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12-27-2007, 06:02 PM
Wisdom for Today
“At some of these we balked.” This line in the AA Big Book certainly described my feelings about doing a Fifth Step. I was like many addicts and alcoholics; I just wanted to find an easier, softer way. I mean after all, God already knew everything I had done wrong. Why did I have to talk to another human being about all the “yuk” in my Fourth Step? I was reluctant to discuss my shortcomings with someone else. I figured that as long as I was clean and sober and pointed my life in a new direction, I really didn’t have to talk with anyone else.
But when I got honest with myself about the reason why I was balking about completing this step, it became clearer to me why I indeed needed to follow through. The reality was that I was guilt-ridden, ashamed and afraid. I was depressed. I knew these feelings would not go away on their own. I also knew enough about the program to know that I probably wasn’t the first addict or alcoholic to feel this way. I needed to trust that this step was a part of the process for a reason. I needed to trust that somehow this step would help me. I began to realize my need for others and that I would never get out of the isolation without carrying out this step, nor would I ever be able forever to hide the secrets. I knew the burdens I felt would never be lifted without completing this step. Do I trust the program works to relieve burdens?
Meditations for the Heart
Life certainly has its ups and downs; sometimes it can even spin around. I have learned the only healthy way to deal with this is to stay calm in the storm. Not something I was particularly good at when I was drinking and using! But the spiritual aspects and principles of the program can teach you to find this inner calm. I find that I can find that inner calm best when I spend time, even a few minutes, in quiet communion with my Higher Power. When I walk through the storms of life with this inner calm, I find I can get more accomplished. I find that worry does not enter into the picture. I find it easier to “stay in today.” I am no good to others or myself when I get agitated, stressed out, angry or overwhelmed. I need to seek this inner calm in all that I do. Do I seek an inner calmness and things that are true and good for me?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
I know that I need to bring my burdens to You. Help me to be free to share these burdens with others also, so that I do not have to shoulder the load by myself. Teach me to seek after an inner calmness and to be true and good in all that I do this day. Give me courage to weather the storms of life, and help me to know that the sunny days of life do follow.
Amen.