Allentown history contin...

[dalin]

Tape Two
Allentown Addathon 1990
Fawn- speaker

(un- clear beginning) NA World Services work right away and I resigned in ’82, after a series of things happened I just decided I didn’t want to be apart of it anymore. So I not only resigned from service but I moved out of California ( laughter) and I came out East and I’ve been very happy and stayed clean ever since. So I really am not, I have not stayed active with World Service since 1982. I hear stories, and I hear things and it has changed so much that it is overwhelming at times to get a clear understanding of what is going on anymore. It would be nice to see it all come together and make sense again. What I have done, or what I did a few months ago was I put together, as best I could a history of NA from Jimmy’s notes and tapes. I was a very good friend of Jimmy’s, I also spoke with his wife, a few of his other friends, and I put together a history. It is not complete but I think I would like to share it with you because I think it might give you a picture of what NA use to be like and you will see for yourself how much it is grown and how far we have come.

You know about a month ago I was asked to go up to Massachusetts to give a NA History, a big NA History function they had and it was really pretty funny. My girlfriend and I flew up there, the flight was about 45 minutes, and we drove around in this addict’s car for about three and a half hours. He was trying to track down his ex-wife and his kids and at one point, we had three addicts in a car, three children and two cats, it was really wild. Because that night in a room about this big it was a history workshop on the region, the area up there and then the history of NA. I was the last, I had all of this wonderful information, I had all of these archival knick-knacks you know, and I invited people to come and look at them. The only question anybody has was “Who gets the credit for the first meeting in their area”? During the dance what happened was shuffling all my papers together and going back to my seat I dropped one of my, one of my original copies of the first white pamphlet on the floor and I did not know it. So in the middle of the dance, on a crowded dance floor some girl comes up to me and she goes Hey is this yours. So you know it was an experience for me you now but maybe people were not ready to hear it and I don’t think it was just like being in the twilight zone.

It is good to be in a room where the people are familiar with some of the issues anyway. So what I will do is since I was not here in 1953, I mean I was born in 1954. I had to write this down so I want to be a thorough as I can with the information that I have. Betty, Jimmy’s wife you know has invited me to come out and sort through file cabinets and file cabinets of stuff that she has this simmer. I hope to get out there and help her with it but, so you guys want to hear this, then when I get into NA I can sort of adlib it a little bit.

Prior to August of 1953 and before NA as we know it came into existence; there were organizations and groups throughout the United States who were trying to do something for drug addicts. Many of you might have heard about many of these groups. The programs in Louisville, KY and New York City were started by concerned citizens, prison officials, the Salvation Army volunteers, and even the D.A. Some of these groups adopted the 12 Steps of AA and some made variations to the 12 Steps and inserted new language of their own. However, these groups and organizations bare little resemblance to the structure and meaning of the Narcotics Anonymous we have all come to know. During the 50’s in the southern California area groups known as HFD groups, habit-forming drugs were scattered throughout and there was a group that called themselves Addicts Anonymous. However, these groups eventually died out for many reasons. Two of the reasons in particular were that they did not abide by the 12 Traditions that AA were using, or they were considered to be run like a one man show.

The NA in New York City that started up in the 1950 has published a pamphlet for drug addicts entitled “Our Way of Life and introduction to NA”. This pamphlet was printed at the Rikers Island print shop and in this pamphlet; there is an excerpt that reads, “The National Advising Council on Narcotic Inc., a group of civic minded citizens sincerely interested in this problem, function as a Board of Directors for Narcotics Anonymous. The function of the board is to direct, guide and coordinates Narcotics Anonymous Groups. Obviously, this was not the birth of NA, as we know it. If you call the World Service Offices today and ask who Jimmy Kennon was, you will be told he was a nice man who helped NA a lot. But the truth is our history begins with him.

For years he was the first and sometimes the only NA voice many addicts all of the world heard. He could touch people and give them hope like they have never had before. There was something very magical about the way Jimmy carried the message. When people got close to him, their natural inclination was to recover. Jimmy K was three years sober in Al-anon and very involved in what was known, or what is still known as the Radford Clubhouse of AA in Studio City, California. He was on their Board of Directors and was very involved I service work in AA. Jimmy by trade was a roofer and very often did roofing work for the clubhouse. Jimmy and other AA members would go down to skid row to 12 Step the alcoholics. When they were doing work with addicts, however they observed that addicts were not identifying with what they were talking about. Jimmy was quoted as saying that one kid in particular told him, I just cannot buy this stuff, I am not an alcoholic. Others felt the same way, the people Jimmy made friends with were addicts like himself. So many of his friends were dying. Jimmy and his fellow 12 Step callers knew the addict they were trying to help were not making it. He knew there must be a way of adapting the steps to other specific causes. He heard about a guy called Danny Carlson who ran a program, but the program wasn’t the same. They were not anonymous and they admitted they had problems with hard-core drugs. He thought then that there should be meetings for addicts, because addicts were still dying despite AA’s message for recovery. Jimmy learned that AA could not do all things for all people and that most importantly the 12 Traditions had to be adhered to.

A committee was formed in June or July of 1952. Jimmy and four other people met at a member’s house and tossed the idea around. However, the committee eventually died out. In June or July of 1953, a committee formed and met every couple of weeks to try to formulate what they were going to do. There was a commitment to get something going; they decided that they wanted to follow a format like AA because AA was a winner. But it was not working for addicts.

Jimmy was elected chairman of the committee and they immediately vetoed, voted down two things he suggested. One being that the groups not use the AA name and two being to adapt AA Traditions. One of the first things to occur was naturally an argument. An argument over what were going to call ourselves. It was agreed that it would have to specify addiction and not one particular drug. Drugs Anonymous did not sound right cause who wanted a program called DA, yet Narcotics was more understood. We could not call ourselves Addicts Anonymous because that would infringe on the AA name. The committee wanted to call it AA / NA. Jimmy informed the group that they could not call themselves this because it infringed on the AA name. Yet the group decided that, that was what they wanted to be called. Jimmy knew that at least they were off to a good start performing in a group conscience like manner. Doris called AA Headquarters in New York and AA informed them that they could not call themselves AA / NA as it implied affiliation with AA.

