What is selfishness?????

[Ed C.]

In the Big Book it says:Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. "How It Works" My question is what is selfishness???? Ed C.

[mellotripp]

Selfishness is when I think of myself first, then me, but if there is anything left it is mine also.

[admin]

:173:

Hi All,

I like the definition of selfishness in the online dictionary @ dictionary.com: devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.

I was devoted to myself! In being so involved with what I believed to be my best interests, I failed to recognize that there was a whole big world happening around me. It was this failure to recognize that caused me all the problems I perceived.

Being very much the actor, I wanted to arrange the lights, the stage, and everyone else involved with my production. Problem being is life isn't a production, and it took a lot of understanding to finally come to the idea that I wasn't the center of the universe.

When I sat down and started to read the Big Book it was like they were talking about me (and they were). It still really was hard to understand what it meant to be selfish. I really thought that it was in my best interest to become sober and that I was the benefactor of that action.

So I figured it probably would be a good idea to find out who (I, me, myself) really was. I had to find out what a self was! The Big Book is really a good reference book when it comes to describing an alcoholic, but it doesn't go into detail about why it says the things it does. The actor idea is what really stuck in my mind and when I read a bunch of things that some really smart people said about the idea of what self is, I started to come to understanding of how the mind works when it comes to how we act.

The self is the main ingredient in the persona, or as Dr. C.G. Jung (named in the Big Book) put it "the mask or façade presented to satisfy the demands of the situation or the environment and not representing the inner personality of the individual; the public personality". So the self was the picture in my mind of who I thought I should be, not who I really was!

My main problem and the cause of all of the perceived problems I had was concocted of the idea that I had to act a certain way to get along in life. Every since I was young it was of my perception that life sucked and the only way to deal with it was to not deal with it at all. When life presented itself to me I would put on the act. This act caused not only a great deal of harm to me, but it destroyed about every other notion of who I really was to anyone else who believed in me.

So when I read in the Big Book that it was absolutely necessary that I completely get rid of self to have this thing we call sobriety work, I had to understand that the only way to do so was to get along with other people to get out of self. I had to put down the mask, tear down the wall, and be vunerable to the likes of other people to make it work, and above all I had to stop being such a despicable liar and start working towards understanding the truth about who I really was. No more act!!!!

It took a lot of study and work with people just like you all to start to understand what it was that I needed. I had to completely give myself to a God of my understanding and start to spread the word of the miracle that He had done for me. Once done there was no more fear. I did not need to act any other way than being an honest to goodness human being. Frailties, imperfections, vunerabilities, defects of character, and all.

With the understanding of all of that, there also came the understanding that I was pretty good at a lot of other things too! Instead of focusing my attention on all of the things that seemed like negatives in my life, I now had things that were positive to work towards. Still no matter how I perceived these things to be, I had to understand that it was life, and I did not need to act to get along in harmony with it. All I had to do was live it!

With Love and Respect, Ed C.

PS, Problems are only what they are perceived to be!

[kaistevens]

Selfishness for me is when it is all about me.

If you are mad, it is about or at me. When I get cut off in traffic, they are personally attacking me. If you have something, and I feel I need it, well, it was far more important that I have it no matter how that might affect you.

When I get caught up in my selfishness, I only see myself. No one's pain, no one's struggle matters, and sometimes those things are my opportunities to get for me what I want.

That is what selfishness is in me.