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01-24-2008, 11:03 AM
The Four Absolutes:
Absolute Honesty
Absolute Unselfishness
Absolute Love
Absolute Purity
These principles were adopted by the Oxford Group (for those who
don't know, the Oxford Group is where A.A. got most of it's program
of recovery from)and are taken from Christ's greatest talk
called "The Sermon on the Mount" found in Matthew 5:1 - 7:29. They
are the essence of Jesus' teachings about the Will of God, the ideals
for our life, the moral standards by which our thoughts and actions
may be tested for harmony with God's Will, and the keys to the kind
of spiritual life God wishes us to lead, as outlined by Robert E.
Speer in his book "The Principles of Jesus". They are an intelligent
discipline of simple intention, positive motives, and a way to do the
things that are right just for virtue's sake.
In 1948, Dr. Bob recalled the Absolutes as "the only yardsticks" A.A.
had in the early days, before the official Twelve Steps. He said he
still felt they held good and could be extremely helpful when he
wanted to do the right thing and the answer was not obvious. "Almost
always, if I measure my decision carefully by the yardstick of the
absolutes and it checks up pretty well with those four, then my
answer can't be very far out of the way," he said. The Four Absolutes
are still published in pamphlet form (included below) by the
Cleveland Central Committee of A.A. and are widely quoted at A.A.
meetings in the Akron-Cleveland area. A copy of the pamphlet can be
ordered by calling the A.A. Intergroup at 216-241-7387 (Cleveland) or
330-253-8181 (Akron). Bill Wilson included the absolutes
specifically in Steps 4, 5, 10 & 11 as found in the Big Book. They
are used in their opposite, self-will form (since we need to see
where self-will fails us): Step 10 Step 11 BB pg.67 Absolute BB pg.84
BB pg.86
Absolute Absolute
(Self-will) (God's-Will)
Selfishness unselfishness
Resentful purity
Dishonest honesty
Frightened love
The absolutes were used by the Oxford Group in at least three
specific ways:
1 - As a way to take inventory of our past to see where we
fell short and in what ways, so that we could learn what areas of our
life need to be worked on.
2 - During meditation or while being inspired or guided by
our Inner Voice, as a way to differentiate between "God" thoughts and
human thoughts.
3 - As a standard of living, moment by moment.
A FOUR ABSOLUTES INVENTORY
*****When doing this inventory, look at your thoughts, words
and deeds as if they are being displayed on a screen for all to see.
Then ask yourself, "How would they be generally viewed?"*****
ABSOLUTE HONESTY
The real virtue in honesty lies in the persistent dedicated
striving for it both with ourselves and with others, regulated with
common sense and kindliness. There is no relaxed "twilight zone",
it's either full speed ahead constantly or it's not honesty we seek.
And the unrelenting pursuit of truth will set you free, even if you
don't quite catch up to it. We need not choose or pursue falsity.
All we need is to relax our pursuit of truth, and falsity will find
us. Honesty is not a policy. It has to be a constant conscious state
of mind.
It is not easy to be absolutely honest with ourselves because
of what is called the tendency to rationalization. We set our minds
to work not upon the facts as they are, but upon the business of
inventing reasons for our courses of conduct. The ego plays tricks
on us. We are self-deceived. It is a test of a person's character.
And yet how easy it is to lie - even for spiritual people. The
willingness to twist a meaning to gain a point, to misquote if the
misquotation gains an end, exaggerations to make impressions, a lack
of complete truth and misrepresentations in presenting goods for sale.
What is at the basis of this looseness with the truth? Is it not
often in the fact that we think a lie is sometimes justifiable? Lies
are apart from God's Will. If lies are still there, no matter how
spiritual we may be, we are still in the old self-defeating life and
lower nature.
Please ask yourself, "Is it true or is it false? Are there
any conditions under which I will or do tell a lie? Can I be
depended on to tell the truth - no matter the cost? Can I be
absolutely trusted in money matters? In my work? With other
people's reputations?" How have I fallen short in thought, word &
deed?
ABSOLUTE UNSELFISHNESS
We must give of ourselves to others in order to maintain our
own spiritual growth. It is the sacrifice of ourselves and our own
interests to other people's interests without thought of reward.
This is called altruism. To be willing wherever possible to help
others who need our help, expecting nothing in return.
Please ask yourself, "What am I living for - myself, my own
position, money, place, power? Or are my powers at the disposal of
another's need? At the disposal of our Creator's Work?" This test
comes to the root of the matter.
In the final analysis, what controls my actions - self-interest or
God-interest? In the depths of my spirit, who gives the final word?
Am I self-directed or God-directed? How have I fallen short in
thought, word & deed?
ABSOLUTE LOVE
In giving love, we receive it. But the joy of receiving can
never match the real thrill of giving. Love is a spiritually poor
man's beginning toward God. Love is "giving of yourself" and unless
we do, our spiritual progress will be lost. When love is offered,
our Higher Power is there. The will to love is God's Will. Love is
NOT a feeling, it is a DECISION. REAL love is what happens AFTER the
feeling of love has gone. Consider these definitions:
"Love is the will to extend ourselves for the purpose of nurturing
our own or another's spiritual growth," or "Love is the active
concern for the life and the growth of that which we love."
The Oxford Group defined love thus: "Love endures long and is
patient and kind, love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy,
it does not boast and it is not proud. It does not act unbecomingly,
it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it
keeps no record of wrongs. It does not rejoice at injustice and
unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love
bears up under anything and everything that comes,is ever ready to
believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all
circumstances and it endures everything without weakening. Love never
fails, never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end."
Please ask yourself, "Am I easily offended or am I loving?
Do I lose my temper? Am I quick to sense slights? Or am I taking
the attitude of love which refuses to be offended?" Bad tempered,
touchy and quarrelsome spiritual people do as much to hold back our
Creator's Work as liars and thieves. How have I fallen short in
thought, word & deed?
ABSOLUTE PURITY
Our problem here is the unrelenting desire to do that which
is right. It is flawless quality. Knowing what is right means little
until we DO what is right. Were we to contemplate the peace and
contentment that a pure conscience would bring to us, and the joy and
help that it would bring to others, we would be more determined about
our spiritual progress. Giving our all in its constant pursuit, will
make us free even though we never quite perfect it. Purity of mind,
of body and of purpose. True wisdom is thinking with the end in mind;
it's the perfect combination of knowledge and love. A clean mind in
a clean body that embraces clean conduct in business, in work and
play, our use of our possessions, our attitudes toward relations with
those we're sexually attracted to, friends and acquaintances, as well
as in my habits.
Please ask yourself, "Is it right or is it wrong? Are my motives
pure in all of my affairs? Am I entertaining sexual lusts in act or
in thought?" We may not be in the gutter but is the gutter in us?
How have I fallen short in thought, word & deed?
The 4 Absolutes Pamphlet
(This pamphlet is not A.A. Conference Approved simply because
it came out in the 1940's, which is BEFORE there was Conference
Approval.)
Foreword
Spelled out as such, the Four Absolutes are not a formal part
of our AA philosophy of life. Since this is true, some may claim the
Absolutes should be ignored. This premise is approximately as sound
as it would be to suggest
that the Holy Bible should be scuttled. The Absolutes were borrowed
from the Oxford Group Movement back in the days when our society was
in its humble beginning. In those days our founders and their early
colleagues were earnestly seeking for any and all sources of help to
define and formulate suggestions that might guide us in the pursuit
of a useful, happy, and significant sober life.
Because the Absolutes are not specifically repeated
in our Steps or Traditions, some of us are inclined to forget them.
Yet in many old time groups where the solid spirit of our fellowship
is so strongly exemplified, the Absolutes receive frequent mention.
Indeed, you often find
a set of old placards, carefully preserved, which are trotted out for
prominent display each meeting night.
There could be unanimity on the proposition that living our
way of life must include not only an awareness but a constant
striving toward greater achievement in the qualities which the
Absolutes represent. Many who have
lost the precious gift of sobriety would ascribe it to carelessness
in seeking these objectives. If you will revisit the Twelve Steps
with care, you will find the Four Absolutes form a thread which is
discernible in a
sober life of quality, every step of the glorious journey.
Honesty
Unselfishness
Love
Purity
The Absolutes
We walked into this large group of which we had heard so
much, but had never attended. From the vestibule we saw a placard on
the corner of the far wall which said "Easy Does It". We turned left
to park our coat. We turned back
and there on the other corner of the same wall was a twin placard
which said, "First Things First". Then facing to the front of the
room, high above the platform we saw in the largest letter of
all, "But for the Grace of God". Then as our eyes descended, there
directly on the front of the podium was another with four
words, "Honesty, Unselfishness, Purity, and Love".
In the next ten minutes as we sat unnoticed in the last row
waiting for the meeting to start, many thoughts tumbled through a
mind that was really startled by this first face to face meeting with
the four Absolutes for a
very long time.
We started to grade ourselves fearlessly on our own progress
toward these Absolutes through long years of sobriety. The score was
a pitiful, lonely little score. We thought of a fine lead recently
heard in which a patient
humble brother had told his story, and had mentioned his overwhelming
sense of gratitude as an important ingredient of his fifteen years of
sobriety.
And in listing things for which he was so grateful, he
mentioned how comfortable it was to be completely honest. Certainly
he meant nothing prideful. He simply meant that he told his wife and
friends the truth as best he could, had no fishy stories to
reconcile, was honest with money and material things, etc. This
was a truly grateful, humble fellow. Certainly he did not resemble the
man pictured in the cartoon, speaking to a large audience, pounding
on the table and with a jutting chin proclaiming in a loud voice that
he had more humility than anyone there and could prove it. But just
think of "complete honesty". Is it not the eternal search for the
truth which is endless, and in which none achieve perfection?
What do the four Absolutes mean to most of us? Words are like tools.
Like any other tools they get rusty and
corroded when not used. More importantly, we must familiarize
ourselves with the tools, understand them, and ever improve our skill
in their use. Else the end product, if any, is pathetically poor. We
thought of a dear friend in the fellowship, prone like other
alcoholics to move quickly from one hobby or interest to another,
without really doing much with any of them. (Does that sound like
someone you know?) Once this friend decided that working with his
hands would solve some problems, quiet his nerves, perhaps help him
to achieve serenity and balance. So he reviewed an impressive
collection of tool catalogues with friends already addicted to the
woodworking hobby. He bought a large expensive collection of tools,
and a lot of equipment. He hired a carpenter to build a shop in his
basement, install the equipment, and make custom-built racks to house
the tools. But in the end not one shaving and not one tiny bit of
sawdust graced its floor.
The idle tools serve just as will to keep our friend occupied
while he doesn't go to meetings, do Twelfth Step he bought a large
expensive collection of tools, and a lot of equipment. He hired a
carpenter to build a shop in his basement, install the equipment, and
make custom-built racks to house the tools. But in the end not one
shaving and not one tiny bit of sawdust graced its floor.
The idle tools serve just as well to keep our friend occupied while
he doesn't go to meetings, do Twelfth Step work or engage in other
happy activity in AA. How many of you will be completely honest and
admit that you have put the four Absolutes in the attic, a little
rusty from non-use perhaps, but none the worse for wear? Give or take
a
little, how many of us who still maintain the workshop for the
Absolutes, will admit that not too many shavings or much sawdust from
our activity have ever graced its floor? Or even assuming that the
activity has persisted, how
many will admit that the end product did not win a prize for its
quality?
Such lack of quality can only mean lack of objectives or lack
of all-out effort toward such objectives. We must recognize the
Absolutes as guideposts to the finest and highest objectives to
mortal man. But recognition is not
enough. We must use the tools. Honestly over and over we must ask
ourselves, "Is it true or is it false?" For honesty is the eternal
search for truth. Honesty is by far the most difficult of the four
Absolutes, for anyone, but especially for us in this fellowship.
The problem drinker develops genuine artistry in deceit. Too
many (and we plead guilty) simply turn over a new leaf and relax.
That is wrong. The real virtue in honesty lies in the persistent
dedicated striving for it. There is no relaxed twilight zone, it's
either full speed ahead constantly or it's not honesty we seek. And
the unrelenting pursuit of truth will set you free, even if you don't
quite catch up to it. We need not choose or pursue
falsity.
All we need is to relax our pursuit of truth, and falsity will find
us. The search for truth is the noblest expression of the soul. Let
a human throw the engines of his soul into the doing or making of
something good, and the instinct of workmanship alone will take car
of his honesty. The noblest pleasure we can have is to find a great
new truth and discard old prejudice. When not actively sought, truth
seldom comes to light, but falsehood does. Truth is life and falsity
is spiritual death. It's an
everlasting, unrelenting instinct for truth that counts. Honesty is
not a policy. It has to be a constant conscious state of mind.
Accuracy is close to being the twin brother of honesty, but
inaccuracy and exaggeration are at least "kissing cousins" of
dishonesty. We may bring ourselves to believe almost anything by
rationalization, (another of our fine arts), and so it's well to
begin and end our inquiry with the question, "Is it true?" Any man
who loves to search for truth is precious to any fellowship or
society. Any intended violation of honesty stab the health of not
only the doer but the whole fellowship. On the other hand if we are
honest to the limit of our ability, the basic appetite for truth in
others, which may be dormant but not dead, will rise majestically to
join us.
Like sobriety, it's the power of example that does the job. It is
much simpler to appear honest, than to be honest. We must strive to
be in reality what we appear to be. It is easier to be honest with
others than with ourselves. Our searching self-inventories help
because the man who knows himself is at least on the doorstep of
honesty. When we try to enhance our stature in the eyes of others,
dishonesty is there in the shadows. When falsehood even creeps in, we
are getting back on the merry-go-round because falsehoods not only
disagree with truth, they quarrel with each other.
Remember?
It is one thing to devoutly wish the truth may be on your
side, and it is quite another to wish sincerely to be on the side of
truth. Honesty would seem to be the toughest of our four absolutes
and at the same time, the most exciting challenge. Our sobriety is a
gift, but honesty is a grace that we must earn and constantly fight
to protect and enlarge. "Is it true or false?" Let us make that a
ceaseless question that we try to answer with all the sober strength
and intelligence we have.
Unselfishness
At first blush, unselfishness would seem to be the simplest
of all to understand, define and accomplish. But we have a long road
to travel because ours was a real mastery of the exact opposite
during our drinking days.
A little careful thought will show that unselfishness in its finest
sense, the kind for which we must strive in our way of life, is not
easy to reach or describe in detail. In the final analysis, it must
gain for us the selflessness which is our spiritual cornerstone, the
real significance of our anonymity.
Proceeding with the question method of digesting the
absolute, we suggest you ask yourself over and over again in judging
what you are about to do, say, think or decide, "How will this affect
the other fellow?"
Our unselfishness must include not merely that we do for
others, but that which we do for ourselves. I once heard an old timer
say that this was a 100% selfish program in one respect namely that
we had to maintain our own
sobriety and its quality before we could possibly help others in a
maximum degree. Yet we know that we must give of ourselves to others
in order to maintain our own sobriety, in a spirit of complete
selflessness with no
thought of reward. How do we put these two things together?
Well, for one thing, it points up that we shall gain in
direct proportion to the real help we give others. How many of us
make hospital calls simply because we think that we need to do it to
stay sober? Those who think only of their own need and who reflect
little on the question of doing the fellows at the hospital some
genuine good are missing the boat. We know, for we used to make
hospital calls in much the same way that we took vitamin pills.
Then one day in our early sobriety, we were asked to call on
a female patient. There weren't enough gals to go around in those
days and the men were called in to help. Never will we forget the
anxiety on the way to that nursing home. And after nearly two hours
of earnest talk we left one of the noblest women we will ever meet,
worried about whether we had helped, or hurt, or perhaps had
accomplished nothing at all. Some of her questions stayed with us. We
thought of better answers later on, and returned to see
her several times.
We are helped on our long journey to unselfishness by our
great mission of understanding which sometimes seems as precious as
the gift of sobriety itself. But the quality cannot be confined alone
to that which we do for others. We must be unselfish even in our
pursuits of self-preservation. Not the least of our aid to others
comes from the examples of our own lives.
Is there any protection against that first drink which equals
our thought of what it may do to others, those whose unselfish love
guided us in the beginning, and those whom we in turn guided later
on? We are again reminded of the late verse of an anonymous poem:
"I must remember as I go
Though sober days,
both high and low,
What I must always seem to be
For him who always follows me."
Love
We often learn more by questions, than by answers. Did you
ever hear a question that caused you to think for days or even weeks?
The questions which have no easy answer are often the key to the
truth. However, in this series on the four Absolutes, we are
concerned with the questions we should be asking ourselves over and
over again in life. The integrity of our answers to these questions
will determine the quality of our life, may even determine the
continuance of our sobriety.
A good question to ask ourselves on love might be, "Is it ugly or is
it beautiful?" We are experts on ugliness. We have really been
there. We are not experts on beauty but we have tasted a little, and
we are hungry for more. Love is beauty. Coming from the depths of
fear, physical agony, mental torture and spiritual starvation, we
feel completely unloved, impregnated with self-pity, poisoned by
resentment, and devoured by a prideful ego which with alcohol has
brought complete blindness. We receive understanding and love from
strangers and we make progress as we in turn give it to new
strangers.
It's as simple as that. Fortunately for us love is inspiring from
the very beginning, even in kindergarten which is where many of us
still are. The old song tells us
that love is a many splendor thing. In giving it we receive it. But
the joy of receiving can never match the real thrill of giving.
Consider that this great mission of love which is ours is seldom
experienced by the non-alcoholic, and you have a new reason for
gratitude. Few are privileged
to save lives. Fewer have the rich experience of being God's helper
in the gift of a second life.
