Seth T
12-24-2008, 10:31 PM
Ok, we'll start at the beginning. When I first got into the world of drugs was when i was 15. It was my sophomore year in high school and I just got introduced to the evils( girls, sex and drugs and alcohol lol). My whole middle school life I was viewed as the nerdy kid, the dorky kid. I got straight A's, all I wanted to do was hunt or fish, and I didn't really hang out with anybody. And I couldn't talk to girls. Idk what it was about them, but I was scared. My self esteem was kinda like well I'm a dorky kid no girl will think I'm attractive. Now I was raised in a good family, always good on cash, we pretty much got what we wanted. My parents are straight, they dont smoke, they used to drink a glass of wine or a beer now and then, or even a mixed drink, but they have all the alcohol out of the house since I got back from treatment. They've always been supportive of me, and loving and caring. When I was the nerdy kid, I sorta accepted the myself for who I was and didn't care about what people thought of me, and I certainly NEVER was going to touch drugs or alcohol, or even cigarrettes for that matter. I think my turning point was beginning to have relationships, my sophomore year of high school. I had a couple under my belt, and I was with a girl for a few months, and I KNEW I was in love. I lost my v-card to this girl, and pretty soon she told me she was pregnant, right at the time of stressful semester finals. Well, that along with all the stress from home of arguing with my parents about being too serious in my relationship lead me to be suicidal. I was put in the psych ward for 3 days and had a pysch evaluation and learned that I suffered from depression. When I was released, my girlfriend told me that she was 'just kidding' about the whole pregnant thing. Needless to say, that relationship was ended. I really cared about her and was really hurt by her. I started hanging out with a group of guys that partied alot, they were a year older than me so I kinda looked up to them. One night, in the middle of winter, I went out with em for the night and got drunk my first time. Yea I've stolen swigs of whisky or beer or wine from around the house, but never like this. My luck I went home the next morning halfway drunk still and a bottle of vodka in my backpack, which my mom found. Apparently she had been tipped off by somebody who knew who I was and saw me. I was grounded, but this started my drinking spree. For the next few months, I continued buying alcohol and drinking it by myself, 'to relax.' I went out with friends sometimes, but without a car it was almost too difficult to bother with. The February of my sophomore year I went to a youth conference with my church group that really opened my eyes. I wanted nothing more than to be the 'old Seth', and I gave all my sins and everything up to god. I told my youth pastor about my stash of alcohol, and when we got home we destroyed them discreetly. Then I told my parents about it all and told them where my hiding place was. I quit drinking for a long time, until I got my car.
When I finally turned 16, I was ready for the world! I had a few relationships under my belt, and was very confident with girls. I had started to talk to people who smoked pot, and I learned that the guy who I considered my best friend smoked a lot of pot as well. This was my introduction to my D.O.C., marijuana. I started experimenting a little, trying it once with him when we were fishing. I thought to myself, "THIS IS AWESOME!!" I started smoking a little more and a little more thru the summer, but never enough to where I was a 'stoner.' That summer, I hung out with him more often, and then just kinda stopped smoking. I was afraid I'd get caught by my parents. Then came my junior year. I started partying alot with people., I got introduced to stealing bottles of alcohol from stores to either drink for myself or sell off for cash. That year I got caught drinking many times by my parents, and I started smoking more often, and chilling with using friends. In the winter I started buying my own pot in stead of smoking someone elses so I could smoke by myself if I wanted to. I started making new friends, all of whom used or sold or both. I came to realize, hey this is an expensive habit. I was stealing bottles more and more often, and started dealing myself. I had a little 'buisness' set up to sell alcohol, and I sold my Adderal and my parent's Lortab and Klonopin to my buddy for either cash or pot. During the spring, I was smoking 3 times a day, and was always high at school, and my grades where showing it. since I started using I went from a 3.9 to a 1.7 GPA. Pretty soon my parents caught on, and one night when I went home my parents finally caught me higher than a kite. I went to bed without my phone or keys, and when I woke up they had found all of my pipes, my grinder, my baggies and my weed. They threatened to send me away, but I got off and had to see a family friend who was also a probation officer. No charges where filed. but I had weekly U.A's, so I quit smoking weed. I finished the school year out clean of weed, but started drinking at lunch. I continued this into the summer, where I started getting drunk every time I went out with friends. Even my girlfriend said I drank too much. But I didn't get caught by my parents or the cops so I was fine. I started hanging around worse and worse people, and stealing more and more. But I was accepted. People heard my name and thought hey that kids cool hes a helluva partyer, or man that guy can always get alcohol or weed. I thought I finally had the friends I never had before. As I started dating another girl, I found out that she used marijuana like I used to, and she eventually got me to smoke with her. I was right back at it again, smoking more and more until I was smoking every day. But I was alot more sly about it, and didn't get caught. As I entered my senior year I started stealing more and more alcohol from my work, and in larger amounts. I was a full out dealer of alcohol and pills. Pretty soon I was smoking all day everday, and thanks to my free class periods scattered throughout the day, I had more time to do so. I was also smoking more heavily. When I first started smoking a dime bag would last me through the week, and by this time an 1/8 of weed hardly lasted me 2 days. I was putting more and more money into weed, and buying bigger and bigger amounts. And then I got caught, my parents sent me to the psych ward and after 4 days I was reccomended to go to an outpatient drug rehab program. It was alot like with the probation officer, but I didn't stop. I was smoking more than ever before. And in a months time, I was back to the psych ward on a court order by my parents. They had me pulled out of school by police on a court order saying I was being comitted to an intensive inpatient rehab center. I was more angry than I've ever been in my life! I ended up being sentenced there, and throughout that first week I said hell no, I stay blazed all day everyday you cant stop me! But then something changed in me. When I went to these N.A and A.A meetings with the patients at my treatment place, I saw how much happier these people in recovery where, and really listened to their stories, and saw something very scary: Myself. It was a wakeup call, and I knew I had to take it. I still had the rest of my senior year in highschool, and the rest of my life yet, and I had no criminal charges! I can still beat this and not have a bad life. So I learned and I listened. Out of all the things I learned, I'll always remember this one thing from an N.A meeting. A gentlemen speaking said, "This program is like one of those round tables you can spin. If you put something on the outside, and give it a spin, it will fall off and break. But if you put something right in the middle of that table and spin it, it will stay in place." From this I got that if I just half-arse this program and don't get involved, eventually I'm going to fall back into relapse and use. But if I put myself in the middle of this program and am actively involved, I will be successful. Today I am 63 days sober, and I am loving life. I told my parents where all my stuff stashed away was and they destroyed it, and they have the pills locked up, and I'm attending meetings once a week. Sobriety has made my life so much better you guys. I have a great girl who is also sober, and it is actually the first positive relationship I've ever had; It's not based on sex and using!! I'm rebuilding relationships with my family that I had destroyed, and am making new ones with positive people. If anyone thinks that this program doesn't work then they haven't tried it. It will work, as long as you follow it and do your part. As they said at the meetings in Fort Dodge, "It works if you live it and it SUCKS if you don't!!"
When I finally turned 16, I was ready for the world! I had a few relationships under my belt, and was very confident with girls. I had started to talk to people who smoked pot, and I learned that the guy who I considered my best friend smoked a lot of pot as well. This was my introduction to my D.O.C., marijuana. I started experimenting a little, trying it once with him when we were fishing. I thought to myself, "THIS IS AWESOME!!" I started smoking a little more and a little more thru the summer, but never enough to where I was a 'stoner.' That summer, I hung out with him more often, and then just kinda stopped smoking. I was afraid I'd get caught by my parents. Then came my junior year. I started partying alot with people., I got introduced to stealing bottles of alcohol from stores to either drink for myself or sell off for cash. That year I got caught drinking many times by my parents, and I started smoking more often, and chilling with using friends. In the winter I started buying my own pot in stead of smoking someone elses so I could smoke by myself if I wanted to. I started making new friends, all of whom used or sold or both. I came to realize, hey this is an expensive habit. I was stealing bottles more and more often, and started dealing myself. I had a little 'buisness' set up to sell alcohol, and I sold my Adderal and my parent's Lortab and Klonopin to my buddy for either cash or pot. During the spring, I was smoking 3 times a day, and was always high at school, and my grades where showing it. since I started using I went from a 3.9 to a 1.7 GPA. Pretty soon my parents caught on, and one night when I went home my parents finally caught me higher than a kite. I went to bed without my phone or keys, and when I woke up they had found all of my pipes, my grinder, my baggies and my weed. They threatened to send me away, but I got off and had to see a family friend who was also a probation officer. No charges where filed. but I had weekly U.A's, so I quit smoking weed. I finished the school year out clean of weed, but started drinking at lunch. I continued this into the summer, where I started getting drunk every time I went out with friends. Even my girlfriend said I drank too much. But I didn't get caught by my parents or the cops so I was fine. I started hanging around worse and worse people, and stealing more and more. But I was accepted. People heard my name and thought hey that kids cool hes a helluva partyer, or man that guy can always get alcohol or weed. I thought I finally had the friends I never had before. As I started dating another girl, I found out that she used marijuana like I used to, and she eventually got me to smoke with her. I was right back at it again, smoking more and more until I was smoking every day. But I was alot more sly about it, and didn't get caught. As I entered my senior year I started stealing more and more alcohol from my work, and in larger amounts. I was a full out dealer of alcohol and pills. Pretty soon I was smoking all day everday, and thanks to my free class periods scattered throughout the day, I had more time to do so. I was also smoking more heavily. When I first started smoking a dime bag would last me through the week, and by this time an 1/8 of weed hardly lasted me 2 days. I was putting more and more money into weed, and buying bigger and bigger amounts. And then I got caught, my parents sent me to the psych ward and after 4 days I was reccomended to go to an outpatient drug rehab program. It was alot like with the probation officer, but I didn't stop. I was smoking more than ever before. And in a months time, I was back to the psych ward on a court order by my parents. They had me pulled out of school by police on a court order saying I was being comitted to an intensive inpatient rehab center. I was more angry than I've ever been in my life! I ended up being sentenced there, and throughout that first week I said hell no, I stay blazed all day everyday you cant stop me! But then something changed in me. When I went to these N.A and A.A meetings with the patients at my treatment place, I saw how much happier these people in recovery where, and really listened to their stories, and saw something very scary: Myself. It was a wakeup call, and I knew I had to take it. I still had the rest of my senior year in highschool, and the rest of my life yet, and I had no criminal charges! I can still beat this and not have a bad life. So I learned and I listened. Out of all the things I learned, I'll always remember this one thing from an N.A meeting. A gentlemen speaking said, "This program is like one of those round tables you can spin. If you put something on the outside, and give it a spin, it will fall off and break. But if you put something right in the middle of that table and spin it, it will stay in place." From this I got that if I just half-arse this program and don't get involved, eventually I'm going to fall back into relapse and use. But if I put myself in the middle of this program and am actively involved, I will be successful. Today I am 63 days sober, and I am loving life. I told my parents where all my stuff stashed away was and they destroyed it, and they have the pills locked up, and I'm attending meetings once a week. Sobriety has made my life so much better you guys. I have a great girl who is also sober, and it is actually the first positive relationship I've ever had; It's not based on sex and using!! I'm rebuilding relationships with my family that I had destroyed, and am making new ones with positive people. If anyone thinks that this program doesn't work then they haven't tried it. It will work, as long as you follow it and do your part. As they said at the meetings in Fort Dodge, "It works if you live it and it SUCKS if you don't!!"