did i goof?

[neesey]

i have lived in the abilene area for years, and i had been clean for almost 13 years. but when i got back on the drugs about 2 1/2 years ago, everytime i would try to quit, sometimes i would go as long as 2 months, but i had to many friends that made it to easy to get. so i moved, changed playgrounds and playmates. my daughter which is 17 has been having a real hard time with this, she has been in school there all of her life. well today she went to crying again about wanting to go back and i told her she could, but i can't, which really broke her heart. so i told her why, i told her about the drugs. i don't know if i done the right thing or not, i am just so tired of her thinking we are putting her through all this just for the company we work for. i love her so much, but i just can't leave the stuff alone there, way to easy to get. i am determined that the only ppl i meet here and associate with will be the ones i go to church with. i wish there was meetings here. the closest one is 100 miles. i know honesty is the best policy but even for a 17 yr old?

[kaistevens]

I'm Kai, I'm an alcoholic.

My kids were 9, 12, 14 where I started getting sober. I have taken them to meetings whenever they want to go, since the very beginning. They have definately been affected by my use, and they are affected by my sobriety. They are also part of a family with a long history of alcoholism and addiction, so might very well face many of these problems one day themselves.

If they never become alcoholics or addicts, they are already Al-Anons and could really use support from other people who understand what they have been through.

We never really hide things from our kids as well as we think we do, and involving my children in my recovery opens up limitless opportunities for us to talk about just about everything, alcohol, drugs, relationships, sex, everything.

This is a family disease, and really needs a family solution.

[Angelina243]

I think it is a good thing that you openly shared with your daughter about your past. (I'm surprised that she didn't know prior to you telling her.)
My son is alot younger and knew before other family members that I was messed up. I, of course, denied it in the beginning--only to tell him the truth later on. He was hurt twice--not only because of admitting to him I had a problem, but also that I had lied to him about it--partly because I didn't want to hurt him & because I didn't want him to think any less of me.

[neesey]

well she was about 3 when i quit the first time. i quit because i lost custody of them, they had to live with their grandmother for 4 yrs. she has always been scared to death of me getting back on them, that's why i've tried to hide it so hard. but anyway we done a lot of talking yesterday, and she's also hurt that i lied to her, seems to be as big an issuse as the other. she was trying to take the blame for it, thought she should have been there for me more when i lost my parents, but she couldn't. not only did i hide my addiction from her i hid my pain from her.i hope i have got her convinced this is not in any way her fault.i have got to learn to stop shutting myself off from everyone. maybe coming out the open with this will help me stay clean. anyway just wanted to say thanks guys, you all help me alot.

[Aprilskyzz]

I have always been honest with my children. My 16 year old would try to make me feel guilty to get her own way, however, I did not let her get away with it. My oldest has never made me feel like I am a bad mother or person. She actually has been one of my best supports. My littlest daughter who is seven dosen't know that I am an addict because she was the lucky child and never seen me in my addiction. I wanted my children to know so that they would not become addicts themselves. It runs in my family and I would never want them to turn down the wrong path. I love them so much and in fact, my love for them was one of my greatest motivations to stay clean. I feel very lucky that I have them in my life and take me for who I am. I can be there for them because I am not using and they are my pride and joy. I think letting our children know the hard life of addiction is the right way to go so that they have knowledge and therefore, learned from MOMMY. The one good thing is that no matter what I did, they know how much I love them. I would go sick before not getting them their needs. They came first and foremost. That is something that I did do right even in my addiction days of using. Worked for me but unfortunately not for all. I am one lucky mom.
April

[kaistevens]

I try to stay 'gut level' honest with my children and my husband. There are some things, obviously, that are not my children's business, and I let them know that too.

My husband and I, he is in recovery too, are still learning how to communicate healthily. We have both experienced the disappointment when we find that the other is hiding their pain or struggle from one another. That's been more challenging for me than 'coming clean' with my kids.

I still want to 'not bother' him with my fears and frustrations :sad:, because he is working so hard, many long hours, and stressed about 'everything'. He tries to hide his struggles from me cause of my health problems. :23: He keeps saying, "you have enough to deal with." But I know, that I know, that we have to do things together.

That's that 'WE' part of the program. Not only do I never HAVE to be alone again, but if I hope to recover, I HAVE to learn to ask my recovery family for help and not try to bare my burdens alone.
:42::285::62::60:


That is an old idea that almost killed me.:23: :5: :183:

The principles of this program are great, they are freeing, they allow me to see the beauty in my life, but I have to be dilligent, and remember, that it is these principles that have and still are saving my life, and I need to embrace them 'with the desparation of a drowning man'. This program is neat, and cool, and fun, it's also my life raft.


:171: :170: :146: :150: :164: