here's the deal.

[lifeisgoodx10]

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Last weekend hubby and I got drunk. We drank lots of vodka. Well when I get that drunk I get verbally abusive because invariably something happens and I get my feelings hurt and feel rejected! I lash out at the one I love most my husband. If he spoke to me the way I spoke to him I would probably leave him. The worst part of it is this is not the first time. Each time this happens it gets a little worse. In fact this time it got physical. I realize it is my fault and my problem. He drinks almost everyday and occasionally we throw down like last weekend. It does not interfere with his life but it does mine. I am depressed, guilty, insecure, scared, angry etc. We both said things that were hurtful and I'm sure he remembers better than I. He outweighs me by about 100 lbs and of course the same amount of liquor does not affect him as it does me. Now I will not lie. I like to drink. I like the initial feeling alcohol gives me and that is what gets me in touble! I don't (can't?) stop there. On one hand I can take alcohol or leave it but when he drinks it is very difficult for me not to. That is not an excuse....it is my problem not his. I have a decision to make.....what do I love more....him or alcohol? I hate that it comes down to that simple statement! I spent 9 years sober a few years ago. I am very familiar with AA. I'm saying all this just to get it off my chest. I do not want to lose my husband and I know if this scenario happens many more times we will not recover. He's already losing respect for me because of my instability when drinking. I would love to hear some words of reason. Some magic phrases to solve the problem but I know it comes back to the above answer. What do I love more alcohol or my life?


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Today, 01:24 PM #2
lifeisgoodx10
Newcomer


Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 3
My Mood: Mostly I feel ashamed.... and I don't have anyone close to me to talk to. My family was with me and aprised to my AA affiliation in the past and I am ashamed to tell them I'm having a problem. It's my problem and admitting it is the first step right?


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Today, 01:40 PM #3
lifeisgoodx10
Newcomer


Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 3
My Mood: I'm obviously having a cyber conversation with myself....but what I need to do is get up off my duff, stop feeling sorry for myself and do what is in front of me to do. One of those "in front of me things" is to clean my house. It is out of control like my life..... I cannot seem to get a handle on it. I used to have certain days to do certain things and I am out of control. I work nights and that is part of it. I also do not have a regular working schedule (i.e. I do not always work the same nights each week). So what? Right?
I need to get off my duff and clean my house. My physical house and I will be one step closer to cleaning my emotional house. Funny how that works huh?
Okay here is a first things first plan for today......my bed clothes are in the dryer. Next I will make the bed. I will dust some furniture. I will clean the bathtub and bathroom floor. I will clean kitchen floor. I will fold overdue laundry. I will sweep back porch. I will clean back intrance to house. I will workout/jog. I will hug my husband when he comes home. I will do these things today.

[lifeisgoodx10]

Why do I have the red icon at bottom left of post saying I am invisable? Am I breaking rules?

[dalin]

Keep coming!
You can be invisable whenever you want.
I would sugest checking out coda,naranon,alanon.

[lifeisgoodx10]

Keep coming!
You can be invisable whenever you want.
I would sugest checking out coda,naranon,alanon.

Thank you

[janbear]

Hi lifeisgoodx10, like dalin said, you are invisible. You are not doing anything wrong. If you wish you can become visible by going to your "Usercp", located at the top left corner of the screen and go to "edit options" and you can make yourself visible by unchecking the box it will show for you.

Also, like dalin said, i suggest making some form of meetings for yourself. Please look around the board and make yourself at home.

[sioux]

Well, I'll tell you what they told me...it's that first drink, not the last one, that gets me into deep trouble.

When people say to me I got drunk and I don't know why, I tell them that I know why...you took that first drink.

If you don't take that first drink, you don't have to take the next one, or the one after that, or the last one you remember taking. That is how utterly simple it is.

And for me, if I don't take that first drink, I don't end up in jail, divorce court, or a state of incomprehensible demoralization the next day, week, month.

[kaistevens]

I'm Kai, I'm an alcoholic. I will have four years next month.

What I know from my own experience is that my behavior under the influence of alcohol, only, always got worse. Everytime.

I know that the damage I did to my loved ones during that time can never be erased, though some of it is being healed.

I also grew up in a home with violence. The real and dangerous wounds caused by physical voilence and angry hateful words are never seen on the outside. And violent words and actions ALWAYS LEAVE SCARS!!!!

I can't undo my actions or unsay my words, and that is one very good reason for me to stay sober. It never matters what chaos is going on inside this hard head of mine, if I say and do hurtful things, I HURT PEOPLE.

You said it really. It sounds like it is time to decide what is important to you. And it sounds like you know where to go if you decide that you don't want the drinking and all that goes with it anymore.

You are in my prayers. Just remember, some of the things we lose we never get back.

Love ya later.