Feelings, Oh Oh Oh Feelings

[admin]

Feelings, Oh Oh Oh Feelings

Feelings
noun: emotional or moral sensitivity (especially in relation to personal principles or dignity)

I was sharing with a friend this morning about feelings. All these feelings. I am reminded of the quote I have heard many times in recovery "The good news is your get your emotions back. The bad news is you get your emotions back."

It's ok to feel ok. It's ok to not feel ok.

I have been dealing with trying to understand the why I feel certain feelings. What from my past makes me feel the way I do sometimes?

I am sure I am not alone in this.

Today, of course, I am grateful to God for my life. But today I have had feelings of fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, insecurity, jealousy, feeling that I am fat and there has been a few more I can't think of right now. I have been talking to myself about these feelings - trying to understand where they are coming from and why in order to heal. I was also sharing with a friend about some of them earlier. I have also prayed about them and done some online research about them.

The reason I put this post here is because I want to ask anyone who is reading this what were your feelings before you read this post? How are you feeling today? Let's get these feelings out in the open and discuss them and find solutions together. Let's not hide, stuff and or ignore them anymore. To do so just makes us sick. I know it makes me sick. You don't have to go in detail if you don't want to. You can share in a general way. Maybe just getting them out will help you to feel better. It has me.

And hey, if you were having good, positive feelings then share those also.

So I ask what were your feelings before you read this post? How are you feeling today?

I do ask that we try keep it clean please in sharing.

[Gracie]

Thank you so very much for starting this post :42:

I've been driven by feelings all my life. I've spoken words because of my feelings. I've behaved because of my feelings. I've denied my feelings. I've drank because of my feelings. I've screamed because of my feelings. I've lacked an appetite because of my feelings. I've slept too much because of my feelings. I've not slept nearly enough because of my feelings. But something I've really, truly yet to begin is......to deal with them.

I've compartmentalized my feelings and my life in such a way that they don't know how to blend, to mesh or to even find each other.

Today I've felt: Oppression, fear and deep sadness.

Oppression comes with me wherever I go, it's a deeply engrained feeling that no matter where I go, who I am with or what I'm doing......I can't be ME, whoever that is!! I'd like to blame it on anything outside of myself, but that oppression is something I carry within myself!! It's nicely packed inside of me like valuable china. It's wrapped in linens, it's got the packing peanuts, it's got the bubble wrap, it's in a beautiful box lined with velvet. And I prepared it that way. So, the oppression that I think my husband brings on me is phooey! I bring it on myself....I oppress myself. It's all I know!!

Fear also comes with me wherever I go, it's a deeply engrained emotion that comes on when I want to be myself, but fear the things Tammy listed....rejection and adanondment. I've got a deep desire within myself that crossed the healthy line so long ago I can't even remember, to have approval. And if I feel in anyway that you, whoever you are, it doesn't matter, anyone, won't approve of me, then I won't say it, do it, wear it, drink it, eat it, feel it, type it, or be it, etc.

Deep sadness, now this is a new one for me! This hasn't followed me wherever I've gone. It's been brought on by the awareness of my life, all of my life. Going back to childhood and reaching all the way to this very moment. I'm saddened by my choices, and lack thereof. I'm saddened by my fears that keep me from becoming what it is I want to become. I'm saddened that I've got this inner voice that speaks to me in such a negative way I can't tell truth from fiction. I know I'm an important human being, I know that I'm a loving human being, I know that I'm worthy of so much in my life. I know that I'm capable of giving something back. But....that voice, she ridicules me and brings me down......and the sad truth is.....I listen to her!


I have been dealing with trying to understand the why I feel certain feelings. What from my past makes me feel the way I do sometimes?

NOPE, not alone! That statement above has made me feel like I'm losing my mind, and when I'm not validated by something external, I'll deny it or apologize for it. If someone questions me, I'll question myself. If someone repremands me, I'll pull back into my shell. If someone doesn't relate to me, I'll wonder if I'm wrong for feeling the feeling, whatever it is. And the voices of long ago start to tell me, "Becky, you shouldn't ________ fill in the blank." And so......I don't.

This sobriety, this growing up, this awareness.....it all takes time. I'm aware that I can't turn this emotional rock over and find all the worms, ants, mold and maggots and just pretend they're not there or expect to bury them further into the dirt without them coming up again. I'm aware that with my awareness comes an opportunity for change and growth......it just won't happen today. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither will a strong, vibrant, independent woman.

Thank you for letting me share!

[admin]

Well, I have to say today my feelings are better. I feel sort of content today and as always very grateful to God for my life.

[Gracie]

I"m feeling overwhelmed today. Alot of external pressure and it's heavy. Givin' it to God, but I know our timeframes aren't even close to the same!!!

[janbear]

So true Tammy, We get our feelings back. I have heard it said that alcoholic/addicts feel more deeply than most.
I also have felt the pain of abandonment, emotional abandonment i know stems from Mother's inability to be there for me growing up. Another feeling i have had most of my life is that i can't trust people, because my trust was betrayed so much by people and especially my father and others who were abusive. I have remember over and over again that not all people are like my parents. One feeling i continually have is that i dont measure up.

But actually the question was asked how i felt before i read the post? Today, this day, i mainly feel tired, but a good tired because i spent the bulk of the day with someone who needed loving support. I am glad God gave me the opportunity to be there. Thats me for now.

[gegeevolved]

Well, I am going to be honest!!!!! I don't know if anyone here has expirenced this but here goes. Well I am 27yrs old and I just got 3 years on tuesday oct 23. I am a transy. I lost my job recently and to support myself I have been prostituting to make ends meet. I feel guilty, ashamed and down right discuss with myself, but I keep telling myself I am doing what I have to do in order to survive. I filed for unemployment and will know something in a few weeks, I have put in applications and have an interview on tuesday. I have not been going to a lot of meetings because I am ashamed of someone saying something to me about it because where I live is not a big town so I know people have seen me, however I still don't want to use. Prostitution is an aspect of my life that has been a part of my active addiction for years and through my life in and out of recovery. In some ways I like the attention of the men when they say I am bueatiful and sexy and alll those other things. I must be honest and say even when I had a job I still did itform time to time to get extra money. I know there is hope.....but the process of getting through this I just begain but this is the first time i got honest about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[clean42day]

Hey Gegee - I sent you a pm I hope you get it.

How am I feeling today - gut wrenching honest? frustrated, fearful, anxious, a little discusted with me.....and.....oh yeah restless, irritable, and discontent.

ok so part of that is I got food poisoning early in the week and haven't fully recoverd from that.....second it is that time in the school semester again there are 5 weeks left - and I am feeling the pressure of - cruch time and grades! 3rd I have NOT BEEN SLEEPING and I need a new matress for my bed and cannot afford one - so instead I toss and turn all night, my money situation has changed for the first time in 3 years and I am uncomfortable with the unknowns coming up. I have been living in my head wayyyy to far off into the future and that makes me anxious about today, I feel like I could be doing more - but to do that I would have to make sacrifices today that I am not willing to make at this time. The fear of getting a job, not getting a job, handling a job and being good at a job is driving me nuts, and I can't even start looking till december 8th - at the end of the semester. My father has me worried to death, my big brother is becoming a judgemental control freak again, my sister is too worried about her own problems to help him, me, or be of any help to my bother......and the truth is - I AM POWERLESS - OVER MUCH OF THIS AND I DON'T LIKE FEELING POWERLESS - NEVER HAVE LIKED IT - STILL DON'T LIKE IT - AND WONDER IF I WILL EVER GET USED TO IT?

So the good new is this: I accept it! ALL OF IT! There is only one thing I have to do today and that is successfully make it through the rest of this night with my sanity intact - and I absolutley know without a shadow of a doubt that God will help me through this.

AND AS FOR TOMORROW? Well tomorrow is a brand new day and I get a brand new shot at a new attitude - how cool is that?

WHAT IS ALL BOILS DOWN TO - IS THIS IS A PERFECT OPPORTUNTIY FOR ME TO PRACTICE SOME HOPE FAITH AND COURAGE.

LIGHT AND LOVE

GAIL

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[Jessanotheraddict]

Feelings, wow I have had more in the last week that I ever thought possible. I, in the past have had trouble sharing my feelings with others, without "the look" of disgust or failure. I can now say that I am not a failure.

[tlyn]

feelings... today i am trying not to let the feelings of fear, worry, overtake me. fear of not being good enough, smart enough. these feelings can paralyze me into not taking any action at all, good or bad. I am praying just for today to stay sober and trust that God will help me to be who he sees me to be, not how I see me