Nar-anon was another suggestion but that was something dianetic, a sciencetology thing. Eventually the name Narcotics Anonymous was agreed upon.
On August 17, 1953 the by laws were drawn up outlining what Narcotics Anonymous should be about. The first paragraph of those laws stated 1, This society or movement shall be know as Narcotics Anonymous and the name may be used by any group which follow the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions of Narcotics Anonymous.

The first meeting of Narcotics Anonymous was held at member’s homes. One of the members Scott K. had a meeting at his house on N. Chandler Blvd. in North Hollywood, California. Eventually booklets that were printed up were kept in Scott’s garage in back of his home. Some of you might have seen that floating around; I have a copy up here if you would like to see it. The first established NA Meeting was at a church at the corner of Cleburne St. and Kintara St. in Sun Valley, California. It was held every Monday night and was referred to as the dad’s Club and run by the Salvation Army. A hand made sign with the letters NA was placed outside the church. Jimmy would stand outside by the front door; cars would slowly creep by and then tear down the street. It was obvious that outsiders were not quite sure if the church was staked out. At that time Jimmy approached the police department and informed them that of their intentions to meet. Because back in those days it was a felony to just be an addict. Up until really pretty recently, I know in the 70’s it was still a felony at that time. The police dept. assured Jimmy that there would be no surveillance at any of the NA Meetings.

A small electric stove was purchased to make coffee. Back then, nobody had any money and mugs were schlepped from meeting to meeting because there was no money to buy paper cups. Jimmy and another member would go to the jails and institutions to carry the message of Narcotics Anonymous. Later however that member thought it would be ok to charge people a fee for lecture services. Jimmy said that was unacceptable and could not be done. That member eventually went back to AA. Because NA was, so new many people were struggling for power and saw themselves as leaders.

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The meeting moved to a location on Stagg Street, a lady named Doris was apart of our original committee and Frank and Doris had a machine shop inside of their home. Barbara, Tommy and Paul were also names of members of the original group. Doris typed the formation of the first meeting minutes. The meeting stayed at a church for about six months and then it was moved to a place known as Shyer Dryer in North Hollywood. This was in 1954-55 and 56. The building was originally the North Hollywood Lodge and Sanitarium and the owner Dr. Shyer. AA Meetings had been meeting there since 1951 or 52. Dr. Shyer gave permission for Narcotics Anonymous to hold a meeting there once a week. There was a small parking lot there but only five or six people could fit there comfortably at one time.

There was some conflict with the Traditions at that time and Jimmy did not attend any meetings there. Meetings were held there for quite some time, then Shyers Dryer was to undergo some remodeling and the meeting moved to another sanitarium, I guess those were the only places that wanted us, on Ventura Blvd. in Studio City. When the remodeling was completed at Shyers Dryer, the meetings moved back to that site.

By 1954, there were 12 to 15 people attending the meetings and by 1955, the number went up to 18 to 20. There was always talk of starting up more meetings. Most people went to one NA Meeting a week and then to AA and other therapeutic groups. Society in general did not really believe that addicts could stay drug free.
The word addict was no longer a dirty word anymore and more and more was being done in society to help addicts. 12 Step work was done in groups because people did not want to go alone on a 12 Step call because they thought they were going to use. Recovery was getting a little easier since more addicts were working. So by this time those were the only two NA Meetings in the world. Shyers Dryer and the sanitarium on Ventura Blvd.

In 1958 what was to be known as the mother group started at the Unity Church on Moorpark St. in Studio City, California. The group eventually known as the Architects of Adversity Group, a fifth and tenth step meeting. Another meeting sprung up at Magnolia Blvd. behind a store. There was a small apartment where a member named Bill W., no relation to Wilson lived. Eight members met there for a brief period of time where they would sit around on the bed or on the floor. By 1959 NA had folded, people had either died, gone back out or went back to AA; additionally groups were not abiding to the Traditions.

One night Jimmy Kennon and Sylvia Wexworth were sitting at the kitchen table again and wondering what to do because no one was coming to the meetings. Jimmy and Sylvia were the only two left. In tears, Sylvia said what are we going to do. Jimmy looked at her and said I don’t know what you are going to do but I am going to start over again and this time we are going to start living by the Traditions.

In the beginning of 1960 with about four members, NA started up again. In the mid 60’s a meeting held at a duplex apartment that Jimmy’s brother rented out in Studio City. Regular members of that group were Jimmy, Pepe, Scott, Doris and Danny. In 1961 Penny K. author of “I can’t do anymore time” in our little White Book came into NA and eventually held a meeting in her home in North Hollywood. Jimmy’s home was the first hotline to helping addicts in a small room, which was initially his roofing and painting office. In the mid 60’s Jimmy put together NA’s first pamphlet. An eight-page pamphlet for distribution. Jimmy heard there was an NA Group in New York, this group was contacted but even though they called themselves Narcotics Anonymous, they were into a different sort of thing. Although they had the same name they did not fashion themselves after Narcotics Anonymous. They accepted donations and funds from the government and they openly admitted they were not like us. They informed the group in S.V. that they did not wish to join our club. They wanted to be a separate entity.

The first Board of Trustees was formed in 1968. Chuck S. was the first member of the board after Jimmy held the position since NA’s beginning. The first World Service Office was set at a place called the Crenshaw House in Los Angeles. However, two organizations were now operating under one roof. The work was not getting done. The WSO was then moved to the Suicide Prevention Center, but two programs were getting mixed up and confusion arose. ( laughter) The literature was not getting mailed out and there was theft. There was no consistency. The office then moved above a Bail Bonds office on Van Nuys Blvd. in the San Fernando Valley. In order to work in the office someone would have to run down every half hour and put money in the parking meters. The rent could not be met, and it was at this time that Jimmy K moved the WSO to his home in Sun Valley.

