JUST CHECKIN IN

[cryingout]

I just wanted to Check in with everyone to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I am greatful for 15 days Clean. I am having WICKED using DREAMS. Anyone Know why that is? They seem so real. Making a lot of meetings but still don't have a sponsor. Feeling through that part. I am grateful for this forum and for all of the support I get here. Today I am getting through a minute at a time. HOLIDAYS ARE HARD!!! I Think about using all of the time. Will this pass? I need some Experience, Strength, and Hope today. God Bless You all.

[admin]

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you also cryingoutloud! Congratulations on 15 days! :29: I have had drinking dreams before. I don't have them much these days. I am always glad to wake up and realize it was just a dream. Yes - it does get better with time. Keep hanging in there and coming back and sharing. Remember one day at a time - just for today - don't drink or drug. :42:

[admin]

Here are a few posts about Using Dreams:
http://www.cyberrecovery.net/forums/showthread.php?t=8710
http://www.cyberrecovery.net/forums/showthread.php?t=2868
http://www.cyberrecovery.net/forums/showthread.php?t=10981

Hope these help. :42:

[BTGOG]

Yes, cryingout, those dreams will get more and more infrequent a day at a time. It's funny, I was the speaker tonight at an A.A. meeting and shared about how the morning I came to after my relapse after nearly 18 years sober, I was praying it was only a dream, but soon realized it wasn't. So, even though the dreams may be a bit scary, thank God that they are not real. Keep coming back!!!

[Mike]

Cryingout,
Thanks for sharing. Yes life will get better. I think that drinking dreams help us to not forget. Yes they can be scary but they can help you stay focused on your recovery.
Mike

[DaveH]

Cryingout,
Congratulations on 15 days!!! I too have experienced the need to take it one minute at a time. My sponsor was what got me through during some of those early days. Picking up a phone and calling him really helped. During leads I use to talk about the time I picked a sponsor. Today I now refer to it as the time God picked my sponsor. I was not smart enough or qualified enough to select the one that I needed. Fortunately today I know One who is so I will be praying that God selects one for you. For me the dreams were a frightening reminder of where I had come from. I had them often during my first year, but then they began to fade. Hang in there my friend, you are not alone.
Blessings,
DaveH

[cryingout]

Thanks DaveH,

I was beginning to think I was losing a little bit more of my mind. Using dreams are normal then huh!! How long will they last? Picking a sponsor scares me. My mind has only allowed me to hear the horror stories surrounding sponsors. SOMEBODY HELP ME!!! I want help but have SEVERE trust issues among others. ANY SUGGESTIONS?

[DaveH]

Cryingout,
Instead of losing my mind, I look back at my drinking/using dreams as part of the process of getting my mind back. It was always a relief when I woke and realized that it was a dream. My using dreams began to fade after a couple of months. I don't remember having any after the first year, though that is just my experience. Others may have been more or less frequent. I am sorry you have only heard horror stories regarding sponsers. My sponsor story has truly been the opposite. Twenty years later he is one of my closest friends. I was advised in the beginning to look for two things. First, make SURE they are the same sex, I have heard of some disasters when it is mixed. Secondly pick someone who has what you want, someone who is working the program. You will know that by seeing them regularly at meetings, making coffee, cleaning up. etc. etc. If you haven't been at meetings long enough to pick one out, ask for a temporary sponsor, you can always change later. I would add a third thing today and that is to pray about it. Please remember that if things start going haywire with a sponser, you are free to get another. Or if the first one you ask says no, that is okay too, your Higher Power may have a better one lined up for you. A Sponsor (and for that matter sponsees) are not suppose to be a banker, a lawyer, or a doctor. We can only tell you how we did not use or drink through working the program. Good luck my friend, stay in touch and let us know how you are doing. Remember that we have all experienced the turmoil you are currently feeling.
Blessings,
DaveH

[sbrawsm]

Hi Crying out.
I like the way you describe the using dreams...they can be "wicked".As the others have mentioned, they do get fewer and farther between as time goes on (clean time, that is). Eventually, you will barely get them.
I would not say they ever go away completely. Even now, I will get one once every six months or so. They are still very realistic. I almost always wake up in a cold sweat because they seem so real, it takes me a few seconds to realize I haven't really relapsed.
A lot of people have opinions of why we get these. I think they are suppressed desires surfacing in our dreams. Now I honestly do not desire my drug of choice these days, but I am sure my subconscious does.
I am still an addict that chooses not to use.
I believe that is the reason we get them so frequently in early recovery.
In early recovery, our minds are still obsessed with thoughts of using (or not using). So when we go to sleep, our subconscious takes over.
I think that's why we still get an occasional dream years later. It's that addict within us working with our subconscious, acting up when our guard is down (while we sleep).
I hope this helps. Congrats on your 15 days! Please remember, it's the first days that ar the hardest. It will get better.


((( Hugs )))

[sbrawsm]

Thanks DaveH,

I was beginning to think I was losing a little bit more of my mind. Using dreams are normal then huh!! How long will they last? Picking a sponsor scares me. My mind has only allowed me to hear the horror stories surrounding sponsors. SOMEBODY HELP ME!!! I want help but have SEVERE trust issues among others. ANY SUGGESTIONS?


Actually, my case isn't typical but my present sponsor chose me. She asked me if I had a sponsor. When I said, "no" she said, "yes you do. I'm it!"
lol!

Please try not to stress on the sponsor too much. I have my personal share of horror stories so I'll spare you.
Please have faith. You will know when you meet the right person.
For now, you can ask someone to be your temporary sponsor.

You're doing great!:85: