dalin
11-03-2008, 04:13 PM
An oldie that I posted many, many moos ago. The text layout should say it all...
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Common Internet Trolls
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-------------------
The Common Troll (Trollus Vulgaris)
This troll is endemic to the entire Internet. It is believed to have originated in the cesspits of the UseNet, and has since migrated outwards to infest the majority of blog comment boards.
Like the Common Cockroach, the Common Troll is a difficult species to combat, as it is impervious to weapons most used against other trolls (logic, common sense, respectful dialogue, etc.) It is best avoided. If fed any controversy at all, it will immediately attack.
Common Trolls are an annoyance, more than a danger. They seldom reach levels of rhetoric serious enough to get them banned, and are thus long-lived. In fact, many Internet communities have actually come to "adopt" their trolls, and treat them in an almost fond manner.
Common Trolls have been known to form "packs," and there are documented cases of Common Troll packs launching coordinated attacks (see <a target="_blank" href="http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/2.05/alt.tasteless.html">alt.tasteless vs. rec.pets.cats[/url]).
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The Abuse Troll (Trollus Ban-Quickus)
The Abuse Troll is a fairly short-lived variety that seems to also have its roots in the UseNet. However, these trolls don't last long on most blog boards. They get themselves banned very quickly. The extreme visciousness of the Abuse Troll served them well in the wildlands of the UseNet, but has become a huge deficit when confronted by moderators.
This troll is decidedly unsavory. It is known for targeting individuals in filth-ridden ad hominem diatribes; triggered almost instantly by any number of minor stimuli.
No one likes an Abuse Troll; least of all the troll itself. Abuse Trolls cannot work with other trolls, and are exclusively loners. This also explains their relative rarity, as reproduction is problematic.
When confronted by an Abuse Troll, you should immediately disengage and report them to the moderator. They don't usually last too long after that.
-------------------
The Snark Troll (Trollus Wise-Assius)
Another long-lived troll, the Snark Troll seems to be an adaptation to the relatively refined athmosphere of the blog comment board. It is too subtle to have survived in the UseNet killing fields.
Snark Trolls are intelligent, erudite and vicious, using sarcasm and condescention as their principal weapons. Snark Trolls are extremely hard to combat, although they have been known to give up when their victims don't seem to comprehend that they have been attacked. In other words, the best weapon to use against a Snark Troll is literal-minded stupidity.
Snark Trolls seldom get banned, and can modify their weaponry to adapt to almost any environment. An experienced Snark Troll often uses humor, which can blur the line between attacks and honest participation. Good Snark Trolls can maintain a thread almost indefinitely, stringing their victims along with alternating sarcasm and left-handed compliments.
High-functioning Snark Trolls are often considered an asset in many communities, and are sometimes even prized and protected by their victims and former victims, who will occasionally even lead new victims to "their" Snark Troll.
-------------------
The Last Word Troll (Trollus Voce-Fin)
This is a troll that was often seen in the UseNet, but was usually overrun by the more aggressive Abuse Trolls and Common Trolls. It has fared better in the blog comment boards, and has actually become almost as endemic as the Common Troll.
The main characteristic of the Last Word Troll is its insatiable need to have the last word. If you want these pests to leave you alone, it is imperative that you do not respond to their last postings. Leave it hanging that you are some kind of commie pinko with questionable antecedents. They are like your teeth: Ignore them. They'll go away.
Last Word Trolls use a number of weapons, and can often be confused with Common Trolls or Snark Trolls. However, they are not as adept as Snark Trolls, and not as tough as Common Trolls. When confronted by more aggressive trolls, Last Word Trolls will disengage and run away, ceding the last word to the more aggressive troll.
-------------------
THE ALL-CAPS TROLL (TROLLUS CAPS-LOCKIUS)
THIS TROLL IS ANNOYING, BUT RELATIVELY HARMLESS. WHEREAS COMMON TROLLS AND ABUSE TROLLS WILL SOMETIMES EMPLOY ALL CAPS TO EMPHASIZE POINTS, THE ALL-CAPS TROLL USES ALL CAPS AT ALL TIMES. THEY ARE IMPERVIOUS TO SUGGESTIONS THAT THEY USE MIXED-CASE OR LOWER CASE TEXT.
THIS IS AN OLD TROLL THAT HAS BEEN AROUND SINCE THE USENET. IT IS REMARKABLY OBTUSE AND UNINTELLIGENT. THE BEST COURSE TO TAKE WHEN CONFRONTED BY AN ALL-CAPS TROLL IS TO JUST IGNORE IT.
-------------------
The Barra Troll (Trollus F. Lee Baileyus)
The Barra Troll uses legal-sounding claptrap (often culled from urban legends) to attempt to intimidate its victims. This usually involves threats of lawsuits and police reports, which are often quite successful. However, when placed into a "put up or shut up" situation, the Barra Troll will quickly disengage and run away.
The Barra Troll has been around since the dawn of the UseNet, and has almost become part of the basic Internet landscape. They tend to make a great deal of noise, and often mimic Snark Trolls of Common Trolls. However, when confronted by logic or true lawyers, will quickly and quietly disappear.
Barra Trolls are best combatted by actually asking for their lawyers' contact information, so you can have your lawyer begin the process of handling their complaint.
Snopes.com can also provide useful tools to combat Barra Trolls.
-------------------
The Walking Book Of Facts Troll (Trollus Googly-Woogly)
An annoying troll that is relatively harmless, but guaranteed to bring down any discussion within minutes, the WBOF Troll is an expert on all matters at hand. They don't usually have destructive motives, being driven by a desparate and pathetic need for approval, but they can still destroy any thread into which they insinuate themselves.
WBOF Trolls will insert themselves into any thread, for any reason. They can pop up at the most inappropriate times (like hetero male WBOF Trolls appearing suddenly in a Lesbian Issues thread).
These Trolls are similar to Advice Trolls, but more annoying.
Originally an occasional in the UseNet, the prospects of the WBOF Troll have been improved to a remarkable extent by the advent of Google. A WBOF Troll can now look something up in another browser tab, and return to the conversation with hardly a pause.
The only way to combat a WBOF Troll is to completely ignore them. Don't even thank them for positive contributions. That only encourages them. If ignored, they will find another thread.
-------------------
The Whackjob Troll (Trollus Napoleon XIV)
This troll is in an entirely divergent plane of reality. They are completely impervious to any method of discouragement, as all input is filtered into their reality.
Whackjob Trolls enter threads at will, hang around for a while, then disappear, just as mysteriously as they appeared, leaving confusion and bafflement in their wake.
There is nothing that you can do about a Whackjob Troll. Just ignore them while they hang around. You may engage in conversation with them for entertainment. That will probably not affect the duration of their stay.
-------------------
Common Internet Troll Sub-Species
-------------------
-------------------
The Sybill Troll (Trollus Napoleon XIV Multi-Facetus)
This is an old troll that used to be found in rare instances on the UseNet, but has become far more prevalent in the blog comment board.
Sybill Trolls are marked by the way in which their entire personality switches in the course of a thread. Sybill Trolls are different from Chameleon Trolls, in that their shifts can have absolutely nothing to do with their environment. Sweet and erudite for a couple of postings, a Sybill Troll may suddenly take on an aspect similar to an Abuse Troll.
Depending upon the personalities involved, Sybill Trolls can be either very long-lived or short-lived. They can also present varying degrees of danger to their communities.
There is no way to deal with a Sybill Troll, except to immediately disengage if a dangerous personality appears.
-------------------
The Hell's Angel Troll (Trollus Vulgaris Bark-No-Biteus)
A Hell's Angel Troll is usually small, warty and singularly unimpressive. In fact, Hell's Angel Trolls have been known to be bested by sick squirrels.
You'd never know that by reading their posts, however. They often talk tough and use language straight out of "Oz."
Hell's Angel Trolls will often intimate that they will "meet you outside." However, if you actually take them up on it, you will find yourself quite alone.
The way to combat a Hell's Angel Troll is to just ignore them. Don't try to corner them with logic. If you are a tough guy yourself, it is a complete waste of time to try "one-upping" them. Just let them whirl around and enjoy the show.
-------------------
The Advice Troll (Trollus Googly-Woogly Anne-Landersus)
An advice Troll is an old creature that has advice on every topic under the sun. Some Advice Trolls actually have good advice, but, for the most part, their advice isn't worth a sack of semi-coagulated cat snot.
Advice Trolls insert themselves into any thread they choose, and immediately start spouting advice. If countered with reason and common sense, they tend to react by acting offended and put-out.
The only way to effectively counter an Advice Troll is to thank them for their suggestion, and continue on as if they weren't there. After a while, they slink off, looking hurt.
-------------------
The Chameleon Troll (Trollus Vulgaris Steve-Buscemius)
Chameleon Trolls are rather pathetic creatures that are experts at figuring out "which side of the bread gets the butter," and will side with any other trolls around. A Chameleon Troll cannot exist where there are no other trolls.
Chameleon Trolls will take on the aspect and the vernacular of the domainant trolls, and will exhibit very similar behavior.
Nobody ever seems to worry about Chameleon Trolls, because the dominant trolls are the real problem.
-------------------
The Repeat Troll (Trollus Vulgaris Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam)
This is an annoying bugger that usually finds itself banned fairly quickly. They are marked by repeatedly posting the same thing over and over again.
Completely impervious to logic, reason or common sense, they must be chased away by moderators.
-------------------
The Out-of-Context Troll (Trollus Googly-Woogly Fulla-****tus)
One of the lost loathesome cretures on the Internet, the OoC Troll will take your words, and will wring the strangest meanings possible from them. If you are stupid enough to send them an offline email, they will post it, but only the parts that benefit their course of action.
OoC Trolls will assign motives to your words. Don't bother trying to correct them. Your corrections will get motives of their own.
Dealing with an OoC Troll is an enlightening experience, as you will rapidly find out, for example, that your insistence in voting Democratic means that you are actively soliciting children as sacrifices for a satanic cult.
-------------------
The Sherlock Troll (Trollus Googly-Woogly Snoopsus)
This troll is a dangerous troll, in that they will make every effort to track you down in RL, and will post your personal information in public forums. They will seldom use this information themselves, but have been known to subscribe their victims to numerous beastiality and fetish pornography sites.
Sherlock Trolls will also do things like contact your employers and will try to cause you damage in RL.
These trolls should be eliminated with extreme predjudice whenever they are encountered.
Report to moderator Logged
-------------------
Common Internet Trolls
-------------------
-------------------
The Common Troll (Trollus Vulgaris)
This troll is endemic to the entire Internet. It is believed to have originated in the cesspits of the UseNet, and has since migrated outwards to infest the majority of blog comment boards.
Like the Common Cockroach, the Common Troll is a difficult species to combat, as it is impervious to weapons most used against other trolls (logic, common sense, respectful dialogue, etc.) It is best avoided. If fed any controversy at all, it will immediately attack.
Common Trolls are an annoyance, more than a danger. They seldom reach levels of rhetoric serious enough to get them banned, and are thus long-lived. In fact, many Internet communities have actually come to "adopt" their trolls, and treat them in an almost fond manner.
Common Trolls have been known to form "packs," and there are documented cases of Common Troll packs launching coordinated attacks (see <a target="_blank" href="http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/2.05/alt.tasteless.html">alt.tasteless vs. rec.pets.cats[/url]).
-------------------
The Abuse Troll (Trollus Ban-Quickus)
The Abuse Troll is a fairly short-lived variety that seems to also have its roots in the UseNet. However, these trolls don't last long on most blog boards. They get themselves banned very quickly. The extreme visciousness of the Abuse Troll served them well in the wildlands of the UseNet, but has become a huge deficit when confronted by moderators.
This troll is decidedly unsavory. It is known for targeting individuals in filth-ridden ad hominem diatribes; triggered almost instantly by any number of minor stimuli.
No one likes an Abuse Troll; least of all the troll itself. Abuse Trolls cannot work with other trolls, and are exclusively loners. This also explains their relative rarity, as reproduction is problematic.
When confronted by an Abuse Troll, you should immediately disengage and report them to the moderator. They don't usually last too long after that.
-------------------
The Snark Troll (Trollus Wise-Assius)
Another long-lived troll, the Snark Troll seems to be an adaptation to the relatively refined athmosphere of the blog comment board. It is too subtle to have survived in the UseNet killing fields.
Snark Trolls are intelligent, erudite and vicious, using sarcasm and condescention as their principal weapons. Snark Trolls are extremely hard to combat, although they have been known to give up when their victims don't seem to comprehend that they have been attacked. In other words, the best weapon to use against a Snark Troll is literal-minded stupidity.
Snark Trolls seldom get banned, and can modify their weaponry to adapt to almost any environment. An experienced Snark Troll often uses humor, which can blur the line between attacks and honest participation. Good Snark Trolls can maintain a thread almost indefinitely, stringing their victims along with alternating sarcasm and left-handed compliments.
High-functioning Snark Trolls are often considered an asset in many communities, and are sometimes even prized and protected by their victims and former victims, who will occasionally even lead new victims to "their" Snark Troll.
-------------------
The Last Word Troll (Trollus Voce-Fin)
This is a troll that was often seen in the UseNet, but was usually overrun by the more aggressive Abuse Trolls and Common Trolls. It has fared better in the blog comment boards, and has actually become almost as endemic as the Common Troll.
The main characteristic of the Last Word Troll is its insatiable need to have the last word. If you want these pests to leave you alone, it is imperative that you do not respond to their last postings. Leave it hanging that you are some kind of commie pinko with questionable antecedents. They are like your teeth: Ignore them. They'll go away.
Last Word Trolls use a number of weapons, and can often be confused with Common Trolls or Snark Trolls. However, they are not as adept as Snark Trolls, and not as tough as Common Trolls. When confronted by more aggressive trolls, Last Word Trolls will disengage and run away, ceding the last word to the more aggressive troll.
-------------------
THE ALL-CAPS TROLL (TROLLUS CAPS-LOCKIUS)
THIS TROLL IS ANNOYING, BUT RELATIVELY HARMLESS. WHEREAS COMMON TROLLS AND ABUSE TROLLS WILL SOMETIMES EMPLOY ALL CAPS TO EMPHASIZE POINTS, THE ALL-CAPS TROLL USES ALL CAPS AT ALL TIMES. THEY ARE IMPERVIOUS TO SUGGESTIONS THAT THEY USE MIXED-CASE OR LOWER CASE TEXT.
THIS IS AN OLD TROLL THAT HAS BEEN AROUND SINCE THE USENET. IT IS REMARKABLY OBTUSE AND UNINTELLIGENT. THE BEST COURSE TO TAKE WHEN CONFRONTED BY AN ALL-CAPS TROLL IS TO JUST IGNORE IT.
-------------------
The Barra Troll (Trollus F. Lee Baileyus)
The Barra Troll uses legal-sounding claptrap (often culled from urban legends) to attempt to intimidate its victims. This usually involves threats of lawsuits and police reports, which are often quite successful. However, when placed into a "put up or shut up" situation, the Barra Troll will quickly disengage and run away.
The Barra Troll has been around since the dawn of the UseNet, and has almost become part of the basic Internet landscape. They tend to make a great deal of noise, and often mimic Snark Trolls of Common Trolls. However, when confronted by logic or true lawyers, will quickly and quietly disappear.
Barra Trolls are best combatted by actually asking for their lawyers' contact information, so you can have your lawyer begin the process of handling their complaint.
Snopes.com can also provide useful tools to combat Barra Trolls.
-------------------
The Walking Book Of Facts Troll (Trollus Googly-Woogly)
An annoying troll that is relatively harmless, but guaranteed to bring down any discussion within minutes, the WBOF Troll is an expert on all matters at hand. They don't usually have destructive motives, being driven by a desparate and pathetic need for approval, but they can still destroy any thread into which they insinuate themselves.
WBOF Trolls will insert themselves into any thread, for any reason. They can pop up at the most inappropriate times (like hetero male WBOF Trolls appearing suddenly in a Lesbian Issues thread).
These Trolls are similar to Advice Trolls, but more annoying.
Originally an occasional in the UseNet, the prospects of the WBOF Troll have been improved to a remarkable extent by the advent of Google. A WBOF Troll can now look something up in another browser tab, and return to the conversation with hardly a pause.
The only way to combat a WBOF Troll is to completely ignore them. Don't even thank them for positive contributions. That only encourages them. If ignored, they will find another thread.
-------------------
The Whackjob Troll (Trollus Napoleon XIV)
This troll is in an entirely divergent plane of reality. They are completely impervious to any method of discouragement, as all input is filtered into their reality.
Whackjob Trolls enter threads at will, hang around for a while, then disappear, just as mysteriously as they appeared, leaving confusion and bafflement in their wake.
There is nothing that you can do about a Whackjob Troll. Just ignore them while they hang around. You may engage in conversation with them for entertainment. That will probably not affect the duration of their stay.
-------------------
Common Internet Troll Sub-Species
-------------------
-------------------
The Sybill Troll (Trollus Napoleon XIV Multi-Facetus)
This is an old troll that used to be found in rare instances on the UseNet, but has become far more prevalent in the blog comment board.
Sybill Trolls are marked by the way in which their entire personality switches in the course of a thread. Sybill Trolls are different from Chameleon Trolls, in that their shifts can have absolutely nothing to do with their environment. Sweet and erudite for a couple of postings, a Sybill Troll may suddenly take on an aspect similar to an Abuse Troll.
Depending upon the personalities involved, Sybill Trolls can be either very long-lived or short-lived. They can also present varying degrees of danger to their communities.
There is no way to deal with a Sybill Troll, except to immediately disengage if a dangerous personality appears.
-------------------
The Hell's Angel Troll (Trollus Vulgaris Bark-No-Biteus)
A Hell's Angel Troll is usually small, warty and singularly unimpressive. In fact, Hell's Angel Trolls have been known to be bested by sick squirrels.
You'd never know that by reading their posts, however. They often talk tough and use language straight out of "Oz."
Hell's Angel Trolls will often intimate that they will "meet you outside." However, if you actually take them up on it, you will find yourself quite alone.
The way to combat a Hell's Angel Troll is to just ignore them. Don't try to corner them with logic. If you are a tough guy yourself, it is a complete waste of time to try "one-upping" them. Just let them whirl around and enjoy the show.
-------------------
The Advice Troll (Trollus Googly-Woogly Anne-Landersus)
An advice Troll is an old creature that has advice on every topic under the sun. Some Advice Trolls actually have good advice, but, for the most part, their advice isn't worth a sack of semi-coagulated cat snot.
Advice Trolls insert themselves into any thread they choose, and immediately start spouting advice. If countered with reason and common sense, they tend to react by acting offended and put-out.
The only way to effectively counter an Advice Troll is to thank them for their suggestion, and continue on as if they weren't there. After a while, they slink off, looking hurt.
-------------------
The Chameleon Troll (Trollus Vulgaris Steve-Buscemius)
Chameleon Trolls are rather pathetic creatures that are experts at figuring out "which side of the bread gets the butter," and will side with any other trolls around. A Chameleon Troll cannot exist where there are no other trolls.
Chameleon Trolls will take on the aspect and the vernacular of the domainant trolls, and will exhibit very similar behavior.
Nobody ever seems to worry about Chameleon Trolls, because the dominant trolls are the real problem.
-------------------
The Repeat Troll (Trollus Vulgaris Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam)
This is an annoying bugger that usually finds itself banned fairly quickly. They are marked by repeatedly posting the same thing over and over again.
Completely impervious to logic, reason or common sense, they must be chased away by moderators.
-------------------
The Out-of-Context Troll (Trollus Googly-Woogly Fulla-****tus)
One of the lost loathesome cretures on the Internet, the OoC Troll will take your words, and will wring the strangest meanings possible from them. If you are stupid enough to send them an offline email, they will post it, but only the parts that benefit their course of action.
OoC Trolls will assign motives to your words. Don't bother trying to correct them. Your corrections will get motives of their own.
Dealing with an OoC Troll is an enlightening experience, as you will rapidly find out, for example, that your insistence in voting Democratic means that you are actively soliciting children as sacrifices for a satanic cult.
-------------------
The Sherlock Troll (Trollus Googly-Woogly Snoopsus)
This troll is a dangerous troll, in that they will make every effort to track you down in RL, and will post your personal information in public forums. They will seldom use this information themselves, but have been known to subscribe their victims to numerous beastiality and fetish pornography sites.
Sherlock Trolls will also do things like contact your employers and will try to cause you damage in RL.
These trolls should be eliminated with extreme predjudice whenever they are encountered.
Report to moderator Logged