admin
06-19-2006, 08:09 AM
lightlover:
Joined: 17 Mar 2005
Posts: 385
PostPosted: 29 Apr 2005 01:33 pm
Does anyone out there have experience with either CODA or Al-Anon? I have a real problem with obsessing over others in order to avoid taking care of my own life. In fact, this is where my disease began, the marijuana use came along afterwards as a coping mechanism for dulling my pain and avoiding the truth of what was right in front of me. I really need to work on this more than anything, although i recognize that unless I am sober it does not matter anyway. I am wondering if I should only go to AA for now, or if I can mix and match? It seems like that could get a little fractured ....
Thanks everyone for your advice!
_________________
troutfly1972:
Joined: 20 Apr 2005
Posts: 178
Location: NE Kansas
PostPosted: 29 Apr 2005 02:40 pm
Might be fractured and frustrating. I have no personal experience but you could always try and see. If it was me, my sobriety comes first, and the affect of it will enable me to better deal with the unresolved issues. ok
_________________
cassie:
Moderator
Joined: 16 Mar 2005
Posts: 1029
PostPosted: 29 Apr 2005 06:11 pm
Frankie
This was listed in another post on the forum. Perhaps it might be of help to you. I personally don't have experience with al-anon. But you are in my prayers.
http://www.co-anon.org/
_________________
Baritone:
Joined: 15 Mar 2005
Posts: 365
Location: NC
PostPosted: 29 Apr 2005 09:16 pm
Hi Frankie,
I can relate to using mind-altering substances as a way of dealing with situations involving others. I came into Al-Anon at the beginning of 2001, and realized a few months later that i needed AA for myself. My first AA sponsor (who is in both programs) suggested that i concentrate on AA until i had some time in sobriety. (Ironically, when we met for lunch a few weeks ago, and as i was describing my life today, he suggested that i might need to get to more Al-Anon meetings now!)
- Jim
_________________
bluidkiti:
Site Admin
Joined: 15 Mar 2005
Posts: 10500
PostPosted: 30 Apr 2005 03:34 am
When I was a few months sober and the fog lifted some I began to see my hubby is his addictions. I called my sponsor one evening when I had had enough and she suggested Al-Anon for me also. I have been to Al-Anon online meetings and read alot of the Al-Anon literature plus met a few folks from my f2f meeting who are both in AA and Al-Anon. Yes, you can do both. I kept my sobriety first, of course.
_________________
fibiray:
Joined: 16 Mar 2005
Posts: 515
Location: Australia Central Coast NSW
PostPosted: 30 Apr 2005 07:33 am
Hi Frankie, I go to both fellowships but I primarily attend AA. I am an adult child of an alcoholic and I know a little about co-dependency. First I would suggest that if you are in early recovery stick with AA until you have stabilised your recovery. After doing some work on the steps you will soon learn about what your defects of character are and how to work the program over people places and situations in which you are powerless over. I know myself I went through a phase of trying to rescue everyone but the reality was and still is that who am I to determine what is right for another person. I have an uphill battle determining what is right for me. The spiritual side of the aa program should help with letting go of these things, but I still go to alanon to get the identification. Admittingly I am not all that consistant with alanon but regular as clockwork with aa. I can only speak for myself but a lot of my codependency issues stemmed from abandonement, and people pleasing. I would always ensure that other peoples needs came before mine and when I ended up getting used and abused then resentment would set in. I do not set myself up for this trap anymore. They say this is a selfish program and yet our program teaches us to be less selfish. What a paradox. Anyhow I hope I have been of some help.
chow chow grin
_________________
soberaddy:
Moderator
Joined: 15 Mar 2005
Posts: 405
Location: Canada
PostPosted: 01 May 2005 10:45 am
Good morning Frankie Very Happy You have described me to the T. I was thought very early not to feel anything that had to do with me. I was co-dependent in everything else others were doing and saying. Someone like lots of make up....I put on lots of make up, someone liked a girl who swear...I would swear...and so on. I will be moving with an alcoholic( sober 2 years) in a few days. Eventough I am an alcoholic myself, I can see me going to Alanon as well as AA for support. Because living with an alcoholic/addict is not the same as just being there for them at meetings as my codependency might resurfaced again.
Take care Frankie....One day at a time!
Love
Anne hug hug angel
_________________
lightlover:
Joined: 17 Mar 2005
Posts: 385
PostPosted: 02 May 2005 04:25 pm
(((anne)))
thanks for the post, i am the exact same "chameleon" .... it is so scary, i feel like a lost child.
tell me, how have you been able to recover from this other than via AA and time? can you be a normal dater these days?
_________________
lightlover:
Joined: 17 Mar 2005
Posts: 385
PostPosted: 02 May 2005 04:27 pm
"I would always ensure that other peoples needs came before mine and when I ended up getting used and abused then resentment would set in. I do not set myself up for this trap anymore."
Good for you, I can identify and am trying to do the same for myself.
_________________
fibiray:
Joined: 16 Mar 2005
Posts: 515
Location: Australia Central Coast NSW
PostPosted: 02 May 2005 07:37 pm
I can only speak for myself here, but for me it's about thinking things through. If the situation seems to have any inequalities about it then I implement a strategy of sorts. For example, I may make a compromise and do one thing and not the other as a means of combating the selfishness in me and yet preventing myself from being used. Depending on the situation, there are others that need a definite refusal. If a person tries to hurry me or rush me into a situation then a flat no is the answer. It is critical that I think carefully about the person or situation. I guess it's about following your gut instinct which has taken me a long time to tune into.
I love that comment about being a normal dater. I was never a normal dater, and if I was single today would still not be. I was what you would term the date from he!! and you needed deep pockets. i would like to think that I have improved since then and that it is more about having common interests and being less selfish.
chow chow lol
_________________
focusontoday:
Joined: 12 May 2005
Posts: 5
Location: Sydney
PostPosted: 12 May 2005 02:28 am
Hi There,
About 6 years ago I began my journey with NarAnon (Friends & Family of Addicts). I went to AlAnon when I couldn't get to a NarAnon meetings.
My Addict was once in Narcotics Anon & AA too if he couldn't find a NA meeting.
he suggested I go for me but really it was to help live with him, eventually I realised the first step which is same as CODA Co Dependancy.
SIMPLY IT ALL MEANS "We are powerless over PEOPLE, PLACES & THINGS "
I got to the 4th step by reading & living the 12 STEP PROGRAM & that is when I had to look at ME - who ME, sh!+ !! Surprised
So my journey AA began & the more I stay sober - tomorrow is 4 months for me, the easier it is to understand that I come first then everyone & everything else.
I have a codependant relationship with my HP & in my case is the Great Spirit - Native American Indian ways.
So really I CHOOSE ANSWER D all of the above cause I am really an 'OLIC' of everything including people.
take care & hugs
Focusontoday
cheer
_________________
soberaddy:
Moderator
Joined: 15 Mar 2005
Posts: 405
Location: Canada
PostPosted: 13 May 2005 08:14 pm
Hi again Frankie...thanks for the reply. To answer your question, I started thinking about myself and I really started to enjoy that. I went outside AA for some professional help. See I did not even realized I was co-dependant because this is something I have been accustomed to all my life. It just came to me naturally. Until one day, (when talking to this counsellor) it stared me right in the face. She asked me, "Anne what do you like? My answer was "I don't know, what do you like?. I had absolutely no idea who I was, what I liked, what I was doing and why as I was doing everything for others. It took me a while Frankie, but I am now getting to know me, who I am, what I like, and what I am doing! I emphasize on the word "I" here. Think about yourself, help others as it will help you too, say lots of prayers, go to meetings, and go for outside help if necessary. It helped me tremendously.
Keep coming back!
Love
Anne hug smokin hug
_________________
lightlover:
Joined: 17 Mar 2005
Posts: 385
PostPosted: 16 May 2005 09:25 am
hi Anne!
Thanks for the post. It is amazing to realize that I am deeply conditioned to doing what I think/feel/know that YOU want, rather than trying to find out what I want.
Something that is hard for me to overcome is this silly notion that being selfish is not OK. Whenever I go choose not to do something that I know someone wants me to do, I let myself become overwhelmed by pangs of guilt and self-hatred. It's like I have required this ridiculous standard of perfection on myself not to disappoint others, which ultimately results in me becoming resentful and rebellious and angry, whereby I end up acting like a jerk at some point because I am so sick and tired of never being allowed to be me, always bending to other's will about what they think is the right path for me.
Growing up, whenever I did something that I wanted to do, rather than what my mother wanted me to do, I was told that I was a selfish, unloving, uncaring daughter who only cared about myself. I was taught that it was not OK for me to be sefish. I think that there is a middle of the road, we need to find the balance between being me-focused and other-focused.
I would be interested to hear your thoughts on this.
Take care,
F
_________________
fibiray:
Joined: 16 Mar 2005
Posts: 515
Location: Australia Central Coast NSW
PostPosted: 16 May 2005 08:11 pm
I can so relate to this, I use to always experience guilt if I said no or would not do something that someone else wanted me to do. This I feel stems back to being ridiculed as a child for not conforming to my mother's will. So needless to say i took this into my adulthood. The same applies for giving an opinion. I fear rebuttal and struggle giving an opinion in the event that I will be shot down which results in me walking away resentful (you know the suffer in silence thing). These two things i have to work on daily as I am learning about setting up boundaries by not giving in to other people's whims or by going with the flow of other people's wants. What about my wants and needs, I did not get sober to sit back and watch those just passively slip by. Life is about taking action. There is a slogan that is often seen around the meetings which says HOW IMPORTANT IS IT. This is a measuring tool for me to determine whether my selfishnees is viable or not or if it is necessary to give an opinion or reation to something that some person has said.
chow chow Wink
_________________
clean42day:
Moderator
Joined: 17 Mar 2005
Posts: 416
PostPosted: 24 May 2005 12:57 pm
Hi frankie.....I was faced with the same dellima also....my sponsor told me the same themes that others are expressing here. She said get grounded in a good foundation of AA or NA first. Work all you steps and then tackle the co-dependent issues. One thing at a time. So that is what I did. After I worked my steps and found underlying issues from childhood. I discovered I was co-dependent long, long, long, before I took my first drink or drug. In my opinion co-dependency is the major core problem that causes us to self-medicate when dysfunctional co-dependent coping skills no longer work we turn to the next level of oblivion to not feel.
As they say recovery comes in levels of discovery and takes on deeper meanings along the way. Alcoholism and addiction is the surface symptom of a much deeper problem. We all travel our own individual road to healing by putting one foot in front of the other day by day.
My suggestion is the same as the rest..... keep your recovery, steady, slow and simple......until you build awareness and confidence to tackle the deeper stuff. This is not a race....and we all recover at our own pace....but pushing it can have side-effects that you might not be prepared to handle.
What I did to find balance....was attented my AA and NA meetings. worked my steps in my AA recovery program....and after about 19 months, I started attending co-da meetings to widen my circle of recovery, make new friends and found a place to relate to others. I did not even begin to work my steps in coda until I have found a co-da sponsor and when I finally did.....Since I had a working knowledge of the steps in AA....and got use to applying the principals in my daily life....coda steps became second nature.
Today I work both programs....but actually I work co-da a lot more.....because using and drinking is no longer the issue.....the issue is maintenance and improvement on my co-da issues. Co-dependency is what causes umanageability in my life today.....and those feelings are what make me want to go out and find a fix. I can easily "fix" on another person....and that is not the answer either.
As far as romantic relationships are concerned....I stay out of them....I am not that well yet and don't wish to complicate my recovery. I focus on builing a relationship with myself and the god of my understanding....and My life today is better that I could have ever imagined it would be 2 years ago. As they say if you like the results you are getting...keep doing what you are doing.....and it works.
Maybe one day I will be ready to share myself with another person on a healhty intimate level....but we attract exactly the level of healing we have achieved.....like a mirror.....right now I can recognize that I am not ready to meet myself in a relationship with antother person. At this point it would be double the damage and too much for me to handle.
This does not mean that I don't have many male friends and one or two really good ones that I share time with...I do. But I am just learning how to be "friends" with a man without validating my worth through them or sex or trying to control outcomes. It is a whole new level of relating and gives new meaning to the word "relationship"!
I am so glad I took my sponsors advice...she has not steared me wrong yet......Co-dependency is a deep core self-identity, self worth, self value, lack of confidence and esteem issue. It is a wouldedness at the very core of our being and tackling it....without the coping skills to keep it....can be detrimental. It is all a learning process....and I couldn't jump from first grade to sixth in the rooms of recovry either.
By taking recovery slow, and mastering each level of understanding....the change in me has been a lasting one. I still fall down and go boom alot emotionally and get in my own way.....but my co-dependency no longer tells me that I am not worth getting back up and trying again.
I love my self today and love being alone in my own home in my own skin....and that is more than I can say for over 30 years of my life.
I hope you find your own path to healing also....it is certainly an adventure and I would not trade one single step along the way for any kind of shortcut.
Be patient....and the answers and direction will come
Love and light to you
Gail
Joined: 17 Mar 2005
Posts: 385
PostPosted: 29 Apr 2005 01:33 pm
Does anyone out there have experience with either CODA or Al-Anon? I have a real problem with obsessing over others in order to avoid taking care of my own life. In fact, this is where my disease began, the marijuana use came along afterwards as a coping mechanism for dulling my pain and avoiding the truth of what was right in front of me. I really need to work on this more than anything, although i recognize that unless I am sober it does not matter anyway. I am wondering if I should only go to AA for now, or if I can mix and match? It seems like that could get a little fractured ....
Thanks everyone for your advice!
_________________
troutfly1972:
Joined: 20 Apr 2005
Posts: 178
Location: NE Kansas
PostPosted: 29 Apr 2005 02:40 pm
Might be fractured and frustrating. I have no personal experience but you could always try and see. If it was me, my sobriety comes first, and the affect of it will enable me to better deal with the unresolved issues. ok
_________________
cassie:
Moderator
Joined: 16 Mar 2005
Posts: 1029
PostPosted: 29 Apr 2005 06:11 pm
Frankie
This was listed in another post on the forum. Perhaps it might be of help to you. I personally don't have experience with al-anon. But you are in my prayers.
http://www.co-anon.org/
_________________
Baritone:
Joined: 15 Mar 2005
Posts: 365
Location: NC
PostPosted: 29 Apr 2005 09:16 pm
Hi Frankie,
I can relate to using mind-altering substances as a way of dealing with situations involving others. I came into Al-Anon at the beginning of 2001, and realized a few months later that i needed AA for myself. My first AA sponsor (who is in both programs) suggested that i concentrate on AA until i had some time in sobriety. (Ironically, when we met for lunch a few weeks ago, and as i was describing my life today, he suggested that i might need to get to more Al-Anon meetings now!)
- Jim
_________________
bluidkiti:
Site Admin
Joined: 15 Mar 2005
Posts: 10500
PostPosted: 30 Apr 2005 03:34 am
When I was a few months sober and the fog lifted some I began to see my hubby is his addictions. I called my sponsor one evening when I had had enough and she suggested Al-Anon for me also. I have been to Al-Anon online meetings and read alot of the Al-Anon literature plus met a few folks from my f2f meeting who are both in AA and Al-Anon. Yes, you can do both. I kept my sobriety first, of course.
_________________
fibiray:
Joined: 16 Mar 2005
Posts: 515
Location: Australia Central Coast NSW
PostPosted: 30 Apr 2005 07:33 am
Hi Frankie, I go to both fellowships but I primarily attend AA. I am an adult child of an alcoholic and I know a little about co-dependency. First I would suggest that if you are in early recovery stick with AA until you have stabilised your recovery. After doing some work on the steps you will soon learn about what your defects of character are and how to work the program over people places and situations in which you are powerless over. I know myself I went through a phase of trying to rescue everyone but the reality was and still is that who am I to determine what is right for another person. I have an uphill battle determining what is right for me. The spiritual side of the aa program should help with letting go of these things, but I still go to alanon to get the identification. Admittingly I am not all that consistant with alanon but regular as clockwork with aa. I can only speak for myself but a lot of my codependency issues stemmed from abandonement, and people pleasing. I would always ensure that other peoples needs came before mine and when I ended up getting used and abused then resentment would set in. I do not set myself up for this trap anymore. They say this is a selfish program and yet our program teaches us to be less selfish. What a paradox. Anyhow I hope I have been of some help.
chow chow grin
_________________
soberaddy:
Moderator
Joined: 15 Mar 2005
Posts: 405
Location: Canada
PostPosted: 01 May 2005 10:45 am
Good morning Frankie Very Happy You have described me to the T. I was thought very early not to feel anything that had to do with me. I was co-dependent in everything else others were doing and saying. Someone like lots of make up....I put on lots of make up, someone liked a girl who swear...I would swear...and so on. I will be moving with an alcoholic( sober 2 years) in a few days. Eventough I am an alcoholic myself, I can see me going to Alanon as well as AA for support. Because living with an alcoholic/addict is not the same as just being there for them at meetings as my codependency might resurfaced again.
Take care Frankie....One day at a time!
Love
Anne hug hug angel
_________________
lightlover:
Joined: 17 Mar 2005
Posts: 385
PostPosted: 02 May 2005 04:25 pm
(((anne)))
thanks for the post, i am the exact same "chameleon" .... it is so scary, i feel like a lost child.
tell me, how have you been able to recover from this other than via AA and time? can you be a normal dater these days?
