A Step 1 Meditation

[janbear]

Step One: We admitted we were powerless over the effects of our separation from God-that our lives had become unmanageable.

Some time ago I accompanied a friend and his two boys to "The Happiest Place on Earth"-Disneyland! This wonderful place is also known by another name, the Magic Kingdom. Within this kingdom, which Walt built, there is beauty, fantasy, fun, and most of all, order. Life is so wonderful at Disneyland becuase it was built and still is run according to Walt's plan.

During that visit I was enchanted by the Magic Kingdom, but only on the surface. I found that inside myself I was untouched by its joy. I was standing within the gates of the happiest place on earth, but I wasn't happy. By trying to control my life, I had made a mess of things. All I could do was confess my powerlessness and unmanageability.

In my sinfulness, I have abused the precious life entrusted to me. God provided a plan for blessed living, but I chose my own distorted plan. With my self-rule came the curse, which is nothing more than the natural consequences of my sin. I sowed control and self-will, and I reaped sorrow and pain.

I don't know about you, but my self-rule has brought me nothing but pain. I long to know a happy kingdom inside.

-Meditation for the 12 Steps

[janbear]

Ste One: We admitted we were powerless over the effects of our separation from God-that our lives had become unmanageable.

Scripture: The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know. I Cor. 8:2

Have you ever had to pick a horse from the stable? On my last trip, the stable hand asked what level of rider I was. I said, "Expert"! I didn't think I had lied since i had often rode old Mitzy back on the farm. Of course Mitzy was a hundred horse-years old and asleep during most of my rides. Nevertheless, she took me at my word and headed back into the stable.

When the hand reemerged from the barn, she was leading a spirited stallion named Nitro! She said, "He's hard to handle, but I'm sure you can manage him" In less than an hour, I was in an ambulance with a seriously injured back!

I often approach the rest of my life the way I approached that ill-fated ride. "Mr Know-It-All" can handle just about everything and everyone. But the truth is that I am just a scared kid who wants to seem important by being in control. However, life doesn't work with me in control, and I don't even know that until I'm down. God and life know how to pull the rug (or horse) out from underneath me. But when I'm down, it's for revelation, not humiliation

Just the other day my daughter asked, "Do you know how to ride a horse Dad?" I answered. "I used to know how, but after a fall, I forgot everyting I knew."

Meditation for the 12- steps

[janbear]

Jesus Stills the Sea
35On that day, when evening came, He said to them, "Let us go over to the other side."
36Leaving the crowd, they took Him along with them in the boat, just as He was; and other boats were with Him.

37And there arose a fierce gale of wind, and the waves were breaking over the boat so much that the boat was already filling up.

38Jesus Himself was in the stern, asleep on the cushion; and they woke Him and said to Him, "Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?"

39And He got up and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, "Hush, be still." And the wind died down and it became perfectly calm.

40And He said to them, "Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

41They became very much afraid and said to one another, "Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey Him?"

Mark 4:35-41


I'm sure you've known the sort of person with whom you feel you're completely safe-when you're with that person, nothing bad can happen. A man I'll call Boats, a retired Navy commander who had served on battleships in olden days, was like that for me. Boats was my sailing instructor. He taught me the ways of the wind, the dangers of the sea,and the inerrant priniciples of sailing. "When you're in trouble," he used to say, "just let go of everything-the tiller and the sheet. The boat will right itself, trust me." He boasted that no student had ever capsized a boat while he was in it. If the boat was in trouble, he would slap my hands to make me let go. So I kept his record in tact. I knew for a fact that, with him, the boat was unsinkable.

In recovery, I am learning a similar principle. My fear and lack of trust cause me to hang on to the controls, but my safety is in letting go. I could not right my own life It had capsized many times with me at the helm, and I lived in a constant state of panic and fear. But as I admit my powerlessness and let go, my life is steadied.

Well, one day Boats made me go solo. I had to sail without him, and I got wet. I couldn't let go of the sheet.

God, teach me to let go

-Meditations for the 12-steps.

[janbear]

"I am the true vine and my Father is the gardner. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he trims clean so that it will be even more fruitful." (John 15:11-2)

I took a big risk by going to the men's retreat. I was on a church-sponsored sabbatical for burn-out, and I hated being around people, especially church people. I found it nearly impossible to socialize. So I often walked or prayed alone in isolated areas by the retreat center.

During one of my alone times, somethin I hated even worse than church people, approached me-a cat. I'm sure cats are great creatures, but I just don't like them. They're not very friendly to me. But this particular cat jumed right into my lap and began to arch his back for petting, purring and begging for attention. I told him that I did not want company, and I especially didn't want a cat. But he didn't seem to understand. He continued to purr and arch and beg for attention. I was eventually overtaken by a strong urge to pet him. He loved it.

After a few moments of petting this scruffy by adoring creature, I began to think about other creatures I disliked-like church people. I wondered if I would ever be rid of the hate and bitterness I felt in my heart. I knew I was supposed to love others but I had no power or will to do it. All I knew was that God knew my hurt, and he alone is able to trim such things from my life.

Meditations for the 12 steps