Relapse

[rdizzy]

Slacked in my amends.....stopped taking my daily inventory....started leaving meetings early......forgot what rock bottom felt like, i forgot my last drunk/high.....and how shocking! I Relapsed....took some nyquil to escape the pain of reality then before i know it I was smoking a blunt and raiding medicine cabinets to hide from the feelings of guilt and shame. What a lesson in humility...I feel like total ****...I keep breaking out in tears when I think about how much damage control I have to conduct.....I havent told anyone yet...other than you guys now on the internet....I think it'd be appropriate for me to call my sponsor and tell those close to me whats going on...but i'm just scared..this is my first time in the program, first time relapsing. I had 7 months, i did my steps, i was doing service....but finishing my steps was like a graduation not a life long journey. If I could tell you newcomers anything that I think would help the most is that guess what, it doesn't get any better...it gets worse. WHAM, SHOCKER right there huh?


I hear it gets better :21:

[snugsnug]

Hey rdizzy, welcome back, the shame is not in being down but staying down.
Slacked in my amends.....stopped taking my daily inventory....started leaving meetings early......forgot what rock bottom felt like, i forgot my last drunk/high.....and how shocking! I Relapsed....took some nyquil to escape the pain of reality then before i know it I was smoking a blunt and raiding medicine cabinets to hide from the feelings of guilt and shame. What a lesson in humility...I feel like total ****...I keep breaking out in tears when I think about how much damage control I have to conduct.....I havent told anyone yet...other than you guys now on the internet....I think it'd be appropriate for me to call my sponsor and tell those close to me whats going on...but i'm just scared..this is my first time in the program, first time relapsing. I had 7 months, i did my steps, i was doing service....but finishing my steps was like a graduation not a life long journey. If I could tell you newcomers anything that I think would help the most is that guess what, it doesn't get any better...it gets worse. WHAM, SHOCKER right there huh?


I hear it gets better :21: I think it great you had seven months and a sponsor. I am a bit confussed on the steps part. Do I understand you saying you have completed 12 steps in seven months? I am no Guru by any means, and am not checking your inventory but for me it took over two uyears to do my first fourth step, and as a result of changing sponsors a few times since I got clean I have done a couple of fourths but have not worked all the steps. Give yourself a break, easy does it! Recovery is a journey not a destination!
sterling

[rdizzy]

Hey rdizzy, welcome back, the shame is not in being down but staying down.
I think it great you had seven months and a sponsor. I am a bit confussed on the steps part. Do I understand you saying you have completed 12 steps in seven months? I am no Guru by any means, and am not checking your inventory but for me it took over two uyears to do my first fourth step, and as a result of changing sponsors a few times since I got clean I have done a couple of fourths but have not worked all the steps. Give yourself a break, easy does it! Recovery is a journey not a destination!
sterling

i got clean in florida thats how they do recovery down there, u bang ur steps out. not saying its the right way not saying its the wrong way, just how I was brought through. I can't believe I'm about to quote Rocky (2006) but "IT'S NOT ABOUT HOW MANY TIMES YOU GET KNOCKED DOWN, IT'S ABOUT HOW MANY TIMES YOU CAN GET UP AND KEEP GOING" lol. that made me feel better.

"the shame is not in being down but staying down." i like that too, thanks!

[BIG AL]

U know doc bob and bill w had folks doing 4tha nd 5th steps in first 2 weeks.i hit steps 12 in first yr.but one think is i didnt finish workin the steps i work them eceryday for the rest of my life.its noy how quickly u work the steps its the job u do on them.wre u honestdid u follow guidlines in the book with someone who did the same.one thing i can tell u is the big book says we drink becouse we like the effexts produced by alchol.so we need to get than feelin from somewhere else and it comes from the steps with builds a relationship with god and bring about the pyshic change the book talks about.glad u back remember we have a deadly desease wich has a treatment that is the 12 steps and if dont throughly and honest(and heres the key)to the best of my sponsors ability becouse my ability stinks.god bless u,and if u woke up today and didnt take a drink the miricle is happennin

[Faith92208]

Glad you are back! From this day forward, one day at a time!

Hugs!! :42:

[paulm]

welcome back. I get the impression as I read the big book that the founders would weed out unlikely candidates that didn't want this program or couldn't take the basic steps. so it isn't surprising to me that you were carrying this message of hope with 7months of soberiety. We have to or we will use again, as i've experienced. I commend you on your courage to tell your story here, just know now as I heard you and other say, we don't graduate. we learn to live comfortably in our skin and help others who are searching find what we have.. How thorough you do these steps 4, 5, 8, 9 does matter to a large degree for continued soberiety.. However the courage to look at ourselves honestly is necessary, and you showed that courage. You make need to know that we have to seriously back up and look at ourselves over and over and over again. that's where the progress not perfection part comes in.
good luck, don't beat yourself up, call your sponsor get him on board with where you are. family and friends can wait until you have cleaned house some

[letgo]

Hi there, some great replies so I'll just add that I also think you should tell your sponsor. Honesty is at the core of our program, both with ourselves and with others. Step One is all about getting honest about our problem, be it alcohol or drugs. I'm sure your sponsor won't judge you and will only be too pleased that you have told him/her what has happened. You can do this and yes, it does get better- it really does.

[CD BUCKBERRY]

:29::29::D:Drdizzy,I don't mean to question step work but I am almost four years clean and just finished step eight with my sponsor.Step work should not be hurried through,it is a learning process while doing it.Did you use the N.A. Step Working Guide?It is not good that you relapsed but we are all human.Its good you got those seven months together and a sponsor.I know in detox or drug rehab they run you through the steps real fast.I don't think it gives you enough time to think and live what we are learning from our step work.A new way to act and life without using.Keep trying man.:D:D:29::29:

[yukonm]

Welcome back! I am grateful to God that you survived to come back. I realize that even though I don't drink or use, my disease still progresses. I must continue to work a strong program to keep my disease arrested. Thanks for reminding me that I must continue to make progress. This is a lifelong journey. I am also grateful that I don't have to walk this path alone. Keep coming back and let us know how you are doing. Thanks again.:42:
:329:

[rdizzy]

May I just say that I am grateful for this website, reallly cheered me up tonight. thank you all and thank you internet.