todd
02-21-2008, 07:33 PM
Montgomery History Convention 1991
Tape 4
Speaker; Betty
Oh, God here we go again. My name is Betty, I am an addict, hi Betty. I do not know what I am going to say. I am not a speaker you know I do not, I just tell my experience as much as I can remember. How much can you tell at once standing up here? I was just told to talk about the World Service Office. I guess that I can tell you that I came into the program in 1971. Hi, Greg it has been a long time since we have talked. It is good seeing you here. You know we have all been through al lot of stuff. I started in 71 as I said and my first meeting was a woman's NA meeting and I am very grateful for that. There were not too many meetings around and it was kind of neat last night we were sitting around talking about the different meeting and different people. It was neat to be able to laugh at some of the things that happened as before we could not laugh at some of it. I kind of feel like sometimes it is like we are walking on eggshells at times, well I can say to myself anyway.
I have to tell you my first response was that if I see some of these mother****ers I am going to give them the knee you know. Well maybe some of you do not like it but I have to tell you and I just got through telling somebody that I am a cusser you know. I try not to and I have been in Maryland and I have been around people and when I was in Maryland I hardly cussed at all, here I go maybe it is kind of like getting it out right now. I guess it is that little voice in me saying I want things to be different you know I do not want it to be the way it has been going on.
Anyway, in 71 as if I say there were not very many meetings around and the person who 12 stepped me well he is dead now, was Jerry Kinnon and he was the father of my daughter. He made some contact with some women for me right away, which I am very grateful to him for that. I started going to meetings and getting involved and I just got through telling someone just a few minutes ago that I kind of had a hotline at the Solano Club also that all the addicts kind of hung out at. If an addict called down there, I worked there for a short time and if an addict called there, I referred them to NA. Later on, years later I found out that they use to call me NA Betty. You know I went out to some business meetings out on Crenshaw Blvd. I went to a few of them there and I tried working in the office and I think you remember Bob it was kind of hard to catch anybody; everybody was working to tell me what to do so that was very hard. What was that Bob what was that place called on Crenshaw Blvd. (it was called Crenshaw House) okay that was where a bunch of addicts were getting clean right.
Then I went to the valley and when I went to the valley, I went into the hospital there and with the understanding; I would be given no drugs. I had some things to work through in my life there. Therefore, I knew that my first I needed to make a contact with NA you know. The only one I could think of was my ex brother in law, which was Jimmy. I thought what he is going to say. I thought well I have to make my contact with NA no matter what so I called. He said I heard you were in the program and he said great what is it you need. I said I would like to talk to some women and I would like to get to some meetings. He said sure, I explained to him where I was at and he asked if I needed anything and of course, I said, cigarettes and he came out to see me and needless to say, we started talking. We never stopped talking from then on. I would listen to him and it was just like yeah, yeah God this man. I started going to different meetings around in the valley and I wound up moving to the valley. Jimmy and I kept going to meetings together and we also went to another place where the office was at. I had given a copy machine to the office that was gone, we looked around, and a lot of things were gone.
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So it was decided to move the office over to Van Nuys. So it was up over the bail bonds place. Well the landlord was the bail bondsman you know and I feel like I am jumping skipping a lot of things. It was upstairs and we had to put money in the meter, and we had to remember to put money in the meter if we did not we would get tickets. We had a desk and a filing cabinet and an old beat up couch and one or two beat up chairs. We had a few boxes of literature and in the filing cabinet; there was not very many records in there. There were very few records in there. We had the phone and we kept trying to catch the person who was supposed to be in charge of the office at the time to pay the landlord. Trying to catch him when he had the checkbook was like you know he was busy doing something else. Here I am like, oh here he comes again and he wants his money and then to pay the utilities and we share the utilities with one of the other offices there and some of the offices were empty...You know our funds were really low, how low can you go. I do not know about you but facing a landlord sometimes is really hard and Jimmy was one of the first to go to the women's meeting in that office. I would make phone calls and the girls came to the meeting and it was like we would be having a meeting there and we would be hearing people urinating underneath and they would be using and drinking and the girls would be scared because this is where they came to cop you know. This neighborhood was kind of scary, but all kinds of things happened in this office. It was decided to move the office back to Jimmy's house and so and the desk went back to the person who donated it and so here was the filing cabinet and actually it was like a little box was all that was from those records and we had some literature. So it was moved to the house and I think in that time also you know I lived in Van Nuys and I remember Greg and Jimmy working on literature and every once in a while they would say listen to this, what does this sound like, does this sound right. I would say buy God these are big words, what are you guys doing do people understand these words. You know I felt very insecure at times and they said well maybe we need to simplify this a little bit more you know. When it came to the house, I need to tell you that Jimmy and I did not realize but we were living together, I get so embarrassed over this but it is the truth and you know I had my own place and he had his own place. I always lived upstairs in the apartment but it was always like he was walking up those stairs and down those stairs. Anyway at the office we had very little. He had much of what he had you know the ditto machine you know which I donated to the WSO I do not know if they know I gave it to someone. Someone has it in the fellowship and I donated some record players. I donated several things to the WSO. Anyway, this ditto machine I will never forget that it seemed like we were always typing and typing and I would be typing away and Jimmy would say, ok I need another one. I was looking at some of that that Bob brought and I thought that it was probably some of what was on that machine. We would go to trashcans and dig some boxes out for the industries you know they would put the boxes out. Or the grocery stores we would use some of their boxes. Also like the books, we sent out, we would use the grocery bags. We would turn them inside out and we would use those grocery bags. You know it was like it really started to grow. I moved in with Jimmy and you know it was like, it is hard for me to describe because I just do not talk that much about what went on. So you are going to hear a lot of �you knows� and uh uhgs. Many things went on then; much of what went on was kept from me I did not know. I just thought that everyone that came into the program, that everybody loved everybody you know. I baked like crazy at the house. I was always handing out cookies and God help you if you said no; I was going to have to find something to get in your stomach. I went to a lot of yard sales and picked up a lot of material. Really hit the jackpot at one place it was kind of sad but a woman's husband had passed away. They had owned a stationary shop and so she donated and plus we paid her for some and gave her the receipt so she could have the write off for that. That added a lot and people donated tapes and I still have a box of tapes that has cowboy music on it. I have not figured out quite how to work that. I have been using things and trying how to copy over these cowboy music's for these tapes. These tapes are somewhat old you know this cowboy music is probably a collectors item now. It just kept growing. It started like in a little room in the front on the side and it grew n to the kitchen we would be working in the kitchen and then in the laundry room. The ditto machine was in there, we had stacks of things in there. It went into our living room. It went into one, two, three, three bedrooms. We had things in the storage shed, we had things in our front porch stored and we had things up in the addict. In fact when Jimmy passed away, there are many things that even Greg and or Bob has not seen. There are many things he had up there from years ago. He kept everything believe me, he kept everything God you know and I stood right there when we took all these things down. I went through all these things, you know his kids and my kids were there and it was like a chain thing you know. And nothing went passed me without me looking at it to make sure that it was okay. I said this is the fellowship, or you know this is Jimmy's or I want this. You know this is how it went on.
It grew very much, there was a lot of conflict, and there was, I could not believe that people came over to our house and we were friends, I thought we were friends. All of a sudden, it was like something is wrong here it was like this. I thought what is going on here this is suppose to be a fellowship of togetherness you know why is this happening. I could not understand you know what all was happening. I neglected to say that Jimmy and I got married in 1977. We went to some conventions and we went to the conference and we had it over at the college in North Hollywood, There started to be some rumors like this old man and things like that. There were many things that went on you know, there were things that it became were people were coming to our house and they came and they started to take some things. They came and took some things, you know they were taking some things out of the files and I mean it was really getting nasty. In the meantime, there were people trying to work in the office, you know, and we had the board going. There was it was like, Jimmy, Chuck Gates, Greg, Bob and I and these people are working there and they are saying how come Bob and Greg are not showing up and not doing some of this work here that we are doing. You know they are not being involved and you know Greg I believe you had moved up north by then you were gone. We would have the meeting and I don't know if that is when you were in the hospital Bob or you I know you were not coming to all the meetings exactly. Therefore, we had this, so the three of us got together and decided that Greg and Bob were out of the office and all of a sudden we get Bob and Greg said no we are not out of the office and we demand a meeting. So we had a meeting and by that time there had people who were, giving you know so bad that it had been moved next door. So we had the meeting next door and the five of us sat there, six actually there was one other person there taking minutes down. Then we had this meeting and it kept going around and around, everybody felt that they were right, nobody changed you know it was just going on and on. In fact there is I don't think you guys know but there are a few copies going on of that meeting , so anyway this meeting was taped. Finally, I do not remember what all I said; I said Hey this has been going on for so long I am sick and tired of this. We have been sitting here for a long time and nobody is agreeing with anybody lets have this vote and get it over with, this is ridiculous. So then, they were voted whatever and it. Then the people that were working in the office they became more active in the office. They became part of the board and it was really, we were all trying so hard to do what was right you know really trying to do what was right. There was more and more conflict and you know actually I think some of it like Bill said earlier. A lot of this started way back like Southern California (flip tape)
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Personality and who is going to. Na was growing so much then and it became like a power struggle. It was as if all of a sudden, I know that Jimmy told me that he and Greg had sat down and talked about the getting the literature copyrighted. The office and everything and Greg said well with everything that is going on maybe we should put it in our name and keep it so that and Jimmy said no,no,no this belongs to the fellowship. Therefore, you know we were trying out different ways and with this power thing coming in and trying to figure out what is right and Jimmy always saying the same things over and over. I watched through the years when I was living there. I watched Bob come over and say well Jimmy did not this happen, you know well was not this. Remember Bob just before a convention or a conference you use to come over and say Well Jimmy, and Gene use to come over and he would say. So a lot of things happened during this, and with this power struggle a lot people were hurt very much and we got phone calls and things like the laughter and saying ha ha old man. It was not until just recently that I found out people had shot at our home and Jimmy had kept that quiet for me, but it put some pieces together for me from something that had happened that I remembered that time. I have not really stopped for me because it is still going on with my life yet. You know people are they still in fact, when Jimmy went to the 83 convention he said I had a beautiful time there. Honey you cannot believe what a beautiful time I had there. He said I wanted to go on to Pennsylvania so badly but I felt so ill I had to come home. He said but you know the damnedest thing happened he said as I am getting off the elevator somebody said to me you know you man you stole what was it ten thousand, whatever it was whatever the amount was from the office. I swear to God after all those years still you know what happened at that period was about the book when the book was being published. There was like a paper strike, remember there was a paper strike you know that was a hassle. Then we had this printer that we had for about two years you know and the sucker went bankrupt with our money and Jimmy got blamed for that you know. The rumors it is just like, you ever play telephone you know and it goes on and by time it gets to someone it is like. However, the person who told him that he had known him for years you know and it was like people who were around us for years it was a very hard time. Jimmy, they had I am bouncing but maybe you can figure out what I am trying to say. They had moved the office over to Vineland Blvd. , Jimmy was trying his darndest, and everybody was fighting so much with one another and they making sure that there was no help in the office and all kinds of stuff. Oh God it was something by that time I had resigned you know my position and but I was still at the house I was still doing the typing. I was still answering the phone and you know it has never ended really. One day he came, you know he was excited he said there is going to be this man who is going to come in to the office, he is going to learn the ways, and maybe he can do something around here to get things together. I am to show him what is going on and maybe something will be happening. Well with this man came to the office and when Jimmy went to the office one morning and the door was locked and Jimmy was locked out. He came home, he cried, and I cried. I will try not to get into that. It really seemed like he started to go downhill then so more then you know. Jimmy had you know I think it was the later part of the 60s or the first part of the 70s. Then when they said he was not contagious, he slipped out a window and went to a meeting. You know people in the meeting were scared to go near him, they knew where he was from you know that he was in the hospital and they thought he was contagious. So he walked to a meeting, his ankles were all swollen, and he walked back to the meeting because nobody would drive him back. You know this was the fellowship and people were scared. However, you know people came to our home and I could go on and on of people turning on us, it was humongous you know. I feel that when that happened that is when he really started getting very ill that is when he really went downhill. He was like twenty years older than I you know and in his mind, he was so so young. He, this is hard, this is hard. It was as I talked earlier, Lois was my bridesmaid and Bob was Jimmy's best man at our wedding. Anyway so he went through radiation treatments, I thought dieing, I saw this man suffer a lot was but God this man did not complain. I thought what this he does not complain is and he went through so much. I saw them do so much to them. You know people said he did not take any medication; well he did take medication at the end because both of his lungs were being eaten by cancer and when he was at home, I walked through giving him morphine. That was one of my drugs of choice when I was in the hospital but I did not think about that you know I thought about helping him and I was so scared. I remember thinking I am going to kill this man I keep forgetting to pull the plunger out you now I would have never made a good needle addict, because I just always stuck my but up in the air in the hospital so they did that. But I would forget to pull the needle out sometimes to make sure there was blood in it and I was scared I was going to kill him. I was scared that area that we lived in I did not want anyone to know that those drugs were there. Mainly people came over to the house people were told to stay away at different times when they did not need to stay away and it would have been so great to have the one addict talking to another addict to walk him through that, for us both actually for us both of us. However, some did not pay attention to him you know and they came over and some called and it came to a point where he went into the hospital but I will not through all that part with you. Except that people sent cards, we put the cards all over the wall you know, people could call, and he would say, he was still directing he would say make sure that. I would be making notes, for years, I would say I want to be somebody's secretary I want to be Jimmy's secretary. He would say make sure you call such and such, this card came in, you know, and such and such, I need paper. You know this man was dieing at any time he is near as anytime he could be gone. You know people would come in and stay with him to the point he was gone. They wrote in a few papers in a few papers that Jimmy a painter, he was a roofer he did do some painting but he was a roofer. I heard Bob say he was a heroin addict, who knows what he was he just did not come across and say what he did not get in to all of that all of that part. He got into the living part. He loved addicts and he wanted addicts to enjoy life. What was that, I ran across I got all kinds of garbage, listen to me I am calling it garbage. I call it garbage sometimes when I trip over the boxes but they were different things said and there are still different things said. I went to a convention a few weeks ago and someone called his wife by a different name, his wife was Agnes she was a beautiful woman. She was not an addict so she had a hard time sometimes understanding addicts but she was a nice woman and she helped some addicts. I am thinking of Alma , I love Alma in fact, I think this is part of the history. That Jimmy and Elma are sitting at Jimmy's kitchen table and Alma saying what am I going to do about Bob, Bob cringes. Jimmy said start a program get some other women, get some other people involved and they talked about it and Alma got Naranon started, that is how Naranon got started. You know this man, it is impossible for me to stand here and tell you everything; I can tell you that I moved out of the house that we lived in. It was hard but it was a rough neighborhood and I was told that there was no place around that I could afford so I moved. I do not know if that was true or not but I moved, and then I moved again and moved out to the desert. Each time it seems like I keep finding all these changes going on and people I know what they are saying �don't pay attention to her and blah blah blah� and I get this wall like and I just think **** um I belong in this program. I am an addict I will talk, I go to a newcomer I get phone calls and I talk to people on the phone and I walk up to a person. I love this program, I do not want to see it fall apart, and I think we do need some more checks and balances. For a couple of weeks I was in Washington and I wore this little top with an eagle on it. Jimmy always said if he came back he would come back as an eagle you know but I think about while I was there I got to see Congress in session. That was so fascinating to me it was just like wow. The guy who was talking was from California , he was trying to pass this bill, and they were all talking about addicts. I thought my God I walk in and , then I find out later on it is going to be life for a lot of the addicts for some of the things they have happening. That is frightening, that is very frightening, the next thing I know I am going to have to walk up and register that I am an addict. I am running across some of that as it is and some of the things that is happening in my life as it is and I am labeled, I am labeled that and I resent that.
You know it is so great seeing people here, I wish there were more here. It is so great to see people from California here. They need to get their ass out of California and mingle and get some of this straightened around. (Applause) So I hope from what comes from this. I hope it comes to the good that we do not turn around and do what we did before. Thank you very much. (Applause)
Tape 4
Speaker; Betty
Oh, God here we go again. My name is Betty, I am an addict, hi Betty. I do not know what I am going to say. I am not a speaker you know I do not, I just tell my experience as much as I can remember. How much can you tell at once standing up here? I was just told to talk about the World Service Office. I guess that I can tell you that I came into the program in 1971. Hi, Greg it has been a long time since we have talked. It is good seeing you here. You know we have all been through al lot of stuff. I started in 71 as I said and my first meeting was a woman's NA meeting and I am very grateful for that. There were not too many meetings around and it was kind of neat last night we were sitting around talking about the different meeting and different people. It was neat to be able to laugh at some of the things that happened as before we could not laugh at some of it. I kind of feel like sometimes it is like we are walking on eggshells at times, well I can say to myself anyway.
I have to tell you my first response was that if I see some of these mother****ers I am going to give them the knee you know. Well maybe some of you do not like it but I have to tell you and I just got through telling somebody that I am a cusser you know. I try not to and I have been in Maryland and I have been around people and when I was in Maryland I hardly cussed at all, here I go maybe it is kind of like getting it out right now. I guess it is that little voice in me saying I want things to be different you know I do not want it to be the way it has been going on.
Anyway, in 71 as if I say there were not very many meetings around and the person who 12 stepped me well he is dead now, was Jerry Kinnon and he was the father of my daughter. He made some contact with some women for me right away, which I am very grateful to him for that. I started going to meetings and getting involved and I just got through telling someone just a few minutes ago that I kind of had a hotline at the Solano Club also that all the addicts kind of hung out at. If an addict called down there, I worked there for a short time and if an addict called there, I referred them to NA. Later on, years later I found out that they use to call me NA Betty. You know I went out to some business meetings out on Crenshaw Blvd. I went to a few of them there and I tried working in the office and I think you remember Bob it was kind of hard to catch anybody; everybody was working to tell me what to do so that was very hard. What was that Bob what was that place called on Crenshaw Blvd. (it was called Crenshaw House) okay that was where a bunch of addicts were getting clean right.
Then I went to the valley and when I went to the valley, I went into the hospital there and with the understanding; I would be given no drugs. I had some things to work through in my life there. Therefore, I knew that my first I needed to make a contact with NA you know. The only one I could think of was my ex brother in law, which was Jimmy. I thought what he is going to say. I thought well I have to make my contact with NA no matter what so I called. He said I heard you were in the program and he said great what is it you need. I said I would like to talk to some women and I would like to get to some meetings. He said sure, I explained to him where I was at and he asked if I needed anything and of course, I said, cigarettes and he came out to see me and needless to say, we started talking. We never stopped talking from then on. I would listen to him and it was just like yeah, yeah God this man. I started going to different meetings around in the valley and I wound up moving to the valley. Jimmy and I kept going to meetings together and we also went to another place where the office was at. I had given a copy machine to the office that was gone, we looked around, and a lot of things were gone.
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So it was decided to move the office over to Van Nuys. So it was up over the bail bonds place. Well the landlord was the bail bondsman you know and I feel like I am jumping skipping a lot of things. It was upstairs and we had to put money in the meter, and we had to remember to put money in the meter if we did not we would get tickets. We had a desk and a filing cabinet and an old beat up couch and one or two beat up chairs. We had a few boxes of literature and in the filing cabinet; there was not very many records in there. There were very few records in there. We had the phone and we kept trying to catch the person who was supposed to be in charge of the office at the time to pay the landlord. Trying to catch him when he had the checkbook was like you know he was busy doing something else. Here I am like, oh here he comes again and he wants his money and then to pay the utilities and we share the utilities with one of the other offices there and some of the offices were empty...You know our funds were really low, how low can you go. I do not know about you but facing a landlord sometimes is really hard and Jimmy was one of the first to go to the women's meeting in that office. I would make phone calls and the girls came to the meeting and it was like we would be having a meeting there and we would be hearing people urinating underneath and they would be using and drinking and the girls would be scared because this is where they came to cop you know. This neighborhood was kind of scary, but all kinds of things happened in this office. It was decided to move the office back to Jimmy's house and so and the desk went back to the person who donated it and so here was the filing cabinet and actually it was like a little box was all that was from those records and we had some literature. So it was moved to the house and I think in that time also you know I lived in Van Nuys and I remember Greg and Jimmy working on literature and every once in a while they would say listen to this, what does this sound like, does this sound right. I would say buy God these are big words, what are you guys doing do people understand these words. You know I felt very insecure at times and they said well maybe we need to simplify this a little bit more you know. When it came to the house, I need to tell you that Jimmy and I did not realize but we were living together, I get so embarrassed over this but it is the truth and you know I had my own place and he had his own place. I always lived upstairs in the apartment but it was always like he was walking up those stairs and down those stairs. Anyway at the office we had very little. He had much of what he had you know the ditto machine you know which I donated to the WSO I do not know if they know I gave it to someone. Someone has it in the fellowship and I donated some record players. I donated several things to the WSO. Anyway, this ditto machine I will never forget that it seemed like we were always typing and typing and I would be typing away and Jimmy would say, ok I need another one. I was looking at some of that that Bob brought and I thought that it was probably some of what was on that machine. We would go to trashcans and dig some boxes out for the industries you know they would put the boxes out. Or the grocery stores we would use some of their boxes. Also like the books, we sent out, we would use the grocery bags. We would turn them inside out and we would use those grocery bags. You know it was like it really started to grow. I moved in with Jimmy and you know it was like, it is hard for me to describe because I just do not talk that much about what went on. So you are going to hear a lot of �you knows� and uh uhgs. Many things went on then; much of what went on was kept from me I did not know. I just thought that everyone that came into the program, that everybody loved everybody you know. I baked like crazy at the house. I was always handing out cookies and God help you if you said no; I was going to have to find something to get in your stomach. I went to a lot of yard sales and picked up a lot of material. Really hit the jackpot at one place it was kind of sad but a woman's husband had passed away. They had owned a stationary shop and so she donated and plus we paid her for some and gave her the receipt so she could have the write off for that. That added a lot and people donated tapes and I still have a box of tapes that has cowboy music on it. I have not figured out quite how to work that. I have been using things and trying how to copy over these cowboy music's for these tapes. These tapes are somewhat old you know this cowboy music is probably a collectors item now. It just kept growing. It started like in a little room in the front on the side and it grew n to the kitchen we would be working in the kitchen and then in the laundry room. The ditto machine was in there, we had stacks of things in there. It went into our living room. It went into one, two, three, three bedrooms. We had things in the storage shed, we had things in our front porch stored and we had things up in the addict. In fact when Jimmy passed away, there are many things that even Greg and or Bob has not seen. There are many things he had up there from years ago. He kept everything believe me, he kept everything God you know and I stood right there when we took all these things down. I went through all these things, you know his kids and my kids were there and it was like a chain thing you know. And nothing went passed me without me looking at it to make sure that it was okay. I said this is the fellowship, or you know this is Jimmy's or I want this. You know this is how it went on.
