I don't want to hurt someones feelings

[Montauktammy]

Hi all now I have this issue I have been talking to this friend of mine who has been going through the same thing as me as far al leaving a relationship with a new comer and I, well I did not it was kind of chosen for me have no contact with my x he only had 9 months when we started dating, well any way it ended badly needless to say on my part I had picked up a lot of old behaviors, and had just left one relationship before I got involved with this new comer. It is easy for me to see how much I was in in my DIS-Ease now, hind sight is 20/20. well my friend whom I have been talking to he has help me see a lot, but has become very clingy he will call me 3 times a day and get up set when I miss a day of talking to him. Him and I have been talking for about 3 months. The 2 of us got out of the relationships around the same time. He to was dating a woman who had about the same amount of time as the dude I was dating. We have a lot of the same issues that we are trying to work out, but I m a kind of stand on my own feet kind of girl and I don't like the cling on thing. I don't want to hurt his feelings he is a good person, all my girl friends say he has a crush ion me my sponsor too and I have told him I am well I am just not his type and he is to old for me like my fathers age. How do I keep my sanity and not hurt this person feelings? I mean he is calling me all the time. It drives me crazy and I tell him things like I am tired to many people are pulling on me. I have no time alone. I am better with the end of the relationship thing with the new comer I am over it truly and he is not over his worries about his x taking his inventory. Me I am at the point in my life that if someone is taking my inventory any one they have way to much time on there hands and what ever it dosen't effect me any way, it is not going to pay my bill or have any effect on my recovery so I don't care. I see this man beating a dead horse, I am not and I tell him what I do about getting over it but it is the same thing over and over, my God my other friends must have wanted to kill me when I went through this part of it. I just don't think he need his feeling hurt any more I know I did not at the time I went through this stuff. What do I do??:37:

[barbie25]

You have to be honest. Let him know you don't mind being friends, but he needs to ease up. I just had to do the same thing. This guy was calling me everyday, sitting to close to me etc..etc..finally i just told him i was not interested in a relationship other then freindship. He seem a little disappionted, and asked why and i told him it was time for me now. I want to get me fixed. Good luck. I will pray for you!!!!!

[Montauktammy]

I have told him that there is no way I can deal with any thing more than friends. It is the neediness if I don't answer my phone he will call back till he gets me. I another friend who is a Girl who will do the same thing they don't talk to any one else. I don't know how to fix any one I can't handle the pedestal thing where it feels like they want me to save them I know put in my hands bad bad things will happen. I have told them they have to call others and expand their net work that they depend to much on me. What happens if I am not there one day all those things, but they do not hear me.:16:

[barbie25]

You carry to much on your shoulders. I know you care, but you can't let it get in the way of you. Not to sound mean or careless but if something bad is going to happen it will if you are there or not. Do you know what I mean? Pray for them. I will and for you to tammy.

[Montauktammy]

I am very honest sometimes to a fault I have been working on not being so ruff with people. Sometimes it work and other times I got people who wont talk to me for months. I hear this soft message of recovery in the rooms in on here. That is not how I was treated as a new comer. I was told to sit and listen to people who had time! I was told to take suggestion or pay for the ones I did not take! I did not have much wiggle room in my 1rst year that would come later, after I had built a foundation of recovery. I see that was how I needed the message, not all of us can or will handle that way. I am learning to not be so ruff on people who can't take it. I don't want to push someone out the doors and since some judgment of other on some of my own bad behavior I have been pushed out of some doors in the rooms and have been told that I was not welcome. I never want some one to get that from me. I know how it feels to be on the outside looking in when you are using and when you are not. I can stand up for my self and was taught how to do so in my 1rst year not all of us are so strong. I don't carry any one, but I don't need to drop them on their face either. I just need to learn how to be more tolerant of others. I am learning. We all have a process to go through. :wink:

[Montauktammy]

I am going to tell you something funny about this post, at the time I posted this my friend was so needy and calling me bothering me, and I knew it was about me being tolerant of others My HP was teaching me, you know that this same friend helped me fix my hot water heater, and when I have been stressed out this past week about being powerless With my sponsees MS He told me you Can't fix it you are not God Tammy and I fell on his shoulder crying you see how this works yeah he was being a pain in the butt but he did what he needed to ,to get through what he was going through clean then was there for me when I needed him too:29::42:

[dalin]

I have learned that lots of prayer,while setting solid boundreis can work.
Turn those addics over to there Higher Power.
I know that in every situation that I feel discomfort in,my Higher Power
is teaching me some lesson for my recovery,and I attract poeple into
my life thru character defects.
Pray about it.
Write about it.