Hello from an old head

[andre]

I don't really know how to classify myself.
I'm 44 now. I started smoking cigarettes aged 11, smoking hash aged 12, taking acid aged 13 and started drinking around that time too.
I've never been a heroin addict but several of my friends have died in heroin related circumstances. I have also had close contact with several crack addicts.
I have never been an alcoholic either although I have drunk every day at times and during those I will times wake up in the morning and finish the half empty bottles.
I gave up cigarettes about 8 years ago.
I'd say my two biggest habits are smoking weed/hash and sex.
I smoked every day without a break for 15 years when I was younger and in the end I believe I was suffering from cannabis psychosis so I forced myself to go into a break which eventually lasted 5 years.
I have only recently admitted to myself that I may be something of a sex addict too. It's not that I seek it out every day but it does tend to be in my thoughts most of the time. I have recently got into a few problems because of that which is really what inspired me to start looking for help.
I started seeing a therapist this year but I didn't feel the process was working very well for me so I quit.

[gettinfree]

Hey andre...From one old head to another...I joined NA nearly 8 weeks ago. Your story and mine are very similar. Yesterday I started step 1 with my sponsor and it became clear what the disease of addiction has created in my life. Glad your seeking help. I'm finding my help and hope in NA's 12 steps. I'm not new to recovery, but I'm new to new perspectives and solutions. Come back around here and find out what others like us have been able to do with there lives...Your Friend in Recovery...Mike

[andre]

Thanks Mike. Feels good to know I'm not alone in all of this.
I dont have a regular internet connection at the moment but I will try and get online most days.

[gettinfree]

Hey andre...I don't have regular connection either. Sometimes at night I catch a wireless from some neighbor. I do thank them, who ever they are. Like last night and right now. God works in mysterious ways. That's all I know about that. He works for me when I allow him. That's what I've learned in NA and here. Later...Mike :D

[CD BUCKBERRY]

:85::17::85::17:andre,It takes a lot to admit to these things and to do something to help yourself.You are not as old an head as you think.I smoked cigarettes for 40 years,smoked the other substance you talked about each and everyday for 38 years,but I was not an addict,in my own mind.Ihad tried anything that makes you feel high or good.It took rehabs detoxes and a lot of praying to quit and walk through the door of Narcotics Anonymous and say,Iam an addict,I am here to learn a new way of life ans a new way to live.:85::17::85::17:

[andre]

Thanks for all the support so early on guys.
I also get the occasional free wifi Mike but haven't been able to work out how to do it lately. It seems that my son can always work it out but I can't.
Kids eh :D

Sorry I cant remember the name of the last poster but you just reminded me of a story that happened about ten years ago.
I was hanging around with a much younger crowd because all my old friends had moved on. We were all really wasted one night back at some guys place.
Everyone was having a great time and at some point this young guy stood up and said 'Hi I'm Dan and I'm an alcoholic'
Everybody thought that was really funny so they all took turns to stand up and say more and more unlikely things.
When it came to my turn I said 'I'm Andre and I'm a drug addict and have a drink problem'
As I was saying it I heard the humour left my voice and i turned to look at my young friend who'd started it off and he saw the truth in my statements at the same point as I did.
It was quite a shock for me and started me thinking about what I was actually doing in my life.

Last year I was at the funeral of a really good friend of mine who drank himself to death. His brother showed us photos of him just before he died and I'm not kidding, he was as yellow as one of the Simpsons.
The second story isnt really related to the first but I just thought of it and wanted to share.

[yukonm]

Hi Andre, I am glad you found us. Sounds like you're in the right place :smile: Browse areound the forums. There is so much information here. Also support and encouragement from the rest of our CRF family. As far as how to classify yourself :lol:
well, anything that will alter my mood and state of mine is a danger to me. I will take it to excess. By the grace of God, the program of AA and the support and encouragement of my friends in the fellowship I have been free from all chemical substances and alcohol for over a year. Keep coming back. We need you.

[andre]

As far as how to classify yourself :lol:
well, anything that will alter my mood and state of mine is a danger to me. I will take it to excess. By the grace of God, the program of AA and the support and encouragement of my friends in the fellowship I have been free from all chemical substances and alcohol for over a year. Keep coming back. We need you.
I forgot to mention that i took ecstacy every weekend for about 8 years. :sad:
Nothing to be proud of but I remembered it when I got home yesterday.

[gettinfree]

Good Morning andre...last night after NA meeting, I finished going through step 1 with my sponsor. Looked at step 2. I'm really getting involved with this process of healing and recovery. I first had to become aware of how sick I had become...Not how bad I've been. It sounds like your becoming ready to do something about your life. For some of us the lights come on quicky, and the need to move forward is very apparent...Glad your on the boards with us...I'm enjoying our sharing...Your Friend in Recovery...Mike

[andre]

Quick update.
Well, I started smoking again, am drinking a bottle of wine every night,
(but sleeping better for it). Also just finshed some reading some excellent self help books so I booked six sessions with a psychotherapist and have just had the first one.
I know there is light at the end of all this. Just gotta stay focused on it. :smile:

[dalin]

You sound just like me budy...and I am an addict.
Meetings are free ,and the shinks aint(lol)
So for me,I went were they had years of dealing with
addicts,practical knowledge from life experiences,not
just theories taught by non-addicted folks.
I know we all have our paths,but mine has helped me
for the past 15 years.
Hang in there freind,we need you.

[andre]

Meetings are free ,and the shrinks aint(lol)
So for me,I went were they had years of dealing with
addicts,practical knowledge from life experiences,not
just theories taught by non-addicted folks.

Thanks a lot for your support. I know what you're saying and I'd love to go to the local AA but being in another country and not being very confident in the language is making me a bit nervous about it.
I've never really considered myself alcoholic anyway. I've always preferred smoking dope but if there's none available I generally turn to alcohol.
Also there don't seem to be any other local groups I can attend so I am looking into starting my own self help group.

[gettinfree]

Hey andre...Glad to here from you. Do what you can to take care of yourself. Recovery enviroments as CRF have no requirements except fordesire to get better.Keep coming back...Your Friend...Mike