please help, need advice

[kessa]

hi guys, I am out of rehab, i only stayed through the detox. I have always had problems with anxiety, even the docter suggested i stay on my anxiety medication, however i am off all the others(which was alot). Once the drugs were stripped away I discoverd i was severly depressed, which may be why i was using all the other drugs so heavily. They said they thought it best to go home and get an anti-deppressant asap, the doc up there would not give me one, i was having a nervous breakdown there. so i have been home a week and i am on an anti-deppresant. I talk with my sponcer several times a day and when i am feeling better will attwnd meetings(i am still having slight withdrawel symptoms). I have also spoke with a buddhist zen master who is teaching me the art of meditation to calm the mind, body and soul. so my problem is that my brother and son will not speak to me unless i go back and do the 28 days, i wont be able to take my anti-deppresant with me. My son is my world, we share so many interest, we would still be gettting along if i had never went. My brother has told me he would be there for me no matter what. he went through rehab, but continues to kill himself with alcohol. My heart is broken and it makes me want to say the hell with it! Thier not talking to me anyway. But i am clean and working hard and putting things in place to stay that way. Any advice about my son, i cant do this without him.thank u in advance for reading or responding.

[nicknoo]

Hi Kessa:29:Well done for detoxing ..takes alot of courage to do so..and welcome back.Imslightly confused with what you said in your post,about your son,im assuming hes fearful you will relaspe,if you didnt do the whole 28 days? Kessa if this is the case then the only way i could regain trust was by my actions and staying clean.Plus i got clean for me..i had alot of familiy issues at the beginning of my reocvery esp with my boys,but as i got well the family did.Its like a ripple affect,just keep doing whats right,meetings ,talking to sponser and doing the 12 steps>>>>There is no instant soltion for the family issues..it takes time.and remember...to BREATH!!!!!!!!! Keep coming back and get your bum to meeting!!!share about it all ..that is wot its all about..:42:nicci

[annalittlebit]

Kessa--It sounds to me like you are doing really well inspite of still going through some withdrawal---and, where that might take a little longer it will go away-----As far as your son & brother---If you show them everyday that you are standing your ground againt this disease they'll turn around for sure--Trust doesn't happen over night--You have to keep at this and prove to them and yourself that you can be trusted--I never got to see a sober side of either of my parents---Think of the gift you are giving to your son--My son is 38--He trusts me now--He knows he can count on me---That's not only a blessing for him but for me as well-----Do this for you and your whole family will benefit in ways you can't imagine--Peace of mind is a Wonderful Thing---Congratulations on Getting Detox behind you---That's really the hardest part!!!!!!

[kessa]

Thank u for responding. I dont know how to show my son i am not using, he lives in another city, and so does my brother. Its so painful. the election is coming up and we were going to watch it togeather. His words were u have to have consaquences for leaving. until you do the 28 day program i dont want to ttalk to you. That makes me want to get out of my head. Hell i want to get out of my head anyway, thats why i am doing meditation. plus i have neglected my spiritual life for so long, i need to fill my soul.

[nicknoo]

Ok...Im kinda getting the dirft on whats going on.Firstly you cant show anyone your clean..our behavoiur changes as we do the 12 steps and stay off the mind altering drugs etc,this in its self will after a time will show others your clean and are changing,for me it was the only way>secondly,yes there is consequences for our actions..and in recovery we grab them and take responsiblity for our actions,allthis is revealed to us in the 12 steps.As for family members,yes they are angry at us sometimes for our behavoiur,and to me it sounds as though your being punished...I had to stand tall and take the brunt,but also be very kind to myself and to forgive myself..all you can do is do your best a day at a time..this is for you and you are not responible for the way others react and respond to your descions..all you have is your choices and feelings.I had to give others the space to feel..and step back and not try and control their feelings....i promise you and so does na and aa as a fellowship..IT DOES GET BETTER!!!!!! If you can get to bed tonight with out a drink and drug..your a winner tessa no matter how your feeling!!! love nicci

[gettinfree]

Hi Kessa...So glad to here from you. Nobody said it would be easy...did they. Your very strong and are getting through everything you need to be walking through. On this end, it is very clear. You are getting weller, and your right where your sapos ta be!!! Your son's not going anywhere. You take care of you, and keep doin what your doin...Love You Alot...Your Friend in Recovery...Mike