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02-26-2008, 10:10 AM
Ever Been Disappointed By A Friendship?
I conducted an informal poll amongst a few friends, both Christian and not, asking them to define the word "Friend". Here is a sampling of some of their replies:
A friend is someone you can tell things you couldn't tell acquaintances and someone you can rely on if you're in a pinch. A friend is someone to tell bad jokes to and they still laugh. Someone you enjoy being around.
A friend is friendly and happy to be with you. A friend doesn't yell at you. You play with each other all the time and they let you play with their toys and not just the old ones they don't like anymore. (From a 5-year-old boy's point of view)
Some one you enjoy being with, and trust. Some one who will be there for you.
Someone who isn't always taking from you.
People you know well enough to know how to speak to them about anything - which doesn't mean you tell them everything on your mind, but are at least able to gauge how to tell them something if that make sense. My mother once told me if you have as many friends as fingers, then you have too many. Friends aren't always the people who sympathize with you or offer an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. On the flipside, people who are blunt and maybe sometimes too honest and by being honest, cruel, aren't not friends.
A person with which you share a mutual affection, who you take for who they are, faults and all, and who does the same in return.
The results of my informal poll only confirmed what I had already suspected. Most people define friendship within the confines of what can I get from a friend and what does a person need to do in order to prove themselves worthy of being classified as friend. I can guess that if I probed a little deeper, most of the respondents would say that they`ve been disillusioned by friends in the past and as a result are very wary in forming intimate friendships. Over the years, I, have been bitterly disappointed in friendships but as time passed and the initial pain has subsided, I can see clearly that more times than not, I demanded more of my friends than I as willing to invest.
I believe the antidote for my disillusionments and unmet expectations might lie in the following passage:
Philippians 2:1-8 (The Message)
If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care- then do me a favour: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death-and the worst kind of death at that-a crucifixion.
John 15:12 (The Message)
Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends.
If I follow the example given me by Jesus` sacrificial life and death for us, those he counts as friends and if I set my heart to obey his commands to love others as he has loved me, then I believe my definition of "friends" might change. It will change from one that is self-seeking to one that is self giving.
A friend is one to whom I will be loyal.
A friend is one who I will serve.
A friend is one who I will speak to with respect and one in whom I will only speak of, when out of their company with the same respect and dignity.
A friend is one for whom I will constantly seek out personal ways to bless and encourage.
A friend is one who I will be willing to sacrifice my time, my needs, my agenda, and my schedule when that person has a need that I can meet.
A friend is one in whom I will share my toys, even the ones I love best.
A friend is one who I will weep with, rejoice with and laugh with, even when I have heard their story a thousand times before.
A friend is one to whom I will always be truthful, wrapped in the true love of the Father, mo matter how painful the truth revealed may seem to myself or to my friend.
A friend is one who I will cheer on to victory, one who I will help off the ground if they stumble and one who I will walk beside even when the finish line seems impossibly distant.
A friend is one who I will expect will fail me at times, will disappoint me and who will try my patience. Yet, I will love them in their humanness and be swift to be the first to reach my hand out to mend and repair any wounds that may be in our friendship.
It is a tall order, this definition but it a definition modeled by Christ and one that he asks me to model to others, in order that others will be drawn into the kingdom.
Until next week,
2008 Katherine Walden
I conducted an informal poll amongst a few friends, both Christian and not, asking them to define the word "Friend". Here is a sampling of some of their replies:
A friend is someone you can tell things you couldn't tell acquaintances and someone you can rely on if you're in a pinch. A friend is someone to tell bad jokes to and they still laugh. Someone you enjoy being around.
A friend is friendly and happy to be with you. A friend doesn't yell at you. You play with each other all the time and they let you play with their toys and not just the old ones they don't like anymore. (From a 5-year-old boy's point of view)
Some one you enjoy being with, and trust. Some one who will be there for you.
Someone who isn't always taking from you.
People you know well enough to know how to speak to them about anything - which doesn't mean you tell them everything on your mind, but are at least able to gauge how to tell them something if that make sense. My mother once told me if you have as many friends as fingers, then you have too many. Friends aren't always the people who sympathize with you or offer an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. On the flipside, people who are blunt and maybe sometimes too honest and by being honest, cruel, aren't not friends.
A person with which you share a mutual affection, who you take for who they are, faults and all, and who does the same in return.
The results of my informal poll only confirmed what I had already suspected. Most people define friendship within the confines of what can I get from a friend and what does a person need to do in order to prove themselves worthy of being classified as friend. I can guess that if I probed a little deeper, most of the respondents would say that they`ve been disillusioned by friends in the past and as a result are very wary in forming intimate friendships. Over the years, I, have been bitterly disappointed in friendships but as time passed and the initial pain has subsided, I can see clearly that more times than not, I demanded more of my friends than I as willing to invest.
I believe the antidote for my disillusionments and unmet expectations might lie in the following passage:
Philippians 2:1-8 (The Message)
If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care- then do me a favour: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death-and the worst kind of death at that-a crucifixion.
John 15:12 (The Message)
Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends.
If I follow the example given me by Jesus` sacrificial life and death for us, those he counts as friends and if I set my heart to obey his commands to love others as he has loved me, then I believe my definition of "friends" might change. It will change from one that is self-seeking to one that is self giving.
A friend is one to whom I will be loyal.
A friend is one who I will serve.
A friend is one who I will speak to with respect and one in whom I will only speak of, when out of their company with the same respect and dignity.
A friend is one for whom I will constantly seek out personal ways to bless and encourage.
A friend is one who I will be willing to sacrifice my time, my needs, my agenda, and my schedule when that person has a need that I can meet.
A friend is one in whom I will share my toys, even the ones I love best.
A friend is one who I will weep with, rejoice with and laugh with, even when I have heard their story a thousand times before.
A friend is one to whom I will always be truthful, wrapped in the true love of the Father, mo matter how painful the truth revealed may seem to myself or to my friend.
A friend is one who I will cheer on to victory, one who I will help off the ground if they stumble and one who I will walk beside even when the finish line seems impossibly distant.
A friend is one who I will expect will fail me at times, will disappoint me and who will try my patience. Yet, I will love them in their humanness and be swift to be the first to reach my hand out to mend and repair any wounds that may be in our friendship.
It is a tall order, this definition but it a definition modeled by Christ and one that he asks me to model to others, in order that others will be drawn into the kingdom.
Until next week,
2008 Katherine Walden