Up to that point the WSO consisted of one tiny box of records, one beat up couch and one filing cabinet, the borrowed desk had to be returned. He answered the phones day and night and took care of the mail. The few people who had volunteered were expected to work, I mean work. Everyone was motivated by him, the office acquired a used typewriter, used file cabinet and other outdated office equipment, like scales, staples etc. Jimmy and his wife Betty would go out to yard sales and go through trash dumpsters for things they could use at the office. Cardboard boxes were collected from behind stores to be used for shipping, paper bags were cut up and used to wrap literature and tapes. The percentage of the working volume at the office were newcomers, and every penny was put back into the office.

Now understanding that our organization started in 1953 it was sad to admit that in 1972 there were still just a few meetings around the world. That is not a lot of growth for any organization. For the first time, though there was some stability and consistency for NA through the WSO. In 1960, Jimmy K wrote, “Who is an Addict”, and in 1960, Jimmy K wrote, “What is an NA Program”. In 1960, Jimmy K. and Sylvia W. wrote, “Why are we here”? The second half of “How it Works” in our NA pamphlet beginning with, this sounds like a big order, was written by Jimmy K. In 1960 Jimmy K wrote “Recovery and Relapse”, and in 1961 Jimmy K wrote “We do Recover”. Jimmy K also wrote “Another Look”, which was also revised by him in 1983. In 1962 Phil P wrote “One third of my Life” and in 1962 Penny K wrote “I can’t do anymore Time”. In 1962, Garrett wrote “Vicious Circle”. In 1962, Bob B wrote “Something Meaningful”. In 1976, Greg P wrote, “I was different”. In 1976, Betty K wrote “Careful Mother”. In 1976, Bill B wrote “Fat addict”. Our prayer my gratitude speaks when I care and when I share the NA Way was written by Jimmy K.

Our symbol was designed by Greg P. and Jimmy K. There is a real touching story behind our NA Symbol. Jimmy K was in the hospital with TB and it was there in his hospital bed that he carved what is our symbol into a piece of leather. It had a gold background and it was carved very deep. It was a circle with a diamond in the center with NA inscribed in the middle. Prior to World Convention NA had what was known as anniversary dinners? A tape is available of the 20th anniversary dinner of NA, where Jimmy K and Jack Whaley who was then the chairman of the Board of Trustees spoke. Back then, everyone went to both fellowships, AA and NA. The significance of this tape however is a revolutionary idea that addicts could recover in NA. And the NA was separate from AA. At the 6th World Convention of NA held at Ventura California, the first World Conference was held. You know that may not be right, I guess it was 1976 so what year was the Ventura. Well something was held in conjunction with the World Convention.

That conference established an Ad- Hoc committee of elected representatives of the fellowship to review and revise the service structure that had been proposed for NA called the NA Tree. The NA Tree was NA’s first service structure, which was devised by Greg. That ad-hoc committee presented the results of their labors to NA’s first independent World Service Conference held Van Nuys California held in the spring of 1978. The conference accepted that work and the many other suggestions that come in and turned all over to the newly established World Service Literature Committee for finalization. The service manual of NA was presented to the conference in the spring of 1979 for approval. I was 30 days clean in 1978 when I first met with Jimmy K. in his home. I was taken back by his strengths and devotion towards NA. I use to always say you may not become a spiritual giant in NA and you may never come out with more than five cents in your pocket, but you will learn how to think for yourself.

If you made a commitment to NA, you would learn how to stand up on your own two feet and think for yourself. Most of all Jimmy loved freedom and if you listen to tapes that he spoke on, he always talked about freedom in such an inspiring way.

As I said earlier, very early on in our history, people were vying for power, but nobody really wanted to work. Even in good old California where it all started, personalities shaped areas and regions. Southern California and Northern California could never agree on anything. The San Fernando Valley and the Bay Area, the Bay Area not being San Francisco but its like a beach community like Santa Monica or Manhattan Beach, all around inside of LA were always squabbling about one thing or another. Clicks would form, people who were still un-recovering, thinking they knew something.

In 1976 at the World Convention in San Francisco, California, a very funny thing happened. World Conventions were always held in California because where else were they going to be held? So every year it was the same thing, you know you would have Northern California getting up to the and back then they determined where the next World Convention was going to be.

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They would all sit in a room on Sunday in the big auditorium and vote by hand where it was going to be. So that is how you would know where it was going to be the next year. So Northern California and Southern California were the only two who would ever have a bid to propose to the convention floor. They would give their fancy smancy proposals. You know the Holiday Inn, filet mignon and all this, and then Southern California would get up with another fancy proposal. So this is the way it would go, then in 1976 out of the blue this young girl from Houston Texas gets up to the mic and says, Well I don’t have a proposal but we really need Y’all in Texas. It was so weird man because you had like, what the chairman decided to do was , oh everyone from Northern California get over here on this side and everyone from Texas stand right in the middle. So there are a lot of members who do not really give a [Censored] you know where it was going to be. But they were moved by this girl from Texas, she had nothing but she thought from her heart you know. But northern and southern California you know God forbid if you take it out of California that’s the end. So the room split up, Northern California was pretty matched 50/50 but there were ore people for Texas down the middle and then what happened next after that was hilarious. They started at one another right, come on what are you doing, we have to stay in California, come on Northern California would say yeah right well you comer over here, you know like they did not want to budge. Even this one dear friend of mine Danny who is this big biker with long hair a Chicano guy. He had a lot of time in the program. He stood up on a table saying Chicanos over here; you know it was like a madhouse. Because of their refusal to budge and come together, because one, some people were screaming lets just keep it in California, if we united we can stay in California. Well because of their refusal to compromise, Houston got it. You should have seen the stunned looks on everybody’s faces, even mine I was like Oh my God. So anyway, it was a good thing though because wherever the World Convention went after that NA tripled. I mean the convention would bring, after the convention were over dozens hundreds of meetings would start up in cities. That is pretty much the way it happens when NA, a World Convention comes to a city. Maybe now I think what happens when a convention goes to a city is that there is a re-commitment or a desire to commit to Narcotics Anonymous. I have seen that happen.

