todd
02-21-2008, 07:22 PM
Tape 2
Montgomery History Convention 1991
Opening Meeting
Speaker: Bill, Bob, Bill B., Betty K., Grateful Dave, Lawrence, Frank, Carl
Speaker: Tom
We will open this meeting with a moment of silence for the still suffering addict followed by the Serenity Prayer and for Marty. God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change. Courage to change the things we can and the wisdom to know the difference, amen. I am an addict. My name is Bill, hi Bill.
Readings �Who is an Addict�- Vicki� �What is the NA Program�-Ron� �Why are we Here�-Rueben� �How it Works�-Pat &Marie �
Speaker: Bill
First, I want to welcome everybody and thank everybody for reading. This meeting is listed, as the opening meeting is the agenda and Alabama History Report. Agenda is what is in here basically and what we are here for this weekend. It is a History Conference and there is, the reason this conference is being put on is because of the lack of information that we have in Narcotics Anonymous. In our Basic Text and the approval process, it talked about that the book was not completed. That the book was supposed to continue to complete a history project and that was derailed somewhere. It was put under the carpet. I have to remember that because when the book was in the approval process we got a little flippy-floppy. We got a set of stories, it talked about the history of Narcotics Anonymous, and it talked about we had a job to complete with the Basic Text at that point and time. The job was not done and I was in Ivy land, Pennsylvania when they were working on those stories and at that point, there was energy for writing the history. This conference requested the history from WSO and the WSO has not sent any of the collection of the history that it said it would send us. The reason we decided that we wanted to have a history conference , last spring, I mean last summer this group hosted a conference in a church basement and we had a few people come and go over some history and what we are seeking is to find out is the actual history of Narcotics Anonymous. Therefore, the agenda we scheduled was for the history from the 50's and 60's and what we are looking for is maybe some questions from the floor of what they are seeking. What people expect out of here, so we can get them type of questions answered by the people that have been brought in. We have members present there that have been involved in Narcotics Anonymous for a long time. They are going to be on panels and provide that information for us and we are going to be collecting that type of information. What else we will be doing is trying to collate and put together a history book of Narcotics Anonymous. You know which we feel is important and imperative that this project be complete. We feel that what will happen with our history is going to give us a lot of solutions for the problems that we are involved in today on our Narcotics Anonymous. This is one of the reasons this group chose to be involved in this project. We have chosen to be involved in it because of derailment of the history project and because there are a lot of people out there that are seeking where they came from and who started Narcotics Anonymous. There are a lot of rumors out there, there is some documentation. The little White Book starts that Narcotics Anonymous started in 1953, and then there is talk of a man called Jimmy Kinnon. If you call the WSO up it is almost like the mans name is defunct and that he never even existed almost. You ask WSO who started Narcotics Anonymous and they tell you God and they will not mention a lot about it. In our service structure and what we are looking for you know, it is as my home group has been involved in-group conscience. Where did group conscience come from? What does group conscience actually mean? What does it mean to the people that were actually involved in Narcotics Anonymous in the early days? What were their intents, what was their purpose? You know 1981 when I called the WSO up and a man named Jimmy Kinnon answered the telephone. Have we lost his spirit that is some of the stuff we will be going over here. In 1981 when I called the WSO up Jimmy Kinnon, I told him about that, we were starting a new area and that we did not have the money and needed literature and he sent our area a hundred dollars in literature. He said if you can repay it, you can and if you cannot do not worry about it. Those were the type of things I think we were interested in, you know what happened in the 50's and 60's in Narcotics Anonymous? Were there Tradition violations, how did they work through them situations? Those are things we were looking for as a group. Looking for you know it is like anything you grow up through and you go to school and you read history books about where we come from. You have some kind of foundation to go to; you have to see how the human race grew, what mistakes they made and how they were corrected. But Narcotics Anonymous, we have no basis to go from and that is disheartening. When I know we are history right now the people that are here are history.
We are looking at the 70's, many things we know about the 70's is a period of time when the WSO came into existence, what was the reason for it? We know that it was in a mans house for a while, we know that it was taken out of a house. We know there were other members that participated there. Who were they? How did they participate and what transpired. It is something, I have asked my sponsor many questions, certain areas are unanswered, and I wonder why. When I was on the World Service Conference floor and I talked to certain people and was told I should not even be talking to them I wondered why. These are the things that if we are about, if we are about theses principles that we talk about, these Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. They are part of our history. Why did we adapt the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions from another fellowship called Alcoholics Anonymous to start with? Why did our service structure evolve? Why did the first thing called the NA Tree come into existence? Why has the service manual basically not adhered to? Is it because of principle violations and if so how do we heal from that? You know we had a Federal Court case last year. What is the reasoning for a Federal Court case against an NA member in Narcotics Anonymous? Why does our history have to have that involved with it? You know and those are the questions we look for, the home group wrote a letter in the area that we participated in sent a letter to WSC Narcotics Anonymous. It was sent to the BOT, BOD, World Service Inc. and all WSC sub-committees and to all Narcotics Anonymous as a whole, you know and it is a letter that went out but never a reply, and it had to do with principles, it had to do with questions of traditions. Our history has shown that there have been members ridiculed who have spoken out and why does that have to happen in a fellowship that is supposed to be spiritual. Those are the things that need to be healed in order for us to continue. What happened with the spirit of the of the older members of Narcotics Anonymous that one time worked together and today cannot even talk at times. I am not just talking about people from the 50s', 60s' and 70s' but people who got involved in service in the 80s' and all of a sudden went into service as friends and n longer can fellowship or communicate and that is part of our history. Why is it just in my home group when newcomers come into it they are ridiculed by other groups for joining a home group that is part of our history, but it continues? These are the things I know that we were looking forward to working on. Why is it when we talk about writing a service book that it is not supported by our World Services that is suppose to be there to service I can tell you this conference was told that it has been cancelled, I have received the calls that this conference was cancelled. I know it came out of the WSO. Why does that have to happen? A friend of mine in California walked into the WSO, the flyers were removed from, and he had to go in and ask why and have them put back on in the WSO. What is the fear we have of having our history put together? Are we afraid of truth or is it that we have skeletons in our closets that we do not want to bring out in the light? Don't our principles teach us better? Don't our principles teach us if we are truly seeking the steps and participation of traditions do not they teach us better? What has been the history of the steps and traditions in our fellowship? What has happened to people that has worked with them? What has happened with the spirit of newcomers that use to be excited to get involved in this fellowship and are now today told you do not know enough stay away? Why did the committee's structure close down to get involved in our World Services? They are questions that are not even written about, but there is a reason why. What is the actual purpose of it? What is the constant conflict in our fellowship? That is what we are hoping to get some answers for here. We are also hoping to come out of this here with an actual working body to continue to work together to complete a history book. I think what I would like to do at this moment is we have, we have three members present that are going to be involved in the agenda okay. We have a man named Bill B, from San Diego . (Applause) We have Fawn who uses to be involved in the WSO who lives in Maryland . (Applause) We have Bob B who was involved in throughout the 60s', 70s' and 80s' that I know of from Los Angeles , California . (Applause) Betty K, I was looking for you from southern California.(Applause) What I also wanted to say was this was Jimmy Ks wife and hopefully this weekend we will hear about Jimmy K and get to know Jimmy K a lot more. I hope that the people who never have to meet him will be able to feel his spirit. (Applause) Then we have three other members who are coming who are not present at this moment yet, Bo S., Jim M. and Greg P. that have been involved in our service structure basically from the 70s' and in the 80s'. They were also involved in the Basic Text and NA Tree and the beginning of the NA Way magazine. What I would like maybe at this moment is to have, before members come up and maybe share about five minutes each on what they would like to come out of this history conference and what questions they have so we can just start and roll around. (Applause)
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Speaker: Bob
