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06-19-2006, 07:52 AM
flickchic - Mon 27 Mar, 2006 6:19 pm
Post subject: turning despair into love
I am so grateful that in my recovery I am beginning to use my new tools with my children and share more healthy life lessons with them.
My 8 yr. old son Lachlan and 7yr. old daughter Charlie bought new Tamagotchis with their f/nightly pocket money last Friday and Lachlan in particular loves his. Well his has been dropped a few times already and has some scratches on it. It was upsetting for him the first time and by yesterday morning (after being dropped yet again) he was in despair..."it's only 3 days old mum and it looks old", I tried to reassure him each time that as much as it was upsetting it was ok, it's wasn't too bad...(well I guess to him it was...fair point), anyway I suggested that it looked like a well loved toy...that sort of sat ok, last night on the phone I asked him to take care of it extra special cause it needed extra love. He asked me why and I told him "well you know how you think of it as a little creature/friend that you have to care for and love, well it's been hurt and now it needs extra special loving and care to keep it happy", I asked that he do that for me cause "I think it needs it", I could hear a smile over the phone as he agreed that that was a good idea. I also shared with him that we cannot undo what has been done, we just have to do our best from now on and try and make things better, i.e. by being a little more careful with it so's it doesn't get hurt anymore! And that seemed to work for him to, Terrific!!!!! We had another chat about fear of the unknown....he begins guitar lessons at school this morning and I know he's nervous about it...he's projecting it with a fear of "what if I don't like it?", well I told him how most often things we fear never happen the way we think they might and he would feel better and more comfortable if he started to think of it as a new adventure, something to be looking forward to, if it doesn't work out, not to worry we'll find something else for him to do. He's quite a sensitive little person and a bit of a stress monkey (as I call it). I also told him that if he did enjoy it and wanted to continue he'd have much help with it as my M plays very well, as does his older brother and his dad, and Lachlan's dad has friends who play...M's daughter is learning and I know a little, I also am good on the ear with musical notes and am able to read music (I used to play the clarinet..violin is in my sights now LOL), anyway with much positive encouragement I think I managed to help him destress and see the positives!!! The three youger children were exposed to much domestic violence towards myself and Lachlan's self esteem has suffered as a result of that, so there is another very very positive reason for me being in recovery having had very low self esteem myself, I have been unable to provide the healthy growing tools for my children, now as I am revcovering I can share, encourage and hopefully guide them to becoming emotionally healthy people also.
Deffinitely very grateful to be here. pray clap
Sometimes I'm a little slow on the uptake I tell you, something else that happened over the w/end, the kids have two adult guinea pigs and five youngsters,that visit when the kids do. Well the "animal kingdom pecking order" is happening with the eldest male child becoming very dominant and trying to establish his position by being a bit too nasty with his brother.....before going away to work we had quite a few more pets (besides the fish and frogs now), ducks, chooks, lambs, 2 dogs and a galah, well bit by bit we gave them all away as it seemed very unfair to have people just feeding and excerising them daily but not being able to give them the attention they were used to by us being here daily. I have been missing having the pets all this time I've been home, someone to talk to...particularly the galah, they're like dogs, birds, they favour one person in particular and I and the galah Pip where great mates.....anyway (long winded here) I shared this with g/f's dtr. y/day and she said her dad has a rainbow laurakeet that needs a new home and then it also dawned on me this a.m.(thankyou God) that I could "borrow" the guinea pig, "Patricks" and keep him away from the others for a while!!!!! Yeha!!!....I soooo love animals and they seem to know it too, guess they "feel" what I give to them so lovingly....
Anyway after all that, working the programme is beginning to show some pretty good results around here and I thank all of you for being a part of that!!! hug bunnydance
I spoke with me eldest son re him seeing my other counsellor (with regards to his dad's alcoholism) also over the w/end and he seemed to think the idea wasn't so bad, is having a think about it, which is a good beginning., clap
bluidkiti - Thu 30 Mar, 2006 6:11 pm
Post subject: Great share ((((felicity)))). I do the same - share with my kids the tools I have been given in recovery. Passing it on.
