admin
06-19-2006, 07:59 AM
<b>Cassie</b> - Fri 21 Apr, 2006 6:36 am<br>
<b>Post subject: </b>How do you . . . . . .<hr class="sep" width="95%">
ask for help from others when you need it?
<br>
<br>
Jan and I have been talking about how we struggle with asking for help in our recovery. At times, I have problems realizing exactly what I need and often don't ask until I know. Jan usually knows when she needs help, but it is difficult for her to ask. So we were wondering if you could tell us how you handle any struggles with this issue. <img src="images/smiles/46.gif" alt="smile" border="0"> <img src="images/smiles/45.gif" alt="hug" border="0"> <img src="images/smiles/20.gif" alt="smile" border="0"> <hr>
<b>flickchic</b> - Fri 21 Apr, 2006 5:03 pm<br>
<b>Post subject: </b><hr class="sep" width="95%">
(((((((((((((Cassie and Jan))))))))))),
<br>
<br>
Hi, I have learnt to reach out to my counsellor a lot, I find it easier to ask/discuss stuff with her first then if I still feel a need for help to be asked of others I find it a lot easier to actually go ahead and ask. I also have found asking questions in here a lot easier as i don't feel threatened, Cassie when I haven't known what it was I've needed to ask but stuff is there I nearly always find sharing and reading in here brings stuff up for me and often answers come about to something I wasn't always aware of was the actual pinpoint of my problem anyway. My Soul Parent is also one to whom I direct questions to Jan, again because I feel no threats there, and I guess that's where difficulties can arise in asking for help because there is may be fears of exposure, vulnerability, in reaching out and asking for help, I guess it's a practice thing too, I used to find it a lot harder because of my pride also, to ask for help was like identifying that I wasn't perfect and capable of doing things for myself and hey, being the perfect person that I was I couldn't have anyone thinking otherwise now could I? LOL!!! Don't know if this helps either of you any, food for thought though perhaps...
<br>
<br>
I hope you are both really enjoying your time together, must be great to be able to share in person!!!! Such a blessing for you both!
<br>
<br>
Take care and love and friendship to you, <hr>
<b>flickchic</b> - Fri 21 Apr, 2006 5:58 pm<br>
<b>Post subject: </b><hr class="sep" width="95%">
Hiya again,
<br>
<br>
see how well my family here works for me, through God; I'd like to ask a question.....I was sat here asking God what his will for me today was and asking forgiveness for being less than graceful with my children last night...I was a little impatient and felt my space was overly invaded....I have a problem that I'm aware of but...have never asked for help with..every time I have a visit with my counsellor (and always after any therapy, group or otherwise in the past) I can feel really good for some time, often hours after wards and then bammo I end up in a crank....I spoke with M about it last night as I've been aware of it for ages...even to the point of trying to fit my sessions in around his not being at home so that he doesn't wear it...well I didn't think y/day through, I haven't seen her for two weeks and wanted to catch up particularly re my grief with brother and his bubby....well I had a nap y/day arvo and woke up less than gracious, my patience was limited and I felt very space invaded by the three littlies....I did after about 10mins tell them that I was going to sit and have a coffee and smoke alone cause I didn't awake well, which I did go and do and I did apologise to them later on, before bed, telling them that I just hadn't been in a good mood, that adults can have bad times too, they were ok with that but...it still doesn't take away my behavior....Please do you have any ideas on how I can better deal with this behavior when it happens and I have to be around people?...it's ok when there's no one around of course cause I have to put up with me alone!!! Also do you have any ideas on why this happens?, I shared with M that even if the session goes well and it's not one of tears it still always happens, sometimes not till the next day, generally about 5-6 hours later though..well I guess there's a starting point, being aware of it happening.... i question if it's because of the depth of emotions expressed and shared be they good or bad....is it perhaps because it exhausts the system somewhat? any input would be greatly appreciated...t.y
<br>
<br>
Sorry to post this in your space.... <img src="images/smiles/45.gif" alt="hug" border="0"> it felt like an appropriate place to put it and it came about because of your question.... <img src="images/smiles/1.gif" alt="ok" border="0"> <hr>
<b>Cassie</b> - Fri 21 Apr, 2006 7:34 pm<br>
<b>Post subject: </b><hr class="sep" width="95%">
Hello Felicity
<br>
I sent you a pm and will be back on the board tomorrow.