My name is Bob and I am an addict, hi Bob. I look forward to this conference for a number of reasons. I think that very often we need a collection of information that Billy was talking about. However, at the same time we do not need a distortion of that information. There is much information that is available and sometime we must request it or go and get it or do whatever method we have to do about getting it. One of the basic reasons why the history has not been written, because it is incomplete. Different factions as I believe that they have more history than what they really have. There is a lot of information that is trying to be pieced together and slowly by pieces and bits, that information is being put together. I will share with you anything that I have there is some stuff that came out of the office that I will try of we have photo copies to make available to anyone here because it is not hidden out . It is not being hidden away but if it is incomplete there, is no need of giving it to somebody and say here it is. There have been some vain attempts to give out some misinformation, or be misguided information, where there are other documentations that refute that information. Therefore, we do not want to have controversies of let us say, by time you issue out one document somebody come in, throw another one in your face, and say what about this. That has been a continuation of that same issue has been going on for a number of years. Primarily, hopefully, collectively that people in this room that have these bits and pieces of information will share all of the information that they have so we can get a complete and correct copy of that information for everybody. I have never hid out any information from anyone. Whenever I go out to do history workshops I lay it in the table and let everybody see what I have. To access it to think what they may about it, it is what it is and that is usually what history is all about. It is what it is not what we think it is or pretends it to be or what we wish it could be it is what it is. It stands on its own merit. Each person sometimes has to come to their own conclusion about that without being led down whatever path they are being led down. There are no bones to be picked as far as I am concerned. I think that on of the biggest things that we find out is that we have a division or sense of thinking we have a division of trying to think that we have some �they� and �we� type of mentality. I do not see it as a they and we mentality because we are addicts that are recovering in some state or condition that is going to need a lot of help along the way. It is a changing of attitudes, learning something about working together, learning something about accepting group conscience as we were talking about. It is very difficult very often when my idea is voted against and I have to accept what the group conscience is because I do not agree with it whole-heartedly, but it is usually acceptable, it is just an alternative to my thinking. Very often, I do not want to go and let you know that you have your rights in your opinion or your thinking and sometimes I have to give that up also. So I think it is one of those places we arrive at hopefully, with intentions of finding out information that we can pass on at another time and it be correct. Not something that somebody told you or what you thought you might have heard but what you have documentation and that is the way it is. I hope that is what it is all about and if I can be of any help in anyway, telephone or otherwise I will give you any materials I have, any research things that I am doing I will share them with you. That is all I can do right now so that is it thank you. (Applause)
Speaker: Bill Beck
My name is Bill Beck and I am an addict, hi Bill. You know like Bob said I feel that a lot of things can probably be resolved in a few meetings like this. I do not see the problem as great as it has been made out to be. I see this always as I have always seen it a simple program for complicated people. I think we have all heard that, I think that it is a lot of individuals that have a few things here and there trying to do the best that they could do. You know whatever I try to share; tomorrow I am going to try to share. I have always been a real on the table kind of a person to the extent that I became very controversial at one time. I want to tell you one of the things that Jimmy K uses to say and the fact is I do not like Jimmy K I like Jimmy Kinnon. I mean he is dead so it isn't breaking anyone's anonymity so we might as well say it like it is right. I am not Bill B. I am Bill Beck. I think that when we take a look at this in its simplest form and that we realize that the reason why we got here is because we have been in a state of controversy of which Jimmy Kinnon said is all right as long for the addict to be as long as it was within our fellowship. If we take our controversy out of the fellowship then we are breaking out traditions. The controversy in fact can help us to maintain our own personal sobriety. I mean I don' know about you man but I get a resentment I got to go work the steps on it man and grow a little bit because I have had my feelings hurt many many times and it has become a real growing situation. You know there is sobriety amongst adversity. You cant do anything, I mean once you get into this game and you get into service and you get into having an interest about this thing called Narcotics Anonymous you know your future is much more insured than it would have been if we were all out knick-knackin, paddy-wackin on a corner somewhere. Then there are others that are out here just sort of like floating around and they are as I was, I mean it took me about twelve years before I found out that it was a program of total abstinence you know. That is I was so amazed when George told me you do not take anything, so I think we learn slowly but we learn surely. I think some things are going to be revealed this weekend. I think we are going to look at the simplicity of this situation. I think there is going to be a lot of fruit for thought and you know truth always prevails. Of course, there is o question in my mind because I know the truth. I mean Jimmy Kinnon was the founder of Narcotics Anonymous; he always will be the founder of Narcotics Anonymous. So I am really looking forward to hear the things I am going to hear. I am really looking forward to being able to share whatever it is that I can share. I will answer freely questions here r if you see me walking around to the best of my ability. Thank you. (Applause)
Speaker: Fawn
Hi my name is Fawn, I am an addict, hi Fawn. I am here because I heard Betty was coming here and I wanted to come with her and my friend Bill made the trip even more worth it. I hope something will come out good out of all this. I really like your opening remarks a lot Bill and it is funny back there when you were asking questions. A lot of times one thing that I remember was the issue that came to my mind was exposure. I think a lot of the controversy or a lot of the things we have today involving some of the problems stem from way back along long time ago. Thirty-year-old resentments, twenty-year-old resentments and I think, I am here because I want to make sure that none of these resentments or problems stand in the way from acknowledging who the founder was and giving credit where credit is due. I am here to just hear some information and I hope, sometimes I think that NA just needs a healing you know. I do not that going to happen other than people just telling the truth. I do not think the truth has always been very spiritual or nice. I am just here because I am interested and I care, that is it.
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Speaker: Betty K
I am Betty and I am an addict, hi Betty, thank you. Well I am here because I talked to Bill and Carl and they were telling me how the fellowship can get together and how we do not have to be mad at one another anymore. My reaction was right away well I do not know if I get here, I have to tell it as it is I am just one of those people. If I come here, what will I do if I come here and see some of these people that shot at us or tried to hurt us and do all these things and I thought I just have such a hard time talking to these people yet and I thought the fellowship really needs some mending, it needs mending badly. You know our checks and balances for me are out of whack you know and I would like to see the history written but number one I would like to see the book written about Jimmy K, Jimmy Kinnon as Bill said. You know I drive down the street just before I came out here, I am driving along the street and I see a bumper sticker and it says I am a friend of Bill W. and you know on my bumper it says I am a friend of Jimmy K. so I drove ahead of this car. (Applause) But you know there are so many people that I think in California that will loose so much, they loved NA and it should not be taken away from them. Like Bob and Bill, you know a lot of these guys you know to me it is like when it first started it was very hard I imagine. I use to listen to Jimmy talk about how these use to go in a whole bunch of groups and they use to go on a 12 th step call together a whole bunch of them. They would just overtake this person, you know because they were all scared to death that they would use if they went 12 th stepping so here they would clinging to one another, poor guy was scared to death. You know it must have been very hard and so a lot of people you know I do not want to see them lost along the way. Our history is what is really important and the true facts and you can write as many books as you want to. I have to tell you a lot of them get pretty pissed off at me at times but I tell them I have things that a lot of them do not have. When Jimmy passed away, there were things up in the attic that had never been seen and I have those things, I have quite a bit of things. You know it is kind of like at one time it was different things have happened, you know I am standing on my tiptoes I feel very short. No that is all right I am just verbalizing, but at one time you know I received a letter from the office and I was asked after so many years of them using a tape I was asked if I would please sign over this tape to the office and anything pertaining to this tape. It is like I am looking at this and reading and thinking what is this �anything pertaining to this tape� and I just filed it. I talked to other people in the program and we discussed that and decided that was not the proper thing for me to do. There are people have given me things and asked me to hang on to them you know and when I talk to them they say please do not let go of these things yet it is not time yet. You know our getting together, you know I have a hell of a time talking to Bob, it is like Bob and I get around together and it is like it starts almost as a conversation and then I am like turning away I have to tell it as it is, hahaha Bob is laughing. I do not know how I am going to be around some of these others you know it is going to be very strange. You know it is kind of, like I do not know how to really describe, in a lot of ways I am use to street language. So I do I clean up this, you know some times I feel like �**** Um�.(Applause) You know I love the addict and I love this program so much and I don't want to see it broken up, I don't want to see it broken up no way. When Jimmy was kicked out of the office and he was kicked out, you know if some of you do not know. He was, he went to the office one day and the door was locked you know he was out. He came home and he cried, we both cried because we love this fellowship so much. I am kind of jumping around a lot of people have put a lot of in this you know people even the newcomer who is coming in today has put a lot of love in this and a lot of faith. There is no reason for people going back out or going to another fellowship. Oh speaking of that I have to tell you, here we go, here we go Carl. I hear that maybe we will be writing, talking about other fellowships so as long as we are at it maybe we should put the PTA in there and some of the others. From what I understand this is the NA History and so maybe coming together will give, I hope this will all come out. I have been saying like please God, Higher Power or guide or whatever just let me say and let me do what is right and I have heard others saying and doing the same thing. I hope this does come out right I sincerely do and I would like to see that book written, oh God I would like to see that book written. Carla and Bill have listened to me over and over on this and they would like to see this book written. I am glad to be here, I really am, thank you. (Applause)
Speaker: Grateful Dave
I am Grateful Dave and I am an addict, hi Dave. Hi, family one of the things I would like to see out of this weekend is just like everybody to lay everything they feel out on the table. It was said that there is no controversy that we cannot handle as long as it is kept inside the fellowship. I know a lot about controversy that has been taken out into the public (Laughter) I probably have the dubious distinction of being the only addict that has ever been sued by Narcotics Anonymous in Federal Court. I am just here to let you know that I am going back. (Applause) Because when that book was written and this fellowship was put together it was put together for the public trust and for the public benefit and it was not suppose to be Narcotics Anonymous Inc. and that is what Narcotics Anonymous has turned in to today, it has turned into Narcotics Anonymous Inc. All of us are just being we are more or less wage slaves. We send the money out there, they pay the wages, and basically, we do not get anything for it. There has been over twenty million dollars in the past six-year's total gross income and we have nothing to show for it. You know Jimmy wrote something one time he said� politics make strange bedfellows� and one of the reasons our history has not been told is because of politics. Here we are from probably every conceivable political spectrum and ilk and we are all here strange bedfellows. Some of us want to have the history told the way we want it told and some of us want it told the way they want it told. I think that really we are just going to have to just put it out on the table the way we see it and respect each other. I know many people do not agree with the way I see historical things, but they should agree with my absolute right to say and state what I believe and so should the other person that does not believe as I believe have the same respect to say it. If we are going lay it out lay it all out and let God sort it out. I believe we need to know the documents we need to know what it is and we need to find a way to reproduce the things where they do not get away from the rightful owners and the rightful owners are the Kinnon Family. In order to settle these issues once and for all we need to have that information. We need to have that documentation certified, notarized copies that are freely available through orders and subscriptions. Through the telling of that early history of Narcotics Anonymous, we will probably uncover some skeletons. We will probably open up a Pandora's Box of things that may even cause more questions to be asked than answers to our current situation. I do not know I cut open a golf ball one time, it is real tough on the outside, and there are a lot of stretch rubber stings until you get to the core. It is the core that we are looking for you know and we have to go through a lot of hard **** and a lot of bouncy Teflon rubber you know people with an agenda and things to hide to get to that final core of the truth you know. Perceiving the truth is difficult at times when you throw in the disease of addiction. I have learned that I can grow through any controversy as if working the steps is controversy. It causes controversy in me, I want to go and die, see, and that is controversial to work the steps to go the other way and live. So our program is about controversy, it is about growth you know because if we all sit around and there is never anything to challenge ourselves then why would the newcomer want to be apart of this? Because we will, all be spiritually dead robots walking and talking the same way. That is basically what has happened. We have taken out the , it seems to me that we have taken out the individualism and the creative spirit and that type of stuff and we are all marching to the same tune like I have seen ducks walk across the road and I mean it is like what the hell. I think we need to quit profiteering on Narcotics Anonymous you know we need to have thirty-cent Basic Texts and penny pamphlets and get about the business of returning this fellowship to the addict. We have got work to do. Thanks (Applause)
Speaker: Bill
Okay I will thank the people who came up and one thing I want as I sat there listening, I can hear real good with those headphones. Lawrence gave me something here it says Sigmund File. It is suppose to be the stuff sent to the office, I just paged through it, and it is like I heard Bob talk up here. It is not, it is a bias collection, this letter was never even filed or documented. The stuff we did in Pennsylvania and West Virginia and we sent out about the fourth Edition. There is a lot of stuff in here about the fourth Edition but never the stuff that was sent from Pennsylvania that multi regions worked on, it is not even in there. For our history to be collected, all of that type information has to be put into file and gone over not just. What we are going to do is copy this here and people will be able to get this at the cost of what it costs to operate the machines that we rented this weekend so they can see. I will also attach this letter, two letters not just one from this area that we participated in but also Philadelphia Area of NA concerning issues of Traditions 4 and 9. You know Philadelphia Area is outraged for the following reasons. I just need to, yeah
Bob: Question, are we going to get any of the information that other people have to go into because I think what you have is a worksheet and it is not complete and not something that someone could go by and give you some guides. We need a whole lot of pages in between there, we need the pages in between is what we need is to do what we are here for.
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Bill: Well this is what Lawrence gave to me okay, but this stuff was also sent to the WSO
Bob: That is beside the point; we got a lot of other stuff that is not in there also
Bill: Bob, all this stuff we will get into
Bob: I am just saying we need to get the other stuff that needs to go in there also, that is all I am asking.
Bill: All the material that we collect this weekend will be available okay at the cost of the machines that is what they were rented for. Okay, all of it, if you got anything that is not in here we have two copy machines that we will be making available here. Anybody that has brought stuff or has archives. We have a room over here that will be locked up when it is not open. It is an archive room that we put together and it is very large okay there is a lot of room so if anybody brought anything to please bring it over. The machines will be there for the purpose of copying for the cost of the machines. I want to thank Lawrence for bringing this and if you have anything to say come up and say it.
Speaker: Lawrence
I am Lawrence and I am an addict. I live in California now and just about fifteen minutes away from the WSO. I am here to tell you that I am welcome with open arms but I am not ask to stay and that is okay that is not my ****. I just stand for what I believe in and try consistent with it. You know there is a lot of stuff just like Bob was saying me and Bob happen to be roommates this weekend and he showed me some stuff very similar to this that he put in a packet that he put together and a lot of that stuff is not in here. There is also some thing that I thought was historical that dismantling of the Spanish Basic Text translation literature committee. I believe that is very significant and it a recent occurrence and that is not in there either. I have a proposal that was put together from the BOT that was given to every committee member without a BOT letterhead and that is not in there either. I am sure that if we are persistent, we use, as Malcolm X would say any means necessary we might get what we need, and we might get what we really need. It just I brought this same issue up with Bob and he could not believe that the BOT give us a blank proposal without a letterhead on it. I am here to tell you I have copies of that. I brought a duffle bag of stuff. I do not know what is in it you know I collect everything that I can get my hands on. One of the advantages of trying to be tactful and diplomatic while visiting the WSO is maybe sometimes you can attract more with honey than vinegar. There are a lot of people thinking that I am not returning to California but I am and it is not because I want to it is because I have a responsibility to. I have a wife and I have a child and we are having a lot of difficulties, my marriage is on the rocks just say it like that. But just like my relationship with Bill and my relationship with everyone in here, it means enough to me to make it work out. You know if there is some stress there I need to try to work it out I need to take a look at my stuff. In California , they call it issues, my stuff and try to work it out. Being in California has been very enlightening you know and I don't mean that in a bad sense it has just been very different for me being from the east coast it has just been very different for me. Having the opportunity to attend my first WSC was very difficult for me too. Especially when they have open forums and a member cannot actually step to the microphone but a special worker can. I have a problem with that because I am paying that special worker just like you are by what we put in the basket and what we buy in terms of literature and all of that stuff. I have a problem with that because I think that creates conflict. It creates a conflict of interest. You know it creates the influence kind of factor. I really did not get to know Jimmy on the intimate level but I did get the opportunity to hug him when I was a newcomer at the World Convention in New York . Just being able to chat a couple of words with him, I was able to feel something that was driving him. I am not saying, I think we are all apart of the history. Everyday we wake up clean and go to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting that is history. Recover is controversial as far as I am concerned, it is a radical concept you know because what I know how to do is self-destruct and try to destroy other people. So this is totally un-natural for me to go against what I am doing here. I scratched the money together to come here because I thought it was very important. Last year I had a conversation with Bo Sewell and you know he mentioned that maybe we need to do a history literature addathon or something like that. I do not know what it was I just went to the home group, this home group here that is putting on this activity and Joe has always been like a constant in my life. When I do not expect to see him, I see him. I threw up, I do not know what kind of motion I made but anyway the group took it over and this is what is happening today, this is an extension of it. I try to remember now and I try to figure where the group conscience meetings are at and I either try to call the church or the home where the group conscience is going to be held and I have caught you guys a few times like that. (Laughter) You know it is hard to talk about group conscience, as we know it here on the east coast as compared to the way it is in California . My experience has been that there is no group conscience in California , and I do not mean that in a demeaning way I just think there is no group conscience. I dint think I mean there are home meetings but just no home group. That is something I would like to see brought out in this workshop here is the history of group conscience, the history of home group, you know how we feel in home group about one other and how we learn how to serve. They actually say that groups are not responsible enough anymore to make decisions regarding group conscience I think is a lie. Because I know, I have experienced that. So yeah, this is my donation, I just want the original because I collect stuff, and I collect whatever I can find. You are more than welcome to it. Thank you. (Applause)
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Speaker: Bill:
I was going to say I want to apologize but I do not need to apologize it is for the Alabama person that is coming up from the Alabama history committee that is not present right now. He is on his way and hopefully for God he will make it. He left Alabama with fifty dollars in his pocket to get to Tennessee to go to work, he is waiting to be paid on Wednesday, and then he was heading up to Pittsburgh to meet somebody and head in. He was going to loan money in Pittsburgh so he could gas to go back home again and he has four files with him of what they have collected and hopefully he is going to make it here. There is a history conference next month in Alabama and hopefully some people can make it there too but Carl as some, what did you call that. I will just let you come up and explain it yourself Carl.
Speaker: Carl
I am an addict named Carl just trying to get real. One of the things that got me interested in Narcotics Anonymous history is its incompleteness. Where we had come from, what developed Billy's home group in Allentown had started in December of 89 to look at a project, a short meeting took place I think just a single day in 89, and then the summer of 90 they had an addathon. So I got involved so over the last year and a half my phone bill really indicates that I had an interest in seeing something done with NA History. The addathon last year gave us a view from a number of members. Fawn contributed an overview of the office, we received a letter from one of the early chairs well actually the first chair of the first region of Narcotics Anonymous giving an overview of what he felt was the developmental period in the late 70s and early 80s. We reviewed history of the Basic Text; it was the collection of the stuff that was missing out of the formats that we are talking about. At that same period of time as we became more involved in other controversies Alabama and I am not speaking for Grover who should be here attempted to put together a weekend. At that particular weekend, it evolved into being basically a collection of more information on writing the Basic Text with four very important members of that process. The afternoon session that might have been something else ended up pretty much being a free for all. But out of that began a process, and the first process that I can find any documentation for was the literature committee of 82 pretty much putting an Ad Hoc Committee together to begin compiling the history of Narcotics Anonymous. Until earlier this year, it was believed that, all that information was lost. We have since received a packet of about twelve states or cities that in the late 82 and early 83 had sent in histories. Since that time the Ad Hoc Committee in Alabama has become a permanent committee and has continued to progress towards achieving a collection of what seems at least to me so far from what I have seen from the committee a chronological history. That is much of what was contained in the 82 and 83 material when the meeting started where they were etc. In that 82 document from the literature committee they had a questionnaire asking that sort of thing, who, what, where, why, how many. To that end on the Saturday at the conference in Alabama last year we had an open forum session for about four or five hours trying to discuss how were we going to work towards compiling the history of Narcotics Anonymous into that end and the title ended up being �Guide to collecting historical information about Narcotics Anonymous�. It was an overview of how we were going to collect the material. Betty was reading it this afternoon and found some of our more humorous comments like �This effort will be attacked, use tolerance patience and know we are right�. I don't know how right we will be I think one of the important things is one of the things Dave mentioned that it is very important for us to put the literature together with all of the viewpoints and for the individuals to sort. The other comment I think was �Avoid Politics� well there is no way in Narcotics Anonymous. I do not think that from my viewpoint that recovery is controversial. What happen in our meetings are miracles and that as we realize our services that are where our politics enters. That is where our controversies and that is where our difficulties have continued to come from. To that end, we have input sheets from that particular workshop. What needs to be included in collecting them, these will be available, as I have made ten or twelve copies already. For me the spirit of the history of Narcotics Anonymous the world needs to know. I think we need and deserve being very proud of what we do. We have created a situation that was unheard of in mans history and we need to respect that foundation and the individuals involved and learn from our mistakes. Much of what I have collected in history and archives in Narcotics Anonymous point to the same sort of difficulties reoccurring again and again. I believe if we collect a history that actually looks at some of the personalities and looks at some of the things that we do to each other, which are sometimes pretty ****ty, that maybe we will not continue to do them. But even more so that when we get involved in service and that time comes when somebody is pointing the finger at you you'll know that you are not alone, that it is not so different for you to take the brunt of somebody else's opposition. That when you are out in front you get shot at when you take a stand somebody is there to cut you down. I know that something like that would have helped tremendously in my recovery and in my service involvement because that would have given me the opportunity to not feel so different. If I had known that all of those things had been done to all of you that came before me maybe, it would not have had to hurt so much. Maybe that is part of the process but I think it is apart of the process that we can change. So after all of those phone calls and after all of that time trying to figure out how to progress I hope we will write a feeling document instead of a ca-chunk, a-chunk, ca-chunk. I do not think that is what we are looking for at least with the people who have been involved in this end of the process. We hope that we can come out on the other end using what Alabama has done, using what was done in 83, using the experience of our members with twenty or thirty years and ten years and five years and ten days. Therefore, that we can do something for the benefit of us all and for the benefit a world that does not know about us, that does not know our history. They do not know the miracles that happened here. Maybe we can just get on with it. We have attempted to place an agenda together that covers some of the main issues that have yet to come. We have sort of avoided the 80s because there is just so many more people that we are going to need to have show up at a place like this and so many more negotiators to manage them all in the same room on the same weekend. Hopefully we will learn some of that here, maybe some of those resentments and some of that pain, Billy mentioned that some of those people that use to work together would once more work together. That it can be over with, it is time to get on with it, and that those same mistakes do not continue. I am excited about it, I love archival material. I collect any piece of literature that I can find because we do not seem to produce any anymore. So it is time for us to look at doing that, there is quite a bit of that in the archive room and that stuff will be available. Use our resources as Billy said we want to open up and find out what you would like to know and what you think is important to be contained in this history document. What sort of information is pertinent to you today, you know what sort of focus that might have and maybe a little bit more so, what the hell you going to do to help. There have been a few of us struggling and trying to figure out what, when, where, and how, we already know why. But we need your help to be able to accomplish that. So hopefully this weekend as we get farther along into that agenda you see that Saturday Night we left most of the night open which is great for addicts and we will figure out where we are going from here. I hope you will all come and hold on and write it for all it is worth. Thanks (Applause)
Speaker: Frank
My name is Frank and I am an addict, hi Frank. I am going to try not to get emotional, it is hard not to though. I grew up in a real large family, my father was always messed up, my mother was always messed up and my sisters and brothers were always messed up but we never knew each other. I never knew where I came from. I hit my first meeting in 1973, I tried for a lot of years to get into recovery, and I bounced and bounced and bounced. I finally got into recovery a few years back and I wanted to be apart of I wanted to feel like I belonged. From the very first day I felt good but I really did not feel like I belonged you know I was always involved in controversy. No matter what I did, I was involved in controversy, the home group you know I wanted a nice tight home group and it did not come about until recently. Then I got involved in area and I wanted the area to be real close and that really did not happen. There were always many items a lot of controversy and many resentments going on and right up to region. I was always one who wanted to know where I came from. I never really believed my father was my father, I never really believed my mother was my mother and I always felt like I was the odd guy on the block. My whole life I always felt like the odd guy on the block. Now between, with shame and pride I can tell you that in my region that I have more archives and history than the region you know. I have a better history put together; my area does not even have a history. People would just throw stuff away they did not care about it; you know it did not matter to them. I go up to our RSO and I need to say my wife works there. She is not in the fellowship and I would go up there and find stuff in the wastebasket, stuff that meant a lot to stuff and me that meant a lot to the people who really cared about Narcotics Anonymous and where we came from. It uses to really tear me up to see this stuff wasted and thrown away. When I found out about this conference I was real angry because I found out there were others before this and I did not know. I know deep down in my heart that it was kept from me people would not tell me about it because they did not want me to find out. I would say to sponsor I want to know about this and he would say it is on a need to know basis and you do not need to know. I would call World Service and try to find out about history, you know where did we come from, how did we start? They would tell me we do not have a history put together and I would call another day and they would say it is not done yet, send me what you got. I would tell them what I had and they would say send me what you got. This is all truth, I am not saying it because I heard it here today but I sure as hell identify with the feelings that people were sharing here today. For me you know I feel that it is real important in the spirit of what I was taught in Narcotics Anonymous, to share and care the NA way. That this weekend we work together, not keep anything from each other, and just let things happen. If I give you, what I have and you give me what you have then we can come up with a history. We can come up with a history; we can come up with a history. We have it, I know we do I know we have it. We have to put our prides and our egos aside and we have to do what is right. For me a lot of times like when I go to a meeting I try to share my experience, strength and hope. I try to share where I came from; I try to share what I am doing with my life today. I also share abut history, I shared about how I first meeting started and I shared about the floating type meetings we had. I have shared about standing on the corner waiting for a car to come by and pick us up to go to a meeting because there was none around. I share all that, that we are fortunate today. In my area alone we have seventy some odd meetings you know in our area. On any given day, I can go to three or four meetings, on any given day. You know when I first came around if I could get to one or two meetings a week I was lucky and there is a real need for me to know where did it all start. You know I am Italian and I know I am Italian because people tell me I am Italian. I want to know my grandfather, my grandmother, they are still alive, I want to know my cousins and I want to know my sister and brothers. I will be damned if I will allow anybody to tear Narcotics Anonymous apart. You know it saved my life and I will do everything in my power to keep it going, to keep it going. My worst nightmare is the same nightmare that most of us have, to walk into a house one day and not have a meeting there. I believe in welcoming the newcomer in, people were there for me and feel like it is my responsibility to be there for the newcomer. I cannot imagine anybody telling the newcomer to sit down and shut up, stay stupid you will learn more. My sponsor use to tell me stay stupid you will be okay you know and I use to get real angry because all my life I was stupid you know. Today like in over four years in recovery I have never missed a holiday with my wife and kids, and I didn't' have the money to come here, and it was real hard to call Bill up and talk to him about not having money. I am a Joe Macho; they use to call me the mayor of Putman Corner. I always had money and a flashy car, but today I didn't have the money to come here, I didn't have the money but it meant so much to me that I talked to my wife and I talked to my friends . I got a ride here, I talked to Bill, and I told him I want to be here. I do not know the point I am trying to make is it is just so important that we do this together, not separately. It is not for me to put my history together and for you to put your history together and then try to match them up you know. Let us put the histories together, together and I think we are going to be ok. Thanks (Applause)
Speaker: Bill
I want to thank you for sharing. What time is the meeting supposes to, we started late right. Okay, let them run, who wants to go next?
Montgomery History Convention 1991
Opening Meeting
Speaker: Bill, Bob, Bill B., Betty K., Grateful Dave, Lawrence, Frank, Carl
Speaker: Tom
We will open this meeting with a moment of silence for the still suffering addict followed by the Serenity Prayer and for Marty. God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change. Courage to change the things we can and the wisdom to know the difference, amen. I am an addict. My name is Bill, hi Bill.
Readings �Who is an Addict�- Vicki� �What is the NA Program�-Ron� �Why are we Here�-Rueben� �How it Works�-Pat &Marie �
Speaker: Bill
First, I want to welcome everybody and thank everybody for reading. This meeting is listed, as the opening meeting is the agenda and Alabama History Report. Agenda is what is in here basically and what we are here for this weekend. It is a History Conference and there is, the reason this conference is being put on is because of the lack of information that we have in Narcotics Anonymous. In our Basic Text and the approval process, it talked about that the book was not completed. That the book was supposed to continue to complete a history project and that was derailed somewhere. It was put under the carpet. I have to remember that because when the book was in the approval process we got a little flippy-floppy. We got a set of stories, it talked about the history of Narcotics Anonymous, and it talked about we had a job to complete with the Basic Text at that point and time. The job was not done and I was in Ivy land, Pennsylvania when they were working on those stories and at that point, there was energy for writing the history. This conference requested the history from WSO and the WSO has not sent any of the collection of the history that it said it would send us. The reason we decided that we wanted to have a history conference , last spring, I mean last summer this group hosted a conference in a church basement and we had a few people come and go over some history and what we are seeking is to find out is the actual history of Narcotics Anonymous. Therefore, the agenda we scheduled was for the history from the 50's and 60's and what we are looking for is maybe some questions from the floor of what they are seeking. What people expect out of here, so we can get them type of questions answered by the people that have been brought in. We have members present there that have been involved in Narcotics Anonymous for a long time. They are going to be on panels and provide that information for us and we are going to be collecting that type of information. What else we will be doing is trying to collate and put together a history book of Narcotics Anonymous. You know which we feel is important and imperative that this project be complete. We feel that what will happen with our history is going to give us a lot of solutions for the problems that we are involved in today on our Narcotics Anonymous. This is one of the reasons this group chose to be involved in this project. We have chosen to be involved in it because of derailment of the history project and because there are a lot of people out there that are seeking where they came from and who started Narcotics Anonymous. There are a lot of rumors out there, there is some documentation. The little White Book starts that Narcotics Anonymous started in 1953, and then there is talk of a man called Jimmy Kinnon. If you call the WSO up it is almost like the mans name is defunct and that he never even existed almost. You ask WSO who started Narcotics Anonymous and they tell you God and they will not mention a lot about it. In our service structure and what we are looking for you know, it is as my home group has been involved in-group conscience. Where did group conscience come from? What does group conscience actually mean? What does it mean to the people that were actually involved in Narcotics Anonymous in the early days? What were their intents, what was their purpose? You know 1981 when I called the WSO up and a man named Jimmy Kinnon answered the telephone. Have we lost his spirit that is some of the stuff we will be going over here. In 1981 when I called the WSO up Jimmy Kinnon, I told him about that, we were starting a new area and that we did not have the money and needed literature and he sent our area a hundred dollars in literature. He said if you can repay it, you can and if you cannot do not worry about it. Those were the type of things I think we were interested in, you know what happened in the 50's and 60's in Narcotics Anonymous? Were there Tradition violations, how did they work through them situations? Those are things we were looking for as a group. Looking for you know it is like anything you grow up through and you go to school and you read history books about where we come from. You have some kind of foundation to go to; you have to see how the human race grew, what mistakes they made and how they were corrected. But Narcotics Anonymous, we have no basis to go from and that is disheartening. When I know we are history right now the people that are here are history.
We are looking at the 70's, many things we know about the 70's is a period of time when the WSO came into existence, what was the reason for it? We know that it was in a mans house for a while, we know that it was taken out of a house. We know there were other members that participated there. Who were they? How did they participate and what transpired. It is something, I have asked my sponsor many questions, certain areas are unanswered, and I wonder why. When I was on the World Service Conference floor and I talked to certain people and was told I should not even be talking to them I wondered why. These are the things that if we are about, if we are about theses principles that we talk about, these Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. They are part of our history. Why did we adapt the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions from another fellowship called Alcoholics Anonymous to start with? Why did our service structure evolve? Why did the first thing called the NA Tree come into existence? Why has the service manual basically not adhered to? Is it because of principle violations and if so how do we heal from that? You know we had a Federal Court case last year. What is the reasoning for a Federal Court case against an NA member in Narcotics Anonymous? Why does our history have to have that involved with it? You know and those are the questions we look for, the home group wrote a letter in the area that we participated in sent a letter to WSC Narcotics Anonymous. It was sent to the BOT, BOD, World Service Inc. and all WSC sub-committees and to all Narcotics Anonymous as a whole, you know and it is a letter that went out but never a reply, and it had to do with principles, it had to do with questions of traditions. Our history has shown that there have been members ridiculed who have spoken out and why does that have to happen in a fellowship that is supposed to be spiritual. Those are the things that need to be healed in order for us to continue. What happened with the spirit of the of the older members of Narcotics Anonymous that one time worked together and today cannot even talk at times. I am not just talking about people from the 50s', 60s' and 70s' but people who got involved in service in the 80s' and all of a sudden went into service as friends and n longer can fellowship or communicate and that is part of our history. Why is it just in my home group when newcomers come into it they are ridiculed by other groups for joining a home group that is part of our history, but it continues? These are the things I know that we were looking forward to working on. Why is it when we talk about writing a service book that it is not supported by our World Services that is suppose to be there to service I can tell you this conference was told that it has been cancelled, I have received the calls that this conference was cancelled. I know it came out of the WSO. Why does that have to happen? A friend of mine in California walked into the WSO, the flyers were removed from, and he had to go in and ask why and have them put back on in the WSO. What is the fear we have of having our history put together? Are we afraid of truth or is it that we have skeletons in our closets that we do not want to bring out in the light? Don't our principles teach us better? Don't our principles teach us if we are truly seeking the steps and participation of traditions do not they teach us better? What has been the history of the steps and traditions in our fellowship? What has happened to people that has worked with them? What has happened with the spirit of newcomers that use to be excited to get involved in this fellowship and are now today told you do not know enough stay away? Why did the committee's structure close down to get involved in our World Services? They are questions that are not even written about, but there is a reason why. What is the actual purpose of it? What is the constant conflict in our fellowship? That is what we are hoping to get some answers for here. We are also hoping to come out of this here with an actual working body to continue to work together to complete a history book. I think what I would like to do at this moment is we have, we have three members present that are going to be involved in the agenda okay. We have a man named Bill B, from San Diego . (Applause) We have Fawn who uses to be involved in the WSO who lives in Maryland . (Applause) We have Bob B who was involved in throughout the 60s', 70s' and 80s' that I know of from Los Angeles , California . (Applause) Betty K, I was looking for you from southern California.(Applause) What I also wanted to say was this was Jimmy Ks wife and hopefully this weekend we will hear about Jimmy K and get to know Jimmy K a lot more. I hope that the people who never have to meet him will be able to feel his spirit. (Applause) Then we have three other members who are coming who are not present at this moment yet, Bo S., Jim M. and Greg P. that have been involved in our service structure basically from the 70s' and in the 80s'. They were also involved in the Basic Text and NA Tree and the beginning of the NA Way magazine. What I would like maybe at this moment is to have, before members come up and maybe share about five minutes each on what they would like to come out of this history conference and what questions they have so we can just start and roll around. (Applause)
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Speaker: Bob
My name is Bob and I am an addict, hi Bob. I look forward to this conference for a number of reasons. I think that very often we need a collection of information that Billy was talking about. However, at the same time we do not need a distortion of that information. There is much information that is available and sometime we must request it or go and get it or do whatever method we have to do about getting it. One of the basic reasons why the history has not been written, because it is incomplete. Different factions as I believe that they have more history than what they really have. There is a lot of information that is trying to be pieced together and slowly by pieces and bits, that information is being put together. I will share with you anything that I have there is some stuff that came out of the office that I will try of we have photo copies to make available to anyone here because it is not hidden out . It is not being hidden away but if it is incomplete there, is no need of giving it to somebody and say here it is. There have been some vain attempts to give out some misinformation, or be misguided information, where there are other documentations that refute that information. Therefore, we do not want to have controversies of let us say, by time you issue out one document somebody come in, throw another one in your face, and say what about this. That has been a continuation of that same issue has been going on for a number of years. Primarily, hopefully, collectively that people in this room that have these bits and pieces of information will share all of the information that they have so we can get a complete and correct copy of that information for everybody. I have never hid out any information from anyone. Whenever I go out to do history workshops I lay it in the table and let everybody see what I have. To access it to think what they may about it, it is what it is and that is usually what history is all about. It is what it is not what we think it is or pretends it to be or what we wish it could be it is what it is. It stands on its own merit. Each person sometimes has to come to their own conclusion about that without being led down whatever path they are being led down. There are no bones to be picked as far as I am concerned. I think that on of the biggest things that we find out is that we have a division or sense of thinking we have a division of trying to think that we have some �they� and �we� type of mentality. I do not see it as a they and we mentality because we are addicts that are recovering in some state or condition that is going to need a lot of help along the way. It is a changing of attitudes, learning something about working together, learning something about accepting group conscience as we were talking about. It is very difficult very often when my idea is voted against and I have to accept what the group conscience is because I do not agree with it whole-heartedly, but it is usually acceptable, it is just an alternative to my thinking. Very often, I do not want to go and let you know that you have your rights in your opinion or your thinking and sometimes I have to give that up also. So I think it is one of those places we arrive at hopefully, with intentions of finding out information that we can pass on at another time and it be correct. Not something that somebody told you or what you thought you might have heard but what you have documentation and that is the way it is. I hope that is what it is all about and if I can be of any help in anyway, telephone or otherwise I will give you any materials I have, any research things that I am doing I will share them with you. That is all I can do right now so that is it thank you. (Applause)
Speaker: Bill Beck
My name is Bill Beck and I am an addict, hi Bill. You know like Bob said I feel that a lot of things can probably be resolved in a few meetings like this. I do not see the problem as great as it has been made out to be. I see this always as I have always seen it a simple program for complicated people. I think we have all heard that, I think that it is a lot of individuals that have a few things here and there trying to do the best that they could do. You know whatever I try to share; tomorrow I am going to try to share. I have always been a real on the table kind of a person to the extent that I became very controversial at one time. I want to tell you one of the things that Jimmy K uses to say and the fact is I do not like Jimmy K I like Jimmy Kinnon. I mean he is dead so it isn't breaking anyone's anonymity so we might as well say it like it is right. I am not Bill B. I am Bill Beck. I think that when we take a look at this in its simplest form and that we realize that the reason why we got here is because we have been in a state of controversy of which Jimmy Kinnon said is all right as long for the addict to be as long as it was within our fellowship. If we take our controversy out of the fellowship then we are breaking out traditions. The controversy in fact can help us to maintain our own personal sobriety. I mean I don' know about you man but I get a resentment I got to go work the steps on it man and grow a little bit because I have had my feelings hurt many many times and it has become a real growing situation. You know there is sobriety amongst adversity. You cant do anything, I mean once you get into this game and you get into service and you get into having an interest about this thing called Narcotics Anonymous you know your future is much more insured than it would have been if we were all out knick-knackin, paddy-wackin on a corner somewhere. Then there are others that are out here just sort of like floating around and they are as I was, I mean it took me about twelve years before I found out that it was a program of total abstinence you know. That is I was so amazed when George told me you do not take anything, so I think we learn slowly but we learn surely. I think some things are going to be revealed this weekend. I think we are going to look at the simplicity of this situation. I think there is going to be a lot of fruit for thought and you know truth always prevails. Of course, there is o question in my mind because I know the truth. I mean Jimmy Kinnon was the founder of Narcotics Anonymous; he always will be the founder of Narcotics Anonymous. So I am really looking forward to hear the things I am going to hear. I am really looking forward to being able to share whatever it is that I can share. I will answer freely questions here r if you see me walking around to the best of my ability. Thank you. (Applause)
Speaker: Fawn
Hi my name is Fawn, I am an addict, hi Fawn. I am here because I heard Betty was coming here and I wanted to come with her and my friend Bill made the trip even more worth it. I hope something will come out good out of all this. I really like your opening remarks a lot Bill and it is funny back there when you were asking questions. A lot of times one thing that I remember was the issue that came to my mind was exposure. I think a lot of the controversy or a lot of the things we have today involving some of the problems stem from way back along long time ago. Thirty-year-old resentments, twenty-year-old resentments and I think, I am here because I want to make sure that none of these resentments or problems stand in the way from acknowledging who the founder was and giving credit where credit is due. I am here to just hear some information and I hope, sometimes I think that NA just needs a healing you know. I do not that going to happen other than people just telling the truth. I do not think the truth has always been very spiritual or nice. I am just here because I am interested and I care, that is it.
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Speaker: Betty K
I am Betty and I am an addict, hi Betty, thank you. Well I am here because I talked to Bill and Carl and they were telling me how the fellowship can get together and how we do not have to be mad at one another anymore. My reaction was right away well I do not know if I get here, I have to tell it as it is I am just one of those people. If I come here, what will I do if I come here and see some of these people that shot at us or tried to hurt us and do all these things and I thought I just have such a hard time talking to these people yet and I thought the fellowship really needs some mending, it needs mending badly. You know our checks and balances for me are out of whack you know and I would like to see the history written but number one I would like to see the book written about Jimmy K, Jimmy Kinnon as Bill said. You know I drive down the street just before I came out here, I am driving along the street and I see a bumper sticker and it says I am a friend of Bill W. and you know on my bumper it says I am a friend of Jimmy K. so I drove ahead of this car. (Applause) But you know there are so many people that I think in California that will loose so much, they loved NA and it should not be taken away from them. Like Bob and Bill, you know a lot of these guys you know to me it is like when it first started it was very hard I imagine. I use to listen to Jimmy talk about how these use to go in a whole bunch of groups and they use to go on a 12 th step call together a whole bunch of them. They would just overtake this person, you know because they were all scared to death that they would use if they went 12 th stepping so here they would clinging to one another, poor guy was scared to death. You know it must have been very hard and so a lot of people you know I do not want to see them lost along the way. Our history is what is really important and the true facts and you can write as many books as you want to. I have to tell you a lot of them get pretty pissed off at me at times but I tell them I have things that a lot of them do not have. When Jimmy passed away, there were things up in the attic that had never been seen and I have those things, I have quite a bit of things. You know it is kind of like at one time it was different things have happened, you know I am standing on my tiptoes I feel very short. No that is all right I am just verbalizing, but at one time you know I received a letter from the office and I was asked after so many years of them using a tape I was asked if I would please sign over this tape to the office and anything pertaining to this tape. It is like I am looking at this and reading and thinking what is this �anything pertaining to this tape� and I just filed it. I talked to other people in the program and we discussed that and decided that was not the proper thing for me to do. There are people have given me things and asked me to hang on to them you know and when I talk to them they say please do not let go of these things yet it is not time yet. You know our getting together, you know I have a hell of a time talking to Bob, it is like Bob and I get around together and it is like it starts almost as a conversation and then I am like turning away I have to tell it as it is, hahaha Bob is laughing. I do not know how I am going to be around some of these others you know it is going to be very strange. You know it is kind of, like I do not know how to really describe, in a lot of ways I am use to street language. So I do I clean up this, you know some times I feel like �**** Um�.(Applause) You know I love the addict and I love this program so much and I don't want to see it broken up, I don't want to see it broken up no way. When Jimmy was kicked out of the office and he was kicked out, you know if some of you do not know. He was, he went to the office one day and the door was locked you know he was out. He came home and he cried, we both cried because we love this fellowship so much. I am kind of jumping around a lot of people have put a lot of in this you know people even the newcomer who is coming in today has put a lot of love in this and a lot of faith. There is no reason for people going back out or going to another fellowship. Oh speaking of that I have to tell you, here we go, here we go Carl. I hear that maybe we will be writing, talking about other fellowships so as long as we are at it maybe we should put the PTA in there and some of the others. From what I understand this is the NA History and so maybe coming together will give, I hope this will all come out. I have been saying like please God, Higher Power or guide or whatever just let me say and let me do what is right and I have heard others saying and doing the same thing. I hope this does come out right I sincerely do and I would like to see that book written, oh God I would like to see that book written. Carla and Bill have listened to me over and over on this and they would like to see this book written. I am glad to be here, I really am, thank you. (Applause)
Speaker: Grateful Dave
