dalin
02-07-2008, 05:34 AM
:cool::16::195:
1. How have you gotten to know yourself better since you've been in recovery?
When I first arrived on the doorsteps of NA, I was a shell of a man, more like a man-boy. Unrecognizable to my family and the friends I grew up with. So I came in not knowing who I was. I had no clue who I was. I had no esteem, no self-concept. I couldn’t imagine how others saw me. I couldn’t answer questions as simple as what I cared about, what I valued, what I stood for. I had no idea what was important in a friendship and what qualities I had to give in a friendship. I was a bystander in my life. My self-image was that of liar, cheat and thief and that is what I was proud of. I couldn’t receive a compliment, my self esteem was so low. For most of my teen/adult life I received a lot of negative attention. I developed a failing/quitting attitude in high school, this carried on as a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more people said I was no good the more I gave up on trying to be good. And when I was bad I’d be good at being bad. Life was one unbreakable chain of bad events after another. When I came into recovery I heard that I have a disease that is treatable and recovery is possible. It was a great relief to no longer feel I was a bad person trying to be good. Being in recovery I have had the opportunity and choice to develop some healthier values and character assets. In active addiction I just didn’t have this choice, I had to act in character defects. Recovery gave me the opportunity to develop a healthier value system, to realize that I stand for something. As a recovery friend says, if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. In recovery we choose life. I don’t always choose what is the healthiest thing to do, but I have come to believe that as long as I have a loving god and the fellowship I will always have the opportunity to grow. Growth always requires change but change doesn’t always mean growth. I now know the value of friendship, how to give and receive a compliment
2.What is your favorite step and why?
I guess step 12 is my favorite step, because it gets me out of self the most. I can sit in my head for a dangerously long time. I have to be careful because most of the time there is no adult supervision in there. Much of the time it is just a big committee of kids looking for some pleasure. It also brings me the most satisfaction, meaning and purpose in my life. The fellowship has given me the opportunity to help others find their lives and spirits again. There is no greater joy than that in my life. Back to step 12.
3. What has your sponsor given you that helped you the most?
Words only diminish the gratitude I have fro what I have been given by my sponsor and those that have taught me how to live. Some of the gifts I have received are to be less judgmental, unconditional acceptance, open mindedness. A love for the basic text. Appreciate the man I have become. Live by the spiritual principles laid out in our readings. At one time my honesty, integrity; dignity could be bought for a bag of whatever. Today my spiritual principles are not for sale for any price. At one time it so important what you thought of me, now no amount of gossip or character assassination can take away my spiritual principles, unless I let it. I don’t have to compromise myself as long as I have a loving god and a conscious contact.
4. What has service taught you?
Service has taught me that the steps help me to live with myself and the twelve traditions help me to live with others. Service help me to understand that without the traditions I am letting myself down in an area of growth that I can not afford to be without. Service came alive on committees. Service also taught me how to work on teams and how to help unconditionally with no motive other than to help the parts become a whole. Tradition one is my favourite principle of service. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on NA Unity. My recovery depends on the unity and harmony that I help create by placing a priority on our common welfare. That means, I strive to create an atmosphere of unity and harmony in my family, workplace and community. What a blessing we have been given, for all those
dedicated to helping out at any level. Either the A,B,C’s of service at a group level, ashtrays, brooms and chairs or the capital S Service at the level of area,
region and world.
5. What things that you saw or heard in early recovery don't you see enough of today?
Working the steps at meetings. Talking recovery. I remember when everyone brought their basic texts to meetings. I never heard anyone dumping, and if you dumped you left off your share with a solution. It seemed like we stuck to the steps in discussions. I don’t hear enough of that focus. Also it seemed that the fellowship was very welcoming. More fellowship, more meetings after meetings, like Frans after TGIF on Friday nights. Maybe I was younger and had more time, as I have grown up in recovery I have also grown older, time is a thief it takes and doesn’t give back, my life has become more complex, kids, car payments, etc. I remember going out for Greek food after New Horizons or Freedom Group, coffee after Bridge Over Troubled Waters. Bowling on Saturday nights with Dominic after Saturday Night Live or off to the Medallion Club or another recovery club on Sherbourne. I had all the time in the world to spend talking recovery all night. The nice thing about my home group “recovery 101” “Great meeting” (group plug) is they go to Starbucks after the meeting. I can only I hope, the fellowship is as welcoming for the newcomer today as it was for me when I came around.
6. What things have helped you the most in recovery?
The steps gave me a plan for living; the spirituality that I originally derived from the fellowship was the glue that held this whole thing together. The best thing I have learned is there is a god and he doesn’t need my help today so I can step aside and accept his will for me. Early on in recovery, I learned that spirituality is not written in a book, like a religion, it is a feeling I have. It is how I feel about myself and my fellow man/woman.
Someone sent me this and it helped to appreciate god. Happy moments, praise God. - Difficult moments, seek God. - Quiet moments, worship God. - Painful moments, trust God. - Every moment, thank God. - If God brings you to it, - He will bring you through it!
7. Besides sticking to the basics, what themes do you see in our recovery today that you are learning from?
To keep reaching out to that newcomer. We can only keep what we have by giving it away. As my friend in recovery says “be careful of the hands you step on, climbing up the latter of recovery, they may be attached to the ass you kiss on the way down” okay it doesn’t have that much to do with helping the newcomer, but I really like it. I have met my best friends in these rooms. I have come to hug a man who robbed me at gunpoint in active addiction and was able to say, “I’m glad to see you here”. Whenever I see someone new, I try to be the first to welcome them, stop chatting in my click and get them a meeting list, and so on. I remember my first meeting I was so filled with self-centered fear, that I just drove by Saturday night live and lied to my girlfriend that I went. When questioned by her I told her it was worse than any jail I had ever been in. She called me on it and told me I was full of crap and not to call her again. The next night I went to Bridge Over trouble Waters at a treatment centre. I had a friend in there for treatment, he told me, every night they gave him meds. So I went to my first meeting, thinking it was treatment. I had no clue what this was all about. I remember that when they read “who is an addict” I raised my hand and said “I am” because I thought they were going to give out drugs and I wanted mine. It doesn’t matter what gets us into the rooms it matters what we keeps us here. “Come and hear the music of recovery and stay to learn the words”. I am forever learning from the newcomer. Someone was there for me to share their experience strength and hope at a time that I needed it the most. The following is the best poem I have aver read about giving it away in recovery. I hope my share has helped you as much as it ahs helped me to write it. Thank you, for asking me and helping me to stay a little longer. I hope in some way I have inspired you to reach out a little farther, hold that door open a little longer. You never know who is going to walk in when you do. In loving service, Jay P
1. How have you gotten to know yourself better since you've been in recovery?
When I first arrived on the doorsteps of NA, I was a shell of a man, more like a man-boy. Unrecognizable to my family and the friends I grew up with. So I came in not knowing who I was. I had no clue who I was. I had no esteem, no self-concept. I couldn’t imagine how others saw me. I couldn’t answer questions as simple as what I cared about, what I valued, what I stood for. I had no idea what was important in a friendship and what qualities I had to give in a friendship. I was a bystander in my life. My self-image was that of liar, cheat and thief and that is what I was proud of. I couldn’t receive a compliment, my self esteem was so low. For most of my teen/adult life I received a lot of negative attention. I developed a failing/quitting attitude in high school, this carried on as a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more people said I was no good the more I gave up on trying to be good. And when I was bad I’d be good at being bad. Life was one unbreakable chain of bad events after another. When I came into recovery I heard that I have a disease that is treatable and recovery is possible. It was a great relief to no longer feel I was a bad person trying to be good. Being in recovery I have had the opportunity and choice to develop some healthier values and character assets. In active addiction I just didn’t have this choice, I had to act in character defects. Recovery gave me the opportunity to develop a healthier value system, to realize that I stand for something. As a recovery friend says, if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. In recovery we choose life. I don’t always choose what is the healthiest thing to do, but I have come to believe that as long as I have a loving god and the fellowship I will always have the opportunity to grow. Growth always requires change but change doesn’t always mean growth. I now know the value of friendship, how to give and receive a compliment
2.What is your favorite step and why?
I guess step 12 is my favorite step, because it gets me out of self the most. I can sit in my head for a dangerously long time. I have to be careful because most of the time there is no adult supervision in there. Much of the time it is just a big committee of kids looking for some pleasure. It also brings me the most satisfaction, meaning and purpose in my life. The fellowship has given me the opportunity to help others find their lives and spirits again. There is no greater joy than that in my life. Back to step 12.
