Hi, new and need advice...

[lucia]

Hi, my mom is an alcoholic. I am pretty sure looking back that she has been for some time, probably decades, but she's always hidden it - sort of. She drinks often, but not usually much and rarely gets drunk. On the weekend there was an incident where my sisters and I had to restrain her from driving when she was quite drunk, not physically restrain her, but almost. The next day was my sister's birthday party and no one said anything because there was a lot of other people and family there. But, my sister and I plan to go talk to her tonight when all the kids are in bed and no one is working. We are going to tell her that she has a problem that she has to deal with and that we can't trust her with the kids until she does. We are very supportive, but also aware that she has to be the one to get the help.
So... I have no clue where to start. What can I expect from her? Is there a typical response to being told by your adult daughters that you are an alcoholic and are not allowed to drive the kids anywhere ever anymore and in the case of my own 2yr old she is not allowed to have her over anymore as long as she is still drinking. (the other two kids are 9&12 and are my sister's but she's thinking along the same lines)
Other than this she is an upstanding member of society. It will be very embarrassing to her at the least even coming from us. She might try to brush it off, but she did get a dui about 6 years ago and quit drinking for a year or so and then slowly went back, so this isn't really the first time, just the first time we are giving her an ultimatum.
Does anyone have any advice on how to approach her and what to expect in the way of a reaction would be greatly appreciated.

[sonia n]

Hi.
The only thing I can say is to be very honest with her and be very careful on how you say it:162:!! Please let us know how it went. I will be praying:195: for your mother as well as the family:195: Thanks for sharing.

[BIG AL]

dont be suprised when she get very mad at yall.sometimes all we can do is pray for people.then again maybe she knows and has has enough.maybe u could attend a alonan meetin.alcholism is a family disease all invoved become sick.really no easy way to do this.remember she is sick and treat her as she has cancer becouse she is sufferin froma disease just as deadly.

[lucia]

Hi.
be very careful on how you say it:162:!!

Such as how? You mean just break it gently? I will do that for sure.

[Rich75]

Hello Lucia and Welcome :67: I didn't like being told I was an alcoholic and I'm sure she won't either. Most of the time we tend to defend ourselves and respond something like this: No i'm not I can controll it any time i want to. I would try to talk to her when she is not drinking. They can listen a little better. Bringing up about the kids may hit a nerve and she might be willing to change. At least that would be a start. Good Luck and my prayers are with you.:42::195:

[lucia]

Just wanted to let you all know it went better than I'd ever hoped. She is well aware of her problem and has been trying to deal with it in various ways for years with mixed success. She was very understanding of us forbidding her driving with the kids and we worked out practical arrangements (since she babysits my nieces 4 nights a week). She also agreed to give aa another try. I guess she went a couple of years ago and didn't really like it but is willing to try again. My sister and I told her that we are willing to do whatever she needs us to do to help and I think the most positive thing to come of the conversation is that she now can stop pretending to us that there's not a problem and can move on with our full support.
Does anyone know of a message board for alcoholics that might be helpful to her? She isn't really on the computer much, but it may be helpful to her. One of the problems with aa for her is that we live in a very small city and she is bound to run into people she knows - and as she is a TA in the school system that could be awkward. I thought a forum that is totally anonymous might be a good thing for her to try.
Thank you for the advice today. I really appreciate it.

[francie21805]

:17:Hello lucia, glad everything worked out with your mom. :42: We'd love to have her here! And wait with open arms. This site offers support for all. If that wouldn't work for the two of you, maybe someone else has some ideas.

[annalittlebit]

Soooooooo glad that you Mom was receptive to your talk and as Francie said--This would be a great place for her to come---We've all been where she is now and I gotta tell you that this site has helped me soooooooo much in my recovery---I do hope she'll give us a try---You Take Care!!!!!!!!!!!

[ezdoesit]

I saw your post and wanted to reply. I was wondering if you had ever heard of Al-Anon? It really is a good program and the people there can help you with this and give you support during the process. You are very smart to set the boundaries with the kids in the car.

[lucia]

Thanks I will see if she wants to check this board out. She may not be into the whole computer thing, she basically just emails and that's it. And she may not be thrilled that I posted on here, but it is anonymous so probably not a big deal.

As for al-anon, I have heard of it, and unfortunately due to the small size of our town we don't have any al-anon meetings here. But you all have been very kind and helpful which is awesome and I'm sure I'll pop back in as time goes on if I have more questions or concerns.

Thank you all so much!!!

[francie21805]

Please do lucia!! :42:And thank you!

[arthur.g]

Welcome and well done....:85::195: