DryDaveC
01-27-2008, 11:05 AM
I am Dave, an alcoholic with 17 years non drinking-
And I say that with respect to the fellowship of AA members everywhere who came in to the program desperate for a solution, stayed with it and recovered by doing their program on a daily basis and finding success and a contact with their higher power.
Few people understand the dry-drunk, mostly because theres the appearance that no active addiction is being used at the time, and they cant comprehend the inner struggle going on because to outward appearances, theres no good reason for it. But believe me, there is. I lost a wife and kids and a home to active addiction, and another while dry. They (others), think youre just a jerk who is non-caring, only thinks of selfish things and does irrational things with no reason at all. I am sorry that this disease is so insidious and baffling that it can even trick so called normal people. For me, the only solution is in the steps. I am now attending 3-4 meetings a week, and have come to the conclusion that my disease is active whether I am drinking or not, and I have to treat myself as a patient 24-7. Taking that view of this disease has changed how I see my recovery. Yes, I am different from other alcoholics in the program, but so what? I am still an alcoholic. Yes, I may have quit by myself, but I paid with everything dear to me. And still kept with it stubbornly, going to meetings only when I couldnt cling anymore and only returning when that wore off. I was mad at God and myself. I was a professional white-knuckler who was losing his grip and thought about giving up and getting drunk quite a bit. Thats not a normal recovery. There was no serenity to be had, I went from addiction to addiction to stay "sane" which wasnt sane at all. For me, the 1-2-3 shuffle doesnt work. The only thing that does is doing ALL of the steps, making ammends (I have already with one of my daughters and tried to with my ex who doesnt accept it, but thats ok) and cleaning house, which is where I am today. I hope that anyone who reads this and has the same experience can see the similarity, and perhaps recognize some of these problems as their own and hopefully start coming to know that their disease, like mine, is lying in wait and is actively seeking to destroy them and everyone near them whether they are drunk or not. The solution is in complete surrender to the disease and giving yourself to the steps. Then you can be free to love yourself and others... :wink:
And I say that with respect to the fellowship of AA members everywhere who came in to the program desperate for a solution, stayed with it and recovered by doing their program on a daily basis and finding success and a contact with their higher power.
Few people understand the dry-drunk, mostly because theres the appearance that no active addiction is being used at the time, and they cant comprehend the inner struggle going on because to outward appearances, theres no good reason for it. But believe me, there is. I lost a wife and kids and a home to active addiction, and another while dry. They (others), think youre just a jerk who is non-caring, only thinks of selfish things and does irrational things with no reason at all. I am sorry that this disease is so insidious and baffling that it can even trick so called normal people. For me, the only solution is in the steps. I am now attending 3-4 meetings a week, and have come to the conclusion that my disease is active whether I am drinking or not, and I have to treat myself as a patient 24-7. Taking that view of this disease has changed how I see my recovery. Yes, I am different from other alcoholics in the program, but so what? I am still an alcoholic. Yes, I may have quit by myself, but I paid with everything dear to me. And still kept with it stubbornly, going to meetings only when I couldnt cling anymore and only returning when that wore off. I was mad at God and myself. I was a professional white-knuckler who was losing his grip and thought about giving up and getting drunk quite a bit. Thats not a normal recovery. There was no serenity to be had, I went from addiction to addiction to stay "sane" which wasnt sane at all. For me, the 1-2-3 shuffle doesnt work. The only thing that does is doing ALL of the steps, making ammends (I have already with one of my daughters and tried to with my ex who doesnt accept it, but thats ok) and cleaning house, which is where I am today. I hope that anyone who reads this and has the same experience can see the similarity, and perhaps recognize some of these problems as their own and hopefully start coming to know that their disease, like mine, is lying in wait and is actively seeking to destroy them and everyone near them whether they are drunk or not. The solution is in complete surrender to the disease and giving yourself to the steps. Then you can be free to love yourself and others... :wink: