Topic for Nov 8-14: Friendship in the Fellowship

[yukonm]

I picked this topic because for me one of the most powerful tools I have in sobriety is the friendships I have made within the fellowship of AA. Nowhere else in my life have I ever experienced the unconditional love, support and encouragement that I have found since I came through the doors.
I have friends that are so trustworthy, I can look at myself through their eyes. I have friends that are so honest they tell me the truth.....even though it may not be what I want to hear. Friends that remind me that above all I must be true to myself and to have faith in my Higher Power. They remind that the tribulations I go through only make me stronger and that I am not alone. I would like to hear from others about how friendships in the fellowship have impacted their lives. I know that I have developed friendships that will last a lifetime thanks to AA.

[Faith92208]

In the short time that I've been in AA, I have already made some very solid friendships, and I'm even going away with one on a retreat this weekend. I love that everyone seems to genuinely care about each others' well being.

[letgo]

Hi Mary, Great Topic and I agree with everything you say. Being accepted for what I am,
(good and bad bits - lol), encouragement as well as tough Love at times, laughter, fun and support. Don't remember having much of that in my Life when I was "out there" drinking and taking pills!! That was a very solitary and self centred existence.

[admin]

Good Morning, Great topic Mary. I, too, agree with everything you have said. I have made many friends in the fellowship and the greatest friend of all that I have found in the fellowship is God. It is because of AA that I have a relationship with God today and can count Him as my friend. :195:

[janbear]

In my addiction i hung around some people early on but towards the end my only so-called friends were the bottle and the drugs, but they turned on me.
At the end one time my boss took me home from work, I clutched my bottle going in and i can still hear him saying, "You are making a poor choice of friends"
I am making different choices in my life today because of the 12-step program. I seek to be a friend.
The friends i have accept me. Trust is there. I appreciate an occassional kick in the backside when i need it. Friends are just as excited as i am about the good things going on with me, and are there in the rough times.
I have found support in the rooms of AA and NA. And that is a kewl thing for i never knew what that was like before. I am growing up in the fellowship. Thanks for the topic :1:

[sioux]

I had a lot of misconceptions of what it took to be a friend to anyone, including myself. When I got to AA I was looking for what you could do for me, never mind that I had nothing to bring to the table.

These AA folk taught me a lot of things. They did love me until I could love myself and that could have been no easy feat on their part!

First thing they showed me was how to identify defeating behaviors and what to do about them.

I'll never forget when I first got sober I saw a woman approach a man right in my line of site and hearing, and she said to him, I must confess I have had a resentment towards you because of such-and-such and I would like to apologize for my behavior.

I thought that was the most ridicilious, brave and frightful thing I had ever witnessed and I could never do anything like that...apologize and salvage a friendship.

Accountable for my own actions? Staying out of gossip? Being appropriately honest? Avoiding knee-jerk responses to situations that still baffle me? Setting personal boundaries on what I can and can't reasonably commit to? Trustworthy -- me? I can actually do these things today.

[janbear]

I can appreciate and relate to what sioux said about initially in recovery, i was a friend to whoever could do something for me. The 12-steps help me change my attitude and actions today looking for how i can help another without strings attached. That was definitely a new concept for me!

[francie21805]

The friendships I have made in the fellowship of A.A. are also one of my most powerful tools. In the last five years or so of my active alcoholism, I did not have any friends. (My fault) I did have one or two humans that would basically tolerate me.

At first it was hard for me to trust, but I was encouraged to try to trust. Slowly-- I began to make some real friends. These friends will not pay my bills, take out my trash, or do anything for me that I can do for myself, but when life happens they are there. When I’m sad, they are there. When I’m happy, they are there. When I don’t know what to do, they pray for and with me. I may not see or talk to them everyday, but they are there.

God speaks to me through my friends, if I’ll listen.

Today, I’m learning to trust, thanks to my friends.


Thanks for the topic :1:

[westswoman]

Wow! What a touchy topic for me personally!! I'll try very hard to keep this short!:smile: I grew up in a career military household the first 8 years of my life. We moved every year or so from base to base. Forming, maintaining or even learning what friendship is was not something that I was able to know or experience. I learned that anyone that I played with, liked or bonded with was temporary. I guess all us "Military Brats" had that fact in common.
My parents seperated when I was nine. My Dad was stationed in Germany for four years and my mom and us 4 children moved several times during those four years. I think my mom had spent so many years moving she continued doing it even when she didn't have to!! When I was 13 we moved to a place where we stayed 2 1/2 years!! That was the longest I had spent in one place up til that time!!:eek:
Anyway, I spent my entire high school years in the same town. Notice I said, "same town" not same house?? By that time by entire beliefs and thoughts about what friendship was was so messed up. I had absolutely no idea what was expected of me or what to expect from a friend!
Then I found Drinking, drugging and "friends" to drink and drug with!! Needless to say establishing friendships on drinking, drugging and all that goes with it really did further damage to my ability to be a friend or what I thought a friend was.
It wasn't until I got into al-anon, AA, Coda and walked a few years in the steps before I was able to address my stinking thinking and beliefs on what friendship is.
There isn't a better place to learn, experience or allow walls to be broken and/or built on honesty, humility and truth!! We all in recovery have our moments of vulnerability. We all have our defects and damage and not so nice things that we drag around for a time before we, Let go and let God!! Real friends are the one's I've met in recovery. The one's that accept me unconditionally. The good, the bad and the ugly! With their support and encouragement we work thru the bad and ugly!!:smile:
There is no other fellowship, support, acceptance or unconditional love that is a better example of friendship, unity or purpose than the people who I've met in recovery.

[gettinfree]

Good topic Mary...and again Happy BD! When I came into the fellowship this go round I didn't need to lose old contacts as I had in the past. In fact my old contacts were friends from the program from many years ago. I had created distance between myself and all my personal relationships over all these years. I didn't want my people know how defective I was. I couldn't bare that. This time in recovery, the main message from my God always seem to be relationship/love based. I've come to learn of God's Love for me inspite of my flaws. I've been given the courage to activley seek friendships, new and old in the program. Today, my list of phone #'s is growing. Learning friendship in and through the program, is inhancing my ability to get close to anybody anywhere I chose, including my family. My Daughter and I are driving to CA for Thanksgiving. In the past, I would be stressing already. Today, I can't wait...Love...Mike

[CleverCelt]

I have friends that are so trustworthy, I can look at myself through their eyes. I have friends that are so honest they tell me the truth.....even though it may not be what I want to hear.

When I was active in my addiction I had no friends most everyone I knew was a tool (to enable my addictions) or a revival. The thought of even asking another human being for help was out of the question and foreign to me. I was a Island in myself and a lonely one at that.

While in recovery I battle with "why anyone would want to be my friend" or help me in any way. The concept of unconditional love was incomprehensible to me. I have to admit I don't understand it I just accept it as grace. I do everything in my power and force myself to give it to those who need it and those who don't realize yet they need it.

Their were times in recovery when the fear of disappointing a friend kept me sober and clean. To me this was the Fellowship portion of the program working in my favor. The friends I have today are gifts from my higher power for believing in him and his Glory. I cherish them with all my heart and soul.

I enjoy this topic and believe it not dicussed enough in or out of the program to re overy.

Have a great day.

[cyberblessing]

Great topic and thanks so much for your work, Mary. When I was considering. . . considering the possibility of sobriety, the empty expanse of no friends loomed ahead for me. Who would I relate to? What possibility of fun would there be? No more 'close' friends like I had with my drinking buddies. Just a bunch of old worn out hasbeens around a table. A few 24 hours later and I have realized how wrong I was. Not only do I have wonderful friends (real friends) in the program, but I have found that I pretty much only hang out with people who are sober and in the program. I have also found people who accept me when I walk into a meeting in another town or even online. Life is, indeed, good. Good to "refind" the Cyber recovery fellowship. david