Love is a poor man's beginning toward God. We reach our twelfth step
when we give love to the new man who is poor today, as we were poor
yesterday. A man too proud to know he is poor, has turned away from
God with or without alcohol. We have been there too. But if he has a
drinking problem, we can show him the way through love, understanding
and our own experience. When we live for our own sobriety, we again
become beggars in spiritual rags, blind once again with the dust of
pride and self. Soon we shall be starving with the hunger of
devouring ourselves, perhaps even lose sobriety, Love is "giving of
yourself" and unless we do, our progress will be lost. Each one owes
the gift of this second life of sobriety to every other human being
he meets in the ceaseless presence of God, and especially to other
alcoholics who still suffer.
Not to give of himself brings the desolation of a new poverty to the
sober alcoholic. When we offer love, we offer our life; are we
prepared to give it? When another
offers us love, he offers his life; have we the grace to receive it?
When love is offered, God is there; have we received Him. The will to
love is God's will; have we taken the Third Step? Ask yourself, "Is
this ugly or is it beautiful?" If it's truly beautiful then it is the
way of love, it is the way of A.A., and it is the will of God as we
understand Him.
Purity
Purity is simple to understand. Purity is flawless quality.
Gerard Groot in his famous fourteenth century book of meditation, has
an essay entitled, "Of Pure Mind and Simple Intention", in which he
says, "By two wings a man is
lifted up from things earthly, namely by Simplicity and Purity.
Simplicity doth tend towards God; Purity doth apprehend and taste
Him."
Purity is a quality of both the mind and the heart, or
perhaps we should say the soul of a man. As far as the mind is
concerned, it is a simple case of answering the question, "Is right,
or is it wrong?" That should be easy for us. There is no twilight
zone between right and wrong. Even in our drinking days we knew the
difference. With most of us, knowing the difference was the cause or
part of the cause of our drinking. We did not want to face the
reality of doing wrong. It isn't in the realm of the mental aspects of
purity that our problem lies. We can all answer the question quoted
above to the best of our ability and get the correct answer.
It's in the realm of the heart and spirit that we face
difficulty. We know which is right, but do we have the dedicated will
to do it? Just as a real desire to stop drinking must exist to make
our way of life effective for us, so we must have a determined desire
to do that which we know is right, if we are to achieve any
measurable degree of purity. It has been well said that intelligence
is discipline. In other words knowledge means little until it
goes into action. We knew we should not take the first drink,
remember?
Until we translate our knowledge into the action of our own
lives, the value of it is non-existent. We are not intelligent under
such circumstances. So it is with the decency of our lives. We know
what is right, but unless we do it, the knowledge is a haunting
vacuum.
In discussing unselfishness we mentioned that it includes
more than just doing for others. We repeat that it includes all that
we do, since much of our help to others comes through our own
example. Nowhere is this more true
than in the decency and rightness of our life. Were we to contemplate
the peace and contentment that a pure conscience would bring to us
and the joy and help that it would bring to others; we would be more
determined about
our spiritual progress. If our surrender under the Third Step has not
been absolute, perhaps we should give the Eleventh Step more
attention. If you have turned your will and your life over to God as
you understand Him, purity will come to you in due course because God
is Good. Let us not just tend toward God, let us taste of him. In
Purity as in Honesty the virtue lies in our striving.
And like seeking the truth, giving our all in its
constant pursuit, will make us free even though we may never quite
catch up to it. Such pursuit is a thrilling and challenging journey.
The journey is just as important as the destination, however slow it
may seem. As Goethe
says: "In living as in knowing be intent upon the purest way."
The Absolutes - A Summary
Our consideration of the absolutes individually leads to a
few conclusions. The Twelve Steps represent our philosophy. The
Absolutes represent our objectives in self-help, and the means to
attain them. Honesty, being the
ceaseless search for truth, is our most difficult and yet most
challenging objective. It is a long road for anyone, but a longer
road for us to find the truth. Purity is easy to determine. We know
what is right and wrong. Our problem here is the unrelenting desire
to do that which is right.
Unselfishness is the stream in which our sober life
must flow, the boulevard down which we march triumphantly by the
grace of God, ever alert against being sidetracked into a dark
obscure alley along the way. Our unselfishness
must penetrate our whole life, not just our deeds for others, for the
greatest gift we bestow on others is the example of our own life as a
whole.
Love is the medium, the blood of the good life, which
circulates and keeps alive its worth and beauty. It is not only our
circulatory system within ourselves, but it is our medium of
communication to others. The real virtue is in our striving for
these Absolutes. It is a never-ending journey, and our joy and
happiness must come each step of the way, not at the end because it
is endless. Cicero said, "if you pursue good with labor, the labor
passes and the good remains, but if you court evil through pleasure,
the pleasure passes and the evil remains." Our life is a diary in
which we mean to write one story, and usually write quite another. It
is when we compare the two that we have our humblest hour.
But let's compare through our self-inventory
and make today a new day. Men, who know themselves, have at least
ceased to be fools. Remember if you follow the Golden Rule, it's
always your move too. To love what is true and right and not to do
it, is in reality not to love it, and we are trying to face reality,
remember?
The art of living in truth and right is the finest of fine arts, and
like any fine art, must be learned slowly and practiced with
incessant care. We must approach this objective of the Absolutes
humbly. We pray for these things and sometimes forget that these
virtues must be earned. The gates of wisdom and truth are closed to
those wise in their conceit, but ever open to the humble and the
teachable.
To discover what is true and to practice what is good are the
two highest aims in life. If we would be humble, we should not stoop,
but rather we should stand to our fullest height, close to our Higher
Power that shows us what the smallness of our greatness is.
Remember our four questions, "Is it true or false?", "Is it
right or wrong?", "How will this affect the other fellow?", and "Is
it ugly or beautiful?". Answering these queries every day with
absolute integrity, and following the dictates of those answers one
day at a time, will surely lead us well on our journey toward
absorbing and applying the 4 Absolutes.
