developing faith in God?

[cal2955]

:confused:I have been sober now for 23 months, worked the steps as best I
can,stay well embeded in AA but I think like a cronic agnostic.
I know that I must develop a faith in God or fear will dictate my
life, and I will drink agin.
does anyone know what I am talking about?
thank you .
cal2955
( Andy L.)

[kaistevens]

I'm Kai, I'm an alcoholic/addict.

Have no fear..."we discovered we did not have to consider another's conception of God." That made all the difference in the world to me. My father was a pastor and we were in church 'every time the doors were open'. My father was also very angry and abusive. So, my perception of God was totally f***ed up! :227:

It was a real obsticle!!:23:

This was what helped me. I was told to make two lists. Who IS God the way I understand him today? Who do I need God to be to keep me sober?

First list was easy:
1. Punishing
2. Judging
3. Intolerant
4. Unforgiving
etc.:evil:

Second list was a little harder. I felt awkward. "What is this, a cartoon God?" But, I decided I couldn't lose by trying. So, I gave it some real thought and this was what I came up with:

If, a Power Greater than me (the word God just had too many negative ideas attatched to it), could love me, in the way I love my children:
1. There is nothing they could ever do to earn my love.
2. There is nothing they could ever do to stop my love.
3. They have my forgiveness before they even ask.
4. I will do anything I can to help the better themselves.
5. I love them all individually, for who they are.
etc.


I fired the old God, and started praying to my Higher Power. I would read it before I prayed and remember that is who I was praying to.

It was awkward at first, and even felt fake, but I was acting my way into right thinking. Over time, my thinking began to change. Today, I have a close and daily contact with the God of my understanding. It was just a matter of changing my thinking.

Hope that helps.

Kai
:146:

[anniemac]

Hi Andy,

I came in to AA as a lifelong devout atheist. Coming to believe in a power greater than myself was a huge struggle for me. I have since then gone through periods of intense faith and connection with my God, and have also gone through times of feeling totally disconnected and doubting that there really is a God. When I slip in to the latter, what I usually subsequently find is that:

1. The "experience" or "connection" I'm looking for is not necessarily what's there. In other words, I still need to let go of my pre-conceived ideas of what conscious contact with God actually is. When I remember that God speaks to me through people, and that I don't get direct emails from God, it helps me shift and see that truly I am connected, I just don't always see it.

2. I am attempting to exert control, usually out of fear. So when something has me in Fear mode, my reaction can be to try to take the wheel instead of letting go; and once I attempt to insert my will inbetween me and God's will, I begin to doubt God exists. It's almost a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Those are two things I need to watch out for because I begin to slip off the beam when those occur.