Post subject: turning despair into love
I am so grateful that in my recovery I am beginning to use my new tools with my children and share more healthy life lessons with them.
My 8 yr. old son Lachlan and 7yr. old daughter Charlie bought new Tamagotchis with their f/nightly pocket money last Friday and Lachlan in particular loves his. Well his has been dropped a few times already and has some scratches on it. It was upsetting for him the first time and by yesterday morning (after being dropped yet again) he was in despair..."it's only 3 days old mum and it looks old", I tried to reassure him each time that as much as it was upsetting it was ok, it's wasn't too bad...(well I guess to him it was...fair point), anyway I suggested that it looked like a well loved toy...that sort of sat ok, last night on the phone I asked him to take care of it extra special cause it needed extra love. He asked me why and I told him "well you know how you think of it as a little creature/friend that you have to care for and love, well it's been hurt and now it needs extra special loving and care to keep it happy", I asked that he do that for me cause "I think it needs it", I could hear a smile over the phone as he agreed that that was a good idea. I also shared with him that we cannot undo what has been done, we just have to do our best from now on and try and make things better, i.e. by being a little more careful with it so's it doesn't get hurt anymore! And that seemed to work for him to, Terrific!!!!! We had another chat about fear of the unknown....he begins guitar lessons at school this morning and I know he's nervous about it...he's projecting it with a fear of "what if I don't like it?", well I told him how most often things we fear never happen the way we think they might and he would feel better and more comfortable if he started to think of it as a new adventure, something to be looking forward to, if it doesn't work out, not to worry we'll find something else for him to do. He's quite a sensitive little person and a bit of a stress monkey (as I call it). I also told him that if he did enjoy it and wanted to continue he'd have much help with it as my M plays very well, as does his older brother and his dad, and Lachlan's dad has friends who play...M's daughter is learning and I know a little, I also am good on the ear with musical notes and am able to read music (I used to play the clarinet..violin is in my sights now LOL), anyway with much positive encouragement I think I managed to help him destress and see the positives!!! The three youger children were exposed to much domestic violence towards myself and Lachlan's self esteem has suffered as a result of that, so there is another very very positive reason for me being in recovery having had very low self esteem myself, I have been unable to provide the healthy growing tools for my children, now as I am revcovering I can share, encourage and hopefully guide them to becoming emotionally healthy people also.
Deffinitely very grateful to be here. pray clap
Sometimes I'm a little slow on the uptake I tell you, something else that happened over the w/end, the kids have two adult guinea pigs and five youngsters,that visit when the kids do. Well the "animal kingdom pecking order" is happening with the eldest male child becoming very dominant and trying to establish his position by being a bit too nasty with his brother.....before going away to work we had quite a few more pets (besides the fish and frogs now), ducks, chooks, lambs, 2 dogs and a galah, well bit by bit we gave them all away as it seemed very unfair to have people just feeding and excerising them daily but not being able to give them the attention they were used to by us being here daily. I have been missing having the pets all this time I've been home, someone to talk to...particularly the galah, they're like dogs, birds, they favour one person in particular and I and the galah Pip where great mates.....anyway (long winded here) I shared this with g/f's dtr. y/day and she said her dad has a rainbow laurakeet that needs a new home and then it also dawned on me this a.m.(thankyou God) that I could "borrow" the guinea pig, "Patricks" and keep him away from the others for a while!!!!! Yeha!!!....I soooo love animals and they seem to know it too, guess they "feel" what I give to them so lovingly....
Anyway after all that, working the programme is beginning to show some pretty good results around here and I thank all of you for being a part of that!!! hug bunnydance
I spoke with me eldest son re him seeing my other counsellor (with regards to his dad's alcoholism) also over the w/end and he seemed to think the idea wasn't so bad, is having a think about it, which is a good beginning., clap
bluidkiti - Thu 30 Mar, 2006 6:11 pm
Post subject: Great share ((((felicity)))). I do the same - share with my kids the tools I have been given in recovery. Passing it on.