Received in email
Absolute Honesty
Absolute Unselfishness
Absolute Love
Absolute Purity
These principles were adopted by the Oxford Group (for those who
don't know, the Oxford Group is where A.A. got most of it's program
of recovery from)and are taken from Christ's greatest talk
called "The Sermon on the Mount" found in Matthew 5:1 - 7:29. They
are the essence of Jesus' teachings about the Will of God, the ideals
for our life, the moral standards by which our thoughts and actions
may be tested for harmony with God's Will, and the keys to the kind
of spiritual life God wishes us to lead, as outlined by Robert E.
Speer in his book "The Principles of Jesus". They are an intelligent
discipline of simple intention, positive motives, and a way to do the
things that are right just for virtue's sake.
In 1948, Dr. Bob recalled the Absolutes as "the only yardsticks" A.A.
had in the early days, before the official Twelve Steps. He said he
still felt they held good and could be extremely helpful when he
wanted to do the right thing and the answer was not obvious. "Almost
always, if I measure my decision carefully by the yardstick of the
absolutes and it checks up pretty well with those four, then my
answer can't be very far out of the way," he said. The Four Absolutes
are still published in pamphlet form (included below) by the
Cleveland Central Committee of A.A. and are widely quoted at A.A.
meetings in the Akron-Cleveland area. A copy of the pamphlet can be
ordered by calling the A.A. Intergroup at 216-241-7387 (Cleveland) or
330-253-8181 (Akron). Bill Wilson included the absolutes
specifically in Steps 4, 5, 10 & 11 as found in the Big Book. They
are used in their opposite, self-will form (since we need to see
where self-will fails us): Step 10 Step 11 BB pg.67 Absolute BB pg.84
BB pg.86
Absolute Absolute
(Self-will) (God's-Will)
Selfishness unselfishness
Resentful purity
Dishonest honesty
Frightened love
The absolutes were used by the Oxford Group in at least three
specific ways:
1 - As a way to take inventory of our past to see where we
fell short and in what ways, so that we could learn what areas of our
life need to be worked on.
2 - During meditation or while being inspired or guided by
our Inner Voice, as a way to differentiate between "God" thoughts and
human thoughts.
3 - As a standard of living, moment by moment.
A FOUR ABSOLUTES INVENTORY
*****When doing this inventory, look at your thoughts, words
and deeds as if they are being displayed on a screen for all to see.
Then ask yourself, "How would they be generally viewed?"*****
ABSOLUTE HONESTY
The real virtue in honesty lies in the persistent dedicated
striving for it both with ourselves and with others, regulated with
common sense and kindliness. There is no relaxed "twilight zone",
it's either full speed ahead constantly or it's not honesty we seek.
And the unrelenting pursuit of truth will set you free, even if you
don't quite catch up to it. We need not choose or pursue falsity.
All we need is to relax our pursuit of truth, and falsity will find
us. Honesty is not a policy. It has to be a constant conscious state
of mind.
It is not easy to be absolutely honest with ourselves because
of what is called the tendency to rationalization. We set our minds
to work not upon the facts as they are, but upon the business of
inventing reasons for our courses of conduct. The ego plays tricks
on us. We are self-deceived. It is a test of a person's character.
And yet how easy it is to lie - even for spiritual people. The
willingness to twist a meaning to gain a point, to misquote if the
misquotation gains an end, exaggerations to make impressions, a lack
of complete truth and misrepresentations in presenting goods for sale.
What is at the basis of this looseness with the truth? Is it not
often in the fact that we think a lie is sometimes justifiable? Lies
are apart from God's Will. If lies are still there, no matter how
spiritual we may be, we are still in the old self-defeating life and
lower nature.
Please ask yourself, "Is it true or is it false? Are there
any conditions under which I will or do tell a lie? Can I be
depended on to tell the truth - no matter the cost? Can I be
absolutely trusted in money matters? In my work? With other
people's reputations?" How have I fallen short in thought, word &
deed?
ABSOLUTE UNSELFISHNESS
We must give of ourselves to others in order to maintain our
own spiritual growth. It is the sacrifice of ourselves and our own
interests to other people's interests without thought of reward.
This is called altruism. To be willing wherever possible to help
others who need our help, expecting nothing in return.
Please ask yourself, "What am I living for - myself, my own
position, money, place, power? Or are my powers at the disposal of
another's need? At the disposal of our Creator's Work?" This test
comes to the root of the matter.
In the final analysis, what controls my actions - self-interest or
God-interest? In the depths of my spirit, who gives the final word?
Am I self-directed or God-directed? How have I fallen short in
thought, word & deed?
ABSOLUTE LOVE
In giving love, we receive it. But the joy of receiving can
never match the real thrill of giving. Love is a spiritually poor
man's beginning toward God. Love is "giving of yourself" and unless
we do, our spiritual progress will be lost. When love is offered,
our Higher Power is there. The will to love is God's Will. Love is
NOT a feeling, it is a DECISION. REAL love is what happens AFTER the
feeling of love has gone. Consider these definitions:
"Love is the will to extend ourselves for the purpose of nurturing
our own or another's spiritual growth," or "Love is the active
concern for the life and the growth of that which we love."
The Oxford Group defined love thus: "Love endures long and is
patient and kind, love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy,
it does not boast and it is not proud. It does not act unbecomingly,
it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it
keeps no record of wrongs. It does not rejoice at injustice and
unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love
bears up under anything and everything that comes,is ever ready to
believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all
circumstances and it endures everything without weakening. Love never
fails, never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end."
Please ask yourself, "Am I easily offended or am I loving?
Do I lose my temper? Am I quick to sense slights? Or am I taking
the attitude of love which refuses to be offended?" Bad tempered,
touchy and quarrelsome spiritual people do as much to hold back our
Creator's Work as liars and thieves. How have I fallen short in
thought, word & deed?
ABSOLUTE PURITY
Our problem here is the unrelenting desire to do that which
is right. It is flawless quality. Knowing what is right means little
until we DO what is right. Were we to contemplate the peace and
contentment that a pure conscience would bring to us, and the joy and
help that it would bring to others, we would be more determined about
our spiritual progress. Giving our all in its constant pursuit, will
make us free even though we never quite perfect it. Purity of mind,
of body and of purpose. True wisdom is thinking with the end in mind;
it's the perfect combination of knowledge and love. A clean mind in
a clean body that embraces clean conduct in business, in work and
play, our use of our possessions, our attitudes toward relations with
those we're sexually attracted to, friends and acquaintances, as well
as in my habits.
Please ask yourself, "Is it right or is it wrong? Are my motives
pure in all of my affairs? Am I entertaining sexual lusts in act or
in thought?" We may not be in the gutter but is the gutter in us?
How have I fallen short in thought, word & deed?
The 4 Absolutes Pamphlet
(This pamphlet is not A.A. Conference Approved simply because
it came out in the 1940's, which is BEFORE there was Conference
Approval.)
Foreword
Spelled out as such, the Four Absolutes are not a formal part
of our AA philosophy of life. Since this is true, some may claim the
Absolutes should be ignored. This premise is approximately as sound
as it would be to suggest
that the Holy Bible should be scuttled. The Absolutes were borrowed
from the Oxford Group Movement back in the days when our society was
in its humble beginning. In those days our founders and their early
colleagues were earnestly seeking for any and all sources of help to
define and formulate suggestions that might guide us in the pursuit
of a useful, happy, and significant sober life.
Because the Absolutes are not specifically repeated
in our Steps or Traditions, some of us are inclined to forget them.
Yet in many old time groups where the solid spirit of our fellowship
is so strongly exemplified, the Absolutes receive frequent mention.
Indeed, you often find
a set of old placards, carefully preserved, which are trotted out for
prominent display each meeting night.
There could be unanimity on the proposition that living our
way of life must include not only an awareness but a constant
striving toward greater achievement in the qualities which the
Absolutes represent. Many who have
lost the precious gift of sobriety would ascribe it to carelessness
in seeking these objectives. If you will revisit the Twelve Steps
with care, you will find the Four Absolutes form a thread which is
discernible in a
sober life of quality, every step of the glorious journey.
Honesty
Unselfishness
Love
Purity
The Absolutes
We walked into this large group of which we had heard so
much, but had never attended. From the vestibule we saw a placard on
the corner of the far wall which said "Easy Does It". We turned left
to park our coat. We turned back
and there on the other corner of the same wall was a twin placard
which said, "First Things First". Then facing to the front of the
room, high above the platform we saw in the largest letter of
all, "But for the Grace of God". Then as our eyes descended, there
directly on the front of the podium was another with four
words, "Honesty, Unselfishness, Purity, and Love".
In the next ten minutes as we sat unnoticed in the last row
waiting for the meeting to start, many thoughts tumbled through a
mind that was really startled by this first face to face meeting with
the four Absolutes for a
very long time.
We started to grade ourselves fearlessly on our own progress
toward these Absolutes through long years of sobriety. The score was
a pitiful, lonely little score. We thought of a fine lead recently
heard in which a patient
humble brother had told his story, and had mentioned his overwhelming
sense of gratitude as an important ingredient of his fifteen years of
sobriety.
And in listing things for which he was so grateful, he
mentioned how comfortable it was to be completely honest. Certainly
he meant nothing prideful. He simply meant that he told his wife and
friends the truth as best he could, had no fishy stories to
reconcile, was honest with money and material things, etc. This
was a truly grateful, humble fellow. Certainly he did not resemble the
man pictured in the cartoon, speaking to a large audience, pounding
on the table and with a jutting chin proclaiming in a loud voice that
he had more humility than anyone there and could prove it. But just
think of "complete honesty". Is it not the eternal search for the
truth which is endless, and in which none achieve perfection?
What do the four Absolutes mean to most of us? Words are like tools.
Like any other tools they get rusty and
corroded when not used. More importantly, we must familiarize
ourselves with the tools, understand them, and ever improve our skill
in their use. Else the end product, if any, is pathetically poor. We
thought of a dear friend in the fellowship, prone like other
alcoholics to move quickly from one hobby or interest to another,
without really doing much with any of them. (Does that sound like
someone you know?) Once this friend decided that working with his
hands would solve some problems, quiet his nerves, perhaps help him
to achieve serenity and balance. So he reviewed an impressive
collection of tool catalogues with friends already addicted to the
woodworking hobby. He bought a large expensive collection of tools,
and a lot of equipment. He hired a carpenter to build a shop in his
basement, install the equipment, and make custom-built racks to house
the tools. But in the end not one shaving and not one tiny bit of
sawdust graced its floor.
The idle tools serve just as will to keep our friend occupied
while he doesn't go to meetings, do Twelfth Step he bought a large
expensive collection of tools, and a lot of equipment. He hired a
carpenter to build a shop in his basement, install the equipment, and
make custom-built racks to house the tools. But in the end not one
shaving and not one tiny bit of sawdust graced its floor.
The idle tools serve just as well to keep our friend occupied while
he doesn't go to meetings, do Twelfth Step work or engage in other
happy activity in AA. How many of you will be completely honest and
admit that you have put the four Absolutes in the attic, a little
rusty from non-use perhaps, but none the worse for wear? Give or take
a
little, how many of us who still maintain the workshop for the
Absolutes, will admit that not too many shavings or much sawdust from
our activity have ever graced its floor? Or even assuming that the
activity has persisted, how
many will admit that the end product did not win a prize for its
quality?
Such lack of quality can only mean lack of objectives or lack
of all-out effort toward such objectives. We must recognize the
Absolutes as guideposts to the finest and highest objectives to
mortal man. But recognition is not
enough. We must use the tools. Honestly over and over we must ask
ourselves, "Is it true or is it false?" For honesty is the eternal
search for truth. Honesty is by far the most difficult of the four
Absolutes, for anyone, but especially for us in this fellowship.
