dalin
10-19-2007, 01:21 AM
What happened to the fellowship that I used to know?
What happened to the fellowship that I used to know?
Why I slipped away from the fellowship of the Narcotics Anonymous Program.
I cleaned up in Northern California by Gestapos and purists in 1987. For this I am eternally grateful. I was not told that these ideals were suggested. I was told work the steps or die. I was told that I would get into service. And I was told, "I love just exactly as you are." So, I got a sponsor and worked my steps, got into service and grew to be a better person. I did service at every level up to area service lit review representative to region. That included cleaning ashtrays and making coffee. And I grew in more ways.
Then my ex-wife and I moved back home to Virginia. We began finding the meetings around our home. One was a mixed message twisted with treatment center and other twelve step-meeting lingo. This was not conducive to my recovery. I spoke to them all about the reason we have our own language and follow the Traditions with vigilance. We were thrown into the curb and told that they would do what they wanted. The next week I came armed with The Basic Text and told them how they were not following the traditions, as they needed to. Again I was thrown into the curb. There went one of the two meetings I has the resources to get to. I chose not to go to that meeting any longer, as it was not conducive to my recovery. Now it was 40 miles to two meetings a week on low financial resources. Meetings began to get scarce for me unless I traveled 150 miles to Charlotte, North Carolina. Then, the groups that I was able to get to decided they did not like the area they were in and wanted to do things differently. We decided to create a new area.
I was voted to be the vice-chair of this new area. I came from California and had different learning in service than in Virginia. Every time I said anything that did not fit into the way *they* were used to doing things, I was told that was not the way *they* were used to doing things here in Virginia. One area service meeting I had made a suggestion and was told, "That is the way they do things in California." That flew all over me and I began to cry and told them that *they* could have their area. I was followed out the door and hugged and told "sorry" about the things *they* were acting on. The groups in this area soon went back into the area that they left.
All these things worked together along with meeting people willing to teach me some of the Spirituality of my Native Heritage. This was a large step forward in my spiritual life. For several years I went to meetings when I went out of town. I went to several conventions during this time away from the fellowship. But I mostly stayed with a *family* of people that helped me to remember many tools for spiritual growth. I grew and grew so fast and this was wonderful. But, when it came time for change, this *family*, (that still are family to me), went on about their lives. We no longer met *regularly* like I know I need or I will forget the most important tools. This left me vulnerable.
Mystery (GOD if you must) put me in a path of a recovering addict again. He asked me to come to a meeting with him. He stopped in for dinner and then we went to a meeting in the area that I am now in. I made a decision to re-double my efforts in NA and my life. Now I do not feel turned on or pushed away. I am again doing all the things I *HAVE* to do (screw suggestions) in order to live free and grow spiritually. Meetings regularly, sponsor, sponcee, steps, sharing, functions, prayer are the things I must do. After re-doubling my efforts here in a new area and a new *home* for a couple of months, I realized that I am exactly where I am supposed to be at any given point in time, and that there are no coincidences. After a month of regular meetings, I felt my insides begin to cave in. But, I have all the tools at my disposal and am using them. The next right thing has stopped the downward spiral that was beginning. Now I am working with new comers and sharing often on how this program works for me, and the insides are getting better with each and every day.
I knew that even though I felt pushed away once, that I could return anytime I wanted. The one thing in my life that *IS* constant are meetings. So, I returned and I am again growing and loving this fellowship stronger. I am again in service and I cannot seem to get enough of this fellowship and program. Soon I will be doing another 90 in 90. Even after 16 years and one white chip, I still need and want this fellowship and program. I owe everything that is in my life to this program. Not just the stuff in my life but all the things I was helped with to remember. And this program only! I did not use a treatment facility to get treatment. I went to the street and got streetment.
Love&Light,
In Loving Service,
Brian YellowEyes
:195:
What happened to the fellowship that I used to know?
Why I slipped away from the fellowship of the Narcotics Anonymous Program.
I cleaned up in Northern California by Gestapos and purists in 1987. For this I am eternally grateful. I was not told that these ideals were suggested. I was told work the steps or die. I was told that I would get into service. And I was told, "I love just exactly as you are." So, I got a sponsor and worked my steps, got into service and grew to be a better person. I did service at every level up to area service lit review representative to region. That included cleaning ashtrays and making coffee. And I grew in more ways.
Then my ex-wife and I moved back home to Virginia. We began finding the meetings around our home. One was a mixed message twisted with treatment center and other twelve step-meeting lingo. This was not conducive to my recovery. I spoke to them all about the reason we have our own language and follow the Traditions with vigilance. We were thrown into the curb and told that they would do what they wanted. The next week I came armed with The Basic Text and told them how they were not following the traditions, as they needed to. Again I was thrown into the curb. There went one of the two meetings I has the resources to get to. I chose not to go to that meeting any longer, as it was not conducive to my recovery. Now it was 40 miles to two meetings a week on low financial resources. Meetings began to get scarce for me unless I traveled 150 miles to Charlotte, North Carolina. Then, the groups that I was able to get to decided they did not like the area they were in and wanted to do things differently. We decided to create a new area.
I was voted to be the vice-chair of this new area. I came from California and had different learning in service than in Virginia. Every time I said anything that did not fit into the way *they* were used to doing things, I was told that was not the way *they* were used to doing things here in Virginia. One area service meeting I had made a suggestion and was told, "That is the way they do things in California." That flew all over me and I began to cry and told them that *they* could have their area. I was followed out the door and hugged and told "sorry" about the things *they* were acting on. The groups in this area soon went back into the area that they left.
All these things worked together along with meeting people willing to teach me some of the Spirituality of my Native Heritage. This was a large step forward in my spiritual life. For several years I went to meetings when I went out of town. I went to several conventions during this time away from the fellowship. But I mostly stayed with a *family* of people that helped me to remember many tools for spiritual growth. I grew and grew so fast and this was wonderful. But, when it came time for change, this *family*, (that still are family to me), went on about their lives. We no longer met *regularly* like I know I need or I will forget the most important tools. This left me vulnerable.
Mystery (GOD if you must) put me in a path of a recovering addict again. He asked me to come to a meeting with him. He stopped in for dinner and then we went to a meeting in the area that I am now in. I made a decision to re-double my efforts in NA and my life. Now I do not feel turned on or pushed away. I am again doing all the things I *HAVE* to do (screw suggestions) in order to live free and grow spiritually. Meetings regularly, sponsor, sponcee, steps, sharing, functions, prayer are the things I must do. After re-doubling my efforts here in a new area and a new *home* for a couple of months, I realized that I am exactly where I am supposed to be at any given point in time, and that there are no coincidences. After a month of regular meetings, I felt my insides begin to cave in. But, I have all the tools at my disposal and am using them. The next right thing has stopped the downward spiral that was beginning. Now I am working with new comers and sharing often on how this program works for me, and the insides are getting better with each and every day.
I knew that even though I felt pushed away once, that I could return anytime I wanted. The one thing in my life that *IS* constant are meetings. So, I returned and I am again growing and loving this fellowship stronger. I am again in service and I cannot seem to get enough of this fellowship and program. Soon I will be doing another 90 in 90. Even after 16 years and one white chip, I still need and want this fellowship and program. I owe everything that is in my life to this program. Not just the stuff in my life but all the things I was helped with to remember. And this program only! I did not use a treatment facility to get treatment. I went to the street and got streetment.
Love&Light,
In Loving Service,
Brian YellowEyes
:195: