shydawg
10-30-2008, 01:06 AM
Self-sponsorship
During my recovery, I've periodically lapsed into sponsoring myself. If I were the only addict who had ever done this, it would be humiliating, but not worthy of writing an article for The NA Way. However, it seems this resistance to allowing others to help us is common among addicts. So, if you answer "yes" to any of the following questions, then maybe you, too, have some experience with self-sponsorship:
1) When you were new, did you resist getting a sponsor, because you didn't want anyone telling you what to do?
2) Was your first sponsor a "temporary" sponsor, because you feared making long-term commitments?
3) Have you asked someone to sponsor you, and then not called for days, weeks, or months because you didn't know what to say?
4) Do you not call your sponsor because he or she appears to be busy or tired?
5) Have you changed sponsors three or more times because you didn't like their feedback?
6) Do you avoid calling because you don't want to hear what your sponsor will say?
7) Do you ever feel grateful that you got your sponsor's answering machine?
8) Have you lied to your sponsor?
9) Have you taken service positions without talking to your sponsor first, and then felt overwhelmed by the demands of the positions? Did you ever quit a service position without talking to your sponsor first?
10) Have you ever really needed to talk to your sponsor, but when you called, said you were just checking in?
11) Did you ever wait to call your sponsor about a problem until you figured out the solution?*
12) Do you talk to your sponsor about day-to-day activities, but not about the steps and your recovery program?
13) Do you give yourself reading or writing assignments on the steps, instead of asking for help?
14) When you have a sponsee with a problem beyond your experience, do you seek your sponsor's experience?
15) Have you asked your sponsor for direction on an issue, only to be reminded that you have not followed the direction you were already given on the same problem? Or, do you argue with your sponsor and refuse to follow his or her direction?
16) Did you ever start over on step work or an inventory because it was so long since you had worked on it that you couldn't find your previous writing?
17) Have you kept a sponsor who was physically ill and unavailable, rather than asking someone else to sponsor you?
18) When your sponsor died or moved away, did you resist getting another sponsor because no one could ever replace him or her?
Simply put, self-sponsorship is the resistance against seeking and accepting the love and experience of a sponsor. This can lead to delayed or inferior solutions to the problems we face, isolation from fellow addicts, and eventual relapse. Not all sponsors are perfect—but even with their imperfections, allowing a sponsor to help can significantly increase the likelihood that we'll be able to stay clean and have more rapid relief when we do face troubles.
If you don't have a sponsor, find someone who is available and has a working knowledge of the Twelve Steps. If you haven't been calling your sponsor, start calling on a regular basis and express interest in working the steps. If your sponsor is genuinely unavailable, then find a new one. If your sponsor suggests that you do something, try doing it and check out the results, rather than arguing against it. Remember that you don't have to have the solution to a problem before discussing it with your sponsor. You are not an imposition; you are providing your sponsor a chance to fulfill our primary purpose and to experience the joys associated with being of service to another addict.
Despite my periodic lapses into self-sponsorship, all of the significant, positive, life-changing experiences in my recovery have occurred through working the steps with a sponsor.* Give yourself a chance to let go of your mistrust, anger, resentment, fear, and loneliness and get a sponsor. As they told me when I got here: Try it for thirty days, and if it doesn't work, we'll refund your misery.
Craig PW, California, USA
During my recovery, I've periodically lapsed into sponsoring myself. If I were the only addict who had ever done this, it would be humiliating, but not worthy of writing an article for The NA Way. However, it seems this resistance to allowing others to help us is common among addicts. So, if you answer "yes" to any of the following questions, then maybe you, too, have some experience with self-sponsorship:
1) When you were new, did you resist getting a sponsor, because you didn't want anyone telling you what to do?
2) Was your first sponsor a "temporary" sponsor, because you feared making long-term commitments?
3) Have you asked someone to sponsor you, and then not called for days, weeks, or months because you didn't know what to say?
4) Do you not call your sponsor because he or she appears to be busy or tired?
5) Have you changed sponsors three or more times because you didn't like their feedback?
6) Do you avoid calling because you don't want to hear what your sponsor will say?
7) Do you ever feel grateful that you got your sponsor's answering machine?
8) Have you lied to your sponsor?
9) Have you taken service positions without talking to your sponsor first, and then felt overwhelmed by the demands of the positions? Did you ever quit a service position without talking to your sponsor first?
10) Have you ever really needed to talk to your sponsor, but when you called, said you were just checking in?
11) Did you ever wait to call your sponsor about a problem until you figured out the solution?*
12) Do you talk to your sponsor about day-to-day activities, but not about the steps and your recovery program?
13) Do you give yourself reading or writing assignments on the steps, instead of asking for help?
14) When you have a sponsee with a problem beyond your experience, do you seek your sponsor's experience?
15) Have you asked your sponsor for direction on an issue, only to be reminded that you have not followed the direction you were already given on the same problem? Or, do you argue with your sponsor and refuse to follow his or her direction?
16) Did you ever start over on step work or an inventory because it was so long since you had worked on it that you couldn't find your previous writing?
17) Have you kept a sponsor who was physically ill and unavailable, rather than asking someone else to sponsor you?
18) When your sponsor died or moved away, did you resist getting another sponsor because no one could ever replace him or her?
Simply put, self-sponsorship is the resistance against seeking and accepting the love and experience of a sponsor. This can lead to delayed or inferior solutions to the problems we face, isolation from fellow addicts, and eventual relapse. Not all sponsors are perfect—but even with their imperfections, allowing a sponsor to help can significantly increase the likelihood that we'll be able to stay clean and have more rapid relief when we do face troubles.
If you don't have a sponsor, find someone who is available and has a working knowledge of the Twelve Steps. If you haven't been calling your sponsor, start calling on a regular basis and express interest in working the steps. If your sponsor is genuinely unavailable, then find a new one. If your sponsor suggests that you do something, try doing it and check out the results, rather than arguing against it. Remember that you don't have to have the solution to a problem before discussing it with your sponsor. You are not an imposition; you are providing your sponsor a chance to fulfill our primary purpose and to experience the joys associated with being of service to another addict.
Despite my periodic lapses into self-sponsorship, all of the significant, positive, life-changing experiences in my recovery have occurred through working the steps with a sponsor.* Give yourself a chance to let go of your mistrust, anger, resentment, fear, and loneliness and get a sponsor. As they told me when I got here: Try it for thirty days, and if it doesn't work, we'll refund your misery.
Craig PW, California, USA