Nov 12 - 19 weekly meeting..........

[clean42day]

So many times I see the promises as a topic for meetings and it is usually an awesome topic.

so this time I thought it would be cool if we could all share on the
12 rewards of recovery.

THE TWELVE REWARDS OF THE TWELVE STEPS


1. Hope instead of desperation.

2. Faith instead of despair.

3. Courage instead of fear.

4. Peace of mind instead of confusion.

5. Self-confidence instead of helplessness.

6. Self-respect instead of self-contempt.

7. The respect of others instead of their pity or contempt.

8. A clean conscience instead of a sense of guilt.

9. Real friendships instead of loneliness.

10. A clean pattern of life instead of a purposeless existence.

11. The love and understanding of our families instead of their doubts and fears.

12. The freedom of a happy life instead of the bondage of an alcoholic obsession

you can pick just one, or as many of them as have come true in your life, or any that you have expereince with.

What "REWARDS" have you experienced in your recovery?

[craig]

With HP/God's help,I am not wrapped and suffocated in the bondage and slavery to drinking ethyl alcohol.

[DianaMarie7968]

2. Faith instead of despair.

i have so much faith today , in My HP, myself, my sponcer, i walk by faith today where for so many years i had no faith

9. Real friendships instead of loneliness.

these past 8 months Ive made so many true freinds, I'm not lonely anymore i stay connected to my sponcee sisters, my sponcer, I know when i was using i didnt have any of that...For this I am truly grateful!

11. The love and understanding of our families instead of their doubts and fears.

wow thats a big one, I talk to my mom everyday, she sees the changes in me, she tells me how proud she is of me, and that she finally has her daughter back... omg its very powerful these blessings, cuz thats what they are to me all blessings:12:

[clean42day]

ok so you all know me by now and I am long winded huh....:lol: so here it goes...............

# 1 = Ok so I would have to say that the only desperation I have felt in the past 5 years is the desperate need to change the way I was living, and after about 6 months to a year clean that kind of fearful desperation left me in favor of a hopeful form of belief that I just might make it after all.

# 2 = in the end of my using I remember so clearly being in so much despair - that I wished and prayed the next hit of crack cocaine would just kill me and blow up my heart - because all I really had to look forward to was an instant replay every single day of my life on crack - it was like someone kept hitting the repeat button on the remote control and I was stuck in a freeze frame over and over - so much so that I just didn't want tomorrow to arrive - or more accurately I didn't want to live through today to have to wake up to the same old crap of me being that little rat spinning on the wheel looking for another piece of cheese. Again when I got out of rehab and got my first year chip - I actually began to wake up with faith and I began to believe that maybe I really had turned a corner and that I just might be able to trust God to help me keep moving forward. Now at five years I have had so many new experiences of unknowns and God has pulled me through and shown up for me sooooo many times, I no longer doubt his power - I walk in faith! this doesn't mean I don't have doubts in myself sometimes, but it certainly means that I am no longer in despair. As long as I stay clean today – I have a really good shot at tomorrow being better than today.

#3 = I honestly have to say fear has not been completely lifted from my life - more like instead of allowing fear to immobilize me - I have learned to display courage in spite of my fear and meet it head on. Most of the time, my fears are just that – imaginings in my own mind – and when I overcome one fear at a time – I learn that fears are not facts.


# 4 - Peace instead of confusion? well what's that? lol :lol: I fluctuate between both extremes quite often still. Sure would be nice to have clear cut directions of what God's will is - so I could just check out his "to do" list for the day and follow it.......:mrgreen: I've gotten pretty good at following directions - as long as they are not entirely composed by me and my brilliant thinking. :idea:(wink). at first I think I interpreted peace – as boredom – because my life was sooo full of my own (self-created drama) that I didn’t know what the absence of it felt life – Now I understand that any moment of peace is when = I rest in God.

# 5 -I feel I take self-confidence instead of helplessness to the extreme sometimes. I use to be such a victim and felt so helpless and ineffectual - and once I found some personal power in being responsible for my choices and accountable for my actions and changing my own life - I ran with it and still ?think? = sometimes that I am running the show –but in a good way.......God usually gets my attention in the most humbling ways :rolleyes::neutral: and I surrender again to knowing that I am only a co-creater along with his power – without recovery and God in my life – I can revert back to extreme insecurity and victimhood in a blink of an eye.

# 6 = I had to learn what Self-respect instead of self-contempt even meant - because self-contempt was actually my natural state for 25 years – and beating myself up was my first reaction . so I had to re-program my beliefs about myself and change my self talk and then align myself with some honorable actions so I could teach myself that I was actually capable of being a good and honorable person. This was something I lived my way into - it did not come easily - an accumulation of every thought, decision, choice, and action over the past 5 years got me to where I am now. Now I cannot imagine hating myself or devaluing myself any longer. I still struggle with negative self-talk at times - but I have solutions to that today and I use them.

# 7 - For the most part I do have peoples respect today – I won’t settle for anything less…. because I have learned that "I teach people how to treat me" - having healthy boundaries and learning how to use them has helped me with my relationships with others. I am not saying all people "like" me and I don’t require that they do - being on the other end on my boundaries is not always a pleasant experience for some people - especially with manipulators or abusers - however I just won't allow disrespect in my life for very long these days......I respect myself and try to role model that for others so they know where they stand in my life at all times.

# 8 = I still struggle with a clean conscience instead of a sense of guilt - most of the guilt I feel today is from remorse from the past and the things I cannot change. Yeah I gave them to God and have learned to forgive myself – but there are those memories that pop up to remind me of how I was. The daily solution to a clean conscience for me is = to not do things that I will feel guilty about. Doing a 10th step in the moment I am in – usually clears the way for “right action” and checking my intentions and motives along the way – will reveal selfishness and I try to treat others the way I would want to be treated. I don’t always do this perfectly and I don’t expect myself too – I just do the best that I can and for today that is enough.

# 9 = Oh wow I cannot even describe the quality of the incredible friendships I have today – real genuine authentic people who care about me and I get the honor of having them in my life and returning genuine love and friendship without motive. so much of this program is learning how to be a “real” friend and how to lean on each other, share with each other, and inspire each other to be our best selves.

#10 = A clean pattern of life instead of a purposeless existence = this one has got to be the most precious one for me – I can actually make a difference in my life and the life of others today – all because of living the steps into my life – I wake up grateful for this opportunity and a second change to live the second half of my life in a productive and positive way – I have broken many of my old patterns that kept me in self bondage and every day I “get to” create a new history with myself. I believe we leave footprints in the world for others to follow long after we are gone – and the path I am walking now is one I would be honored to have others follow. Each and everyday is a new beginning.

# 11 – my family had pretty much given up on me and they had the locks changed – wouldn’t answer my calls and disowned me. at the time my best thinking was they would be better off not watching me continue to kill myself slowly and so I abandoned my family for 14 years – they didn’t know if I was alive or dead. I know now that was a selfish act. Today I have a good relationship with my family. Recovery taught me how to be a good caring daughter and sister again and I don’t take that opportunity for granted. Every chance I get – I stay in contact with my family – I am supportive, loving and soooo very very grateful to have them back in my life. I don’t want to have any regrets for what I didn’t do – so today I am there when they need me. Probably the most important thing I have given my family is “peace of mind” that I am doing the right thing with my life now and they don’t have to worry about me anymore. And believe it or not – they actually trust me again not only materially – but emotionally and spiritually. What a blessing!

# 12 - The freedom of a happy life instead of the bondage of an obsession – the core of our 12 step programs are abstinence and there is no doubt in my mind anymore that no matter how long I have clean and sober – if I were to drink or drug again – the bondage would pick up right where I left off and get much worse. I tried that little experiment too many times to test the theory again. I also know that my sobriety is contingent on my spiritual condition – and god has made this whole new life I am living possible – because I rely on his power, his will, and co-operate with him every single day. I begin my day in prayer and end my day in prayer – and that is what guarantees me FREEDOM ! – TO HAVE THE FREEDOM OF CHOICE BACK IN MY LIFE IS THE MOST PRECIOUS CHOICE I HAVE – I AM NOT ABOUT TO LET A DRINK OR DRUG TAKE THAT FROM ME = EVER AGAIN. just for today – I choose NOT to drink or use.

thanks to all of you who have read this far….I hope something I have said – touched some of you and at least one of you….because that is how we do it – we help each other through it – and I want you to know – that if you haven’t experienced some of these rewards – please stick with the process of recovery – IT WORKS IF YOU WORK AT IT. :29:

Today I really and truly believe that life loves me and I am loving my life. :12:

Your life is only going according to God's plan - if you are.

LIGHT AND LOVE AND GOD BLESS………………..

GAIL

remember the story of the butterfly - that is what the 12 rewards are like - we have to go through every bit of the stuggle out of the cocoon to build our wings - and emerge a beautiful Child of God and fly.
http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j224/gail_ve/FLYINGBUTERFLIES-1.gif