Anger Issues

[dalin]

Anger is one of the many profound effects life has on us. It's one of our emotions. And we're going to feel it when it comes our way -- or else repress it.
--Codependent No More

If I were working a good program, I wouldn't get angry.... If I were a good Christian, I wouldn't feel angry.... If I were really using my affirmations about how happy I am, I wouldn't be angry.... Those are old messages that seduce us into not feeling again. Anger is part of life. We need not dwell in it or seek it out, but we can't afford to ignore it.

In recovery, we learn we can shamelessly feel all our feelings, including anger, and still take responsibility for what we do when we feel angry. We don't have to let anger control us, but it surely will if we prevent ourselves from feeling it.

Being grateful, being positive, being healthy, does not mean we never feel angry. Being grateful, positive, and healthy means we feel angry when we need to.

Today, I will let myself be angry, if I need to. I can feel and release my emotions, including anger, constructively. I will be grateful for my anger and the things it is trying to show me. I can feel and accept all my emotions without shame, and I can take responsibility for my actions.

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

[Montauktammy]

Are you an imploder or an exploder?
Exploders tend to move from anger to rage quite quickly.(hay that is me):10: They tend to harm people close to and around them. They have, in effect, an adult temper tantrum and they normally find it hard to stop the physical symptoms and social consequences. When temper tantrums begin to seem normal, some ‘exploders’ don’t see the problem until it is too late.

Imploders tend to bottle in their anger. They don’t let it out on account of fear or anxiety, and this can and will affect their confidence and self esteem. Without anger management training, these people can become like a pressure cooker, waiting to do the opposite of what their name suggests… explode!


FACT SHEET ON SIMPLE POSSIBLE RESOLUTION
Preventative techniques

You are far more likely to get angry if you are:

H Hungary
A Anxious
L Lonely
T Tired

Some books suggest that it is beneficial to do something physical after an incident of raised anger. Transferring the chemicals into an activity such as swimming, jogging, walking briskly or yoga, can possible dissipate some of the chemicals that you have built up after an anger inducing moment.

Distancing techniques

Go for a walk or do some physical exercise
If you have to, take yourself out of a meeting
Put a caller on hold
Refuse to be drawn into a discussion ( in a non confrontational way )
Request a less confrontational way of discussing a problem, such as email, rather than face-to-face


Self-talk statements
Say to yourself

Worse things can happen
As angry thoughts or negative thoughts enter your head, shout to yourself, ‘STOP! STOP! STOP!’
As angry thoughts or negative thoughts enter your head, shout to yourself, ‘STOP! STOP! STOP!’
My anger will pass
‘People say things they do not mean when they are angry
I have to expect these things to happen

Reduction techniques

Say to yourself
If I put this into context in my life it is not worth getting upset about.
Will I remember this event in five years time?
My health is more important than this.
I am not going to give this person the satisfaction of upsetting me.
‘In the grand scheme of things, it is not worth getting upset about.
Or you can talk about the situation that has upset you with close friends.

These are important treatment areas
Understanding anger Temper control
What anger isn’t Anger scale (degrees of anger)
Feelings Dos and Don’ts
Attitudes Giving and receiving feedback
Behaviours Anger management
Defense mechanisms Recognition and expression
Causes Anger facial expression and body language
Road rage Mindfulness
The wheel of emotions