It grew very much, there was a lot of conflict, and there was, I could not believe that people came over to our house and we were friends, I thought we were friends. All of a sudden, it was like something is wrong here it was like this. I thought what is going on here this is suppose to be a fellowship of togetherness you know why is this happening. I could not understand you know what all was happening. I neglected to say that Jimmy and I got married in 1977. We went to some conventions and we went to the conference and we had it over at the college in North Hollywood, There started to be some rumors like this old man and things like that. There were many things that went on you know, there were things that it became were people were coming to our house and they came and they started to take some things. They came and took some things, you know they were taking some things out of the files and I mean it was really getting nasty. In the meantime, there were people trying to work in the office, you know, and we had the board going. There was it was like, Jimmy, Chuck Gates, Greg, Bob and I and these people are working there and they are saying how come Bob and Greg are not showing up and not doing some of this work here that we are doing. You know they are not being involved and you know Greg I believe you had moved up north by then you were gone. We would have the meeting and I don't know if that is when you were in the hospital Bob or you I know you were not coming to all the meetings exactly. Therefore, we had this, so the three of us got together and decided that Greg and Bob were out of the office and all of a sudden we get Bob and Greg said no we are not out of the office and we demand a meeting. So we had a meeting and by that time there had people who were, giving you know so bad that it had been moved next door. So we had the meeting next door and the five of us sat there, six actually there was one other person there taking minutes down. Then we had this meeting and it kept going around and around, everybody felt that they were right, nobody changed you know it was just going on and on. In fact there is I don't think you guys know but there are a few copies going on of that meeting , so anyway this meeting was taped. Finally, I do not remember what all I said; I said Hey this has been going on for so long I am sick and tired of this. We have been sitting here for a long time and nobody is agreeing with anybody lets have this vote and get it over with, this is ridiculous. So then, they were voted whatever and it. Then the people that were working in the office they became more active in the office. They became part of the board and it was really, we were all trying so hard to do what was right you know really trying to do what was right. There was more and more conflict and you know actually I think some of it like Bill said earlier. A lot of this started way back like Southern California (flip tape)
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Personality and who is going to. Na was growing so much then and it became like a power struggle. It was as if all of a sudden, I know that Jimmy told me that he and Greg had sat down and talked about the getting the literature copyrighted. The office and everything and Greg said well with everything that is going on maybe we should put it in our name and keep it so that and Jimmy said no,no,no this belongs to the fellowship. Therefore, you know we were trying out different ways and with this power thing coming in and trying to figure out what is right and Jimmy always saying the same things over and over. I watched through the years when I was living there. I watched Bob come over and say well Jimmy did not this happen, you know well was not this. Remember Bob just before a convention or a conference you use to come over and say Well Jimmy, and Gene use to come over and he would say. So a lot of things happened during this, and with this power struggle a lot people were hurt very much and we got phone calls and things like the laughter and saying ha ha old man. It was not until just recently that I found out people had shot at our home and Jimmy had kept that quiet for me, but it put some pieces together for me from something that had happened that I remembered that time. I have not really stopped for me because it is still going on with my life yet. You know people are they still in fact, when Jimmy went to the 83 convention he said I had a beautiful time there. Honey you cannot believe what a beautiful time I had there. He said I wanted to go on to Pennsylvania so badly but I felt so ill I had to come home. He said but you know the damnedest thing happened he said as I am getting off the elevator somebody said to me you know you man you stole what was it ten thousand, whatever it was whatever the amount was from the office. I swear to God after all those years still you know what happened at that period was about the book when the book was being published. There was like a paper strike, remember there was a paper strike you know that was a hassle. Then we had this printer that we had for about two years you know and the sucker went bankrupt with our money and Jimmy got blamed for that you know. The rumors it is just like, you ever play telephone you know and it goes on and by time it gets to someone it is like. However, the person who told him that he had known him for years you know and it was like people who were around us for years it was a very hard time. Jimmy, they had I am bouncing but maybe you can figure out what I am trying to say. They had moved the office over to Vineland Blvd. , Jimmy was trying his darndest, and everybody was fighting so much with one another and they making sure that there was no help in the office and all kinds of stuff. Oh God it was something by that time I had resigned you know my position and but I was still at the house I was still doing the typing. I was still answering the phone and you know it has never ended really. One day he came, you know he was excited he said there is going to be this man who is going to come in to the office, he is going to learn the ways, and maybe he can do something around here to get things together. I am to show him what is going on and maybe something will be happening. Well with this man came to the office and when Jimmy went to the office one morning and the door was locked and Jimmy was locked out. He