Does anyone know where I can find help in dealing with my ACOA daughter in law?

[beelines]

My daughter in law is an adult child of an alcoholic. She fits the patterns that I have been able to research and find online. The last thing she wants to admit is that she has a problem with interpersonal relationship. She willing talks about her Dad's drinking problem

Any suggestions?

[admin]

:67: beelines! :17: Glad to have you join us here. We have a forum on the board here for ACOA http://www.cyberrecovery.net/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=12 . Check that out when you get a chance if you haven't already. Also if you go here http://www.stepchat.com/ you will find some online ACOA meetings that may be helpful also. Please feel free to continue to come and share with us here. We are here for you and your daughter in law. :42:

[Gracie]

My daughter in law is an adult child of an alcoholic. She fits the patterns that I have been able to research and find online. The last thing she wants to admit is that she has a problem with interpersonal relationship. She willing talks about her Dad's drinking problem

Any suggestions?

That's a tough one beeline!! I have 2 daughter's that are ACOA and any time I've tried to discuss things along those lines I get, "I don't want to talk about it!" So.....I don't.

Bluidkiti had some good suggestions, however, with my own personal experience it's not much different than an alcoholic themself and having to "hit bottom" before reaching up for help. There is no way you can make her see, tell her enough to get her to see something and hear something when she's ready.

My husband is also an ACOA and I've known him for 22 years. He, as well as myself are recovering alcoholics and he has only admitted in the last year that his parent's are alcoholics. There is a level of denial as well as protection to one's parent and if they begin admitting, it's a feeling of betrayal and that has never been accepted in an alcoholic home. The secrets we keep, the big pink elephant in the room no one talks about, etc.

I guess after all that rambling, all I can suggest is maybe you can attend an ALANON meeting and get some literature for her, give it to her, then leave it alone.

Good luck and keep sharing.

[cassie]

The secrets we keep, the big pink elephant in the room no one talks about, etc.


Hello
Good suggestions by bluidkiti and Gracie. I am an ACOA. I try to remember the grace which I have been given in remembering them. They are both gone from this earth for many years. They did the best they could, knowing what they knew and in their circumstances. Luckily, they were not mean drunks, just neglectful. Hurts, yes. Will I always carry it? Yes. In comes St Francis prayer. God grant me . . . . And so with the suggestions, growth is possible. Support is out there today, like never before. You are in my prayers. :195:
cassie
grateful recovering alcoholic

[kaistevens]

Alanon was a good suggestion. I am the Adult Child Of an Adult Child Of an Alcoholic. I am also an alcholic myself. Neither of my parents ever drank, they were teetotlers, but everything that I have learned about this disease has shown me that mine was an alcoholic home if there ever was one.

Going to Alanon will help you learn a different way to relate to her. You will learn about Alcoholism and better understand where she is coming from.

[medianstrip]

Hi beeline!
I can really relate to your quest for suggestions or an understanding voice on dealing with ACOA. My girlfriend is an ACOA and it has been really difficult for me to find any information on how to deal with this unfortunate problem second hand.I am trying to learn how to cope with her struggle while maintaining our relationship. It has been really tough at times to not get frustrated with her because I just do not completely understand why she behaves the way she does and how I can better cope with it and be supportive. I'm sure there are others out there like me, but there just does not seem to be any sort of forum for discussion on it.

I wish you the best in your quest for help!

[aworkinprogress]

Hi Beelines, I can really relate to worrying about family members and wanting to fix them. I am a child of, sister of, mother of, wife of and I am an alcoholic. I have genuine concern for the pepple who are struggling in my life. I have learned that all I can do is let them know there is help available, maybe even get them a meeting schedule. I have learned that I constantly need to ask myself why I feel the need to jump in. I need to turn the light off of them and back onto myself. What is it that makes me feel like I should be the one to teach them something? Why do i feel responsible for this persons situation? How does this person and their circumstances effect me? What am I afraid of in this situation? In the end I realize that one of the best ways I can help this person is to attend meetings myself such as alanon. Begin to grow in a program so that hopefully it will get to a point when the person sees that something amazing is happening with me they might want what I have and be willing to do what they need to do to get well. Good luck with your situation.