~Acceptance~

[catlady]

Hello, everyone. My name is Val & I am a grateful member of NA. By the grace of God, I have been clean since June 1, 1998. The topic I have chosen is "Acceptance"...something that I have been working on with some success, but I need to do better!

I am told by so many that this is very normal, that we all want to fix things the way we think they should be rather than accept them as they are. Well, I am notorious for it.

I have a personal life issue which is causing me anxiety and worry. My son and his girlfriend are expecting a child...this should be a wonderful & exciting time. It isn't. There is so much stress that it is truly hearbreaking. My son wants to do the right thing, stand by her side and to take care of his child. He owns his responsibility. She threatens him with not putting his last name as part of the baby's name, not putting his name of the birth certificate. She is angry that he is always at work, tells him he isn't "there" for her. She cannot work, she is pregnant, she wants a house, she wants this, that and the other thing. I want to be excited & happy at the prospect of being a gramma again for the 4th time...I love being a grandparent. I know I need to step back and let things happen as they are meant to. She is abusive physically & verbally. For my son to choose to deal with that is one thing...he is an adult...but a little baby is something else entirely. I have not interferred, I have only given my advice when it has been asked for. I have prayed for wisdom and acceptance of this situation as it is...my son knows we support him and we are here for him and this child. I know that is all I can do. Now I need to accept that fact..wholeheartedly and come to peace with that. The Serenity Prayer comes to mind over and over...


God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
and Wisdom to know the difference.
Thy will, not mine, be done.

:195:

[dalin]

Acceptance allows evasion and denial to be replaced by reality and peace.
With the care of God, we are granted the power to welcome
new people and new ideas into our lives."

We have found that acceptance can not happen without an individual capacity for complete and total surrender. If we are unwilling to get help, we can not expect to get better. In order to be at ease with the way the world is working, we must first receive help from the 12 steps of Narcotics Anonymous. We must first find a routine of recovery to help us reach deeper levels of surrender. Once we are receiving the well being that comes from working a program of Narcotics Anonymous, we begin to understand that we as individuals have no control over the world and how it works. Once we begin to let go and let the spiritual principle of surrender relieve our burdens, we start to experience the well being of the spiritual principle of Acceptance. We have come to understand that acceptance is experiencing a situation without feeling the need to change that situation. It is letting life’s waves break without trying to interfere with their intensity, frequency, beauty, or grace. Acceptance is allowing life to be free of our own will.

Through ongoing recovery, we all find our addiction trying to regain control of our lives through the weakest point in our personal program. We may find ourselves, without warning, caught up in substitution - an extension of our basic addiction. It may be obsessive eating, sex, vomiting (bulimia), gambling, free floating anger, gossip or any number of combinations that would fill the empty void we feel inside.

After turning our will and lives over to the care of God through total surrender, we find it easy to accept reality. The freedom we feel from God’s will turns our hope to faith and our faith into trust. After trusting a power greater than ourselves, we find is easier to live in the spiritual principle of Acceptance. We constantly strive to accept life in life's terms and avoid pre-occupying ourselves with blaming others. Even if there are others involved, we must find a way to better our situation. The key to doing this is our personal responsibility.

The belief that our Higher Power has taken control of our lives and our wills allows us to take acceptance into every part of our lives. In short, the word 'acceptance' expands through application into something we do almost habitually. Acceptance becomes a working principle in our lives. On several levels, acceptance helps us both in personal recovery and service to others. On one level, we know the Fellowship got along before we came and will continue with or without us. Service can be no ego trip unless we want the pain the ego brings with its limitations. On another level, we can feel the spirit moving through us. Sometimes it can be frightening even though we know it is loving - it's so big. We just accept and do our part in faith. This is the absolute best any of us can do personally.

Acceptance, as a principle, can be a doorway to solutions by applying a small amount of pressure in the place that holds the door shut. Rather than breaking down or prying open the doors, it is a key that unlocks them non-destructively. Since real acceptance tunes us into reality, we waste less time, energy and emotion trying to do things beyond our personal power. This extra time and energy becomes available to help us do better in those areas of our lives where we find we are able to be effective. Imagine, if you had an extra half an hour to talk with those you love or an extra half-day to do your job. Our capacity for quality increases when we're less concerned with quantity.

