Weekly Topic October 25-31 Emotional Sobriety

[letgo]

Emotional Sobriety

"If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small,
we will find at the root of it some unhealthy dependency and its consequent
unhealthy demand.
Let us, with God's help, continually surrender these hobbling demands.
Then we can be set free to live and love;
we may then be able to Twelfth Step ourselves and others
into emotional sobriety".
Bill Wilson ,"Grapevine" January, 1953

I always know when I am feeling emotionally out of kilter and it usually means that my reaction or response to something needs looking at. Even though I have learnt through the program, that I have no control over "people, places and things" and, through Step 3 that I have no control over outcomes, I can still try and get into the driving seat; wanting things "my way". And what happens? I find my emotional sobriety going down the pan. Certainly the higher my expectations, the lower my serenity. If I am not careful, I can find myself getting the most trivial issue out of perspective, becoming "restless, irritable and discontent". Maybe even angry which is not a luxury I can afford or justifying "my rights".

That's when I know I need to take a step back and look at what is really going on. Sometimes I can do this immediately, sometimes I have to wait a while to "calm down" - hey I'm only human after all! I have strong Faith in my Higher Power and know that providing I put in the right action, things will be OK. AA is after all an action program. Getting down on my knees and reciting the Step 3 prayer usually has an immediate grounding effect. I might also look at which of my character defects is coming up and feeling threatened. My daily Step 10 helps me to reflect and keep my spiritual house in order.

What does emotional sobriety mean to you and how do you maintain it in your Life?

P.S. For some of you it's still 3pm or 6pm on Friday 24th but it's 11pm here so I decided to post it now in case I'm tied up tomorrow morning!!

[francie21805]

Emotional sobriety is one of the greatest gifts I’ve received from the program. I crave it. I do have to ask God every morning to help me remember this. “Off the beam” is what I use to let people know I’m… “out of kilter”. Didn’t and sometimes still don’t like people to know that, but that another topic. My problems in keeping it, is also my reactions to people, places and things. I sometimes have to be reminded of the Third Step and the decision I made when I took it. I’ve had to learn it’s not so much about not caring as it is about being none of my business. I said I was going to quite playing God, so I need to leave what’s his, to Him. My family is a real test in this area. Without the 3rd Step Prayer, the Serenity Prayer, my Sponsor and friends… well I could be on what some call a dry drunk and I’ve seen some of these turn to drinking again and I don’t want that. My written Ten step, also helps me see me and what I may be doing wrong and then I can share this with my sponsor and really see. :rolleyes: I may not always be on the beam, but if I don’t take a drink, I can always work my way back.
Thanks for the topic!!! :1:

[Faith92208]

This is a great topic. I can really identify, Letgo. Too often I have tried to control people/situations/outcomes. Even today, my anxiety level was high because my boyfriend was going to attend an AA meeting with me. I was worried he would think I was crazy, or that the program was crazy. Everything turned out fine, but I was worried about his reaction. I cannot control others' actions/reactions and thankfully my sponsor reminded me of this. I also have to deal with approximately a million people a day at work (slight exaggeration) and I have to constantly take a mental step back and look at things in a different perspective. I used to let things get to me or take things personally when I really did not need to. I pray the Serenity Prayer often at work to combat my tendency to be affected by other peoples' reactions. Emotional sobriety... I think I have come a long way but I still have a long way to go. Another terrible trait I have is people pleasing. I had to tell someone "no" the other day when asked for a favor, and I felt TERRIBLE about it. I almost skipped a meeting because of it. How foolish! And of course after I went I felt much better, and telling my friend "no" didn't mean that she would hate me or that it was the end of the world. I guess that's it for my rambling response.

[sioux]

How Important Is It...Really? That's the big question I ask myself when I feel my emotional recovery slipping away. Dr. Paul has written several books that I find useful in addressing what emotional recovery is, what it isn't, and how we let others dictate whether we possess it or not.

One of the things he has written that I have emblazened on my brain is this....the more I try to control a situation, the more controlled I am by that situation.

I don't know who said this, but I have found this also to be really useful in times of hardship and general disarray: I may not like the situation I am in right now, but I am liking who I am in this situation.

My emotional recovery is about the most important thing in the world to me. Without it I am deficient to the people in my life, falling back into a state of self will and selfishness that makes me just useless and miserable. I didn't get sober to be miserable.

Doesn't mean that it's all yippy skippy either. Life happens, and I am focusing on my presence with the Hear and Now, which I call my Creator. I am working constantly on changing my perception.

[rebosman_99]

Good topic. Before I could really get a good understanding of emotional sobriety I had to read about it in doctor alcoholic addict or acceptance is the answer. The doctor said my serenity level is inversely proportional to my expectations. Pg 420 Now this I could understand. I found that at anytime in my life today that my serenity level and emotional levels are low it's usually because I have some sort of expectation on someone else or on my self that is not being met.
The Dr. says I have to give up my rights as well as my expectations by asking myself "How important is it really compared to my serenity, my emotional sobriety".
These words have helped me to allow change to happen in my life without me having to be the director of those changes. I no longer fill the need to try to control things around me. Because whenever I try to control something the obvious usually happens, it wind up controlling me to the point of catastrophe.
One day at a time keeping right sized I am learning to live my life, allowing things to be as they should, by a power greter than myself. He is in charge and I no longer feel or want the need to play His part. Instead I can ask Him to reveal to me a little of His will for me each day and to try to live His will accordingly.

If nobody has told you they love you my brothers and sisters of recovery then just remember Sam says I love you. Peace be with you all as you trudge the road of happy destinies!