Am I doing the right thing

[sa2z]

My daug is 28 years old and has been addicted to pain pills and now herion and crack. She has been taking methadone but I believe still using. I have one of her children living with me, the other 2 live with the other grandmother from a different father. I have been paying for her methadone treatment for awhile now and wish she would just get off of it. I found out that she had been using my credit card to pay for her clinic and found out that she is still hanging around with the same drug people from the clinic and using. I decided to no longer pay and to make her do this on her own. I am feeling very guility for this and feel like I am turning my back on her. When she does not get what she wants from me she gets very violent and calls me all sorts of names. I am staying away as it is very hard on her daughter who lives with me. I think she needs to want to help herself first that I was enabling her by paying for her rent, food, etc. With the holidays coming I am feeling very guilty for not being there for her. She is currently in a detox center and when she gets out I can not have her come here and I am afraid for her. I had continued to let her keep the child support for my granddaughter but have filed to stop that now since it is unfair for her to be getting it and her not having my granddaughter. I love my daughter but she can be very violent and I am afraid of her at times. I pray every night for her.

[celticgrey]

I am very glad you chose to write and talk about how you are feeling. Your last sentence is very important to your survival and the ability to let your daughter go through what she needs to go through. I don't know if you have heard of Al Anon family groups, but they are a group of people such as yourself, who love or are close to people who are addicted, and they meet in order to work on their own lives and grow out of the pain and misery they have been experencing. One of the things that I learned was the concept of detaching with love from a person or situation. I can love someone, but I do not have to approve of or support their behavior. When I was deep into my drinking, it was only when I was called upon to be accountable for my behavior that I began to get to the bottom where I was finally able to make some changes in my life. I wish you the very best and keep coming back here to talk also.
:195:

[admin]

:67: ((((sa2z))))! :17: Glad to have you join us. It is difficult to stand by and watch our loved ones abuse themselves in any manner. We want to help but usually are left feeling helpless. Celtic made a great suggestion about Alanon. We also have a forum on the board here for Families and Friends of Alcoholics/Addicts. Check that out when you get a chance. We also have an Alanon meeting in the chatroom here http://www.cyberrecovery.net/forums/chat_mainpage.php . You can check the meeting time for that here http://www.cyberrecovery.net/forums/chatmeet.php . Please feel free to continue to share with us here. We are here for you. I will say a prayer for you and your daughter. :42:

[Humblepie]

Yes.

[Montauktammy]

The hardest thing in the world is to stand by and let God do what God needs to do. That is not to say we don't love them we always love them, but if we are caretaking then are we not hurting them more by not allowing them to hit their bottom? I know at my end of using I had a lot of caretakers family and friends, but it was harder for them to see me all the way and let me go the pain I caused them I know in my heart I can't allow myself to caretaker for another person in recovery, I just got out of 2 relationships because of it and it is hard to let them hit their bottom, but when I was at my end I found that God could and would if He were sought. I would not have looked if I was not at the end of my rope

"After a While"
After a while you learn
The subtle difference
Between holding a hand
And sharing a life.
And you learn that Love does not
mean possession
And company doesn't mean security
And loneliness is universal
And you learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build your hope on today
As the future has a way of falling apart in mid-flight
Because tomorrow's ground can be
Too uncertain for plans
Yet each step taken in a new direction creates a path
Toward the promise of a brighter dawn.
And you learn that even sunshine burns
If you get too much...So you grow your own garden
And you nourish your own soul
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that Love, True Love,
Always has joys and sorrows
Seems ever present, yet is never quite the same
Becoming more than Love and less than Love
So difficult to define.
And you learn that through it all
You really can endure
That you really are strong
That you do have value
And you learn and grow
With every good-bye
You learn.

[CD BUCKBERRY]

:29:Welcome sa2z The hardest thing is to let go of our children,but enabling them is not good either.If she is spending your money without your knowledge that is stealing.She is going to have to stay in detox,go to a residental program,then a long term residental program to learn how to stay clean.But most of all she cannot hang out with old druggie buddies they don't care they will take you down the same path of misery,hell,stealing,and everything else that comes with addiction.I know I was their for 35 years.:29::29: