I am learning about making mistakes

[janbear]

I used to feel awful about myself when I made a mistake (and for some time afterward). For example, a mistake in recovery might be forgetting to go to a meeting or take my meds; It might be getting upset out of proportion to a problem. Simply having symptoms felt like a mistake to me.(At times I felt I was the mistake). I felt less than other people for having a psychiatric illness.

Now I treat myself more gently. Dual recovery is teaching me to do that. I work on forgiving myself as soon as I can after making a mistake. I'm learning that everyone, even people I look up to, makes mistakes (including my therapist and sponsor). In fact, making a mistake may be the most common way to learn-it tells me I need to do something different.

From: Today I will Do One Thing

:173:

[kaistevens]

I'm seeing that my trouble forgiving myself is coming from this load that I am carrying from my past. Everybody makes mistakes, but I'm still carrying a 'past due' balance. I've told people that I have used up my right to try to drink responsibly, but I HAVE NOT used up my limit of making mistakes.

In the Big Book, we say that we HAVE to let go of the past. In the BIG Big Book, it says that Jesus washed all that away. So, today, I have to ask myself, have I honestly given myself a zero balance?

Being more gentle with myself seems to be the hardest one to do. I've become more gentle with the other people in my life, so I have to pull away from myself and treat me, like I am one of my loved ones. If 'this person' was my daughter, sister, mother, how would I respond? That seems to be the only thing that works for me today. When dealing with myself, I have to look at myself like I am a treasured loved one.

It's still some slow going, but it is getting better. One day at a time.