So NA grew, many people called Jimmy a rebel, he never had a problem with saying no, its wrong or we cant do that, it isn’t right. He never believed that any one person or group should run NA. He was not afraid to tell anyone who came along with some good smelling horse**** that, that was what it was. So needless to say, he made some enemies along the way.

While we were all squabbling about our major differences in the area level in the San Fernando Valley, Jimmy reached out to members all over the world. In Canada, Australia, Germany Guam, Great Britain Scotland and Ireland. Jimmy whose son was stationed in Germany provided literature to the Army Bases there through his connection as an officer. He had literature sent to Viet Nam.

One of the most memorable moments when I worked at the World Service Office was the day that we got a letter from New York City from Terry. It was the happiest day because you know as many addicts as there are in New York City, it was one of the last cities to really get it together and happen, and that was in ’81. He made contact in new areas starter kits were sent out from the WSO and he was there for people when they called and hoped to hear about NA as a program. How NA could help them or their area.

Like I said the WSO use to be in his house, a bunch of us would go over there on Tuesday and Thursday nights and those were some of the nicest nights in my recovery. I was very new in recovery but I felt such apart of and it was an atmosphere of love and respect because we were all working for nothing and we were all doing it because it made us feel good. Jimmy had a modest little home, he collected books, and he loved to read. There were knick-knacks everywhere because Jimmy and Betty collected them. He lived across the street from an airfield and despite the noise and pollution; beautiful flowers and birds were always in his yard. I think you are going to be shown a tape tomorrow and you will get an idea of what his house looked like. There was a filing cabinet a used typewriter were in the mudroom, the literature was stored in a backroom, the dooping machine that we used to doop tapes for the NA tape library was kept in the living room. It was really hard getting an NA tape back in those days because everybody was identifying as addict alcoholics, getting sober you know. We were always sort of deleting the word, fixing it up a little because we wanted to get some good tapes out there to groups and areas outside of California that were really struggling to get started. But it was an atmosphere of being at ease and being yourself. It was really growth for me because like I said I was new and I have to be around people who had a lot of time and experience in the program. I just felt, I just felt like I had finally found some purpose and meaning in my life. I could talk until sunrise about this program. He loved to talk and in those days, Jimmy’s door was always open to addicts. It was a safe place to go, you could always hear about recovery in Narcotics Anonymous and you always felt good when you left his house... I knew very early on in my recovery that I would never use again and because I grew to love and appreciate Jimmy Kennon, I grew to love and care about NA. Because I first learned to love it.

One of the times that Jimmy was invited to share at a radio station, a call in program about NA. And typical practicing addict who knew nothing about recovery let alone NA would call in with stupid questions like can you mix green pills with black pills, or what is the most potent kind of pot out there. We were sitting at home going Oh [Censored] man here is a time for NA to be talked about and get some of these addicts out there in . Because it was, a rock and roll radio station so we said hey let one of us call up and pretend were just a dope fiend or something, an addict who wants to know about NA. So Doug called up and he asked, well what is addiction? Jimmy really knew how to talk about addiction. Can you explain what it is he said, and dear Jimmy passing over this opportune time? He simply said, is this you Doug (laughter) you should know better you know. So that was the sort of guy that Jimmy was, he really did not you know, he was not he did not do things to try to impress people. You know he did things the very opposite of that.

In the late 70’s Greg P. and Bo S. began the efforts of what would later be known as NA’s Basic Text. Our Basic Text was written by addicts for addicts. This project took over six years to complete and our book finally became available for the fellowship conference approval in 1982. In 1980 there were whisperings going on about a new and better WSO. At one time, there was a worldwide paper strike and yet the fellowship clamored for their orders. While toilet paper in Japan was going for $10.00, addicts could not understand or conceive of the delays the office was experiencing. With very little funds to automate the office, working in the office was a night and day affair. As I stated before most of the people involved the actual work were newcomers, because the people with time were still going to AA or were busy doing other things. Yes, Jimmy was radical all right, it was the World Service Conference in 1980 that came out with the statement and motion that NA should cease and desist the selling and distributing or reading of AA literature at NA Meetings. So a trustee stood up and said, Oh I hoped it would not come to this. (laughter)

The first foreign translation in Spanish of the NA pamphlet was prepared for distribution by the office and presented to the conference in 1981. The world directory typed by hand on an out dated and often broken typewriter was typed and copied in Jimmy’s house. It was presented at the WSC for distribution to members. Around this time there developed a conflict between the World Service Literature Committee and the WSO over who was going to be in charge of production and distribution of the Basic Text that was in the making.

In the spring of 1981, just prior to the World Service Conference the WSO moved its headquarters to a new office on Vineland Avenue in Sun Valley in hopes of meeting the demands of the officers of the conference and Board of Trustees, to move the office out of Jimmy’s house once and for all. The office was moved to its new location. It was one large room with a storefront. The trucks came to move the furniture and stuff out of Jimmy’s house into our new office. Jimmy was still the manager of the office and was looking forward to working at a location outside of his home. I cannot help but wonder how he might have felt that day. With the bigger office, we all felt so grateful and proud to have acquired such a place to better facilitate the needs of the fellowship. However, the move the office made to its new location primarily to address the concerns of some of the officers of the World Service Conference and the entire Board of Trustees. They did not finally address their real intentions, which were to disband the WSO board, staff and Jimmy K as office manager.