came home, he cried, and I cried. I will try not to get into that. It really seemed like he started to go downhill then so more then you know. Jimmy had you know I think it was the later part of the 60s or the first part of the 70s. Then when they said he was not contagious, he slipped out a window and went to a meeting. You know people in the meeting were scared to go near him, they knew where he was from you know that he was in the hospital and they thought he was contagious. So he walked to a meeting, his ankles were all swollen, and he walked back to the meeting because nobody would drive him back. You know this was the fellowship and people were scared. However, you know people came to our home and I could go on and on of people turning on us, it was humongous you know. I feel that when that happened that is when he really started getting very ill that is when he really went downhill. He was like twenty years older than I you know and in his mind, he was so so young. He, this is hard, this is hard. It was as I talked earlier, Lois was my bridesmaid and Bob was Jimmy's best man at our wedding. Anyway so he went through radiation treatments, I thought dieing, I saw this man suffer a lot was but God this man did not complain. I thought what this he does not complain is and he went through so much. I saw them do so much to them. You know people said he did not take any medication; well he did take medication at the end because both of his lungs were being eaten by cancer and when he was at home, I walked through giving him morphine. That was one of my drugs of choice when I was in the hospital but I did not think about that you know I thought about helping him and I was so scared. I remember thinking I am going to kill this man I keep forgetting to pull the plunger out you now I would have never made a good needle addict, because I just always stuck my but up in the air in the hospital so they did that. But I would forget to pull the needle out sometimes to make sure there was blood in it and I was scared I was going to kill him. I was scared that area that we lived in I did not want anyone to know that those drugs were there. Mainly people came over to the house people were told to stay away at different times when they did not need to stay away and it would have been so great to have the one addict talking to another addict to walk him through that, for us both actually for us both of us. However, some did not pay attention to him you know and they came over and some called and it came to a point where he went into the hospital but I will not through all that part with you. Except that people sent cards, we put the cards all over the wall you know, people could call, and he would say, he was still directing he would say make sure that. I would be making notes, for years, I would say I want to be somebody's secretary I want to be Jimmy's secretary. He would say make sure you call such and such, this card came in, you know, and such and such, I need paper. You know this man was dieing at any time he is near as anytime he could be gone. You know people would come in and stay with him to the point he was gone. They wrote in a few papers in a few papers that Jimmy a painter, he was a roofer he did do some painting but he was a roofer. I heard Bob say he was a heroin addict, who knows what he was he just did not come across and say what he did not get in to all of that all of that part. He got into the living part. He loved addicts and he wanted addicts to enjoy life. What was that, I ran across I got all kinds of garbage, listen to me I am calling it garbage. I call it garbage sometimes when I trip over the boxes but they were different things said and there are still different things said. I went to a convention a few weeks ago and someone called his wife by a different name, his wife was Agnes she was a beautiful woman. She was not an addict so she had a hard time sometimes understanding addicts but she was a nice woman and she helped some addicts. I am thinking of Alma , I love Alma in fact, I think this is part of the history. That Jimmy and Elma are sitting at Jimmy's kitchen table and Alma saying what am I going to do about Bob, Bob cringes. Jimmy said start a program get some other women, get some other people involved and they talked about it and Alma got Naranon started, that is how Naranon got started. You know this man, it is impossible for me to stand here and tell you everything; I can tell you that I moved out of the house that we lived in. It was hard but it was a rough neighborhood and I was told that there was no place around that I could afford so I moved. I do not know if that was true or not but I moved, and then I moved again and moved out to the desert. Each time it seems like I keep finding all these changes going on and people I know what they are saying �don't pay attention to her and blah blah blah� and I get this wall like and I just think **** um I belong in this program. I am an addict I will talk, I go to a newcomer I get phone calls and I talk to people on the phone and I walk up to a person. I love this program, I do not want to see it fall apart, and I think we do need some more checks and balances. For a couple of weeks I was in Washington and I wore this little top with an eagle on it. Jimmy always said if he came back he would come back as an eagle you know but I think about while I was there I got to see Congress in session. That was so fascinating to me it was just like wow. The guy who was talking was from California , he was trying to pass this bill, and they were all talking about addicts. I thought my God I walk in and , then I find out later on it is going to be life for a lot of the addicts for some of the things they have happening. That is frightening, that is very frightening, the next thing I know I am going to have to walk up and register that I am an addict. I am running across some of that as it is and some of the things that is happening in my life as it is and I am labeled, I am labeled that and I resent that.
You know it is so great seeing people here, I wish there were more here. It is so great to see people from California here. They need to get their ass out of California and mingle and get some of this straightened around. (Applause) So I hope from what comes from this. I hope it comes to the good that we do not turn around and do what we did before. Thank you very much. (Applause)