Topic: 'Building Blocks Of Our Recovery' Dec 6th - Dec 12th

[Starlight]

Hello Everyone!
With the Holidays upon us, which can bring on more challenges to our recovery...
I thought this might be a good time to reaffirm what 'building blocks' we use to keep our sobriety stable and on a solid foundation.


I think for me, one of my more important building blocks is Patience.

Patience to look beyond "instant gratification" and focus on long-term benefits.

Patience to know that the 'peace' will not come overnight....I spent years perfecting my addiction, it will take time to rebuild a new attitude...one that is healthy, positive & spiritual.

I've always been the "all or nothing" & the "want it all NOW" type of person... so for me to learn & practice Patience, has been quite a transformation of my personality.

Patience. A very important building block in my sobriety.... one which fits perfectly next to Acceptance & Forgiveness.

[Humblepie]

Thanks for the topic. I'm going to go with honesty because if not for that moment of clarity when I got honest with myself and admitted I was powerless, I would no doubt still be living in misery. I'll never understand why it was so hard for me and took so much to get me to that point but for me right now the change in my thinking that has occurred because of it is the kind of psychic change the BB talks about.

Psychic change = being honest with myself?

Honesty seems to be that first step in breaking through the delusions of self bondage I lived in for so long.

[rebosman_99]

I have just recieved the biggest challenge imaginable and every parents worst NIGHTMARE!!!!!!!!!
Thursday morning my 19 year old son (my bestfriend) was killed. He had decided to go out with some friends and got drunk. This drunk had been a relapse of his 40 days clean.
They say he was walking on the railroad tracks and a train came up from behind blowing the whistle and applying the brakes. He never moved.
I have been in every meeting possible and sharing like my life depends on it because it does. I did not know what else to do but call people and get to a meeting.
My Glamorous Christmas is over. Now I will just celebrate Jesus birthday without all the frill's and expectations that Christmas bring's.
My building block is keeping it simple and doing the basics to just survive in this world without turning to a mood altering drug to ease the pain and sorrow I breathe and feel minute by minute.........
sam

[admin]

Sam, I am so very sorry to hear about your son. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. :42:

For members who would like to share their condolences please go here http://www.cyberrecovery.net/forums/showthread.php?t=20108 .

What 'building blocks' we use to keep our sobriety stable and on a solid foundation.

God is it for me.

[Craig A.]

For me it is God, today I see how important it is to have God in my life:195:. Either He is everything or He is nothing. I see how all my actions/behaviors without Him got me-- :85:a chair at an A.A. meeting! :162:When I look back in life I saw that my life was bad but could never do anything about it until I asked Him to come into my life. Then and only then can something be done in my opinion. I see in my life that it is my relationship that saves me daily not my actions. Today the steps help me stay close to Him, the first 164 pages help and all the stories are about finding a higher Power. My sponsor asked me if I ever had faith in anything:16:, I answered no not really, he then responded when you would go get your drugs you had faith that the dealers had what you wanted I said well yeah. :idea:Just turn that faith to a Higher Power and that helped tremendously. I can't speak enough of how important it is to have a Higher Power in your life. Without Him everything is done in vain. God Bless!!!

[clean42day]

I have learned to cling to hope and faith.....in a better way to live. Most of that faith was placed in all the promises that everyone told me the steps would bring into my life - they have all come true for me. I like to say the steps "re-worked" me and continue to help me become my best self - and my true authentic self.

living by spiritual principals are my building blocks ..... they are my guide and my roadmap and by practicing mixing and matching them - the pieces of the puzzle slip more easily into place.

I do not fear the holidays anymore - I celebrate them with all my sober friends and we have a clean and sober blast!

the only thing I have done perfectly in this program for the last 6 years is not drink or use one day at a time.

the rest is practice living a new way of life.

happy holidays to everyone and God bless you all

light and love

Gail

p.s. the one suggestion that has ALWAYS WORKED =BEING OF SERVICE - the best insurance to prevent you from the next drink or drug is to work with another alcoholic or addict and help them.

WORKS EVERYTIME EVEN DURING THE HOLIDAYS!

[sioux]

rebosman I am so sorry to hear of your son's passing.

My building blocks include learning to be patient with myself and others; compassion, doing esteemable things to reinstate my integrity on a daily basis, being positive-minded, disassociating with those places, things and people that get in the way of that.

And I am focusing on complaining less about my wonderful life.

My prayer:
G-d give me strength and courage to know who I really am and live my life accordingly, and stop investing time, energy and interest in my character defects.

Don't know who wrote it, but it is my mantra.

[DavidNOLA]

rebosman, thank you for sharing your experience, strength and hope. You are a brave soul.

I like the idea of patience as a building block. I am reminded of a quote I read after being sober for a few days:

"Never think that God's delays are God's denials. Hold on; hold fast; hold out. Patience is genius."

-- George-Louis Leclerc de Buffon

"Hold on; hold fast; hold out." is something my sponsor and I use with each other all the time now.


And as a New Orleanian, I welcome this first sober, for myself, holiday season because my real challenge is right around the corner during Mardi Gras.
My building blocks for that will be family and my home group.
It is possible to have fun and not drink!!!
:)

[Vadrosza]

For me my recovery best works when I am in step with my Father's vision for my life. So I guess my most used building block is the ability to discern the path to take through life and dependence on the One who can truly show me the way.

I believe every person is born with a dream or vision for their life. These dreams are fragile and can be crushed by trauma, family of origin addictions and lack of encouragement. But fear not, as we enter recovery a change begins to take place. Hope rises and dreams become realities. We begin to love ourselves and we begin to realize the potential for change. We start to look to the future and we begin to ask questions of ourselves. Who am I? What, now that I am sober, do I want to do with my life. What desire lies deep within me? What hidden talents do I have? (And yes we all have a God given talent we just may not realize it.)

If we could only seek God in all our desires we would climb the highest mountains and reach for the stars. As a matter of fact, I believe God put the stars in the sky so that whenever we looked up, we would see the magestic beauty of it all and begin to ask what is our place in this vast universe?

If you are looking for a bit of inspiration for your life try reading The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson. Every time I read that book (and I believe I have read it about 4 times in the past 3 years), I begin to get a sense that my plan for my life is small and limited, but God's plan for my life is big, not always easy, but very fulfilling, and truly the path I need to be on.

So may this new year of 2009 hold for you the gift of discernment so you may follow your big dream and may it lead to further dependence upon God our Father who is our Dream Giver, Jesus Christ, who made it possible for us to have this relationship with God and the Holy Spirit, who walks with us each day showing us the way.


God Bless,
Lynn

[Vadrosza]

May you truly know that people love you and care about you.

I am so sorry to hear about your son. This is truly a time where you desperately need people in your life, people who are supportive and good listeners, even when words run out and all they can do is be a presence in the silence of the day. Never be afraid to reach out and ask for help. And please be prepared for the careless remarks and paltitudes, most people find death a very difficult topic and are very uncomfortable expressing condolences, so they ususally say things they just haven't given enough thought to.

Mostly depend on your higher power as a source for strength and comfort. People can fail you but God never fails. We may not understand all that He does, but we can rest assured that there is a plan. Somehow, someway down the road you will begin to see that plan and realize the wisdom in it.

In the meantime talking about your loss is essential. See if there are specific meetings in your area that deal with grief and loss. As in AA/NA/and Christian recovery meetings, we see we are not alone in our pain and that other people also have questions that go unanswered. We can gain strength from each other.

I know years ago when I experienced the loss of my daughter, I did not go to any support groups and dealt with it the only way I knew how and that was to drink and drug. I could see no plan other than pain and suffering. I had no one to share this pain with. I cried all the time and was very depressed. It took years for me to gain any semblance of a life. I had two other children that needed me and I was not there for them. I was so overwhelmed by my own pain I could not function without drugs and alcohol. If only I had listened to my mother-in-law when she suggested I go to a grief support group.

There are stages of grief 7 Stages of Grief...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

7 Stages of Grief...

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

7 stages of grief...

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.


....and sometimes we bounce back and forth through these stages until we finally come to acceptance. This is normal.

So again I offer my deepest condolences and if you ever need to talk please contact me I would be glad to be a support for you.

[Leadfoot]

Building Blocks you say?
Pg 97) "Working with others is the "Foundation Stone" of your recovery"
Pg 47) "Upon this simple "Cornerstone" a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built"
Pg 62) "Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the "Keystone" of the new and triumphant arch through whiche we passed to freedom"
Pg. 17) The feeling of having shared a common peril is one ellement of the Powerful Cement which binds us together.
Pg 75) "Is our work solid so far? Are the stones properly in place? Have we skimped on the cement put in the foundation? Have we tried to make mortar without sand?
We have built an arch through we pass after the 5th step. Bill and Lois's house properly called "Stepping Stones"
http://www.americantowns.com/ny/katonah/organization/stepping-stones-the-historic-home-of-bill-and-lois-wilson
All quotes taken from AA Big Book First Edition.