I am Grateful Dave and I am an addict, hi Dave. Hi, family one of the things I would like to see out of this weekend is just like everybody to lay everything they feel out on the table. It was said that there is no controversy that we cannot handle as long as it is kept inside the fellowship. I know a lot about controversy that has been taken out into the public (Laughter) I probably have the dubious distinction of being the only addict that has ever been sued by Narcotics Anonymous in Federal Court. I am just here to let you know that I am going back. (Applause) Because when that book was written and this fellowship was put together it was put together for the public trust and for the public benefit and it was not suppose to be Narcotics Anonymous Inc. and that is what Narcotics Anonymous has turned in to today, it has turned into Narcotics Anonymous Inc. All of us are just being we are more or less wage slaves. We send the money out there, they pay the wages, and basically, we do not get anything for it. There has been over twenty million dollars in the past six-year's total gross income and we have nothing to show for it. You know Jimmy wrote something one time he said� politics make strange bedfellows� and one of the reasons our history has not been told is because of politics. Here we are from probably every conceivable political spectrum and ilk and we are all here strange bedfellows. Some of us want to have the history told the way we want it told and some of us want it told the way they want it told. I think that really we are just going to have to just put it out on the table the way we see it and respect each other. I know many people do not agree with the way I see historical things, but they should agree with my absolute right to say and state what I believe and so should the other person that does not believe as I believe have the same respect to say it. If we are going lay it out lay it all out and let God sort it out. I believe we need to know the documents we need to know what it is and we need to find a way to reproduce the things where they do not get away from the rightful owners and the rightful owners are the Kinnon Family. In order to settle these issues once and for all we need to have that information. We need to have that documentation certified, notarized copies that are freely available through orders and subscriptions. Through the telling of that early history of Narcotics Anonymous, we will probably uncover some skeletons. We will probably open up a Pandora's Box of things that may even cause more questions to be asked than answers to our current situation. I do not know I cut open a golf ball one time, it is real tough on the outside, and there are a lot of stretch rubber stings until you get to the core. It is the core that we are looking for you know and we have to go through a lot of hard **** and a lot of bouncy Teflon rubber you know people with an agenda and things to hide to get to that final core of the truth you know. Perceiving the truth is difficult at times when you throw in the disease of addiction. I have learned that I can grow through any controversy as if working the steps is controversy. It causes controversy in me, I want to go and die, see, and that is controversial to work the steps to go the other way and live. So our program is about controversy, it is about growth you know because if we all sit around and there is never anything to challenge ourselves then why would the newcomer want to be apart of this? Because we will, all be spiritually dead robots walking and talking the same way. That is basically what has happened. We have taken out the , it seems to me that we have taken out the individualism and the creative spirit and that type of stuff and we are all marching to the same tune like I have seen ducks walk across the road and I mean it is like what the hell. I think we need to quit profiteering on Narcotics Anonymous you know we need to have thirty-cent Basic Texts and penny pamphlets and get about the business of returning this fellowship to the addict. We have got work to do. Thanks (Applause)
Speaker: Bill
Okay I will thank the people who came up and one thing I want as I sat there listening, I can hear real good with those headphones. Lawrence gave me something here it says Sigmund File. It is suppose to be the stuff sent to the office, I just paged through it, and it is like I heard Bob talk up here. It is not, it is a bias collection, this letter was never even filed or documented. The stuff we did in Pennsylvania and West Virginia and we sent out about the fourth Edition. There is a lot of stuff in here about the fourth Edition but never the stuff that was sent from Pennsylvania that multi regions worked on, it is not even in there. For our history to be collected, all of that type information has to be put into file and gone over not just. What we are going to do is copy this here and people will be able to get this at the cost of what it costs to operate the machines that we rented this weekend so they can see. I will also attach this letter, two letters not just one from this area that we participated in but also Philadelphia Area of NA concerning issues of Traditions 4 and 9. You know Philadelphia Area is outraged for the following reasons. I just need to, yeah
Bob: Question, are we going to get any of the information that other people have to go into because I think what you have is a worksheet and it is not complete and not something that someone could go by and give you some guides. We need a whole lot of pages in between there, we need the pages in between is what we need is to do what we are here for.
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Bill: Well this is what Lawrence gave to me okay, but this stuff was also sent to the WSO
Bob: That is beside the point; we got a lot of other stuff that is not in there also
Bill: Bob, all this stuff we will get into
Bob: I am just saying we need to get the other stuff that needs to go in there also, that is all I am asking.
Bill: All the material that we collect this weekend will be available okay at the cost of the machines that is what they were rented for. Okay, all of it, if you got anything that is not in here we have two copy machines that we will be making available here. Anybody that has brought stuff or has archives. We have a room over here that will be locked up when it is not open. It is an archive room that we put together and it is very large okay there is a lot of room so if anybody brought anything to please bring it over. The machines will be there for the purpose of copying for the cost of the machines. I want to thank Lawrence for bringing this and if you have anything to say come up and say it.
Speaker: Lawrence
I am Lawrence and I am an addict. I live in California now and just about fifteen minutes away from the WSO. I am here to tell you that I am welcome with open arms but I am not ask to stay and that is okay that is not my ****. I just stand for what I believe in and try consistent with it. You know there is a lot of stuff just like Bob was saying me and Bob happen to be roommates this weekend and he showed me some stuff very similar to this that he put in a packet that he put together and a lot of that stuff is not in here. There is also some thing that I thought was historical that dismantling of the Spanish Basic Text translation literature committee. I believe that is very significant and it a recent occurrence and that is not in there either. I have a proposal that was put together from the BOT that was given to every committee member without a BOT letterhead and that is not in there either. I am sure that if we are persistent, we use, as Malcolm X would say any means necessary we might get what we need, and we might get what we really need. It just I brought this same issue up with Bob and he could not believe that the BOT give us a blank proposal without a letterhead on it. I am here to tell you I have copies of that. I brought a duffle bag of stuff. I do not know what is in it you know I collect everything that I can get my hands on. One of the advantages of trying to be tactful and diplomatic while visiting the WSO is maybe sometimes you can attract more with honey than vinegar. There are a lot of people thinking that I am not returning to California but I am and it is not because I want to it is because I have a responsibility to. I have a wife and I have a child and we are having a lot of difficulties, my marriage is on the rocks just say it like that. But just like my relationship with Bill and my relationship with everyone in here, it means enough to me to make it work out. You know if there is some stress there I need to try to work it out I need to take a look at my stuff. In California , they call it issues, my stuff and try to work it out. Being in California has been very enlightening you know and I don't mean that in a bad sense it has just been very different for me being from the east coast it has just been very different for me. Having the opportunity to attend my first WSC was very difficult for me too. Especially when they have open forums and a member cannot actually step to the microphone but a special worker can. I have a problem with that because I am paying that special worker just like you are by what we put in the basket and what we buy in terms of literature and all of that stuff. I have a problem with that because I think that creates conflict. It creates a conflict of interest. You know it creates the influence kind of factor. I really did not get to know Jimmy on the intimate level but I did get the opportunity to hug him when I was a newcomer at the World Convention in New York . Just being able to chat a couple of words with him, I was able to feel something that was driving him. I am not saying, I think we are all apart of the history. Everyday we wake up clean and go to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting that is history. Recover is controversial as far as I am concerned, it is a radical concept you know because what I know how to do is self-destruct and try to destroy other people. So this is totally un-natural for me to go against what I am doing here. I scratched the money together to come here because I thought it was very important. Last year I had a conversation with Bo Sewell and you know he mentioned that maybe we need to do a history literature addathon or something like that. I do not know what it was I just went to the home group, this home group here that is putting on this activity and Joe has always been like a constant in my life. When I do not expect to see him, I see him. I threw up, I do not know what kind of motion I made but anyway the group took it over and this is what is happening today, this is an extension of it. I try to remember now and I try to figure where the group conscience meetings are at and I either try to call the church or the home where the group conscience is going to be held and I have caught you guys a few times like that. (Laughter) You know it is hard to talk about group conscience, as we know it here on the east coast as compared to the way it is in California . My experience has been that there is no group conscience in California , and I do not mean that in a demeaning way I just think there is no group conscience. I dint think I mean there are home meetings but just no home group. That is something I would like to see brought out in this workshop here is the history of group conscience, the history of home group, you know how we feel in home group about one other and how we learn how to serve. They actually say that groups are not responsible enough anymore to make decisions regarding group conscience I think is a lie. Because I know, I have experienced that. So yeah, this is my donation, I just want the original because I collect stuff, and I collect whatever I can find. You are more than welcome to it. Thank you. (Applause)
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Speaker: Bill:
I was going to say I want to apologize but I do not need to apologize it is for the Alabama person that is coming up from the Alabama history committee that is not present right now. He is on his way and hopefully for God he will make it. He left Alabama with fifty dollars in his pocket to get to Tennessee to go to work, he is waiting to be paid on Wednesday, and then he was heading up to Pittsburgh to meet somebody and head in. He was going to loan money in Pittsburgh so he could gas to go back home again and he has four files with him of what they have collected and hopefully he is going to make it here. There is a history conference next month in Alabama and hopefully some people can make it there too but Carl as some, what did you call that. I will just let you come up and explain it yourself Carl.
