Need advice

[Addict's Wife]

My husband and I have been together for 21 years. He has struggled with addiction since he was 13. He's now 47. We have had many struggles over the years with this with several years of seperations. I try to be supportive because I do understand the mind of an addict. I don't like it, but I do understand it. I've tried everything to support him and be there for him to help him overcome this. Now, we are at an impass in our marriage where I literally have no more strength to go on. He is willing to go to counseling (today he made his first appt for Friday) now - after all these years. I am so confused and torn because I love this man dearly, but I am so tired of the 'battle' I don't have the desire, nor the strength to go on. I am a Christian and I know God would never give up on anyone so that compounds my guilt with having these feelings. I have no right to give up on him. God's never given up on me. Any comments are greatly welcome. Is there anyone out there who has been through this part of living with an addict? How did you pull through it? I have prayed for years and am unable to pray anything but the simplest of prayers every day now. I really look forward to your thoughts. Thanks for having this forum - I think it's really going to help.

[admin]

:67: Addict's Wife! :17: Glad to have you join us. You ask:

Is there anyone out there who has been through this part of living with an addict? How did you pull through it?

My hubby drinks, smokes pot and cigarettes. I do it one day at a time. I am an alcoholic and drug addict in recovery myself. I know he has to be willing to help himself. Like you, I pray for him everyday. I try not to focus so much on what is wrong with him. He is not all bad. He does have some good qualities about him. I just wish he would stop the drinking and smoking because of concern for his health. I trust God that He will do this in his time. Many people prayed for me many years and God did answer but in His time. In the meantime I continue to stay sober and clean and work on being a living example of what being in recovery is.

This is something I wrote a few years ago:

Don't Stop Praying

One night, years ago while I was drinking
I was talking to my mother on the phone
We were again talking about my drinking
I told her how much I hated it

She started crying
Saying she didn't know what else to do
She had been praying for me for many years
And God didn't seem to be answering her prayers

How I hated that I was making my mother cry
That I was the cause for her sadness
I told her Mom, I know what you can do
Please, don't stop praying

God is the only one
Who can help me out of this mess
I have faith that He will
But it will be in His time not ours
Just don't stop praying

My mother continued to pray
As did many others for me
No - God didn't answer the prayers immediately
But He did answer them eventually

For today, you see
With the help of God, AA, friends and family
I am sober and clean
I am finally free

So whatever you do
Don't stop praying.

Written by: bluidkiti 3/5/04

Please feel free to continue to come and share with us. We are here for you. :42:

[Angelily]

A suggestion.. have you heard of Alanon and Naranon? It's programs for people with family members in addiction. Helps you to understand you as a person and the family member addictions.

[thereishope]

Hello addicts wife
I am so glad you are and you are reaching out for help. There is also forums on here to help also, its for familys of alcholics and addicts. As i read through your what you are going through, my heart really goes out to you and i will keep you both lifted up in prayer
:42::195::195:

[janbear]

:17: Hi addicts wife. Thinking of you and praying :195:

[najma ahmed]

Hi, my x-husband and i was been 6yrs together, and with him i have stayed 3yrs addiction...... Since the first day i got to know he was a drug abuser, i was struggling my life and at last i went addiction.... but with the help of others im clean and sober for 5yrs now, and again now im married with an addict, he was sober for 9months when i married him, but after 3months again he went addiction, i was so hopeless of my life, i used to believe the serenity prayer i prayed god five times a day and with the help of some recovery guys my husband was occupied and he dont get any free time to go out, he stays home for 3days, and then i used to help him counting the dates of his sobriety, and we says JUST FOR TODAY, and thanks for all those who helped me through the bad time of my life, now today is the 32days of his sobriety........
My husband and I have been together for 21 years. He has struggled with addiction since he was 13. He's now 47. We have had many struggles over the years with this with several years of seperations. I try to be supportive because I do understand the mind of an addict. I don't like it, but I do understand it. I've tried everything to support him and be there for him to help him overcome this. Now, we are at an impass in our marriage where I literally have no more strength to go on. He is willing to go to counseling (today he made his first appt for Friday) now - after all these years. I am so confused and torn because I love this man dearly, but I am so tired of the 'battle' I don't have the desire, nor the strength to go on. I am a Christian and I know God would never give up on anyone so that compounds my guilt with having these feelings. I have no right to give up on him. God's never given up on me. Any comments are greatly welcome. Is there anyone out there who has been through this part of living with an addict? How did you pull through it? I have prayed for years and am unable to pray anything but the simplest of prayers every day now. I really look forward to your thoughts. Thanks for having this forum - I think it's really going to help.