_________________
lightlover:
Joined: 17 Mar 2005
Posts: 385
PostPosted: 02 May 2005 04:27 pm
"I would always ensure that other peoples needs came before mine and when I ended up getting used and abused then resentment would set in. I do not set myself up for this trap anymore."
Good for you, I can identify and am trying to do the same for myself.
_________________
fibiray:
Joined: 16 Mar 2005
Posts: 515
Location: Australia Central Coast NSW
PostPosted: 02 May 2005 07:37 pm
I can only speak for myself here, but for me it's about thinking things through. If the situation seems to have any inequalities about it then I implement a strategy of sorts. For example, I may make a compromise and do one thing and not the other as a means of combating the selfishness in me and yet preventing myself from being used. Depending on the situation, there are others that need a definite refusal. If a person tries to hurry me or rush me into a situation then a flat no is the answer. It is critical that I think carefully about the person or situation. I guess it's about following your gut instinct which has taken me a long time to tune into.
I love that comment about being a normal dater. I was never a normal dater, and if I was single today would still not be. I was what you would term the date from he!! and you needed deep pockets. i would like to think that I have improved since then and that it is more about having common interests and being less selfish.
chow chow lol
_________________
focusontoday:
Joined: 12 May 2005
Posts: 5
Location: Sydney
PostPosted: 12 May 2005 02:28 am
Hi There,
About 6 years ago I began my journey with NarAnon (Friends & Family of Addicts). I went to AlAnon when I couldn't get to a NarAnon meetings.
My Addict was once in Narcotics Anon & AA too if he couldn't find a NA meeting.
he suggested I go for me but really it was to help live with him, eventually I realised the first step which is same as CODA Co Dependancy.
SIMPLY IT ALL MEANS "We are powerless over PEOPLE, PLACES & THINGS "
I got to the 4th step by reading & living the 12 STEP PROGRAM & that is when I had to look at ME - who ME, sh!+ !! Surprised
So my journey AA began & the more I stay sober - tomorrow is 4 months for me, the easier it is to understand that I come first then everyone & everything else.
I have a codependant relationship with my HP & in my case is the Great Spirit - Native American Indian ways.
So really I CHOOSE ANSWER D all of the above cause I am really an 'OLIC' of everything including people.
take care & hugs
Focusontoday
cheer
_________________
soberaddy:
Moderator
Joined: 15 Mar 2005
Posts: 405
Location: Canada
PostPosted: 13 May 2005 08:14 pm
Hi again Frankie...thanks for the reply. To answer your question, I started thinking about myself and I really started to enjoy that. I went outside AA for some professional help. See I did not even realized I was co-dependant because this is something I have been accustomed to all my life. It just came to me naturally. Until one day, (when talking to this counsellor) it stared me right in the face. She asked me, "Anne what do you like? My answer was "I don't know, what do you like?. I had absolutely no idea who I was, what I liked, what I was doing and why as I was doing everything for others. It took me a while Frankie, but I am now getting to know me, who I am, what I like, and what I am doing! I emphasize on the word "I" here. Think about yourself, help others as it will help you too, say lots of prayers, go to meetings, and go for outside help if necessary. It helped me tremendously.
Keep coming back!
Love
Anne hug smokin hug
_________________
lightlover:
Joined: 17 Mar 2005
Posts: 385
PostPosted: 16 May 2005 09:25 am
hi Anne!
Thanks for the post. It is amazing to realize that I am deeply conditioned to doing what I think/feel/know that YOU want, rather than trying to find out what I want.
Something that is hard for me to overcome is this silly notion that being selfish is not OK. Whenever I go choose not to do something that I know someone wants me to do, I let myself become overwhelmed by pangs of guilt and self-hatred. It's like I have required this ridiculous standard of perfection on myself not to disappoint others, which ultimately results in me becoming resentful and rebellious and angry, whereby I end up acting like a jerk at some point because I am so sick and tired of never being allowed to be me, always bending to other's will about what they think is the right path for me.
Growing up, whenever I did something that I wanted to do, rather than what my mother wanted me to do, I was told that I was a selfish, unloving, uncaring daughter who only cared about myself. I was taught that it was not OK for me to be sefish. I think that there is a middle of the road, we need to find the balance between being me-focused and other-focused.
I would be interested to hear your thoughts on this.