The problem drinker develops genuine artistry in deceit. Too
many (and we plead guilty) simply turn over a new leaf and relax.
That is wrong. The real virtue in honesty lies in the persistent
dedicated striving for it. There is no relaxed twilight zone, it's
either full speed ahead constantly or it's not honesty we seek. And
the unrelenting pursuit of truth will set you free, even if you don't
quite catch up to it. We need not choose or pursue
falsity.
All we need is to relax our pursuit of truth, and falsity will find
us. The search for truth is the noblest expression of the soul. Let
a human throw the engines of his soul into the doing or making of
something good, and the instinct of workmanship alone will take car
of his honesty. The noblest pleasure we can have is to find a great
new truth and discard old prejudice. When not actively sought, truth
seldom comes to light, but falsehood does. Truth is life and falsity
is spiritual death. It's an
everlasting, unrelenting instinct for truth that counts. Honesty is
not a policy. It has to be a constant conscious state of mind.
Accuracy is close to being the twin brother of honesty, but
inaccuracy and exaggeration are at least "kissing cousins" of
dishonesty. We may bring ourselves to believe almost anything by
rationalization, (another of our fine arts), and so it's well to
begin and end our inquiry with the question, "Is it true?" Any man
who loves to search for truth is precious to any fellowship or
society. Any intended violation of honesty stab the health of not
only the doer but the whole fellowship. On the other hand if we are
honest to the limit of our ability, the basic appetite for truth in
others, which may be dormant but not dead, will rise majestically to
join us.
Like sobriety, it's the power of example that does the job. It is
much simpler to appear honest, than to be honest. We must strive to
be in reality what we appear to be. It is easier to be honest with
others than with ourselves. Our searching self-inventories help
because the man who knows himself is at least on the doorstep of
honesty. When we try to enhance our stature in the eyes of others,
dishonesty is there in the shadows. When falsehood even creeps in, we
are getting back on the merry-go-round because falsehoods not only
disagree with truth, they quarrel with each other.
Remember?
It is one thing to devoutly wish the truth may be on your
side, and it is quite another to wish sincerely to be on the side of
truth. Honesty would seem to be the toughest of our four absolutes
and at the same time, the most exciting challenge. Our sobriety is a
gift, but honesty is a grace that we must earn and constantly fight
to protect and enlarge. "Is it true or false?" Let us make that a
ceaseless question that we try to answer with all the sober strength
and intelligence we have.
Unselfishness
At first blush, unselfishness would seem to be the simplest
of all to understand, define and accomplish. But we have a long road
to travel because ours was a real mastery of the exact opposite
during our drinking days.
A little careful thought will show that unselfishness in its finest
sense, the kind for which we must strive in our way of life, is not
easy to reach or describe in detail. In the final analysis, it must
gain for us the selflessness which is our spiritual cornerstone, the
real significance of our anonymity.
Proceeding with the question method of digesting the
absolute, we suggest you ask yourself over and over again in judging
what you are about to do, say, think or decide, "How will this affect
the other fellow?"
Our unselfishness must include not merely that we do for
others, but that which we do for ourselves. I once heard an old timer
say that this was a 100% selfish program in one respect namely that
we had to maintain our own
sobriety and its quality before we could possibly help others in a
maximum degree. Yet we know that we must give of ourselves to others
in order to maintain our own sobriety, in a spirit of complete
selflessness with no
thought of reward. How do we put these two things together?
Well, for one thing, it points up that we shall gain in
direct proportion to the real help we give others. How many of us
make hospital calls simply because we think that we need to do it to
stay sober? Those who think only of their own need and who reflect
little on the question of doing the fellows at the hospital some
genuine good are missing the boat. We know, for we used to make
hospital calls in much the same way that we took vitamin pills.
Then one day in our early sobriety, we were asked to call on
a female patient. There weren't enough gals to go around in those
days and the men were called in to help. Never will we forget the
anxiety on the way to that nursing home. And after nearly two hours
of earnest talk we left one of the noblest women we will ever meet,
worried about whether we had helped, or hurt, or perhaps had
accomplished nothing at all. Some of her questions stayed with us. We
thought of better answers later on, and returned to see
her several times.
We are helped on our long journey to unselfishness by our
great mission of understanding which sometimes seems as precious as
the gift of sobriety itself. But the quality cannot be confined alone
to that which we do for others. We must be unselfish even in our
pursuits of self-preservation. Not the least of our aid to others
comes from the examples of our own lives.
Is there any protection against that first drink which equals
our thought of what it may do to others, those whose unselfish love
guided us in the beginning, and those whom we in turn guided later
on? We are again reminded of the late verse of an anonymous poem:
"I must remember as I go
Though sober days,
both high and low,
What I must always seem to be
For him who always follows me."
Love
We often learn more by questions, than by answers. Did you
ever hear a question that caused you to think for days or even weeks?
The questions which have no easy answer are often the key to the
truth. However, in this series on the four Absolutes, we are
concerned with the questions we should be asking ourselves over and
over again in life. The integrity of our answers to these questions
will determine the quality of our life, may even determine the
continuance of our sobriety.
A good question to ask ourselves on love might be, "Is it ugly or is
it beautiful?" We are experts on ugliness. We have really been
there. We are not experts on beauty but we have tasted a little, and
we are hungry for more. Love is beauty. Coming from the depths of
fear, physical agony, mental torture and spiritual starvation, we
feel completely unloved, impregnated with self-pity, poisoned by
resentment, and devoured by a prideful ego which with alcohol has
brought complete blindness. We receive understanding and love from
strangers and we make progress as we in turn give it to new
strangers.
It's as simple as that. Fortunately for us love is inspiring from
the very beginning, even in kindergarten which is where many of us
still are. The old song tells us
that love is a many splendor thing. In giving it we receive it. But
the joy of receiving can never match the real thrill of giving.
Consider that this great mission of love which is ours is seldom
experienced by the non-alcoholic, and you have a new reason for
gratitude. Few are privileged
to save lives. Fewer have the rich experience of being God's helper
in the gift of a second life.
Love is a poor man's beginning toward God. We reach our twelfth step
when we give love to the new man who is poor today, as we were poor
yesterday. A man too proud to know he is poor, has turned away from
God with or without alcohol. We have been there too. But if he has a
drinking problem, we can show him the way through love, understanding
and our own experience. When we live for our own sobriety, we again
become beggars in spiritual rags, blind once again with the dust of
pride and self. Soon we shall be starving with the hunger of
devouring ourselves, perhaps even lose sobriety, Love is "giving of
yourself" and unless we do, our progress will be lost. Each one owes
the gift of this second life of sobriety to every other human being
he meets in the ceaseless presence of God, and especially to other
alcoholics who still suffer.
Not to give of himself brings the desolation of a new poverty to the
sober alcoholic. When we offer love, we offer our life; are we
prepared to give it? When another
offers us love, he offers his life; have we the grace to receive it?
When love is offered, God is there; have we received Him. The will to
love is God's will; have we taken the Third Step? Ask yourself, "Is
this ugly or is it beautiful?" If it's truly beautiful then it is the
way of love, it is the way of A.A., and it is the will of God as we
understand Him.
Purity
Purity is simple to understand. Purity is flawless quality.
Gerard Groot in his famous fourteenth century book of meditation, has
an essay entitled, "Of Pure Mind and Simple Intention", in which he
says, "By two wings a man is
lifted up from things earthly, namely by Simplicity and Purity.
Simplicity doth tend towards God; Purity doth apprehend and taste
Him."
Purity is a quality of both the mind and the heart, or
perhaps we should say the soul of a man. As far as the mind is
concerned, it is a simple case of answering the question, "Is right,
or is it wrong?" That should be easy for us. There is no twilight
zone between right and wrong. Even in our drinking days we knew the
difference. With most of us, knowing the difference was the cause or
part of the cause of our drinking. We did not want to face the
reality of doing wrong. It isn't in the realm of the mental aspects of
purity that our problem lies. We can all answer the question quoted
above to the best of our ability and get the correct answer.
It's in the realm of the heart and spirit that we face
difficulty. We know which is right, but do we have the dedicated will
to do it? Just as a real desire to stop drinking must exist to make
our way of life effective for us, so we must have a determined desire
to do that which we know is right, if we are to achieve any
measurable degree of purity. It has been well said that intelligence
is discipline. In other words knowledge means little until it
goes into action. We knew we should not take the first drink,
remember?
Until we translate our knowledge into the action of our own
lives, the value of it is non-existent. We are not intelligent under
such circumstances. So it is with the decency of our lives. We know
what is right, but unless we do it, the knowledge is a haunting
vacuum.
In discussing unselfishness we mentioned that it includes
more than just doing for others. We repeat that it includes all that
we do, since much of our help to others comes through our own
example. Nowhere is this more true
than in the decency and rightness of our life. Were we to contemplate
the peace and contentment that a pure conscience would bring to us
and the joy and help that it would bring to others; we would be more
determined about
our spiritual progress. If our surrender under the Third Step has not
been absolute, perhaps we should give the Eleventh Step more
attention. If you have turned your will and your life over to God as
you understand Him, purity will come to you in due course because God
is Good. Let us not just tend toward God, let us taste of him. In
Purity as in Honesty the virtue lies in our striving.
And like seeking the truth, giving our all in its
constant pursuit, will make us free even though we may never quite
catch up to it. Such pursuit is a thrilling and challenging journey.
The journey is just as important as the destination, however slow it
may seem. As Goethe
says: "In living as in knowing be intent upon the purest way."
The Absolutes - A Summary
Our consideration of the absolutes individually leads to a
few conclusions. The Twelve Steps represent our philosophy. The
Absolutes represent our objectives in self-help, and the means to
attain them. Honesty, being the
ceaseless search for truth, is our most difficult and yet most
challenging objective. It is a long road for anyone, but a longer
road for us to find the truth. Purity is easy to determine. We know
what is right and wrong. Our problem here is the unrelenting desire
to do that which is right.
Unselfishness is the stream in which our sober life
must flow, the boulevard down which we march triumphantly by the
grace of God, ever alert against being sidetracked into a dark
obscure alley along the way. Our unselfishness
must penetrate our whole life, not just our deeds for others, for the
greatest gift we bestow on others is the example of our own life as a
whole.
Love is the medium, the blood of the good life, which
circulates and keeps alive its worth and beauty. It is not only our
circulatory system within ourselves, but it is our medium of
communication to others. The real virtue is in our striving for
these Absolutes. It is a never-ending journey, and our joy and
happiness must come each step of the way, not at the end because it
is endless. Cicero said, "if you pursue good with labor, the labor
passes and the good remains, but if you court evil through pleasure,
the pleasure passes and the evil remains." Our life is a diary in
which we mean to write one story, and usually write quite another. It
is when we compare the two that we have our humblest hour.
But let's compare through our self-inventory
and make today a new day. Men, who know themselves, have at least
ceased to be fools. Remember if you follow the Golden Rule, it's
always your move too. To love what is true and right and not to do
it, is in reality not to love it, and we are trying to face reality,
remember?
The art of living in truth and right is the finest of fine arts, and
like any fine art, must be learned slowly and practiced with
incessant care. We must approach this objective of the Absolutes
humbly. We pray for these things and sometimes forget that these
virtues must be earned. The gates of wisdom and truth are closed to
those wise in their conceit, but ever open to the humble and the
teachable.
To discover what is true and to practice what is good are the
two highest aims in life. If we would be humble, we should not stoop,
but rather we should stand to our fullest height, close to our Higher
Power that shows us what the smallness of our greatness is.
Remember our four questions, "Is it true or false?", "Is it
right or wrong?", "How will this affect the other fellow?", and "Is
it ugly or beautiful?". Answering these queries every day with
absolute integrity, and following the dictates of those answers one
day at a time, will surely lead us well on our journey toward
absorbing and applying the 4 Absolutes.
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