Taking Time to Set Boundries

[dalin]

Many of us are skilled at denying and discounting what hurts us. We may endure a particular situation, telling ourselves repeatedly it's not that bad; we shouldn't be so demanding; it'll change any day; we should be able to live with it; it doesn't annoy us; the other person didn't really mean it; it doesn't hurt; maybe it's just us.

We may fight and argue with ourselves about the reality and validity of our pain - our right to feel it and do something about it. Often we will tolerate too much or so much that we become furious and refuse to tolerate any more.

We can learn to develop healthy tolerance.

We do that by setting healthy boundaries and trusting ourselves to own our power with people. We can lessen our pain and suffering by validating and paying attention to ourselves. We can work at shortening the time between identifying a need to set a boundary, and taking clear, direct action.

We aren't crazy. Some behaviors really do bug us. Some behaviors really are inappropriate, annoying, hurtful, or abusive. We don't have to feel guilty about taking care of ourselves once we identify a boundary that needs to be set. Look at the experience as an experiment in owning our power, in establishing new, healthy boundaries and limits for ourselves.

We don't have to feel guilty or apologize or explain ourselves after we've set a boundary. We can learn to accept the awkwardness and discomfort of setting boundaries with people. We can establish our rights to have these limits. We can give the other person room to have and explore his or her feelings; we can give ourselves room to have our feelings - as we struggle to own our power and create good, working relationships.

Once we can trust our ability to take care of ourselves, we will develop healthy reasonable tolerance of others.

God, help me begin striving for healthy boundaries and healthy tolerance for others and myself.

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go. Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.

[Montauktammy]

Positive Affirmations are the single most powerful and vital tool in the Recovery process. Codependence is a condition caused by growing up in a shame-based, emotionally dishonest society which teaches us false beliefs about the nature and purpose of life. We are Spiritual Beings having a human experience, not shameful, sinful human creatures who have to earn Spiritual salvation.
I am a Magnificent Spiritual Being full of Light and Love!
Our attitudes create our perspectives which in turn dictate our relationships. In order to change our relationship with life, and with ourselves, we need to change our attitudes and belief systems about the nature and purpose of life.
God wants me to be happy, healthy, Loved, and successful!
The Light within me is creating miracles in my life here and now.
Abundance is my natural state of being. I accept it now!
All of my experiences are opportunities to gain more power, clarity, and vision.
Positive affirmations are so vital in Recovery because we all have a critical parent voice inside that judges and shames us; that negatively affirm us hundreds of times a day. It takes a lot of reprogramming to start accepting that we are Lovable and unconditionally Loved.
The entire Universe Loves me, serves me, nurtures me, and wants me to win.
I am a radiant expression of the Goddess energy/Great Spirit/Christ within.
I am always in the right place at the right time, successfully engaged in the right activity.
I am radiantly beautiful and vibrantly healthy and Joyously alive.
What we focus on is what we create. In order to change what we are creating we must choose to change the way we think and work on letting go of the subconscious beliefs we learned in childhood.
I am the co-creator of my life, I am fully involved in co-creating my life in an exciting, Joyous, and harmonious way.
I am now celebrating life, having fun and enjoying myself.
I am glad I was born and I Love being alive.
I Love myself and naturally attract Loving relationships into my life.
I send Love to my fears. My fears are the places within me that await my Love.
Large, rich, opulent, lavish, financial surprises are now manifesting in my life and I am grateful!
Affirmations work! They work miraculously because they help us align with the Universal Truth of an Unconditionally Loving God-Force.

"In our disease defense system we build up huge walls to protect ourselves and then - as soon as we meet someone who will help us to repeat our patterns of abuse, abandonment, betrayal, and/or deprivation - we lower the drawbridge and invite them in. We, in our Codependence, have radar systems which cause us to be attracted to, and attract to us, the people, who for us personally, are exactly the most untrustworthy (or unavailable or smothering or abusive or whatever we need to repeat our patterns) individuals - exactly the ones who will 'push our buttons.'
"This happens because those people feel familiar. Unfortunately in childhood the people whom we trusted the most - were the most familiar - hurt us the most. So the effect is that we keep repeating our patterns and being given the reminder that it is not safe to trust ourselves or other people."

Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls

[Montauktammy]

I was asked to pick up my roomates baby 3 times over the last 3 days and i said no i cant 3 times i was doing to much :1: