dalin
01-28-2008, 03:13 AM
3 days clean a quarter century latter, new piece for NA Way Magazine
3 days clean a qurter century latter
Dear Family,
A few days ago, I found myself at a halfway house NA meeting picking up a key tag as a sign of surrender. I was 3 days clean and wanted to go to a meeting and get a white chip bad. I have over a quarter of a century clean in Narcotics Anonymous but I was detoxing from over 4 months of prescribed narcotics from an informed physician (I latter found out he was in recovery) for extreme physical pain. I had gone through back surgery just a week prior and had been on shots of the good stuff along with more narcotic pills for the next few days but at long last my leg pain had gotten down to tolerable levels and I knew it was time to get off the stuff.
I didn't even have to give the bottle of extra pills I had squirreled away, if things got really bad, to my wife for whole day of withdrawels, they where right next to my desk (okay I am still an addict.. smile). I simply had zero desire to use, even with the monkey was on my back just like the good old days. I did give her the bottle on day two, letting her know I did not need stuff like this around me at all.
Just like the Basic Text had told me, my body did not know the difference between drugs prescribed to me by a Doctor for pain and those I prescribed to myself to get high, amen brother. Truer words where never said. The only difference was that my spirit and my heart where clean through all of those months of medication. My phone still rang with NA members that I sponsored, my emails still came from NA sponsees around the country and overseas, and my vision hardly turned to character defects for survival in the whole time I had to use what I had to use.
I got to that meeting about 45 minutes early as I had mixed the time up, but apparently God hadn't. They let me come in the house and I sat down next to a guy who had two days clean, man did I know just how he felt! We talked about recovery and staying clean one day at a time in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous.
I got up to go back to where they held the NA meeting and found some of my friends setting up the room. We had some hugs and chats, then they started the meeting in the usual manner with the readings and the Just For Today page for that day.
As I sat in that chair, I looked back to the "me" that walked into his 1st Narcotics Anonymous meeting in 1981 and had a flash of recall as to just what it felt like to be in those blue hospital pajamas kicking dope at your very first NA meeting. Only this wasn't 1981, it was 2008 and I was still clean by the grace of God and the program of Narcotics Anonymous. A huge wave of gratitude came over me as I stood up and picked up a white chip to show that, just for today, I had a desire to stay clean. No, I did not surrender my clean time, I had not relapsed right? I just picked up a white chip as a sign of surrender and as a reminder and an atta-boy to myself that I had a desire to stay clean just for today.
Heck, I have picked up many a white chip over the last 26 years when life had knocked me down and I needed to let go of something and surrender one more time. That is why, when I give out the chips and ask if anyone wants a white chip, I always ask if there is someone who wants to get clean or join NA, is there someone with a desire to stay clean just for today, or does anyone have something they need to surrender.
The truth is that the guy who picked up that white chip the other night, had over a quarter of a century of faith, hope and an incredible track record of successes in his life from staying clean. That guy who picked up that white chip in 1981 had nothing but a burning desire to stop hurting.
Tears are streaming down my face as I type this letter to you my worldwide family, because you all know just how precious that desire is and what NA can do with a sorry low life like I was back then, as long as we have just the smallest bit of desire.
In loving service,
Anonymous, Virginia
Clean today by the grace of God and Narcotics Anonymous
3 days clean a qurter century latter
Dear Family,
A few days ago, I found myself at a halfway house NA meeting picking up a key tag as a sign of surrender. I was 3 days clean and wanted to go to a meeting and get a white chip bad. I have over a quarter of a century clean in Narcotics Anonymous but I was detoxing from over 4 months of prescribed narcotics from an informed physician (I latter found out he was in recovery) for extreme physical pain. I had gone through back surgery just a week prior and had been on shots of the good stuff along with more narcotic pills for the next few days but at long last my leg pain had gotten down to tolerable levels and I knew it was time to get off the stuff.
I didn't even have to give the bottle of extra pills I had squirreled away, if things got really bad, to my wife for whole day of withdrawels, they where right next to my desk (okay I am still an addict.. smile). I simply had zero desire to use, even with the monkey was on my back just like the good old days. I did give her the bottle on day two, letting her know I did not need stuff like this around me at all.
Just like the Basic Text had told me, my body did not know the difference between drugs prescribed to me by a Doctor for pain and those I prescribed to myself to get high, amen brother. Truer words where never said. The only difference was that my spirit and my heart where clean through all of those months of medication. My phone still rang with NA members that I sponsored, my emails still came from NA sponsees around the country and overseas, and my vision hardly turned to character defects for survival in the whole time I had to use what I had to use.
I got to that meeting about 45 minutes early as I had mixed the time up, but apparently God hadn't. They let me come in the house and I sat down next to a guy who had two days clean, man did I know just how he felt! We talked about recovery and staying clean one day at a time in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous.
I got up to go back to where they held the NA meeting and found some of my friends setting up the room. We had some hugs and chats, then they started the meeting in the usual manner with the readings and the Just For Today page for that day.
As I sat in that chair, I looked back to the "me" that walked into his 1st Narcotics Anonymous meeting in 1981 and had a flash of recall as to just what it felt like to be in those blue hospital pajamas kicking dope at your very first NA meeting. Only this wasn't 1981, it was 2008 and I was still clean by the grace of God and the program of Narcotics Anonymous. A huge wave of gratitude came over me as I stood up and picked up a white chip to show that, just for today, I had a desire to stay clean. No, I did not surrender my clean time, I had not relapsed right? I just picked up a white chip as a sign of surrender and as a reminder and an atta-boy to myself that I had a desire to stay clean just for today.
Heck, I have picked up many a white chip over the last 26 years when life had knocked me down and I needed to let go of something and surrender one more time. That is why, when I give out the chips and ask if anyone wants a white chip, I always ask if there is someone who wants to get clean or join NA, is there someone with a desire to stay clean just for today, or does anyone have something they need to surrender.
The truth is that the guy who picked up that white chip the other night, had over a quarter of a century of faith, hope and an incredible track record of successes in his life from staying clean. That guy who picked up that white chip in 1981 had nothing but a burning desire to stop hurting.
Tears are streaming down my face as I type this letter to you my worldwide family, because you all know just how precious that desire is and what NA can do with a sorry low life like I was back then, as long as we have just the smallest bit of desire.
In loving service,
Anonymous, Virginia
Clean today by the grace of God and Narcotics Anonymous