Jimmy K died of lung cancer on July 9, 1985 a little while after he was locked out of the WSO. Upon arriving at work one day the locks had been changed, he went home and wept in Betty’s arms. In all the moments I spent with Jimmy, he never told me what to do. I can remember when the controversy with the office started. I would get so upset and angry I would tear down Vineland Avenue toward Jimmy’s house to get some answers I needed. When I would get there he would sit me down give me some coffee, give me a cookie and I would expect some profound thing, remedy, but he would pull out his poetry book and read me some peaceful poem and it would calm me down and you know I would be ok. I would start to relax, Jimmy was not a director, he was not into control, he was not all-powerful and he was not selfish. But Jimmy was not one to go along just to get along. Jimmy could vote with a blindfold on, standing up for what he believed was right and in NA”s best interest always. He was never an instrument of any one person’s demise or misfortune in NA. He went by principle. I wish I could have had about 10 years when I met him so I could have asked him some real meaty questions about life and how it relates to the program for me today. But I think today he would be proud of me, I have a life and I will always be grateful to him for when I met him at the beginning of my recovery and that is what I have. Thanks. (Applause)

Does anyone have any questions? None?

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Audience: Is that the non controversial things that went on or could we get you to expound a little bit about who did what to whom, when. I mean that was really what I thought maybe when we were here for and people like really poked me for stuff like names and stuff like that. Just tell the story hun. (UN clear speaking)

Fawn: He was not senile by any means. He had an excellent memory. I was often shocked at how he could recall because I use to work with him all the time and we would get letters in from (Poot Butt, South Dakota) or something and I would forget the name and what day it was sent. He would know it just like that, so he had a very keen and sharp mind, he was not senile. Like I said in the thing there was, when the Basic Text was being born I think there might have been visions of what that might bring to NA. Whether it be profits or an explosion of growth and perhaps people wanted to be in on that. Maybe seeing themselves as managers, leaders you know this is what I am trying to imagine you know I do not think that people, I have to believe that people do not intentionally go out to stick it up somebody’s ass. But there was a time in my recovery that I really thought that. But the way it was gone about was disgraceful and dishonest. I sat there through three conferences you know and I felt like a witness to an atrocity. You know what I saw happening with a lot of new people in recovery with a couple of years clean being prompted with the motions to go up to the conference floor and make the motions that would get him out. The fellowship did not want Jimmy out, the Trustees wanted it.

When the book was finally getting ready, see the office had to make sure that how the book was getting distributed was being done in the channels that we had at that time, through the service structure. So it was a lot of confusion, you know the book whoever the people that were involved with the Basic Text it was their baby, just as the office was our baby. You know it was very hard to let go of something. So I guess when it came time to producing and distributing the book or letting go of the book and letting the office do its job they were reluctant. Well one of the things that happened was the printers that we had used forever. We gave them the money to print the Basic Text and they went bankrupt. So that was a real blow and of course, it was some people did not accept that those things happened.

I remember one year at the conference I sat there in a circle with some other committee members, I was speaking on behalf of the WSO, and you know this one chairman said I just want to make sure that when this book comes that people are not living up in Beverly Hills and driving Mercedes. You know and he was implying that the WSO with the, he was assaulting the character of the people who worked in the office. I remember really being hurt and I just said that is an insult for you to be speaking that way. The thought really never occurred to me that anyone in NA could be like that could think that way. So it became like a battle and maybe it was also a battle between the East Coast and the West Coast or I do not know. I do know that like I said a lot of what I was seeing happening is that very early on in our history there were powerful personalities, maybe they were snubbed, maybe there was a fight and they carried resentment. Later on though people would sponsor people and you know how that goes, hey you know you are my sponsee and that person is a mother****er and watch out for that asshole. So these resentments kind of kept growing and so they. I have a story of a member here who wrote it really good; maybe I will read it tomorrow. His version of what he saw happening and how a lot of it is tied into personality’s right out of Southern California. A lot of people who went around talking about Jimmy never met him and in my personal experience, none of the Trustees had the balls to confront the man himself, and say hey here is my beef, can you just get out. Why are you there, but they always used their little stories, their pigeons with two years, one year, 6 months and that was how that worked.

Question: I am an addict named Lawrence. Hi Lawrence. And I appreciate your presentation and your effort. Sort of educators and gives us some information. But I have to say its so and I just have to say that I feel like this is trivializing Jimmy K. Because if we are to get to the bottom of our history I just feel that, you know we need to know exactly what happened you know what happened, who were the people who wanted Jimmy K removed? Look, if we are to put anything together you know as a history book or something like that you know it just seems to me that it would be advantageous for us to have you know why was the power play because obviously there was a power play involved. You know I appreciate your efforts and I do not mean to trivialize your efforts because I really appreciate it. It was informative but you know I just think that this is basically a story of Jimmy K and which is ok but I just think there is a whole lot more there and we are just not getting it. I just feel like half full you know and my other question is when New York approached or bid for the World Convention. Another question I have why was I mean what was actually the reason and the purpose for having the World Convention. I realize there was a purpose at the beginning and I am just wondering why it seems today that we have totally prostituted ourselves in terms of that, putting up flyers, I mean we are endorsing all this kinds of stuff and then we are saying it is all in the name of Narcotics Anonymous. I hope that you can respond on that.