3. What has your sponsor given you that helped you the most?
Words only diminish the gratitude I have fro what I have been given by my sponsor and those that have taught me how to live. Some of the gifts I have received are to be less judgmental, unconditional acceptance, open mindedness. A love for the basic text. Appreciate the man I have become. Live by the spiritual principles laid out in our readings. At one time my honesty, integrity; dignity could be bought for a bag of whatever. Today my spiritual principles are not for sale for any price. At one time it so important what you thought of me, now no amount of gossip or character assassination can take away my spiritual principles, unless I let it. I don’t have to compromise myself as long as I have a loving god and a conscious contact.
4. What has service taught you?
Service has taught me that the steps help me to live with myself and the twelve traditions help me to live with others. Service help me to understand that without the traditions I am letting myself down in an area of growth that I can not afford to be without. Service came alive on committees. Service also taught me how to work on teams and how to help unconditionally with no motive other than to help the parts become a whole. Tradition one is my favourite principle of service. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on NA Unity. My recovery depends on the unity and harmony that I help create by placing a priority on our common welfare. That means, I strive to create an atmosphere of unity and harmony in my family, workplace and community. What a blessing we have been given, for all those
dedicated to helping out at any level. Either the A,B,C’s of service at a group level, ashtrays, brooms and chairs or the capital S Service at the level of area,
region and world.
5. What things that you saw or heard in early recovery don't you see enough of today?
Working the steps at meetings. Talking recovery. I remember when everyone brought their basic texts to meetings. I never heard anyone dumping, and if you dumped you left off your share with a solution. It seemed like we stuck to the steps in discussions. I don’t hear enough of that focus. Also it seemed that the fellowship was very welcoming. More fellowship, more meetings after meetings, like Frans after TGIF on Friday nights. Maybe I was younger and had more time, as I have grown up in recovery I have also grown older, time is a thief it takes and doesn’t give back, my life has become more complex, kids, car payments, etc. I remember going out for Greek food after New Horizons or Freedom Group, coffee after Bridge Over Troubled Waters. Bowling on Saturday nights with Dominic after Saturday Night Live or off to the Medallion Club or another recovery club on Sherbourne. I had all the time in the world to spend talking recovery all night. The nice thing about my home group “recovery 101” “Great meeting” (group plug) is they go to Starbucks after the meeting. I can only I hope, the fellowship is as welcoming for the newcomer today as it was for me when I came around.
6. What things have helped you the most in recovery?
The steps gave me a plan for living; the spirituality that I originally derived from the fellowship was the glue that held this whole thing together. The best thing I have learned is there is a god and he doesn’t need my help today so I can step aside and accept his will for me. Early on in recovery, I learned that spirituality is not written in a book, like a religion, it is a feeling I have. It is how I feel about myself and my fellow man/woman.
Someone sent me this and it helped to appreciate god. Happy moments, praise God. - Difficult moments, seek God. - Quiet moments, worship God. - Painful moments, trust God. - Every moment, thank God. - If God brings you to it, - He will bring you through it!
7. Besides sticking to the basics, what themes do you see in our recovery today that you are learning from?
To keep reaching out to that newcomer. We can only keep what we have by giving it away. As my friend in recovery says “be careful of the hands you step on, climbing up the latter of recovery, they may be attached to the ass you kiss on the way down” okay it doesn’t have that much to do with helping the newcomer, but I really like it. I have met my best friends in these rooms. I have come to hug a man who robbed me at gunpoint in active addiction and was able to say, “I’m glad to see you here”. Whenever I see someone new, I try to be the first to welcome them, stop chatting in my click and get them a meeting list, and so on. I remember my first meeting I was so filled with self-centered fear, that I just drove by Saturday night live and lied to my girlfriend that I went. When questioned by her I told her it was worse than any jail I had ever been in. She called me on it and told me I was full of crap and not to call her again. The next night I went to Bridge Over trouble Waters at a treatment centre. I had a friend in there for treatment, he told me, every night they gave him meds. So I went to my first meeting, thinking it was treatment. I had no clue what this was all about. I remember that when they read “who is an addict” I raised my hand and said “I am” because I thought they were going to give out drugs and I wanted mine. It doesn’t matter what gets us into the rooms it matters what we keeps us here. “Come and hear the music of recovery and stay to learn the words”. I am forever learning from the newcomer. Someone was there for me to share their experience strength and hope at a time that I needed it the most. The following is the best poem I have aver read about giving it away in recovery. I hope my share has helped you as much as it ahs helped me to write it. Thank you, for asking me and helping me to stay a little longer. I hope in some way I have inspired you to reach out a little farther, hold that door open a little longer. You never know who is going to walk in when you do. In loving service, Jay P