another meeting a few days later, and saw people laughing and enjoying themselves, but I was not ready to give up. Today I know that the seed was planted inside me at those first meetings. I started to believe there was another way.
People used to tell me, "You've got so much potential". I didn't want to hear about going to school, having a steady job, or building a family. I never completed anything. I love NA because it is spiritual, abstract, and endless. We don't measure recovery by our accomplishments. We do the best we can every day.
It took me another ten years of pain and suffering before I was ready to surrender. I lost all my friends and stopped communicating with my family. I isolated myself to the point of not answering the phone. I stopped functioning as a dealer. I stopped eating and let my personal hygiene go. I slipped into a long period of deep depression. The only thing I did was stay home alone and do drugs. There I was, A guy who loved life, loved to party, loved company, suddenly thinking about ending it all. I felt like there was no hope, and that was the biggest shock for me.
I went to an NA meeting. It was summer, the room was hot, but I was shivering and wearing a leather coat. There were only two people there and they were arguing about how to set up the meeting. It almost came to blows. I knew from my previous experience that NA was much more than this incident. Deep inside I knew that NA could save my life. Soon people came and even though I didn't know anybody, I felt like I was among friends. Someone reached out to me, and I joined him in another meeting that night. Those first meetings were very significant. I kept coming back and stayed clean. At some point I understood that if I wanted to stay clean this time I had to make a decision to keep an open mind and get involved. I really wanted to be apart of the fellowship. Today I know that fellowshipping is a spiritual principle.
During my first years in recovery, I used to go to a meeting in an Arab neighborhood not far from my house. At this meeting Arab and Israeli members spoke Hebrew and shared about recovery from addiction. When it comes to NA, there are no politics involved. We sit in meetings together; we serve together; we celebrate our recovery together.
I chose a home group and commited myself to that group. I took a service commitment. I opened the meeting space, cleaned the floors there, and got it ready for the meeting. Today I am still part of that same home group. It is a place where people can find me, and I know that I can find my friends there too. I have a sponsor and I work the steps. But most importantly, I keep coming back no matter what.
Until I got clean, the only job I had was dealing drugs. I worked a few hours a couple of days a week and made alot of money. In recovery, the first job I had was delivering newspapers on my scooter. I was making less in one month than I made in one day dealing drugs. But I delivered the papers and used the time for meditation in motion. Today i work with homeless addict and I went back to school to learn to be better at my job. It is a miricle that this addict has a job helping others.
Service taught me how to care about other people and respect others. I learned to respect my family, and they see the changes I have made through the program. Six years ago, I lost my father. He was ill for a long time, and before he slipped into a coma, I was able to make my amends with him. He told me I looked good and asked me if I was still going to "those meetings". He forgave me. I wanted him to get well, but prayed for acceptance of God's will. When he died, the pain was so strong I could not stop crying, and my mother hurting as well was devastating. I did not know how I was going to get through this. I called a few NA friends, and within a half hour I was surrounded with love and support. This was my first experience of handling such severe emotions clean. I was sure I was going to break down, but through prayer and the support I got from my NA friends, the opposite happened. I found the strength and courage to go through the mourning process without using. Not only that but I found I was able to be there for my mother while she grieved. This was a humbling experience.
When I first got clean, I thought that I was giving up so much: my friends, my status, my good times. I even gave up listening to music at first. Now I know that I've recieved much more in return. I have lots of new friends who are recovering addicts, and I am a respected member of society. I am well appreciated at work, and music is still my passion. Once when I got fired from a job, I was devastated. I was confused about my higher power's intentions for me. I confronted my sponsor with my lack of faith, and he told me to pray and check God's will for me. The pain and the blow to my ego were too big; the fear of how I would pay the rent was overwhelming. My sponsor told me that God has a better plan for me. Later, after some time had passed, I realized how right he was. When I am in pain, I remember that pain is my best teacher. When I have attacks of self-pity, I visualize my higher power looking at me and asking his secretary, "Get me his file." He looks at the file, smiles, and say to his secretary, " This guy doesn't realize all the good things he's going to get." I am full of hope. I am grateful for everything I have been given. I love you, NA.
In Israel, we sing at meetings. If it's your turn to get a keytag, we sing a song that has become an NA anthem in Israel. It's a song about a simple guy who doesn't want much. And this guy has made a mistake here and there, but he can see the future and it looks good as long as we all stick together. We sing at every meeting. We go to the European conventions and everyone knows that the Israelis are the noisiest fellowship. We never stop singing.
We also have a "count up" at every meeting. We start by asking if there's anyone attending the meeting for the first time- then it goes to two weeks, then to one month, then up to three months and then six months... it can go on and on for up to twenty years. We hug you if you have two days clean or two years clean.
We recruit newcomers to do small group tasks. A group may have twelve officers: One newcomer makes the coffee, one brings the cups, the other opens the room, and the other closes it. In my first three months I was the keyholder. I didn't actually open the meeting, but I held the key until the trusted servant who opened the meeting came.
This was so important to me because it showed that I belonged. From my early childhood, I had felt like an outsider. In elementary school I was never invited to parties and had no friends. I became a real troublemaker. If I couldn't get love at least I could get attention. At home I felt as if I was standing in my parents way. My parents were busy with their careers and did the best they could. I grew up with caregivers who took care of me during the day, and I joined my parents when they returned home from work.
In high school I became a DJ and played music in the school yard. But that attention wasn't enough. I still wasn't content and after a year of high school, I dropped out. I spent all my free time at the beach using. I was fifteen years old. I had two years until mandatory military service. My parents gave up hope, and I spent more time on the street then at home.
On my first day in the army I found what I was looking for, drug partners. I had thought military service would moderate my drug use, but it turned out I used more and different drugs. It didn't take long to realize I wanted out of the military. I went to an army shrink and told him I was ahving nightmares. I was so high, I only could mumble, and I was sent to a psychiatric hospital for observation. It was an open hospital, so I received no medications. I was there during the day, and in the afternoons I left to hang out with my friends to go get high. Two months later they discharged me. I was free.
I took the first flight to Amsterdam. A friend picked me up from the airport, and on the way to his house, he offered me heroin. I told him, I don't do heroin, I only do cocaine. Ironically, a year later, heroin was my favorite drug. I was homeless, had no job, no food, but as soon as I put my hands on money, I spent it all on drugs. At night I went to the marketplace and took leftover food from the garbage. I slept in empty apartments with no heat or water, but I was sure I was on top of the world. Six months later I was back in Tel Aviv selling drugs. I thought I was an important man. I justified my actions by telling myself that I needed to sell drugs to keep my habit. In recovery, I realized that one of the reasons I sold drugs was to keep people around me.
Eventually, I was beaten, lonely, and alienated. I felt like a failure, and worst of all, I wasn't ready to stop using. One day a using friend suggested we go to an NA meeting. He told me that NA was a group of addicts who meet together and help each other. At that time there were only seven meetings a week in Israel and they were all in Tel Aviv. The only reason I went to that NA mkeeting with myfriend was because I knew we were going to go out afterwards and buy more drugs. There were forty or fifty people at the meeting, some of whom I knew. This was the first time in my life I saw junkies who had stopped using. I didn't believe that this was possible. I went to another meeting a few days later, and saw people laughing and enjoying themselves, but I was not ready to give up. Today I know that the seed was planted inside me at those first meetings. I started to believe there was another way.
People used to tell me, "You've got so much potential". I didn't want to hear about going to school, having a steady job, or building a family. I never completed anything. I love NA because it is spiritual, abstract, and endless. We don't measure recovery by our accomplishments. We do the best we can every day.
It took me another ten years of pain and suffering before I was ready to surrender. I lost all my friends and stopped communicating with my family. I isolated myself to the point of not answering the phone. I stopped functioning as a dealer. I stopped eating and let my personal hygiene go. I slipped into a long period of deep depression. The only thing I did was stay home alone and do drugs. There I was, A guy who loved life, loved to party, loved company, suddenly thinking about ending it all. I felt like there was no hope, and that was the biggest shock for me.
I went to an NA meeting. It was summer, the room was hot, but I was shivering and wearing a leather coat. There were only two people there and they were arguing about how to set up the meeting. It almost came to blows. I knew from my previous experience that NA was much more than this incident. Deep inside I knew that NA could save my life. Soon people came and even though I didn't know anybody, I felt like I was among friends. Someone reached out to me, and I joined him in another meeting that night. Those first meetings were very significant. I kept coming back and stayed clean. At some point I understood that if I wanted to stay clean this time I had to make a decision to keep an open mind and get involved. I really wanted to be apart of the fellowship. Today I know that fellowshipping is a spiritual principle.
During my first years in recovery, I used to go to a meeting in an Arab neighborhood not far from my house. At this meeting Arab and Israeli members spoke Hebrew and shared about recovery from addiction. When it comes to NA, there are no politics involved. We sit in meetings together; we serve together; we celebrate our recovery together.
I chose a home group and commited myself to that group. I took a service commitment. I opened the meeting space, cleaned the floors there, and got it ready for the meeting. Today I am still part of that same home group. It is a place where people can find me, and I know that I can find my friends there too. I have a sponsor and I work the steps. But most importantly, I keep coming back no matter what.
Until I got clean, the only job I had was dealing drugs. I worked a few hours a couple of days a week and made alot of money. In recovery, the first job I had was delivering newspapers on my scooter. I was making less in one month than I made in one day dealing drugs. But I delivered the papers and used the time for meditation in motion. Today i work with homeless addict and I went back to school to learn to be better at my job. It is a miricle that this addict has a job helping others.
Service taught me how to care about other people and respect others. I learned to respect my family, and they see the changes I have made through the program. Six years ago, I lost my father. He was ill for a long time, and before he slipped into a coma, I was able to make my amends with him. He told me I looked good and asked me if I was still going to "those meetings". He forgave me. I wanted him to get well, but prayed for acceptance of God's will. When he died, the pain was so strong I could not stop crying, and my mother hurting as well was devastating. I did not know how I was going to get through this. I called a few NA friends, and within a half hour I was surrounded with love and support. This was my first experience of handling such severe emotions clean. I was sure I was going to break down, but through prayer and the support I got from my NA friends, the opposite happened. I found the strength and courage to go through the mourning process without using. Not only that but I found I was able to be there for my mother while she grieved. This was a humbling experience.
When I first got clean, I thought that I was giving up so much: my friends, my status, my good times. I even gave up listening to music at first. Now I know that I've recieved much more in return. I have lots of new friends who are recovering addicts, and I am a respected member of society. I am well appreciated at work, and music is still my passion. Once when I got fired from a job, I was devastated. I was confused about my higher power's intentions for me. I confronted my sponsor with my lack of faith, and he told me to pray and check God's will for me. The pain and the blow to my ego were too big; the fear of how I would pay the rent was overwhelming. My sponsor told me that God has a better plan for me. Later, after some time had passed, I realized how right he was. When I am in pain, I remember that pain is my best teacher. When I have attacks of self-pity, I visualize my higher power looking at me and asking his secretary, "Get me his file." He looks at the file, smiles, and say to his secretary, " This guy doesn't realize all the good things he's going to get." I am full of hope. I am grateful for everything I have been given. I love you, NA.