Fawn: While I only have my opinion, I can offer here, but in answer to your second question, there are a lot of member who love conventions and look forward to going on a vacation where there are thousands and thousands of addicts from all over the world. It is exciting to a lot of people, most new people who go to World Conventions will most likely never use again, so I do not know. Some people like them, some people do not. There has always been a great turn out and it is about having fun. It is probably one of the few times when so many addicts can gather together and have fun rather than fighting and assaulting one another at a conference level. In answer to your first question, hey, I cannot distort the truth, history is history. It cannot be modified or changed; it was a very simple history of very early beginnings. Because Jimmy’s name was so slandered, he was treated so disrespectfully and in such an uncaring way. I felt it necessary to give you a truer and more honest picture, which you will probably never hear to people. Because it is so important, you know who carried us for such a long time and who made it possible for us to grow. Jimmy never wanted to take credit for being the big beginner or anything that was not what it was about, but you knows I can read things; I can see what the truth is. I can come up here and look if you want to know who did what there all right here in the minutes. If you want to know who the entire Board of Trustees was looking in the 1979, 1980, 81, and even 82 minutes, the motions are in there. Some girl from I do not know made the motion. Finally, someone had the guts to come flat out and say that we just fire him. It took that long you know I am not about sitting here and giving a bunch of names out when the people are not here. I was hoping I could come here today and see some of those people here, there not here. Because I would like to know, I am curious too. How can you the man who was responsible for ten years what happened? So, I have questions, some of the very people that were responsible for the removal of Jimmy and caused him so much pain walk around and glorify him today, which totally blows me away. Taking credit for loving and what a dear man he was , so that kind of [Censored] disturbs me. I don’t understand that one. I hope the slanders on the tape, well.

Question: I am a grateful recovering addict by name. Two things from what I understand when a nation of people a family a person cannot identify a trauma that is past with any subject to repeat it. This situation that happened with Jimmy K , okay in one respect we can say that the past , what I am concerned about is the people who we have today and the leaders we have today that pick innovators. The people who are producing literature for us now who have NA at heart, what is to prevent the situation from happening t0 them, now or next week or whenever. The second part of my question is, is there a group of people or a panel or a committee of whatever that coordinating the portion about history. Dave’s portion about history and other peoples about the history of NA at this present time. At this particular meeting and coordinating that the adding to the artifacts, to present to a publisher or whatever. To print this history and what is being done to protect the artifacts, the pieces of history and documentation that Jimmy has. That his wife has, Betty K has in case something happens to her. Is there some sort of mechanism to protect that information or to distribute that information to coordinate all this in at least a raw form of the basic history, that we can look at or be printed or what.

Fawn: thanks a lot those are good questions. A few years ago, Lynn A. a dear friend of Betty’s approached Bob Stone at the WSO and said look Betty has tons and tons of archival history. About Narcotics Anonymous that he saved as his personal memorabilia that she is ready to turn over to Narcotics Anonymous under one condition that it not be altered of changed the reason she said was this there was a time in our history where members of the conference wanted to change J’s story which was another look . Jimmy always felt that another look was a part of history and it was not right to revise, delete, change, or fix up anybody’s story. He revised it himself they were pretty, I think back then what they were hung up with was the word self-reliance because they were dirty words in Alcoholics Anonymous. So they could not understand that the man with his over twenty years of recovery found true self-reliance after having worked the steps. As you and I well know the only way that we find true self-reliance, we all were here that long. Having developed a relationship with our Higher Power and through reliance on a higher power we come upon self reliance, but they had to have that spelled out they thought you just can’t say you‘re going to be self reliant. So she offered that was her condition and without any further I will get back to you or anything Bob Stone said. No, sorry but anything that you turn over to WSO becomes our property and we can do anything with it that we choose. So she politely said well **** YOU so that is the story there. I find it very hard to believe WSO, the way it is now would ever in a million years give credit where credit is due. I think NA the way it is now, the story we like to present to the fellowship, is the one we have now the “ PO BUTT ”. Hey in 1953 we all woke up, here was this big fat fellowship for us all, and that is the way it happened. It has to start somewhere and a lot of the people that are still involved with World Service. I don’t know maybe they still have resentments for them. I know at the time the WSO was functioning there are some strong personalities on the staff. There were members of the literature committee that resented members of the WSO staff and hey I was a member of the WSO staff and I resented a lot of the members of the World Service Literature Committee. So there was that going on. Does that answer your question? Ok I forgot the other one ok, I know there have, are some.

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History workshops being done, I know there’s one in Alabama in August and allot of the people involved with the Basic Text, the original Basic text are going to be there and they are trying to start a compiling of this information. People who have the NA archives of information about anything about any history period in NA are being encouraged to come out and participate. Its going to be from what I understand a very big event. And a lot of participation. I know w there are some tapes floating around but you know I don’t know if the WSO would publish something like that. I think it would have to be, because it is such a we organization. You know we put so much emphasis on the we they would have to I would think in going along with that, they would have to cut that part out. That’s the way I see a conference approval, or an office approval , or a board approval, or whoever’s running the boat now would probably do it ( unclear ) not by the WSO and world service conference no ( audience ). Well that is a question that was asked of me at the C&P region and you know, do something go to some of the history workshops, get the things started. I don’t know I mean I don’t know, how things like this get started. Like how we started our Basic text you know an idea was planted and a bunch of people got in on it and it started to happen. You know I don’t see the outcome of it happening anytime soon I think because it is going to take a lot of work.

Question: I am Mike, I am an addict. You know previously I have gotten involved with this service thing. I am kind of frustrated and I heard a lot. In the past few months, I have learned a lot and I do not know a whole lot about Jimmy K. Basically you know I feel like we should be working on today and today’s service, how we can change Narcotics Anonymous today My question would be like what advise would you give the fellowship today on, to help the service structure. How we can get the fellowship back and hold onto it, and to not have all different Basic Texts floating around and have like some kind of service structure. A sturdy one, you know something better that what we have had in the past. There was nothing wrong with what we had in the past. But it is 1990, the fellowship changed for the better, its bigger, most addicts today are clean, there not clean and sober. When I came in I was clean and sober and today I am clean, I have been clean quite awhile. And the people with time, I talk to them you know to some of them it is like the big people up here in World Service. They kind of like put you down, push you away. Some of them like they don’t want to tell you nothing and that are the impression I get. I don’t know if its ego, pride, they want to make money, I don’t know. You know but it kind of hurts because I am getting all this information. I am new in service and some of the issues bother me. Whoever started this fellowship you know I feel for them. I am glad Narcotics Anonymous is here and I don’t have to go nowhere else today. You know and I wish the people up here in WSO would get honest, get real, and stop playing games you know and that is just the way I feel.

Audience: Part of what you said struck off a chord in me because Bo who is going to be here tomorrow has been; he says he has access to everything he needs for the history. He is perfectly capable of writing it. He wrote the story of the Basic Text and his problem has been that he has told many people including the WSO you know I cannot do this and work a job, but I need someone to enable me to get this book done. No one seemed interested, so what he has been doing is slowly by slowly. You know first he got the computer then he got a laser printer and the whole time he is, as I will just. Then he told me that he was going to have to become in a financial sufficient manner to where he would be able to sit down and do it himself if necessary. But it takes time and he needs help and that’s part of why he offered to come here for this workshop, and he is going to Alabama as he feels that if more people become educated about the need for this you know nothing can be done alone. I am very interested in the history for a lot of my own personal reasons and I was speaking to a founder of another program who said that of the leadership is turned over to the fellowship before the fellowship is not mature enough the disease will rip it apart. I see that exactly happening when I look at the years and the short time with which it was taken away from Jimmy for whatever reasons. I called up Greg and asked what could have been done for that control to be kept among you longer and he said it would have been wrong for them to do that, they had to turn it over to do spiritually the right thing. But you know I tend to wonder if there could not have been someway for it to have been left in their control. I mean other than Bob Stone who is not an addict, who bottom line is the dollar you know I mean I’ve been there and his palm id hairy But I am saying during this time I want to know what could have been done to where it could have spiritually been. I want to know what could have possibly been done to spiritually turn that over like they had to do but not to someone like Bob Stone. That is what I would like to know so maybe when Sob Stone is out we do not get another one worse.

Fawn: I spoke with Stu Tordman a couple of weeks ago and I asked him about, I had a conversation with him about the recent firing of Bob Stone as the WSO manager at the WSO, and I said who is going to run it now? He said it is going to turn into a World Service Center as opposed to a board and it is going to be run by a, its going to answer more to the conference. It was evidently, this is what he told me ok, and he said that the time had come where it is not that they are displeased with what he was doing but they saw the need that the office had to be accountable to the conference. That it could not be run by an executive director anymore or someone who you know the way it was. The fellowship, what I see happening well you know I do not even know, you know it is like I was raised in NA. The pyramid looked like the member in big letters at the top, you know then the group, then the area and as it got smaller and then the region and at the very bottom the World Service Conference and the WSO, and all the sub committees that branched out. I see the pyramid totally turning around and I think what has happened is we see a system of self-preservation happening. You know who was as far as the history of the Basic Text; I think Bo is very qualified to write about the history of the Basic Text. I do not know about the history of NA. I have read a little bit about that and I don’t agree with especially about the New York stuff. I happen to know that is incorrect that is why I made so much references to the New York. Because as we know it did not start in New York and as far as I am concerned it is one more effort to take away the credit where the credit is due.

So there was something else I wanted to say, I think that, I do not know I don’t go to the conferences anymore. From what I hear, it would totally blow me away. Some of the old timers that someone else was saying earlier that were there early on, yeah they are not involved anymore. People like me because personally I feel like I gave four years of my life to that and I am lucky I got away from it with my recovery, my sanity. It was very disturbing and until there is a totally overhaul of new people I will not attend. You know I was telling somebody the other day, yeah okay let us all go there to the conference, and say Ok everybody can vote. The Board of Trustees, the regional reps., the WSO manager, all these other friggin subcommittees, let them all vote. People who represent absolutely no one, but under one condition that everyone in office right now resign and then see if they would like to have this new idea of theirs go into motion. You know I don’t know it has just gotten so, you know the other day I was sitting in a meeting, just a regular NA Meeting and I saw the Traditions up on the board and you know how sometimes you just start glancing at them. You know it just seems that what is going on is, if you really look at the Traditions in just a flat, just the way they are on paper. It seems like we have just gotten out of hand, it seems to me that we have gotten too organized. It seems to me that our service boards and committees are not directly responsible to us. You know it seems like we are just not following the Traditions. But there is so much fancy language to justify they are being followed that it overwhelms me. Just a simple person to, you know get in there and strategize it with these people. I think one of the reasons that the WSO lost out in ’82 was because we were so busy sending orders out, stapling pamphlets that we didn’t have time to sit around and play ****in strategy. While these assholes sat around in corners talking about OK here is how were going to get the mother****ers out, when this motion passes you do this, and if it does not pass here is the plan of action. That is how it went, I saw it happening and I think that if they don’t get there way here, lets just let some time pass and we will bring it up again. There are so many different ways you know it so professional, it is like the only people who really understand at are those people who are still sitting on these boards and committees for ten or twelve years. You send a regional representative who is in service for one year out there and he is there overwhelmed, all he knows is his group conscience that is all he is carrying. The thousands of people he is representing and you hear all bull**** you don’t know how to think. You don’t want to be left out. So then a vote is called for , it is so easy to forget why you are there and so what do you do? You look around the room and there is Joe Blow Trustee, well he must know what is happening. I will just vote like him. You know so I don’t really think when we talk about fellowship approval at the conference level, I don’t know because the issues we are talking about at home, they are not of anything we are talking about at the conference. So I wonder where is all the group conscience **** they are talking about that is happening at the World coming from. Because I really believe, my personal opinion that if all regional representatives carried just exactly what our regions want and nothing else the conferences would go back to three days long. Because there will be no bull****ting and no more ego playing. You have to remember that a lot of people that are in service, these regional reps. They don’t have a lot of time clean, some of them do and some of them don’t, and not all of them have finished working the Steps. So you know they want to be heard, they want to raise their hand, they want to talk, you know that is normal. I think we all go through that. People tolerate us, maybe that is the feeling your friend there was talking about earlier, how it always seems that they look down to me. I guess after awhile they just get tired of hearing the same questions year after year. My feeling is the system of services should be on a rotating basis. And we should get more to the spirit of volunteerism, and rotations as opposed to preserving the powerful positions that can sway many of us when it comes to money, property and prestige. I know a lot of them go and pray, you know I know a lot of them go home and write inventory and share with the newcomer. But it is real easy to think that you are doing the right thing ands not even realize you are being motivated by perhaps something else. You know hanging on to your big fancy name or your big fancy payroll, your salary I mean or whatever you know.

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Question: I am an addict named Mike. Hi, Mike. I was just wondering what year we started paying our Trusted servants you know to work in the office. What year did that take place? Was our fellowship aware of that, did they have any say in how much salary we would pay them, or was that approved by the WSO itself? And I just have one more... Could you briefly tell me how that affected Narcotics Anonymous?

Fawn: I think it has made a lot of people resentful, you know I mean that is what I am seeing. I think that accountability for every service arm of Narcotics Anonymous is essential. Because we are all addicts and because it is important because we are a fellowship, to know where the money is going and how it is spent. I don’t know who makes what or how much they make. I don’t know if that information is even available to the fellowship is it. I did ask Stu when I talked to him, I said well I hear a lot of people are upset that so many people are flying around the world first class and to countries where NA has not even started, just to set up corporation rights. You know what the hell is going on. He said well Fawn you should know better than that. (laughter) He said that the laws are very different in other countries for example in Germany. When they were translating the literature, Germany has a problem with the word leaders and wanted to change that word, so there is a lot of stuff I guess that justifies you know sending people out to get this. I heard translations are very very costly, although the Spanish translation of our little White Book cost nothing. We had it done by the foreign class, Spanish foreign class at the University of Southern California free when we told them what we wanted.

Question: I Al, I am an addict. You talked about the Basic Text, could you elaborate on the process they used to approve, the first Basic Text. (Answer unclear, mic not at speaker)

Question: Hi, I am addict Carl. A wonderful lady we both share in our lives Betty, she passed along phones numbers to get in contact with you and Doug in her hopes of organizing what she called a calamity for as long as I have known her. Maybe that is something on a personal level we can discuss later. I guess my major question is one of the things that are being hoisted out to the fellowship today in a new service structure and one of their comments transpired in 1979-1980 of the creation of the offices as a separate entity. Being in service from 1978 to 1982 are you privileged to information. What actually occurred from what was available in the Tree that put the office in the hands of the Board of Trustees? And what is now being explained as all of a sudden, it came out of the office into production as a separate entity and nobody noticed. How close is that to the truth? The office became its own separate entity outside the control of the Trustees in 79-80 that was said to have happened in the office.

Fawn: When the WSO staff, good question. When the WSO staff was working at the office at the time, there were a couple of Trustees who were also part of the staff. They stopped coming to work and they were later discovered to be the instigators of a lot of the dissention in terms of like, we got to get him out of there. You know and stuff like that. So the office had elections and voted in a new board, that is what happened. All the people that were voted out of the board were the workers. We decided the people best qualified to be participants at the WSO were the people, I mean to be on the board of the WSO were the people who were doing the **** work. Because everybody else had so many opinions you know you would always get these people coming over with their grandiose ideas and then they would split. You know they did not want to hang around and help with the work.

Question: What was changed in our literature, what changed in how we came into two basic structures? ( ) that was never brought before the conference, it was never discussed.

Fawn: The WSO quite simply, what they presented to the conference, was that the WSO was a separate entity in that the way that they explained it was no, ( ) Right and also because id NA was ever sued, NA the fellowship could not be sued, the WSO would be sued. So that way it protected, it was like the legal part of the fellowship. That is the only reason that was ever stated. It was not like something new that was invented. It was always known that the WSO is not Narcotics Anonymous. You know just like a dance is not, it wasn’t a secret agenda or something to come out with.

Question: Can we get the NA history Book; can we get it printed without anything on the world level? Can we get it privately, like if that was successful could we get something else printed? What kind of plans are being taken to print the history?

Fawn: But there would probably be, would not there be problems with the infringement of the name Narcotics Anonymous. So I mean if you wanted to do it through the structure.

Question: Can I ask you a question what is Narcotics Anonymous then, is not it the group. I mean isn’t the group Narcotics Anonymous? So I mean how could the group infringe on what’s rightfully theirs?

Answer: We have a service structure. If something stinks then the service structure should be changed. As a group of Narcotics Anonymous to change that by a group taking action and following through with it. I mean the group is autonomous and can take action within the group and start initiating those changes and doesn’t have to wait for the conference to go do the ( )

Fawn: Things should go from the fellowship to the conference not the other way around. We should not be being told what is going to happen to us from the conference. We should be directing the conference what we want done. I was very shocked to hear, I was like the last one to know that there was a time in NA when all the World Service Committees were open to the fellowship. You know if you wanted to be on the Literature Committee, anybody could come. Now you have to be polled and voted in if you even want to be on it. I mean I hate the closing off that I see happening. The exclusion stuff that is going on. I know there use to be a time when there were no time requirements, I was 6 months clean and I was the conference secretary conference, I mean it has just gotten so to a point where I think it would turn a lot of people off to even bother tot try to get on some of these committees. Such a hassle and so hard to get your sign up on the list or get your name. I do not know how they do it now but I know it is not the way they use to do it. Because the Basic Text created by the fellowship, I don’t see why that can’t still be happening and I am shocked at this whole thing about the 12 principles of service. I think that’s so horrible, because its not the NA I know. You know really blows me away, I don’t know.