Take care,
F
_________________
fibiray:
Joined: 16 Mar 2005
Posts: 515
Location: Australia Central Coast NSW
PostPosted: 16 May 2005 08:11 pm
I can so relate to this, I use to always experience guilt if I said no or would not do something that someone else wanted me to do. This I feel stems back to being ridiculed as a child for not conforming to my mother's will. So needless to say i took this into my adulthood. The same applies for giving an opinion. I fear rebuttal and struggle giving an opinion in the event that I will be shot down which results in me walking away resentful (you know the suffer in silence thing). These two things i have to work on daily as I am learning about setting up boundaries by not giving in to other people's whims or by going with the flow of other people's wants. What about my wants and needs, I did not get sober to sit back and watch those just passively slip by. Life is about taking action. There is a slogan that is often seen around the meetings which says HOW IMPORTANT IS IT. This is a measuring tool for me to determine whether my selfishnees is viable or not or if it is necessary to give an opinion or reation to something that some person has said.
chow chow Wink
_________________
clean42day:
Moderator
Joined: 17 Mar 2005
Posts: 416
PostPosted: 24 May 2005 12:57 pm
Hi frankie.....I was faced with the same dellima also....my sponsor told me the same themes that others are expressing here. She said get grounded in a good foundation of AA or NA first. Work all you steps and then tackle the co-dependent issues. One thing at a time. So that is what I did. After I worked my steps and found underlying issues from childhood. I discovered I was co-dependent long, long, long, before I took my first drink or drug. In my opinion co-dependency is the major core problem that causes us to self-medicate when dysfunctional co-dependent coping skills no longer work we turn to the next level of oblivion to not feel.
As they say recovery comes in levels of discovery and takes on deeper meanings along the way. Alcoholism and addiction is the surface symptom of a much deeper problem. We all travel our own individual road to healing by putting one foot in front of the other day by day.
My suggestion is the same as the rest..... keep your recovery, steady, slow and simple......until you build awareness and confidence to tackle the deeper stuff. This is not a race....and we all recover at our own pace....but pushing it can have side-effects that you might not be prepared to handle.
What I did to find balance....was attented my AA and NA meetings. worked my steps in my AA recovery program....and after about 19 months, I started attending co-da meetings to widen my circle of recovery, make new friends and found a place to relate to others. I did not even begin to work my steps in coda until I have found a co-da sponsor and when I finally did.....Since I had a working knowledge of the steps in AA....and got use to applying the principals in my daily life....coda steps became second nature.
Today I work both programs....but actually I work co-da a lot more.....because using and drinking is no longer the issue.....the issue is maintenance and improvement on my co-da issues. Co-dependency is what causes umanageability in my life today.....and those feelings are what make me want to go out and find a fix. I can easily "fix" on another person....and that is not the answer either.
As far as romantic relationships are concerned....I stay out of them....I am not that well yet and don't wish to complicate my recovery. I focus on builing a relationship with myself and the god of my understanding....and My life today is better that I could have ever imagined it would be 2 years ago. As they say if you like the results you are getting...keep doing what you are doing.....and it works.
Maybe one day I will be ready to share myself with another person on a healhty intimate level....but we attract exactly the level of healing we have achieved.....like a mirror.....right now I can recognize that I am not ready to meet myself in a relationship with antother person. At this point it would be double the damage and too much for me to handle.
This does not mean that I don't have many male friends and one or two really good ones that I share time with...I do. But I am just learning how to be "friends" with a man without validating my worth through them or sex or trying to control outcomes. It is a whole new level of relating and gives new meaning to the word "relationship"!
I am so glad I took my sponsors advice...she has not steared me wrong yet......Co-dependency is a deep core self-identity, self worth, self value, lack of confidence and esteem issue. It is a wouldedness at the very core of our being and tackling it....without the coping skills to keep it....can be detrimental. It is all a learning process....and I couldn't jump from first grade to sixth in the rooms of recovry either.
By taking recovery slow, and mastering each level of understanding....the change in me has been a lasting one. I still fall down and go boom alot emotionally and get in my own way.....but my co-dependency no longer tells me that I am not worth getting back up and trying again.
I love my self today and love being alone in my own home in my own skin....and that is more than I can say for over 30 years of my life.
I hope you find your own path to healing also....it is certainly an adventure and I would not trade one single step along the way for any kind of shortcut.
Be patient....and the answers and direction will come
Love and light to you
Gail