<br>
<br>
Love
<br>
<br>
Cassie <hr>
<b>flickchic</b> - Fri 21 Apr, 2006 8:27 pm<br>
<b>Post subject: </b><hr class="sep" width="95%">
Thank's Cassie,
<br>
<br>
take care and enjoy yourself with your sister there!!!!!!
<br>
<br>
Hiya Jan!!
<br>
<br>
love and light <hr>
<b>Cassie</b> - Sun 23 Apr, 2006 9:25 am<br>
<b>Post subject: </b><hr class="sep" width="95%">
Felicity
<br>
I apologize for not writing this sooner. I tried to answer it right away after you asked but was too brain frazzled. Too much stimulation for the limited brain cells I still have.
<br>
<br>
When I am short of temper and irritable, I also do things or say things I regret later. I try to think ahead but emotion can take over so quickly, I have "run on" mouth before I can blink an eye. So when that happens and I settle down, I admit my mistake and ask for forgiveness, first from God and then the person I have injured. I try to look to find the character defect I know is there - someone told me once that when I point a finger at someone (with a closed fist, of course), I still have 3 fingers pointed in my own direction. Usually what made me so crazy in the first place is something I cannot change, need to give to God and forget about it.
<br>
<br>
My mom used to tell me that if she got to the point of an outburst, she would NEVER apologize because she meant every word of it at the time - it was the truth and she would never apologize for the truth. Being right was more important than understanding or being understood. Needless to say, I modeled after her and that behavior caused me a lot of guilt. God humbled me in His way.
<br>
<br>
We don't always have enough time for the spirituality of this program - when I do, I take it in large doses. Spiritual music (both praise songs or classical - Pachabel (sp) is my favorite classical - and Vineyard music is wonderful.) helps me, as does reading the recovery material of Hazeldon and several other sources.
<br>
<br>
I hope I have answered your quesion. If you want to PM me or chat, I would enjoy that very much.
<br>
<br>
Your friend in recovery <hr>
<b>flickchic</b> - Sun 23 Apr, 2006 9:35 am<br>
<b>Post subject: </b><hr class="sep" width="95%">
Hi ((((((((((((((Cassie))))))))))), and thank's for answering me, hey no problems, I did understand where you were at when you shared, that's fine!!! I will pm you thank's.
<b>Post subject: </b>How do you . . . . . .<hr class="sep" width="95%">
ask for help from others when you need it?
<br>
<br>
Jan and I have been talking about how we struggle with asking for help in our recovery. At times, I have problems realizing exactly what I need and often don't ask until I know. Jan usually knows when she needs help, but it is difficult for her to ask. So we were wondering if you could tell us how you handle any struggles with this issue. <img src="images/smiles/46.gif" alt="smile" border="0"> <img src="images/smiles/45.gif" alt="hug" border="0"> <img src="images/smiles/20.gif" alt="smile" border="0"> <hr>
<b>flickchic</b> - Fri 21 Apr, 2006 5:03 pm<br>
<b>Post subject: </b><hr class="sep" width="95%">
(((((((((((((Cassie and Jan))))))))))),
<br>
<br>
Hi, I have learnt to reach out to my counsellor a lot, I find it easier to ask/discuss stuff with her first then if I still feel a need for help to be asked of others I find it a lot easier to actually go ahead and ask. I also have found asking questions in here a lot easier as i don't feel threatened, Cassie when I haven't known what it was I've needed to ask but stuff is there I nearly always find sharing and reading in here brings stuff up for me and often answers come about to something I wasn't always aware of was the actual pinpoint of my problem anyway. My Soul Parent is also one to whom I direct questions to Jan, again because I feel no threats there, and I guess that's where difficulties can arise in asking for help because there is may be fears of exposure, vulnerability, in reaching out and asking for help, I guess it's a practice thing too, I used to find it a lot harder because of my pride also, to ask for help was like identifying that I wasn't perfect and capable of doing things for myself and hey, being the perfect person that I was I couldn't have anyone thinking otherwise now could I? LOL!!! Don't know if this helps either of you any, food for thought though perhaps...
<br>
<br>
I hope you are both really enjoying your time together, must be great to be able to share in person!!!! Such a blessing for you both!
<br>
<br>
Take care and love and friendship to you, <hr>
<b>flickchic</b> - Fri 21 Apr, 2006 5:58 pm<br>
<b>Post subject: </b><hr class="sep" width="95%">
Hiya again,
<br>
<br>
see how well my family here works for me, through God; I'd like to ask a question.....I was sat here asking God what his will for me today was and asking forgiveness for being less than graceful with my children last night...I was a little impatient and felt my space was overly invaded....I have a problem that I'm aware of but...have never asked for help with..every time I have a visit with my counsellor (and always after any therapy, group or otherwise in the past) I can feel really good for some time, often hours after wards and then bammo I end up in a crank....I spoke with M about it last night as I've been aware of it for ages...even to the point of trying to fit my sessions in around his not being at home so that he doesn't wear it...well I didn't think y/day through, I haven't seen her for two weeks and wanted to catch up particularly re my grief with brother and his bubby....well I had a nap y/day arvo and woke up less than gracious, my patience was limited and I felt very space invaded by the three littlies....I did after about 10mins tell them that I was going to sit and have a coffee and smoke alone cause I didn't awake well, which I did go and do and I did apologise to them later on, before bed, telling them that I just hadn't been in a good mood, that adults can have bad times too, they were ok with that but...it still doesn't take away my behavior....Please do you have any ideas on how I can better deal with this behavior when it happens and I have to be around people?...it's ok when there's no one around of course cause I have to put up with me alone!!! Also do you have any ideas on why this happens?, I shared with M that even if the session goes well and it's not one of tears it still always happens, sometimes not till the next day, generally about 5-6 hours later though..well I guess there's a starting point, being aware of it happening.... i question if it's because of the depth of emotions expressed and shared be they good or bad....is it perhaps because it exhausts the system somewhat? any input would be greatly appreciated...t.y
<br>
<br>
Sorry to post this in your space.... <img src="images/smiles/45.gif" alt="hug" border="0"> it felt like an appropriate place to put it and it came about because of your question.... <img src="images/smiles/1.gif" alt="ok" border="0"> <hr>
<b>Cassie</b> - Fri 21 Apr, 2006 7:34 pm<br>
<b>Post subject: </b><hr class="sep" width="95%">
Hello Felicity
<br>
I sent you a pm and will be back on the board tomorrow.
<br>
<br>
Love
<br>
<br>
Cassie <hr>
<b>flickchic</b> - Fri 21 Apr, 2006 8:27 pm<br>
<b>Post subject: </b><hr class="sep" width="95%">
Thank's Cassie,
<br>
<br>
take care and enjoy yourself with your sister there!!!!!!
<br>
<br>
Hiya Jan!!
<br>
<br>
love and light <hr>
<b>Cassie</b> - Sun 23 Apr, 2006 9:25 am<br>
<b>Post subject: </b><hr class="sep" width="95%">
Felicity
<br>
I apologize for not writing this sooner. I tried to answer it right away after you asked but was too brain frazzled. Too much stimulation for the limited brain cells I still have.
<br>
<br>
When I am short of temper and irritable, I also do things or say things I regret later. I try to think ahead but emotion can take over so quickly, I have "run on" mouth before I can blink an eye. So when that happens and I settle down, I admit my mistake and ask for forgiveness, first from God and then the person I have injured. I try to look to find the character defect I know is there - someone told me once that when I point a finger at someone (with a closed fist, of course), I still have 3 fingers pointed in my own direction. Usually what made me so crazy in the first place is something I cannot change, need to give to God and forget about it.
<br>
<br>
My mom used to tell me that if she got to the point of an outburst, she would NEVER apologize because she meant every word of it at the time - it was the truth and she would never apologize for the truth. Being right was more important than understanding or being understood. Needless to say, I modeled after her and that behavior caused me a lot of guilt. God humbled me in His way.
<br>
<br>
We don't always have enough time for the spirituality of this program - when I do, I take it in large doses. Spiritual music (both praise songs or classical - Pachabel (sp) is my favorite classical - and Vineyard music is wonderful.) helps me, as does reading the recovery material of Hazeldon and several other sources.
<br>
<br>
I hope I have answered your quesion. If you want to PM me or chat, I would enjoy that very much.
<br>
<br>
Your friend in recovery <hr>
<b>flickchic</b> - Sun 23 Apr, 2006 9:35 am<br>
<b>Post subject: </b><hr class="sep" width="95%">
Hi ((((((((((((((Cassie))))))))))), and thank's for answering me, hey no problems, I did understand where you were at when you shared, that's fine!!! I will pm you thank's.