sylvie
11-26-2007, 05:35 PM
...well, not entirely. I did go to meetings a few years ago in my mid 20's but stopped. I used to drink heavily before I became pregnant, at which time I stopped as soon as I found out. Since my child was born a few years ago, I definately didn't drink as much. But lately, I've started to binge drink and its been awful. I've become that person I've hated at these times, and I drink way too much. Just recently I got drunk, severley drunk at realitive's memorial service and started fighting with my brother. How disrespectful is that!!!?? I'm so ashamed. I can't believe that was me and I know that I'm not like that, authentically. It's that belief that I am a good person deep down that is keeping me going right now, because I sure don't feel like it now. I am so ready to give up drinking, but I know I can't do it by myself. Obviously, I can't. Because I've tried. I hope my family forgives me.
I do use booze as a form of "self-medication" although it is a medication that doesn't work. I feel that the rest of me has moved on from this place, but there is a frightened part of me that still falls back on booze in hard times and I don't want to go there ever again.
Anyway, thanks folks for being here on this website. I've gained support and wisdom from you guys after even only a couple of brief visits.
I do use booze as a form of "self-medication" although it is a medication that doesn't work. I feel that the rest of me has moved on from this place, but there is a frightened part of me that still falls back on booze in hard times and I don't want to go there ever again.
Anyway, thanks folks for being here on this website. I've gained support and wisdom from you guys after even only a couple of brief visits.