Speaker: Carl
I am an addict named Carl just trying to get real. One of the things that got me interested in Narcotics Anonymous history is its incompleteness. Where we had come from, what developed Billy's home group in Allentown had started in December of 89 to look at a project, a short meeting took place I think just a single day in 89, and then the summer of 90 they had an addathon. So I got involved so over the last year and a half my phone bill really indicates that I had an interest in seeing something done with NA History. The addathon last year gave us a view from a number of members. Fawn contributed an overview of the office, we received a letter from one of the early chairs well actually the first chair of the first region of Narcotics Anonymous giving an overview of what he felt was the developmental period in the late 70s and early 80s. We reviewed history of the Basic Text; it was the collection of the stuff that was missing out of the formats that we are talking about. At that same period of time as we became more involved in other controversies Alabama and I am not speaking for Grover who should be here attempted to put together a weekend. At that particular weekend, it evolved into being basically a collection of more information on writing the Basic Text with four very important members of that process. The afternoon session that might have been something else ended up pretty much being a free for all. But out of that began a process, and the first process that I can find any documentation for was the literature committee of 82 pretty much putting an Ad Hoc Committee together to begin compiling the history of Narcotics Anonymous. Until earlier this year, it was believed that, all that information was lost. We have since received a packet of about twelve states or cities that in the late 82 and early 83 had sent in histories. Since that time the Ad Hoc Committee in Alabama has become a permanent committee and has continued to progress towards achieving a collection of what seems at least to me so far from what I have seen from the committee a chronological history. That is much of what was contained in the 82 and 83 material when the meeting started where they were etc. In that 82 document from the literature committee they had a questionnaire asking that sort of thing, who, what, where, why, how many. To that end on the Saturday at the conference in Alabama last year we had an open forum session for about four or five hours trying to discuss how were we going to work towards compiling the history of Narcotics Anonymous into that end and the title ended up being �Guide to collecting historical information about Narcotics Anonymous�. It was an overview of how we were going to collect the material. Betty was reading it this afternoon and found some of our more humorous comments like �This effort will be attacked, use tolerance patience and know we are right�. I don't know how right we will be I think one of the important things is one of the things Dave mentioned that it is very important for us to put the literature together with all of the viewpoints and for the individuals to sort. The other comment I think was �Avoid Politics� well there is no way in Narcotics Anonymous. I do not think that from my viewpoint that recovery is controversial. What happen in our meetings are miracles and that as we realize our services that are where our politics enters. That is where our controversies and that is where our difficulties have continued to come from. To that end, we have input sheets from that particular workshop. What needs to be included in collecting them, these will be available, as I have made ten or twelve copies already. For me the spirit of the history of Narcotics Anonymous the world needs to know. I think we need and deserve being very proud of what we do. We have created a situation that was unheard of in mans history and we need to respect that foundation and the individuals involved and learn from our mistakes. Much of what I have collected in history and archives in Narcotics Anonymous point to the same sort of difficulties reoccurring again and again. I believe if we collect a history that actually looks at some of the personalities and looks at some of the things that we do to each other, which are sometimes pretty ****ty, that maybe we will not continue to do them. But even more so that when we get involved in service and that time comes when somebody is pointing the finger at you you'll know that you are not alone, that it is not so different for you to take the brunt of somebody else's opposition. That when you are out in front you get shot at when you take a stand somebody is there to cut you down. I know that something like that would have helped tremendously in my recovery and in my service involvement because that would have given me the opportunity to not feel so different. If I had known that all of those things had been done to all of you that came before me maybe, it would not have had to hurt so much. Maybe that is part of the process but I think it is apart of the process that we can change. So after all of those phone calls and after all of that time trying to figure out how to progress I hope we will write a feeling document instead of a ca-chunk, a-chunk, ca-chunk. I do not think that is what we are looking for at least with the people who have been involved in this end of the process. We hope that we can come out on the other end using what Alabama has done, using what was done in 83, using the experience of our members with twenty or thirty years and ten years and five years and ten days. Therefore, that we can do something for the benefit of us all and for the benefit a world that does not know about us, that does not know our history. They do not know the miracles that happened here. Maybe we can just get on with it. We have attempted to place an agenda together that covers some of the main issues that have yet to come. We have sort of avoided the 80s because there is just so many more people that we are going to need to have show up at a place like this and so many more negotiators to manage them all in the same room on the same weekend. Hopefully we will learn some of that here, maybe some of those resentments and some of that pain, Billy mentioned that some of those people that use to work together would once more work together. That it can be over with, it is time to get on with it, and that those same mistakes do not continue. I am excited about it, I love archival material. I collect any piece of literature that I can find because we do not seem to produce any anymore. So it is time for us to look at doing that, there is quite a bit of that in the archive room and that stuff will be available. Use our resources as Billy said we want to open up and find out what you would like to know and what you think is important to be contained in this history document. What sort of information is pertinent to you today, you know what sort of focus that might have and maybe a little bit more so, what the hell you going to do to help. There have been a few of us struggling and trying to figure out what, when, where, and how, we already know why. But we need your help to be able to accomplish that. So hopefully this weekend as we get farther along into that agenda you see that Saturday Night we left most of the night open which is great for addicts and we will figure out where we are going from here. I hope you will all come and hold on and write it for all it is worth. Thanks (Applause)
Speaker: Frank
My name is Frank and I am an addict, hi Frank. I am going to try not to get emotional, it is hard not to though. I grew up in a real large family, my father was always messed up, my mother was always messed up and my sisters and brothers were always messed up but we never knew each other. I never knew where I came from. I hit my first meeting in 1973, I tried for a lot of years to get into recovery, and I bounced and bounced and bounced. I finally got into recovery a few years back and I wanted to be apart of I wanted to feel like I belonged. From the very first day I felt good but I really did not feel like I belonged you know I was always involved in controversy. No matter what I did, I was involved in controversy, the home group you know I wanted a nice tight home group and it did not come about until recently. Then I got involved in area and I wanted the area to be real close and that really did not happen. There were always many items a lot of controversy and many resentments going on and right up to region. I was always one who wanted to know where I came from. I never really believed my father was my father, I never really believed my mother was my mother and I always felt like I was the odd guy on the block. My whole life I always felt like the odd guy on the block. Now between, with shame and pride I can tell you that in my region that I have more archives and history than the region you know. I have a better history put together; my area does not even have a history. People would just throw stuff away they did not care about it; you know it did not matter to them. I go up to our RSO and I need to say my wife works there. She is not in the fellowship and I would go up there and find stuff in the wastebasket, stuff that meant a lot to stuff and me that meant a lot to the people who really cared about Narcotics Anonymous and where we came from. It uses to really tear me up to see this stuff wasted and thrown away. When I found out about this conference I was real angry because I found out there were others before this and I did not know. I know deep down in my heart that it was kept from me people would not tell me about it because they did not want me to find out. I would say to sponsor I want to know about this and he would say it is on a need to know basis and you do not need to know. I would call World Service and try to find out about history, you know where did we come from, how did we start? They would tell me we do not have a history put together and I would call another day and they would say it is not done yet, send me what you got. I would tell them what I had and they would say send me what you got. This is all truth, I am not saying it because I heard it here today but I sure as hell identify with the feelings that people were sharing here today. For me you know I feel that it is real important in the spirit of what I was taught in Narcotics Anonymous, to share and care the NA way. That this weekend we work together, not keep anything from each other, and just let things happen. If I give you, what I have and you give me what you have then we can come up with a history. We can come up with a history; we can come up with a history. We have it, I know we do I know we have it. We have to put our prides and our egos aside and we have to do what is right. For me a lot of times like when I go to a meeting I try to share my experience, strength and hope. I try to share where I came from; I try to share what I am doing with my life today. I also share abut history, I shared about how I first meeting started and I shared about the floating type meetings we had. I have shared about standing on the corner waiting for a car to come by and pick us up to go to a meeting because there was none around. I share all that, that we are fortunate today. In my area alone we have seventy some odd meetings you know in our area. On any given day, I can go to three or four meetings, on any given day. You know when I first came around if I could get to one or two meetings a week I was lucky and there is a real need for me to know where did it all start. You know I am Italian and I know I am Italian because people tell me I am Italian. I want to know my grandfather, my grandmother, they are still alive, I want to know my cousins and I want to know my sister and brothers. I will be damned if I will allow anybody to tear Narcotics Anonymous apart. You know it saved my life and I will do everything in my power to keep it going, to keep it going. My worst nightmare is the same nightmare that most of us have, to walk into a house one day and not have a meeting there. I believe in welcoming the newcomer in, people were there for me and feel like it is my responsibility to be there for the newcomer. I cannot imagine anybody telling the newcomer to sit down and shut up, stay stupid you will learn more. My sponsor use to tell me stay stupid you will be okay you know and I use to get real angry because all my life I was stupid you know. Today like in over four years in recovery I have never missed a holiday with my wife and kids, and I didn't' have the money to come here, and it was real hard to call Bill up and talk to him about not having money. I am a Joe Macho; they use to call me the mayor of Putman Corner. I always had money and a flashy car, but today I didn't have the money to come here, I didn't have the money but it meant so much to me that I talked to my wife and I talked to my friends . I got a ride here, I talked to Bill, and I told him I want to be here. I do not know the point I am trying to make is it is just so important that we do this together, not separately. It is not for me to put my history together and for you to put your history together and then try to match them up you know. Let us put the histories together, together and I think we are going to be ok. Thanks (Applause)
Speaker: Bill
I want to thank you for sharing. What time is the meeting supposes to, we started late right. Okay, let them run, who wants to go next?