As we grow spiritually, we find others will react differently to us. Some may become jealous. Our acceptance may infuriate someone who wants us upset. Many times we confuse being passive with the humility that acceptance brings. We learn not to flaunt our spirituality. We trust that others will find their way. Many times, we will experience the feeling that we have done something wrong only to find out someone is trying to manipulate our emotions. It's amazing what you can see when you wake up in recovery! Many of our old reactions simply don't give us what we need. When someone tries to help us, we accept it. We don't retaliate with negative emotion and violence to cover up the fact that we may need help. They are not trying to put us down or make us feel less than. We learn to just accept the help and be grateful. As we change, the world around us appears to change. We all have certain capabilities. There is nothing that we can do that cannot be undone by simply speeding up until we can no longer do it. At the same time, we could do many things if we just slowed down and paid a little more attention. Recovery allows us the time and opportunity to do this with the help of others who have a stake in our recovery through their identification with us.

Asking for help places us closer to God’s will and gives us the opportunity to accept change instead of trying to revolt against it! Acceptance places us in a better position to receive the help that we need to recover rather than picking and choosing the help we think we need. A phone call from someone who knows we are a member, a coincidental encounter or a person who shows up at an NA meeting is open to help. We have realized the vanity of trying to carry our message to those who do not want it.

Acceptance taken to the level of a principle also requires that we check out our facts and pray to make sure we know what we're accepting! While serenity applies to those things we cannot change, it takes courage and wisdom for those things we can help make better. Many of us ask, "What would God have me do?" in a variety of situations. Often, an unsuspected opportunity appears to us. Though the word acceptance may have a connotation of resignation, impotence, compromise, and other meanings for many of us, recovery places acceptance in its positive form. It is honest. For addicts who are accustomed to throwing themselves at the world, it is a new wisdom to be able to back off. It is also a new choice.

As addicts, we seem to have an innate tendency to find closed doors and brick walls to butt with our heads. Acceptance can be a way of going on, opening ourselves to God's Will when a door is closed to us. For the time being, acceptance can be seen in a far more positive light where we are repeatedly put into positions where we are forced to face some challenge or demand. Many of us grow in recovery to be able to meet these challenges and satisfy them in every way. In our war with life, we often take a characteristic exception to things. Learning to live with ease and comfort may be a process of learning to be more accepting of things.

Accepting newcomers as members whether they act right to us or not. Accepting that if God's truly running the show, many things cease to be our business. Accepting a genuine love of life back into our scheme of things. Accepting that what may appear frightening to us is as nothing to our loving God. Accepting that others may think, act and believe differently from us and still be good people, not a threat to us. Accepting that, as addicts, we simply suffer from a disease and that daily abstinence and spiritual growth are the most important items on any given day.

Acceptance in time may mellow into gratitude. It seems that without gratitude, or grateful acceptance, we never come to rest and have a tough time going on in the spiritual sense. As long as we are rooted in things, we are tied to them. When we realize that our needs are being met, somewhat regardless of our worthiness, we can take the option to slow down whatever we are doing and do it better.

We have found that addiction tries to attack the weakest point of our program. It has been our experience that following 99% of our sponsors suggestions give us 100% of the pain. Like the cancer patient who only receives some of the chemotherapy, the addict can ill afford to work only part of a Narcotics Anonymous program. It would be total insanity for the cancer patient to say no to the only thing that can save their life. Like other diseases, the active addicts end result is death. We have, however, found a way to arrest this deadly disease. Acceptance gives us the ability to enjoy the small moments while on the road to continued recovery via the twelve steps of Narcotics Anonymous. We cannot control the way the world works so we must instead learn to accept it

[kaistevens]

Accepting my powerlessness over others, especially my loved ones, is
hard.
I have to give them to God. That is hard too.

One morning, my son was missing (long story) on his 16th b-day. I sat
on my front porch and told God, over and over,
"No. I will not accept this. I don't want to be okay. I don't want to get
through this okay. Give him back. Bring him back to me. I want him back."
He DID bring my son back. And he "told" me something that day.
The child is not MINE, and never was. None of my children are mine. No
one is ever mine. All the people I cherish in my life are God's children, they
are his, and he has only shared them with me.

I can only give them to God and pray. And accept my powerlessness.

[clean42day]

I feel acceptance is a powerful tool towards peace and serenity - but taken to the other extreme - it becomes another form of denial and irresponsibility.

I can certainly relate to adult family members who are abusive to eachother and unwilling to change - but when a child (with no choice) is involved - it takes the responsible person to step up and "change the things I can". Sometimes that can be a gentle nudge in the right direction, it can be a type of role-modeling of good parenting, it can be a one on one talk that opens the door of trust......and at the other extreme it can be an intervention. But make no mistake about it - it should never look like control or power over someone. it involves healthy boundaries.

Recently I was aked by a family to help with an intervention on their 50 Y.O. daughter and before I even said yes - I had to check my own motives and intentions. I prayed about it and asked for direction. my primary motivation was her 13 year old daughter who didn't have a choice in all of the dysfunction that goes along with being raised by a meth addict for a mother. Protecting her was my and the familys primary motivation - and just maybe the intervention would help the addict - and she would have a chance to become the mother that child deserves - but if nothing else worked - at least that little girl would see that she has "worth and value" and someone stepped up and tried to protect her - from a life with no choices but to accept abuse.

My biggest lesson in all of this: was to step up and do the right thing - even when it is not the popolar thing to do and still have the courage to do it.....but most importantly - to have faith - and let go of the outcome. Child services is now involved and has mandated her to counseling and parenting classes and she is effectivley manipulating that system now too. But that is my part in letting go of the outcome. who knows where the ripple effect will take her.

The biggest blessing in all of this is; That little 13 year old girl has found her "voice" and she has come to learn that she has "choices" in how she is being treated, protected, and what Healthy means. If nothing else come out of it - she has turned a corner in being able to recognize abuse when she see's it.

For a very long time I thought the way I was raised was "normal" too and couldn't even label abuse what it was. Took me 40 years to recognize emotional manipulation, and call it unhealthy - instead of just accept it.

Acceptance is a principal that applies to addicts when they are tempted to use power, control, and manipulate a situation towards their will. it takes on a whole different dynamic when it is used with God's direction within his will to serve others. sometimes it is passive and sometimes it is active.

Sometimes accepting responsibility to change what we can is also an active part of acceptance. - Knowing the difference is the key.

You must be the change you want to see in the world.
-Mahatma Gandhi


light and love

Gail

[admin]

Accepting the good, the bad and the ugly and maintaining my connection with God and my serenity through it all one day at a time. Accepting that life is forever changing and regardless of what happens, I will with the help of God, steps and the Fellowship stay sober and clean through it all. Accepting that God is the one constant in life and taking comfort in that. Accepting that if I should lose everything in my life today as long as I have God I will survive. For no one can take God from me. God is forever.

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
and Wisdom to know the difference.
Thy will, not mine, be done.

[barbie25]

Acceptance to is also my serenity. I have to give all to God. I have to let go or I know I will work it in my head for to long and become lost in the insanity. I can not be lost i just found myself. Acceptance and serenity are the two things i ask for every day. Thanks for the topic catlady!:42:

[catlady]

I am grateful to all of you for your responses. I would like to let you know, too, that I am doing a little better with this. Thank you for your shares! :27:

[thereishope]

Hello catlady,
Welcome to CRF, its nice to meet you and i have to appoligize to you, i missed your post when you put it on here and i just now seen it and i want to say i am so very glad you are here and please keep coming and sharing with us. We would all like to wish you much love and many blessings on your journey of recovery and discovery.

[clean42day]

TransitionsDaily@googlegroups.com
~*~A.A. Thoughts For The Day~*~
^*^*^*^*^
(\ ~~ /)
( \ (AA)/ )
(_ /AA\ _)
/AA\
^*^*^*^*^
Acceptance

"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.
When I am disturbed, it is because I find
some person, place, thing, or situation
- some fact of my life -
unacceptable to me, and I can find
no serenity until I accept that person,
place, thing, or situation as being exactly
the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens
in God's world by mistake.
Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober;
unless I accept life completely on life's terms,
I cannot be happy.
I need to concentrate not so much on what
needs to be changed in the world
as on what needs to be changed
in me and in my attitudes."

Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 417 4th Edition
Note: Dr. Paul O., author of these words, passed away 5.12.00.

Thought to Consider . . .

"My serenity is directly proportional to my level of acceptance."

Dr. Paul O., Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 417

*~*~*AACRONYMS*~*~*
ABC = Acceptance, Belief, Change

*~*~*~*~*^Just For Today!^*~*~*~*~*


Inspiration
From "This Spirit Touch":
"At some time, perhaps in a more moderate way, nearly everyone has experienced this spirit touch of God--the fleeting feeling of insight, love, joy, and 'The world is right.' Once, I thought that only unusual circumstances made these moments possible. Actually, I now think, they are forecasts of what one can have if one is willing to take the time and make the effort. Peace, love, and joy can be sought through quiet thinking and honest prayer. The wholeness, the new awareness, that is produced affects one's relationship with God and man to a degree greater than would seem possible in ordinary life."

1973 AAWS, Inc.; Came to Believe, 30th printing 2004, pg. 65


*~*~*~*~*^Daily Reflections^*~*~*~*~*
SPIRITUAL HEALTH

When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 64

It is very difficult for me to come to terms with my spiritual illness because of my great pride, disguised by my material successes and my intellectual power. Intelligence is not incompatible with humility, provided I place humility first. To seek prestige and wealth is the ultimate goal for many in the modern world. To be fashionable and to seem better than I really am is a spiritual illness.

To recognize and to admit my weaknesses is the beginning of good spiritual health. It is a sign of spiritual health to be able to ask God every day to enlighten me, to recognize His will, and to have the strength to execute it. My spiritual health is excellent when I realize that the better I get, the more I discover how much help I need from others.


Copyright 1990 ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS WORLD SERVICES, INC.
*~*~*~*~*^As Bill Sees It^*~*~*~*~*
A.A.'s School of Life

Within A.A., I suppose, we shall always quarrel a good bit. Mostly, I think, about how to do the greatest good for the greatest number of drunks. We shall have our childish spats and snits over small questions of money management and who is going to run our groups for the next six months. Any bunch of growing children (and that is what we are) would hardly be in character if they did less.
These are the growing pains of infancy, and we actually thrive on them. Surmounting such problems, in A.A.'s rather rugged school of life, is a healthy exercise.

A.A. COMES OF AGE, P. 233

*~*~*~*~*^ Big Book Quote ^*~*~*~*~*
"If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation
of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to
alcohol."

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, More About Alcoholism, pg. 33~
~

*~*~*~*^Twenty Four Hours A Day^*~*~*~*
A.A. Thought for the Day

The Twelfth Step of A.A., working with others, can be subdivided into five parts, five words beginning with the letter C; confidence, confession, conviction, conversion, and continuance. The first thing in trying to help other alcoholics is to get their confidence. We do this by telling them our own experiences with drinking, so that they see that we know what we're talking about. if we share our experiences frankly, they will know that we are sincerely trying to help them. They will realize that they're not alone and that others have had experiences as bad or worse than theirs. This gives them confidence that they can be helped. Do I care enough about other alcoholics to get their confidence?

Meditation for the Day

I fail not so much when tragedy happens as I did before the happening, by all the little things I might have done, but did not do. I must prepare for the future by doing the right thing at the right time now. If a thing should be done, I should deal with that thing today and get it righted with God before I allow myself to undertake any new duty. I should look upon myself as performing God's errands and then coming back to Him to tell Him in quiet communion that the message has been delivered or the task done.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may seek no credit for the results of what I do. I pray that I may leave the outcome of my actions to God.





Hazelden Foundation PO Box 176 Center City, MN 55012

[CD BUCKBERRY]

:1:::1:I know acceptance is an important of recovery.We have to accept our problem ,no matter if it is drugs ,booze,food,cigarettes,we have to accept that we have a problem.I know in N.A. we have an IP for Self Acceptance it is important to clean up our act.Just like H.O.W.=honesty,openmindedness,willingness,they are all a key part in recovery.We have to accept our faults,character defects,what we have done to others or just ourselves.It is a day to day issue.I work on it each and everyday.I pray to the higher power for help.:1::1:

[catlady]

Thanks to all of you for sharing your ESH~and for the beautiful and loving greeting! I am happy to be a part of this group! Many hugs from Val :D

[catlady]

Thanks to all who offered their ESH here...may God bless you this day and always!

[sioux]

A wise and wonderful AA member once told me to be careful of the acceptance deal. We may have misinterpreted its intention....written by a man who had come to realize his acitons, not his intentions were subject to judgment.

Take a look at the street alkies Sioux...these are people who have accepted their situation. They have neither serenity nor wisdom, and that is not an indictment for or against them. When we believe in acceptance instead of a power greater than ourselves, we have out bid our choices.

[Craig A.]

I really like that analogy about all of us being God's children, cause nothing happens in God's world without Him kmowing it. There is aa excertion from the big book about acceptance "And acceptance is the answer to all my problems
today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some
person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life
—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until
I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being
exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world
by mistake." This helps along with praying and talking about it to my friends and try to take a look why it has to be my way no matter how much it hurts or how nwrong I think the situation is. Hope this helps.