I have a lot of fear of being to vulnerable

[Montauktammy]

I have a lot of fear of being to vulnerable, do any of you go through this one? How do you learn to trust people again? Right now I can't even let a man touch me not a hug at a meeting or anything , I have men friends too I am just hopeful they understand, but I don't want to be the Ice Princess any more! ( that was my street name) I feel like it is haunting:195: me.

[dragonflygrl]

Yep sister...I sooooooo get that! HA..even after 15 years of clean time I know that one. What I have learned about self is that not being vunerable has served me well in the past. Whether in or out of recovery. It has been what i call a survival skill. Here's something that you might find interesting...character defects and character assets are often times the same thing. So a defect can be an assest with the volume turned up just a little too loud..does that make sense to you? I would like to invite you to find one person (sponsor, best friend, someone you know you can trust) and practice vunerability. That doesn't mean you spill everything out in one sitting...it means you allow yourself to open up a little at a time. That worked for me. There are times you will be set back, welcome to life on lifes terms, but keep trying. It does get better. Let me know how it goes....,

:42:

[Montauktammy]

So a defect can be an assest with the volume turned up just a little too loud..does that make sense to you?
Oh yeah being honest or to honest got that! why I am asking is I am on 4th step for the 3rd time and I would like to feel it this time, I am going deeper in my step work than ever b-4, leap of faith! Thank you, you helped me :42: oh did I say that one reason is that Oct. I got dumped by a new comer:5: :28: that was just trying to make his X jealous?:blush: Brought up a lot of issues 4 me

[dalin]

Just surrender.
I know that when God is driving,and I am relaxed in my recovery,stuff
happens in Gods time.
I feel super lucky to have you as an online freind.
Why anyone would dump you goes beyond my understanding,but for real,by showing
up at a meeting and admitting to being an addict ...well,we arent well known
for having our cr@p together.
Just look at it as God's way of saying..he isnt the one for you.Kind of like,hey,
slow down and work the steps,and focus on solutions,and leave the shopping
of relationships up to God.
He has an awesome partner picked out for you..so relax.

[kaistevens]

My pick-er was broke. I can honestly say, that today I trust fewer people than I did when I was out there, and I will explain...

Today, rather than trusting people (myself included), I trust God. I really put it all into step 3. This is what I started to pray .....

God,
Please, open for me the doors that need opened,
and close for me the doors you want closed,
let my words and actions be your words and action,
bring into my life people build me up and help me grow,
and remove from me people who will tear me down and pull me back to my disease.
Amen

When I am standing where God wants me to stand,
and doing what God wants me to do,
and asking him to guide me,
I feel at ease, and things wrok out.

Cause I was real bad about trusting the WRONG people, friends / family / men. That's just the way I HAVE to do it.

[admin]

I had built up the walls around me pretty good for many years at least I thought I had but I found out that there were cracks in those walls. Recovery and God have helped to take those walls down so I can trust and love again. It didn't occur overnight but has occurred over time.

[janbear]

being vulnerable with any person can be difficult. Coming from an abusive background, i too know the walls. When i came into recovery i trusted no one, male or female. I had to learn to be vulnerable with my husband of almost 25 years. As far as trusting anyone emotionally in recovery, i didnt for years. It hindered my relationships with sponsors. I took on eventually a suggestion that was given to me to share a tidbit about myself that i didnt care if others knew, with someone that i thought would be trustworthy and see if it came back to me. If it came back to me, i didnt trust them. If it didnt come back, maybe they could sponsor me or be a close friend. I finally experienced what it was like through doing this who i could trust and who i couldnt.
I just recently got a new sponsor after my last one passed away from brain cancer just last month. She knew everything there is to know about me the thought of allowing another sponsor to know me and work with me is difficult but i am slowly progessing. At this point, i really feel i just have one friend who i can be vulnerable with. I have a lot of acquaintances but my relationship with that friend is totally different.
Above all i trust God who i can be totally vulnerable with. My relationship with Him is the most important. Thanks for letting me share.

[Montauktammy]

slow down and work the steps,and focus on solutions,and leave the shopping
of relationships up to God.

That is what I have been trying to do, my sponsor told me that you know when you come in the rooms they tell you the only thing you have to change is everything? Did you think it was all going to happen in a year? then she laughs at me and say keep coming back! funny right :smile:

[dragonflygrl]

You are right where you are suppose to be. Hang in there...Just be true to who you are..and if your not sure who you are yet, thats ok to..more will be revealed. :D