Cell Phones in meetings

[dalin]

Cell Phones in meetings:
The recovering addicts new obsession

Do you:
1. keep your cell phone on during the meeting? 2}
2. Put it on vibrate but when you get a call pick it up and say “I’m in a meeting”?
3. when someone calls, you open the phone, jump up during the meeting and start talking as you are walking to the back of the meeting or outside?
4. Do you, text or e-mail from your phone during the meeting?
5. Do you keep your blue tooth or ear piece on during the meeting?
6. Do you listen to your messages during the meeting?
7. Do you become defensive and respond negatively when someone pulls you up on phone use during the meeting?
8. keep your cell phone in your hand as if it was attached to your arm?
The question is WHY? Addicts are becoming bold, blatant and ostentatious with their cell phone behavior in meetings. The literature states that money, PROPERTY(the phone) and prestige can divert us from our primary purpose. When did the cell phone become so important during the meeting? When I was new, I had a pager. I was told by an experienced member that I should turn the pager off and focus on the meeting. For 90 minutes, nothing else was more important. I tried to rationalize that I had a young son that i had to monitor and I had to keep it on , “Just in case”. Then when I got a job and was stealing time, I felt that my supervisor might call. What justifications I had.
The truth is that the disease of addiction will utilize anything to divert us from listening in meetings. I was told that there is a difference between going to a meeting and making a meeting. Going to a meeting requires simple attendance but making a meeting means that I am emotionally and mentally involved, that i am listening with my ears, my heart and my spirit. I am totally enthralled in the process with all of my faculties tuned into the moment.
The job of the disease is to make everything else, priority and minimize the art or gift of listening. Another point is this, we respect places of worship, jobs, classrooms, court rooms much more than we respect our meetings. The place that has kept us clean, we dishonor by using the phone while something is being read or shared.
You say that you are not obsessed with the phone, well here is how you can tell: make a decision to turn your phone completely off before coming to the meeting and don’t touch it until the meeting is over (no going outside during the secretary’s report to check it either). If you feel uncomfortable or experience some anxiety, then you know that there is something wrong. Monitor your feelings when you decide to turn your phone off during the meeting. The other thing to consider is the newcomer that is modeling behavior. Is it okay to talk on the phone during the meeting? I guarantee
that 99.9% of the time, no call is important enough to disrupt what is happening in the meeting. Getting up to answer the phone is rude, shows a level of arrogance and possibly makes one feel important to others, We know that the call is not even that important!
You may feel that it is okay to do what you do with your phone in meetings but take a good look at it: complacency begins when other things become more important than the meeting.
Note: This begins the first of a series of editorials that will be printed in this publication, feel free to send your comments, opinions, response to this editorial. They will be considered and possibly printed. There is now a section called: “from our readers” especially designed for your comments or opinion to anything that you read.

[Just42Dave]

turn off the **** cell phone jeeeeez

[annalittlebit]

Good One Dalin---This is one of my biggest peeves at my meetings---I know we are not a glum lot but when I see grown men, along with the kids, texting each other than laughing out loud while someone is speaking I get very annoyed--Mind you, I don't try and do anyones recovery but my own--I just feel that is soooooo wrong!!!!!!! Thanks for bringing this up!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[paulm]

I make a concious attempt to put phone on vibrate, if I get a call from My boss or my wife, (two different people,...... No,Seriously) I may walk outside and call them right back. I am great at taking other people's inventory, and a cross look in their direction, hoping it embarrasses them is something I am too comfortable doing. I am still sick, I too know that I sometimes forget to mute my phone but I may get a call a day on my phone if I'm lucky, so i usually skate by unnoticed, I will have my chance to be embarrassed too someday, (Oh, actually I was once, just last week, see I'm not perfect)

[CD BUCKBERRY]

Thats a real good one Dalin,People who leave there phones on at a meeting probably are not really there totaly to get recovery.I know where I am they have a social hour at break then come in ten minutes before the meeting ends.There is also a lot of cross talk at meetings.No consideration for people who are there to get recovery and stay clean.They should be left in your car,I know that is were mine is at the meeting,where it belongs.

[shydawg]

I make sure I have my phone turned down & put away now .but I remember when I got my 1st phone after getting out of the hospital & back into recovery. it was a Brand new phone & I Thought I had it turned way down well .. I had just started to read "what is the NA.Program" & my phone rings .. I was so sure that i had turned it down ..last time I ever made that mistake. now I turn it off......I've learned so much here about proper etiquette at mtgs . the right way to go about to help in setting an atmosphere of recovery...wanna thank all you guys for helping in that..

[dalin]

Cell Phones in meetings: The recovering addicts new obsession Do you: 1. Keep your cell phone on during the meeting? 2. Put it on vibrate but when you get a call pick it up and say "I'm in a meeting"? 3. When someone calls, you open the phone, jump up during the meeting and start talking as you are walking to the back of the meeting or outside? 4. Do you, text or e-mail from your phone during the meeting? 5. Do you keep your blue tooth or ear piece on during the meeting? 6. Do you listen/ read your messages during the meeting? 7. Do you become defensive and respond negatively when someone pulls you up on phone use during the meeting? 8. Keep your cell phone in your hand as if it was attached to your arm? The question is WHY? Addicts are becoming bold, blatant and ostentatious with their cell phone behavior in meetings. The literature states that money, PROPERTY (the phone) and prestige can divert us from our primary purpose. When did the cell phone become so important during the meeting? When I was new, I had a pager. I was told by an experienced member that I should turn the pager off and focus on the meeting. For 90 minutes, nothing else was more important. I tried to rationalize that I had a young son that I had to monitor and I had to keep it on, "Just in case". Then when I got a job and was stealing time, I felt that my supervisor might call. What justifications I had. The truth is that the disease of addiction will utilize anything to divert us from listening in meetings. I was told that there is a difference between going to a meeting and making a meeting. Going to a meeting requires simple attendance but making a meeting means that I am emotionally and mentally involved, that I am listening with my ears, my heart and my spirit. I am totally enthralled in the process with all of my faculties tuned into the moment. The job of the disease is to make everything else, priority and minimize the art or gift of listening. Another point is this, we respect places of worship, jobs, classrooms, court rooms much more than we respect our meetings. The place that has kept us clean, we dishonor by using the phone while something is being read or shared. You say that you are not obsessed with the phone, well here is how you can tell: make a decision to turn your phone completely off before coming to the meeting and don't touch it until the meeting is over (no going outside during the secretary's report to check it either). If you feel uncomfortable or experience some anxiety, then you know that there is something wrong. Monitor your feelings when you decide to turn your phone off during the meeting. The other thing to consider is the newcomer that is modeling behavior. Is it okay to talk on the phone during the meeting? I guarantee that 99.9% of the time, no call is important enough to disrupt what is happening in the meeting. Getting up to answer the phone is rude, shows a level of arrogance and possibly makes one feel important to others, We know that the call is not even that important! You may feel that it is okay to do what you do with your phone in meetings but take a good look at it: complacency begins when other things become more important than the meeting... (sent to me by Lester O). I would love replies of your experiences ova Cell Phones in meetings in your part of the world, or incidents related to this new obsession. My Area - Bombay Area Convention - BACNA 14 on 22 23 24 Jan 2009 Chk out : http://nabombay.org/bacnaxiv/Web/about.htm
Stay connected, I need you, {{hugs}} simply sunil

[CleverCelt]

Wow

The only thing that comes to mind is "Choose your battles well". I can tell you personally that I get more upset with members bloviating during a discussion meeting, bringing disruptive children, pets and coming into a meeting late.

I can also tell you that I am very focused during a meeting and should someone else's cell phone go off I would hardly notice. I myself carry a phone in meetings and put it on vibrate. If I get a call I look to see who it is and usually is not important enough to leave the meeting or go outside to take it. On the other hand I have two children, a ex wife, a girlfriend, a sponsor with medical problems, five sponsee's and a lot of friends. My point is that I do need to be accessible to them all ( even during a meeting ). I am a emergency plumber and I am on call several nights a week. My job needs to get a hold of me in case of a emergency. For the most part I agree with you that most calls are not very important and certainly not important enough to interrupt a meeting.

As far as you considering leaving my cell phone on as a ADDICTION I think you should check your source of what a addiction is. I politely disagree with you but I do understand where you are coming from and share your ambition to improve the meeting experience. Like I mention in the beginning I get more upset with peoples inconsiderate actions during meetings then what they are wearing or if there phone is on.

This fellowship is made up of a amazing cross section of different personalities, professions, levels of politeness and consideration. Thats what makes it so great!

I have been going to meeting since before the advent of cell phones and I can tell you there is aways something that can distract you from the meeting if you allow it. I tend to be very focused on the meeting and tend to be more upset at inconsiderate meeting goers. People who knowingly share on off topic things that have nothing to do with the meeting just to hear themselves speak (my sponsor calls it "Oral Diarrhea"). I understand where you are coming from but I think there are more important issues.

[dalin]

I can only speak for myself,but when I come to meetings,I leave
all things in the car.My sponsor and sponsees can manage without
me for an hour and a halk.I do this to help keep things simple for
me.

[shrubbery]

I never had a cell phone and when my last angry message arrived at my home phone (land line) complaining that they were going to be late and why did I never pick up my cell phone - I politely reminded them I DO NOT HAVE A CELL PHONE and DO NOT WANT ONE. Of course it took a while until I could get in touch with the person because I only call home twice a day to check my messages.

I tell sponsees where they can find me, where my home groups are, what meetings I attend, and when I can be expected to be home. Otherwise, tough ... a cell phone and a meeting (unless you are the Pres. of USA and it is the RED PHONE) should never even need to be a topic.

IMHO they (cell phones) should all get put in a file cabinet at the start of the meeting and returned at the end of the meeting, that would end the problem. If you do not like it either go to a different meeting or do not bring it with you. I am tired of being at late night meetings in candlelight when someone starts opening their phone and either texting or checking who called ...

Attending the meeting; or being at the meeting and active in participation by continually listening and looking at the person sharing are only one part of sharing and caring. Someone thinking of what they are going to share and not listening is also missing a lot of the meeting especially if they are going around the room in a circle and it will be 10 or 15 minutes until it is their turn.

Peace

[johnc040108]

IMHO they (cell phones) should all get put in a file cabinet at the start of the meeting and returned at the end of the meeting, that would end the problem.


I will bring that up at the next NAPD meeting. :12:

[CD BUCKBERRY]

Cell phones and texting are the new drug of choice.Those who text during meeting are not there wholeheartedly to get recovery.It is a distraction to other people.I have a lot of professional people in some of the meetings I attend,they all have Blackberry's.They may be on call all the time for where they work,but they slowly get up either go outside or in the mens room and check there messages.The last thing a newcomer needs is a cellphone stuck to their ear,I am supprised they don't get blisters from texting so fast.I hope they will take a group conscience to ban phones in meetings or develope a protocal on how and when to use them while there.

[annalittlebit]

I Do Agree!!!!!!!!!

[johnc040108]

The Third Tradition helps NA offer recovery to so many addicts by freeing us from having to make
judgments about prospective members. It eliminates the need for membership committees or
applications. We are not asked to make decisions about anyone’s fitness for recovery. Since the only
requirement for membership is a desire to stop using, we as members have no reason to judge each
other.
Desire is not a measurable commodity. It lives in the heart of each individual member. Because we
can’t judge the sole requirement for membership, we are encouraged to open wide the doors of our
meetings to any addict who wishes to join. We are asked to extend to others the care and concern that
helped each of us find a sense of belonging. The Third Tradition helps NA grow by encouraging us to
welcome others.
Membership

It Works How and Why.
tradition 3

[johnc040108]

Cell phones and texting are the new drug of choice.Those who text during meeting are not there wholeheartedly to get recovery.It is a distraction to other people.I have a lot of professional people in some of the meetings I attend,they all have Blackberry's.They may be on call all the time for where they work,but they slowly get up either go outside or in the mens room and check there messages.The last thing a newcomer needs is a cellphone stuck to their ear,I am supprised they don't get blisters from texting so fast.I hope they will take a group conscience to ban phones in meetings or develope a protocal on how and when to use them while there.
We look for ways to help instead of judge. Our task is to fan the flame of desire, not dampen it.
lmfao @ group conscience to ban phones....:twisted:

[shrubbery]

As I was chairing a meeting at 11:30 am on Wednesday one of the home group members started to laugh when I mentioned turning off pagers. Everyone has cell phones she said. No one gets pagers anymore unless they are waiting in a mall for their car or "sumtin".

I told her that my experience with pagers was that when I started in the rooms in 1993 the only people with pagers (electronic devices) were lawyers, doctors, and drug dealers. {AND I AVOIDED ALL OF THEM (Ha Ha)} Personal phones were huge!!

Peace

[AngryDan]

Same here shrubbery...most of our chairperson meeting guides still say pagers....

[AngryDan]

Oh, and JohnC...isn't one of our purposes to help people lose the "animalistic behaviors" that we used to exhibit ie: street behaviors? In order to function in normal society, good ettiquite is essential. In order to maintain an atmosphere of recovery during our meetings disruptions should be minimalized.

In some of our meetings, it is necessary to ask that no weapons are brought in also. Now, I have a carry permit and believe in that right....but that request does not dampen my spirit to go to the meeting. I abide by that request, because that is the responcible thing to do and it was a request formed by a group concious.(PS: I dont carry to ANY meetings, nor do I bring my phone into meetings)
You may say that is an extreme example...but we've had the same problems with the girls who want to bring their "purse dogs" into meetings. It causes a disruption and we have requested that no dogs be brought in....If the person needs the attention that their dog brings, or their cell phone and earbud bring, and they leave because of that...maybe they werent willing yet.

When my dealer said "do this" or "don't do that" I jumped because I wanted my dope that bad....when I came to NA, I jumped when suggestions were made also-because I wanted recovery.

[CD BUCKBERRY]

These are all great ideas on cellphone usuage during and at meetings.We are having a Regional Unity Day to promote better relations between the three areas that are part of our region.Cellphone usage at meetings is going to be a subject of open forum there.We will see what people say.At some of our meetings people are texting back and forth about how good oe bad the speaker is.They would be better off listening to the message that is being said.

[BIG AL]

I turn my cell phone on vibrate and if it rings check to see who it is.I also text during meetings.Dont answer it though.My opinion is that if your cell phone rings you are being rude but other than that what should anyone care if someones texting uring the meeting if you are paying attention then you shoulnt notice.Or maybe its just one of those things we can pick to focus on that other people do than look at whats really going on in our lives(control).I have heard this before about cell phones.Dont get me wrong a ringing cell phone is absolutly no place for a meeting.Be honest i text in church,court house and all the other places mentioned.Back in the 90s a great gruop got inolved in a debate about smoking during meetings this was the best and oldest group i town.Nearly a year later gruop ended up fighting till it ended up closeing.funny how we could sit in a smokey bar room but all of a sudden we sober up and people bother us with there baggage and things they do.We announce at begging of meeting please put cell phone on vibrate so as not to disturb the meeting.Patience and tolerance is our code,and live and let live is on every wall of every club i have ever been to.Hey but I am a sick,selfish,and selfcentered addict who is sober today with my own opinion.Thanks for listenning.Is cell phone use going to be the next excuse for a relapse the jury is out.

[shydawg]

I agree, it's rude when ppl are texting back & forth in a mtg ,esp when a speaker is sharing . But unless it's bothering me directly or another addict who cant speak for themself (interferring with my opportunity to hear the msg of recovery ) than it's not really for me to tell them thay cant have them ... I have seen others who are so wrapped up in their cells .. that theyre not really hearing the msg, & sadly most of those folks havnt lasted too long in recovery ..I know I need to turn my phone off & pay attention for that hr..I MIGHT HEAR SOMETHING THAT MIGHT SAVE MY LIFE SOMEDAY .this stuff is serious..& i need to treat it as such ..recovery is a personal responsibility & like it or not, not everyone is there for the same reasons or take things as serious as maybe I or others do . I could & have shared with a few others about this . but its their choice to make

[johnc040108]

I use my cell phone in meetings to read the j4t daily meditation, i use my pocket pc on book study days because technology can be a tool you use in recovery. digital copys ( http://na.org/?ID=ips-eng-index )of our literature is available free from world.
:idea:

johnny anonymous

[BIG AL]

I take my phine in with me becouse the rules are there are no rules.Wow people who have phones in there pockets arent there really for recovery.What a crock.I think there are much more things to worry about in a meeting tha a phone.If you want to stay sober you will job or no job wife or no wife PHONE OR NO PHONE.Lets take a pole how many peopel here with over 5yrs sobreity have a phone in there pockets during meetings.We can always find something disruptive in meetings its our nature to find fault in people.

[CD BUCKBERRY]

CleverCelt,It sounds like you have a lot of reasons to carry your cell phone all the time.Being on call ,you have to answer when it rings.But you respect others by putting it on vibrate and leaving the meeting to talk.Thank you for your respect for people in recovery.

[Just42Dave]

jeeez..turn of the g@@@@@@@@@ CELL PHONE ****!!!!!!!!

[AngryDan]

Personally, I turn my phone completely off at meetings. So does most everyone else.

However, I've been to meeting where people's cellphones have gone off. Usually, the turn then turn off the ringer or, if they need to, go outside to take the call.

I have observed people texting during some AA meetings and one time someone took a call right in the middle of the meeting and we could all hear their conversation.

Sure it's rude, but I think we should all remember why we are at meetings: we're there to get Recovery. Getting resentful about other people's behavior - especially at a meeting - is not why I'm there. I can't control the behavior of others nor do I have expectations that I can.

Someone in this thread made a statement to the effect that 'people who text or take calls in meetings aren't serious about their Recovery'. That sounds very much like taking people's inventory. There could be all kinds of reason (besides personal entertainment) that people leave the phones on or send text messages.

Consider this: even if someone is loudly talking on their phone during a meeting, at least they are at a meeting. They could be out using or drinking at that moment. I'd much rather have people be rude than have them out stuck in their addiction.

The other thing is: it's the secretary's job to run the meeting. In the role of secretary, I've had to ask me not to crosstalk, ask non-program people to leave a closed meeting (once, a reporter, once some nursing students), and asked people to mind the rules set forth by group conscience. If your secretary is not doing their job, then bring up the mater at a business meeting. That's what you can do about the matter.

Getting resentful at other people only harms you. As my sponsor puts it, "It's like you taking poison and hoping the other person dies."

First off: Someone above asked how many people with 5 or more years clean bring cell phones into the meeting; I do not, nor do any folks in my network.

Texting/ringing/talking on the cell phone is more than rude. When someone is shharing, and that happens, the person loses their train of thought. I know I do.
Last time I did a speaker meeting that happened....their phone rang; I quickly said " make sure to tell your dealer to bring enough for everybody" Guy was embarrassed as hell-learned a lesson. Thanked me afterwards.

This isn't taking inventory-it is being eachothers eyes and ears. Especially when it affects the fellowship (group) as a whole.

Just what is so important that someone cant turn the d**m phone off or put the phone down for 1 hr? Ity is poor ettiquite, it shows a poor example to the newcomer on how to act in meetings and in life outside.

[santana]

I agree, meetings are not the place for cell phones, not thinking or caring about how it affects everyone else in the room, seems like old behavior to me. Its all about change.

santana:smile:

[AngryDan]

Actually, as more experienced members, it is our personal responsibility to stand up and say something /correct poor behavior , during meetings. It is also the responsibility of the group(similar to an implied and informal sponsorship) This is to preserve an atmosphere of recoveryin our meeting places....at least in the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous. I don't know what goes on in other fellowships.

Fear of confrontation and people pleasing behavior will stop us from saying anything when we see an obvious example of poor/animalistic behavior during meetings; to the point of rationalizing and justifying the most rediculus sort of behaviors simply to avoid looking like "the bad guy" or perhaps justifying our own similar behaviors.

Meetings are not a free for all, thank god. I'm grateful for those who came before me and corrected me when I was acting poorly during a meeting. It not only helped me as a newcomer to hear the message, but also helped me assimilate into society outside of NA. It helps keep NA meetings alive and thriving, rather than becoming an atmosphere of old behaviors.

[sonia n]

Hi Family, :17:

When i go to a meeting i leave my cell phone in my jeep. Personally, I think it is very rude when you have people speaking and phone rings they pick it up and talk while the meeting is in process, or is texting during the meetings.
I would prefer to deal with children at the meetings who their parents don't have anyone to watch them just so they can get their medicine then to deal with idiots who think they are so important that they have to text or pick up phone calls during meetings. "LETS GET REAL"

Shame, Shame, shame :sad: on the men and women who think that this behavior with the phones at the meetings are acceptable but, find it unexceptable when a mother brings their child to the meetings so they can hear the message...I am responsible enough that before I walk into A MEETING i CALL MY SON TO SEE IF HE IS OKAY?
there is nothing ABOSOLUTELY nothing more important for that hour that i am in that meeting listening to the speaker at the podium....

REMEMBER "GOD TALKS THROUGH PEOPLE"

ALSO keep in mind that not all women/men who have children have families, REMEMBER that they lost alot when they were active in their addiction!!! WE DO NOT KNOW THEIR CIRCUMSTANCES SO WE SHOULD NEVER ASSUME!!!! This is a WE Program :42: not an I program...........




:178:

[skyhook]

Its really a generational issue, so if threads like this help enlighten a younger, possibly less aware group, then it is a good thing.

Whats the matter with a "cellphones off" sign perched next to the leader ?

I usually set mine on vibrate, check to see if its REAL important, and if so, go outside and make the calls. Pretty basic stuff here.

On the other hand, maybe some see the meeting as rudely interfering with the rollover minutes they've earned. :mrgreen: